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  1. Can you tell while you're hypomanic and/ or manic? Or is it always hindsight? For me, I have a hard time detecting my ups and downs during a single day, let alone several days or weeks though I'm getting much better at it now. Historically, I have not noticed I was hypomanic until it was over and things calmed down. It took me over 2 weeks to notice but do know I'm definitely in a hypomanic phase right now, some days way more exciting than others, but clearly hypomanic. For me, and probably most of us, this is difficult thing to do since we've probably gotten so used to just being very emotional all the time. When that becomes the norm, it's nearly impossible to detect, for us at least. It stands to reason that we might be able to control and even harness those periods if we were really aware of them early on. Thoughts? Experiences? I'd love to hear some.
  2. Not to minimize having bipolar disorder in any way. But..........wanna have some fun? Just finish the sentence: You know your bipolar when............... I will start and if no one plays I will play myself. I am like that. You know your bipolar when.......you have been saying “I don’t know what I was thinking”your entire life. Like it should be a personal quote. Your turn
  3. I just thought I'd start this thread so people can share those moments when they were impulsive. I thought it would be helpful to write down when impulsive so that we become more aware of our tendencies to do so when manic or hypomanic. So what have you done impulsively lately?
  4. Any thoughts on using sam-e or a sad light with a bp1 diagnosis? I’m not depressed and stable but really struggling to get out of bed and low energy throughout the day. A quick google search says Sam-e and using a sad light can trigger mania if you have bp. Is this still a risk if on two mood stableizers and an antipsychotic? My pdoc is against supplements other than omegas, vitamin d and a multi. Currently on depakote(tapering down to go off of), lithium, and seroquel.
  5. I have a constant urge to start over... to just run away from my life. It happens in the immediate sense, for instance, I could be sitting at a traffic light and have an intense urge to drive out of state or away for a week (yes, I have acted on these urges). Or I can have an urge to sell my house in the city and buy a farm in another state (yes, I have acted on these urges). I always want to move, I always want to start over. At the same time, I crave stability and planting roots. If I didn't have kids I would probably just wander all the time. It's like I'm always seeking something... I always want to see something new. At the same time, when I picture my ideal life/ future, I'm on a farm/ homestead with my husband or life partner (whoever he may be), am I am firmly planted, happy, grounded, rooted, etc. Anybody else have these sort of feelings? -Captive
  6. I've been slowly incresed to 20mg of lexapro and i was extremely manic the first week. now i'm just depressed. ??? not sure what to think.
  7. I was prescribed 20mg of lexapro we had slowly started to increase it. I've had these manic episodes so bad that i felt i could do anything at that moment i felt like my heart needed to get energy out of it. I was acting in such strange ways talking nonsense. i don't know what to think. My family is so extremely annoyed by my episodes too.
  8. So I had a pdoc appt today and we are still trying to regulate my meds. I was on 300 welly, 200 lamictal, & .5 risperdal. I know that's a baby dose of risperdal, but it was kicking my ass. I was so tired in the mornings, not motivated to do shit all day and my appetite was insatiable so I was packing on the pounds. I relayed all this to him and so we decided to up my Welly to 450 and switch risperdal to Latuda in hopes that my motivation will increase and weight gain will subside. My concern is the latuda and anxiety. He's only given me a 20mg dose, but I have read about how this could potentially up my anxiety which I do not want. Anyone have thoughts on all of this? Please and thank you
  9. Hi there, Doctors and therapists always tell you to get out in the sun for mood lifting and vitamin D. However, I find that intense sunlight is overstimulating. Does anyone else have that feeling? I think it might have been a trigger for my recent mixed episode. I am a night owl in general, so I tend to go out at night for exercise, etc. The light at dusk is calming to me...especially since I have a tendency to agoraphobia and hate the daytime traffic. What are your thoughts? Thanks, Poem
  10. i honestly don't know how to use this site or if it will really help me but i don't know what else to do.. so i'm a musician and a dancer and i feel like being bipolar seriously fucks with my abilities. when i'm manic i have better ideas and i am WAY more creative and confident. i can write powerful songs quickly, i record better, i feel like a goddess on stage, i feel more motivated to make my dreams come true, i feel like my dreams CAN actually come true. on the dance side i can improv beautiful choreography and i am just so much more out of the box and abstract. again i'm more confident and i swear it makes me dance better. obviously, when i'm depressed i don't want to do any of these things and nothing even matters anymore besides sleeping. right now i am, i suppose, "stable" on meds. which i realize is the goal..but i don't have the creative ability! i feel like 1/100th of the creativity and confidence that comes with my mania! my doctor says that i have the same ability no matter if i'm manic or stable but i don't agree with him and besides how tf would he know hes only ever read about mania in a book never lived it. music and dance are the only things that matter to me performing is my passion. i want to be manic because i want to create! i've heard that a lot of successful artists were bipolar..........this leads me to believe they were unmedicated so they could be manic. so i am literally on the edge of trying to make myself manic which even as i'm typing these words sounds insane but hey this website is called crazyboards right? lol. fuck. can anyone help???
