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Found 10 results

  1. I've become familiar with the phrase "unicorn hunting" but only recently and too late… this been rattling around in my mind for too long… this was a few years ago and is still plaguing me. WHY a bonafide couple would pretend she was just a roommate at the beginning. Then move me into their 3 bedroom home & get my hopes up just to crush them? At that time I was only interested in monogamy. Ultimately, he and I shared a room. She was in another - the master bedroom. Not only did they push to "help" me by moving me in, they were eager for me to get pregnant "…we've got a spare room…". Instead of get a surrogate on board, obtain donor eggs, etc - why deceive and defraud me? Okay she was older than he - older than both of us - but I figure she probably had not gone through menopause. He and I had been childhood friends - did that history mean absolutely nothing? Before I ever showed up they had money for surrogacy / fertility. WHY pretend she was just a roommate? why does evil do what it do? I'm ready to move on & find someone new - just smh what a messed up way to live & drag others into it. Thankfully I did not make the grade and was cast aside.
  2. I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses) I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years. She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle. Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs. Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated. P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner? P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
  3. My husband and I have been married for many years. Over the years, he has gotten upset at me for various reasons, many justified and others....our level of arguing increased about 8 years ago. I do not do well with conflict. I grew up on a family where you said sorry and moved on. I avoid conflict and lie at times to avoid it. Many times, He will recognize my anxiety and call me out. Instead of stating the tough facts and bringing uneasy feelings and thoughts to light, I will provide half truths hoping he will let it go. Pretty much, anytime this happens, he know it and is upset with me. I finally come clean with it all. Many times, my husband has shut down and not talked to me for days and I didn’t know exactly what was wrong. I have become so afraid to bring up anything that I see could cause a disagreement or him to think something horrible of me. So, I lie to myself and hope it blows over and I don’t have to tell him my deepest feelings. Am I crazy? Oh, and I am terrified he will leave me as he has threatened so many times over the years. I fear he will say he has had enough of my anxiety and lies....I don’t know what to do.
  4. I’ve been married 3 years. My husband is kind/loving, good person however, our relationship has really taken a nosedive (about 6 months in). We are opposites (which initially was novel and interesting). Now I find him irritating, boring & cold. He is a workaholic, which seems to be his main priority. We pretty much stopped having sex (mainly bc I have no interest or attraction anymore - also no interest in anyone else either). I always feel depressed, irritable and resentful around him (I’m a pain to be with). He works all of the time and we do not share similar interests. I’ve listed out the pros & cons (exactly equal). I can’t seem to figure out if it’s my depressive condition that is destroying my feelings/relationship to him or if we are just not meant to be together. I moved far away from my family/friends & gave up my career in order to be with him and now unable to get a new job. I have no savings so I’m financially dependent on him. I lost myself. We have gone to counseling sessions and nothing has been resolved. Half of me thinks he’s great for me & half of me wants to end it. Neither decision sounds appealing or doable in my condition. Yes, I’m miserable now, but divorcing will make me more suicidal/unstable. Anyone else been in this situation??? Is this just a normal part of marriage that will come & go? I feel like a failure.
  5. My husband and I are both bipolar. He's about to turn 50 and has been having major issues on both ends of the spectrum. He's currently taking lithium, lexapro, and propranolol. The lithium has given him tremors to the point that typing is painful. His pdoc recently prescribed 1mg of Risperdone to help with anger and rage issues he's been experiencing. Three days into it, he was too agitated to focus, and his anger was worse than ever. We spent a day with our son where he was moody and snappish, had a road rage incident over a parking spot in a lot with plenty of other empty spaces, and was just progressively more unpleasant and out of control. That night, he slipped into what I considered psychotic rage. He ripped my shirt off, punched me repeatedly in the back and back of the head, held a knife to his own throat, and then put me in a choke hold until I blacked out when I got the phone to call 911. We immediately took him off Risperdone, and he went back to his normal shitty self. We also called his pdoc and explained what happened. He said we shouldn't have stopped the Risperdone; we needed to double the dose. As the person who almost died in this episode, and was in pain for weeks afterwards, I wasn't thrilled by that response. The pdoc is my doc too. My husband isn't insured (ongoing disability case), and I'm on disability, so we're financially limited when it comes to changing doctors and playing with meds, but what he's on isn't right for him, and I don't know that I trust our doctor anymore. Has anyone else had this experience with Risperdone? Was the pdoc possibly right? Any med suggestions I might be able to bring up at our next visit?
