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Hello good people First post on CrazyBoards and I apologize if this isn't in the right section. I'm a 37yr old male, single and financially stable. However since the last few years, my emotional health seems to be on a steady decline and has now reached a stage which is starting to freak me out. I don't have a traumatic past per se (in terms of physical or mental abuse), even though I had a spell of extremely stressful months 4 yrs ago when my dad passed away after a long drawn battle with bacterial meningitis. I don't know if that is a part of the problem but I'm yet to come to terms with it. I have always been a happy go lucky kinda guy. I still try to be jovial around friends but I believe that's just a defense mechanism, subconsciously I perhaps don't want them to sense that something might be wrong with me and so I end up talking more than I should just to cover up. Again this isn't intentional, but something I can't control either. Apart from this, I have insomnia and am always agitated. I smile but I'm not happy, neither sad. It just that nothing affects me anymore. I keep myself away from people and friends because I don't want to pass on the misery to them and secondly, I fear that I might say something that would end up hurting them. I flip out at the slightest of provocation. I work from home so technically I don't have to go to work but still this is affecting my work. I don't even feel like talking to anyone for the same reasons I don't want to meet friends. I'm starting to really hate myself for being this way. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm writing all this, maybe I just needed to vent anonymously without having the fear of being judged. Thanks for reading my rant and I apologize if this pisses off your mood in any way.