  11. At times I can be walking around or whatever and I feel like I'm transforming, I feel this incredible, intoxicating energy, and I feel like I'm becoming a demon, or specifically a kitsune because I've always related to them. I can practically feel the claws and fangs growing. I walk around and I imagine how with such a power, such claws, I could easily kill these puny stupid humans, and I imagine cutting/stabbing them with my razor sharp claws, biting them, essentially, going feral and attacking the heck out of everyone. It's so much fun that it's hard to keep from leering at everyone. I'm grateful for the sunglasses on my face so they can't see my eyes, so bright and murderous. I understand that I'm not actually a demon, and I wouldn't actually kill anyone, but I get so pissed at people that you know you just want to kill someone, so at that time it's like so releasing and intoxicating. If it happens at night I feel like the moon is making me transform and it's like lending me its power and I just want to run and act crazy because it's night, the night air is alive with energy and everything has transformed under the light of the moon and is alive and free How about you?
  12. I had my first hypomanic episode 2012 oct - dec. My second hypomanic episode was 2014 jan - march Both lasted around 3 months . The time interval between the ending of my first episode and beginning of second episode was exactly a year. Just trying to figure out if this cycle is going to remain fixed more or less or is there no guarantee whatsoever. Im not on any medications. I love my hypomanias too much and am not willing to give up on them yet. I feel that if 80 percent of the time im going to be depressed or semi depressed then the hypomanias are the only thing that will keep me going. So you can say im just waiting for the next hypomania and am trying to figure out how much more time it will take .
  13. Just started watching a new TV series called The Black Box about a bipolar world-renowned female neurologist (referred to as the Marco Polo of the brain). She is non-compliant with her medications and other than her psychiatrist and her brother, no one knows she is bipolar, including her boyfriend of one year. Thought I'd mention it in case anyone's interested. I'm curious to see what anyone else thinks of it.
  14. Hello everyone, Thank you in advance if you read this. I just registered because my friend suggested I get some guidance and she's smarter than I'll ever be, haha. This is my first time taking an antidepressant. I had a bit of a rough past so I guess that makes me predisposed to depression. I guess as a result I'm a super anxious person but I try to act normal enough. Anyway, my life took a bad turn recently with a lot happening so I became really depressed. I never had mania. I just felt sad, gloomy, depressed and anxious 24/7, even doing fun things. I just "dealt" with it for a long time and periodically tried to figure a solution out on my own, but then it became overwhelming. I started at 5mg on Lexapro and I felt good for the first week and a half, then it went away entirely and I felt depressed again. Then they put me on 10mg and I had a lot of side effects, but I still felt depressed. I gave it 8 weeks to see if it would help but it didn't make the depression go away. Then the doctor upped me to 20mg and I've been on that for two or three weeks. A few of the side effects I've had are: I get nauseous a lot. A LOT. For an hour or two after taking it the front of my brain under my forehead will feel "tight" and hurt in more of a general way. I felt that way all the time after I started on it but now it's only right after taking the pill. I have anorgasmia unless I'm being manic. The mania started a few days after I began taking the 20mg. I never had mania before and it's kind of scary having it now but fun at the same time? I can immediately recognize when I'm being manic because I'll feel invincible, and there will be this extreme feeling or euphoria in my chest (almost like I've had 3 energy drinks and a coffee in one sitting). I run around doing all sorts of stuff like cleaning, making plans, wanting to spend money, buying stuff, going out, etc. I'm usually very frugal and I don't buy things unless I've thought about it for at least a few days, but recently I've had these really intense desires to buy just "stuff" and I've spent a lot of money. I almost bought a Groupon for like $300 for cosmetic surgery at 4am just a day or two ago! I'm trying to save my money for a big purchase so that's very uncharacteristic of me. I'm also extremely