  6. A few days ago, my husband left and called my family to come get me. I was sick out of work for a week. Husband stayed home with me that last day and then disapeared while I was napping. The next thing I knew was that my family gathered me up, brought me to another city where they live, told me to quit my job, and give notice on my rental house. I'm giving away almost all my possessions as I don't know when I will be able to live on my own again. I now have no job, no husband, no money, and no freedom. I am giving my mom power of attorney since I can't manage anything right now. I hate bipolar. So weary of being sick. My family is planning on me going on permanent disability, because I seem to be getting more unstable as I age. I feel beyond bad. My young adult son is more of an adult than I am. I know I am venting. Does anyone have any hope to offer? Right now, I'm feeling pretty out of hope.
  7. Hi there, I'm new to this, so I apologize if I'm posting in the wrong place, rambles, etc. I have a new dx from my counselor, one that no one has ever mentioned to me, C-PTSD. I am waiting for a pdoc and have an appointment that was scheduled 3 months out...so, I'm pretty much treading water here. C-PTSD makes sense, I've had all forms of trauma that I know of. Believe it or not, I just realized a couple weeks ago that an 11 year old, cannot consent to sex (so add sex abuse to my list of childhood traumas). But, I believed it was my anxiety & depression that held me down. I have done a lot of counseling like 3 x a week for years, a lot of learning (I earned a BS in Human Development 5 years ago), and lots of group therapy. I thought I had moved past my hurt, even the freshest & most paralyzing of my trauma, the severe physical, emotional and psychological abuse from my ex-husband. I escaped this 1/1/2008, a day I will never forget. I thought that I had put in the work to recover and I was "fine". I remarried 8/7/2011. I noticed that I had some trust issues slide in. My husband is very structured, type A, black & white, and likes things how he likes them. I am easy going, sporadic, and free spirited. I talked myself out of thinking he was an "abusive, controlling" husband. Then, the trigger. My husband wrote a letter that sounded very controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive. I snapped. This was about 6 weeks ago. I haven't been on meds for 10 years (not that I've been 100% fine without them), but I became very scared that I was being controlled. Asked for a divorce, called crisis line, got on meds and a waiting list for a pdoc. I was suicidal & out of control in my head. Husband was very "sorry" and things have been better than they have in many years. Like, over the top, nice, considerate and here spend $4k on your garden if you want...Ya, that nice. A couple nights ago, I felt controlled my husband was being unkind, and I freaked out, again wanting a divorce. He called me crazy, which is a big no-no. This makes me want to show <insert whoever> what crazy is. But this time, I also told off my church that I felt was being unkind (and I'd been stuffing it) in a 2 page letter, the head of the company I work for (wouldn't buy or allow me to buy an ergo desk per dr. orders), and my husband...I also recklessly have been driving my sports car through town in a lot of road rage (I am normally super considerate/kind/let people over/drive 25 in the residential hood). Now I feel like I don't want anyone close to me, I don't care if I am jeopardizing my job, I just want to be safe, protected and not vulnerable. I don't want anyone in my bubble. I want to sit in a dark closet and rock. I have 2 friends, neither are local, I cut out everyone who hurts me or I think is judging me, I rarely speak to my family & my mom is dead. I am super sensitive & I believe intuitive, though my husband says I read too much into things. I feel relieved and invigorated and at the same time wonder if I'm being reckless? Maybe a bit manic from my meds? When the shit hit the fan yesterday, I had already taken a Klonipin...so, not sure where my new voice came from. Okay, so this is officially a ramble. But my overarching question is: Can you ever really trust someone? How do you let your guard down? Should you even let your guard down? If I do trust him, how can I help him to understand how to deal with my issues? He thinks I should just trust him. Thanks for any advice or experiences you are willing to share.