irritable while I'm being manic and am quick to lose my patience. I'll also be super optimistic about everything, and talk fast, and call everybody I know to chat a lot, and post a lot of things on Facebook. I feel very impulsive with what I say, too. Insomnia. I've been up until anywhere from 5am to 8am every night If I lay in bed with the lights off I will simply lie there for hours without sleeping just thinking about "stuff". After the mania wears off I feel even more depressed than ever. I feel gloomy and oddly enough the world seems more grey-ish and gloom and doom. I get mad about everyone and everything. I have no patience for anybody. That sort-of came to a head when I lost my mind at my coworker. She's been making me mad for a while now, but today I called her the c-word and said some nasty things to her in response to a sarcastic thing she said in IM. Then I told my boss I quit my job, but I need my job for the big purchase I plan to make. So that's okay now I guess because I un-quit, but I'm yo-yo-ing with this mania/depression thing. I was thinking that I might need a different anti-depressant since this one doesn't really work for me at lower doses, but makes me manic at this high dose. My suicidal thoughts have almost completely gone away ever since I started taking Lexapro so I've been pleased with that. misc info: Both my father and my brother are paranoid schizophrenic but I don't display any of those symptoms, I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and I'm planning to go on either Metformin or Spironolactone, I take the birth control pill Marlissa, I have problems with my kidneys /urinary tract and so did my mother. My doctor told me that I'm vitamin D deficient so I take vitamin D when I remember, and sporadically I'll remember to take my multi-vitamin. I take Xanax sometimes when I'm having a panic attack or am too anxious but I don't like taking it too often. Thanks for reading. I tried to be concise but that seems like a lot of text.
  15. Hi everyone, Im Ollie!! Im new to the site and I am so thankful I found you guys!! So a little background I am BP I , have ADHD, and I am also an alcoholic now sober 25 days. I am currently on Prozac 40mg, Trazodone 100mg, and Adderall 20 BID but stopped taking it two days ago because I read on here that a MS should be prescribed with it. This was just one more reason to find a new Pdoc. Now that im sober I am feeling the mania side clearly. After the first week i quit drinking i was kind of leveled out i guess.. not high, but not low. Then about 5 days ago i started sleeping less, but energized, and my thoughts were racing. That was a big trigger for me because i hate the feeling of not being able to shut it off. I was still kind of ok until Wednesday but since then i haven't slept. It's now Friday and i am still going, but hopefully not all night. My thoughts aren't as fast anymore but i still cant foucs( i have been working on this for more than 30 minutes) im restless but my body is screaming at me wanting rest, and i am irritable as hell right now. blahhhh My question is how long can this last? Is not sleeping common and happen often? If so I don't like it so what are some meds i should look into? Any tips will help.. first time actually feeling this symptom without a bottle of Vodka to help be through. This was the best i could do right now..and it took forever lol
  16. Definition Delusion: A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence. My question is; Is it possible to have delusions while hypomanic? Or is it solely a symptom of a manic episode? From what I've researched I could not find anything regarding a hypomanic delusion, only manic delusions and psychosis.
  17. Jealousy is fricken crippling me. Me and my beautiful girlfriend started our new semester at school and ever since it started I can't help but to feel jealous about every little thing. I'm talking infidelity jealous; not "I'm jealous you got that new pen and I didn't". My girlfriend and I have a great relationship and neither of us would ever cheat and it's not even just the cheating. The male professors, and any male she's around or brings up makes me infuriated. I know these feelings will pass again...as this isn't the first time it's happened. It's just making me act like an ass. It's distracting to the point where i'll go to this weird place in my head that is nothing but anger and disgusting thoughts! So... does anyone out there have any suggestions on how to control this symptom? Meds? Tips? Tricks? Does anyone else ever get this way? Cause this time I can't take it.
  18. Hi Everyone!! I'm Olive, I'm new! Thanks for inviting me into this awesome community. I've been sitting here for hours before dawn, feeling great and well rested after three hours sleep, wondering how much sleep is enough sleep for a bipolar person? I feel like a million dollars on no sleep when I am lit up, but I know there are consequences. Any other Bipolar folk experience lack of desire for sleep between mood swings? Thanks! Love, Olive
  19. So I see my pdoc yesterday and shared with her I still feel some depression. After talking over some options, she wants to taper me off Geodon and add Paxil. I took Paxil about 5 years ago for two years and did mostly well with it. However, I was taking the medication when I went manic and got fired from my very lucrative job. I start the Paxil today and I am just a little concerened I will become manic on it. Also, before starting Paxil, I suffered from SA and Paxil pretty much cured me from that. I went from being very anxious before speaking to not thinking at all before speaking. Anyone have any Paxil experiences?
  20. so the last few nights or so I've been waking up randomly feeling energized and awake. I've only had these sleep interruptions a handful of times and typically last a few days to a few weeks. I am waking up in a better mood rather than wanting to chop the head off the person that is waking me up or bawling my eyes out bc I really don't want to get out of bed. I was getting ready for bed last night and felt happy but was having a panic attack. I still am not sure what it was caused by, but I know I was having one. Then today I was getting ready and noticed that I want to spend money. I posted before about wanting to spend money and being able to talk myself out of it. I have been spending money that I usually wouldn't be. I want a detangling comb bc mine pulls my pulls my hair. I want black shoes bc I don't have any. I want, I want, I want.... and if I can justify that I need it ie. bc my comb pulls my hair. I will buy it. I've talked myself out of buying it for months now, but I had to have it. Its getting worse too...
  21. Last night was one of the worst of my life. I was hyperactive, restless, jittery & acting very bizarre. I kept racing around the house, jumping on beds & the sofa & picking random things up. My housemates apparently found me in the corner of the kitchen floor huddled up eating peaches. This was 1am, I didn't even want those peaches. I was flipping between hyper, scared, anxious & giggly. My mind was going at 100mph & I was wide awake despite having to get up for work at 7:30 :/ I forced myself to concentrate of organising clean clothes looking up helplines, that settled my mind enough to lie down & I eventually forced myself to sleep. I woke up this morning & felt so anxious & scared that I called into work sick, I couldn't face the idea of dealing with that many people when I feel so unstable. I've not been diagnosed with BP but lately my mood has been so sporadic that I'm trying to push to see a psychiatrist rather than my GP. I know you guys aren't medical professionals & can't say one way or the other, I guess I just needed to write this down to try to make sense of it though. I really need someone to listen & not thing I'm going crazy.
  22. I'm curious as to how many of your crazy creative ideas have actually worked out. Like, I get all the delusions and stuff, but I can't be the only one who gets insane ideas for useful things and then tries to make them happen? Like, once I designed and built a hydrogen fuel cell, water goes in, hydrogen comes out, and it actually works. It's on my dad's car, powers it about 20%. Although another time I tried to genetically engineer a dragon and have detailed the specifics of an enzyme that turns glucose into methanol (or ethanol, I forget, some flammable liquid though) and wing span and area that would allow it to fly and how much it would need to increase wing area as it grew to x length and gained y weight. I also have a whole list of genetic coding and a shopping list of things I would need to buy to make a test tube dragon. That one, obviously, didn't work. Nor did the never-ending generator I designed, or the clap circuit I tied to build to open/close my curtains and turn the lights on and off. Other failures include a calculator which scans in your question and comes up on screen with all the working out and correct answer for the question and... I don't know exactly what I was doing with it, but some kind of weird whiteboard that... I don't remember what it did exactly, it was something weird. Oh, and I designed a flying car. So, how many of you have tried to build/make/design something whilst manic? How'd it go for you? Anything from the completely insane to the completely logical, with or without steps in the logic missing.
  23. I have a good mood stabilizer and a good antidepressant... but my antimania (Antipsychotic to be specific) is only at 1mg (of risperdal) and I am feeling the weight gain side effect already. AND I am moderately manic. I need something that works for mania and does not cause weight gain. My psychiatrist does not want to put me on Geodon because of it's needs for EKGs. Any ideas??? If I am left with no other option I will ask if we could give the Geodon a try and schedule an EKG.
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