  8. Im fairly new here. I've posted once but been a lurker for a couple months. I feel like I want out of my marriage. Maybe not necessarily a divorce, just out. Is it the depression causing the feelings or is it causing the depression. How do you figure it out? A little back history. We have been together 12yrs, married 5 next month. I've had a wonderful 8 yr remission for it to come creeping back in about 2 yrs ago when I became pregnant with our second child. Not because I was pregnant, she was planned but thats just when it started to creep back. I had been ignoring it for most of that time til this past June when out of no where I was hit with MASSIVE panic attack, and was ready to send myself IP cause everything in my life just fell away after that. I lost 14lbs in 2 weeks, I finally went to the dr and was given Xanax and Celexa, I took the Xanax but not celexa as I saw it was related to lexapro and It made me so zombiefied years ago when I tried it I could not get out of bed. I saw another dr which put me on wellbutrin, tried that for about 4 weeks but it made my anxiety hit a new time height. I quit it cold turkey and was maintaining a steady state since the middle of Aug until about a week ago. I also was able to get in to see a pdoc in Aug, she gave me a rxs for Brintellix which I finally started last Friday. Along with my depression and anxiety/panic comes the obsessive thought of needing to leave my husband. The thoughts included leaving my kids when the 1st bout hit in june. I cant pin point a reason WHY I want to leave so bad. We were having issues in the months leading up to my fall out, but honestly I think it was my depression and I was just not acknowledging thats what it was. I was holding tons of resentment towards him for an incident that I shouldn't have, and I was honestly just being a major bitch towards him. While he has struggled to be majorly supportive directly towards me through this I know he is trying. He comes to counseling with our pastor over this, and even though he is HIGHLY against meds (I actually am too) he hasnt said a thing about me trying the brintellix. He does for the kids in the evening when I have trouble getting myself together. He doesnt really say much. But I know he is scared, and hurt as I have been completely open with him about my feelings. He is an AMAZING father, a good husband, he is very loyal, and though he doesnt show it well he loves deeply. I have always struggled with he thoughts of him loving me, more then I can love him. Id pick him time and time again to be the father of our kids, but Im not sure I'd marry him again. I think I would but im not sure... Mainly because I feel like I dont deserve him. Im just struggling so bad with this thoughts. They make me feel SO guilty. SO horrible. I cant imagine not having him in my life somehow, he is my closet friend. Its like im not "In love" with him. If I left Id worry all the time about how he is, and if he moved on Id probably be upset. I hate the idea of tearing the family apart. Im sure our son would have trouble with it. SO WHY are these thoughts so OBSESSIVE. why cant I get them to leave. I wish this would all go away and I could just be happy and content with my little family. Not to mention if I left Im left with very limited options. Im a stay at home mom and havent worked in 4 yrs. So I could go to my parents. We have a so-so relationship and im not sure how welcoming they would be. Possibly my Grandfather, though im sure I catch heck from my father for that. Other then that.. not sure what Id do. Has anyone felt this way and made the marriage work and eventually be content with their life? How do you tell if its the depression talking, or the situation causing the depression? Is there a way to bring back the "in love" feelings, or at least make this work and not always feel like needing to leave?
  9. Hey all. How are you guys doing? I just wanted to throw this out there. And this isnt the first time this has happened to me i just wanted to throw this one out there. I am happily married. I have a wonderful relationship with someone whom I feel is the most beautiful woman and the world. I wanted to let that be known before I ask the question. Sometimes i have bad negative thoughts that come with my depression. I am on medication, so its controlled,but sometimes we have bad days. Any way, I had a string of bad thoughts that had come from stressing about different things in my life, and then i had a thought that i didnt find my wife attractive, which is insane, considering the fact that 10/10 times i am always all over her, and really feel that she is perfect for me. SO.. my question is, has this ever happened to anyone with depression before? that was in a relationship?i just was wondering. P.S. I have been stressed about everything under the sun lately. Money, student loans, my job ( which i dont like), my online business, grauate school is coming to an end and i am making sure i am getting things together and of course, just daily life.
  10. So I have been with my husband for almost 7 years. Married for 4. And we have a beautiful, happy almost two year old. Our relationship has always been good. But lately... I feel like it might be the beginning of the end. Backstory, I've always had issues with depression but when I had my daughter, I had PPD BAD. Like I feel as if I've never came out of it even though obviously it's made it's way into other issues by now, two years later. He's always been my best friend. The one who makes me laugh. But lately I can't stand to hear him talk. I resent him. I don't want to feel this way. I've talked to my therapist about it a little bit - I have recently started a new medication and I have wondered if it is making me aggressive. She thinks it is just my depression. I don't know. I am even starting to tread into the dangerous territory of talking to an old friend which I realize I shouldn't be doing (please don't judge, I'm just so unhappy) The sad thing is, I don't think he realizes any of this. I think he feels the same as always. I have tried talking to him gently about it, saying "I don't feel like things are the way they used to be" but it doesn't seem to sink in. I'm petrified of divorce - it just doesn't seem like an option. I just feel scared and stuck and unhappy. He is an amazing father and he takes great care of me. I know I don't deserve him and I'm being a complete bitch. I'd never find anyone else like him to love me but I just feel like we have been living in the same house side by side as friends or coparents. I have no sex drive since the baby (and it was healthy prior to). I just wish things were the way they used to be. I wonder if they ever will be again.
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