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  1. Edited to make it more readable. I need to start documenting this stuff for my own sake, as well I think sharing the information is a public service, and I'm planning to do a blog offsite somewhere so I can give out the link to medical professionals and such. But I really wanted to do a thread here, first, with you guys, for you guys. Whatever. I love talking about stuff on CB with you folks. Every time I get a delivery from the dispensary, the little pamphlet inside made by the Canadian government reminds me that as a bipolar patient medical marijuana is not recommended. I just wanted to make that clear. If you weren't aware before, quick crash course: strains can be sativa, indica, or some sort of hybrid. Main active ingredients are either THC or CBD, and some strains are developed specifically to carry a pretty equal amount of both. With all that out of the way, here we go! While it's hard to say for sure until I have another one, marijuana may cause some parts of my mania to be more active. However there were many other variables involved. Still, this mania felt distinctly different, possibly in a way I won't be able to define until I have another episode. I successfully used it to quit smoking cigarettes. This was something I'd done on my own in the past, and had discussed with my pdoc specifically, so it was one of the first things I did. I have successfully established a regular sleeping pattern that I've maintained since the spring, and through all sorts of awfulness including falling off my mood stabilizer and re tapering back on to it. Horrid. But actually a lot easier thanks to MMJ. I was anticipating it to help me with eating, I wasn't anticipating how stabilizing a regular meal habit (like a regular sleep habit) would also be. But I'm glad for it. I find CBD very mentally stimulating. Like, potent. Like, I already find Depakote/Epival stimulating, and I take Dexedrine, I don't need lots of CBD getting into there too. And it makes me feel like my heart is pounding sometimes. Small amounts of CBD already present in high THC strains is more than enough for me. At least for now. This means all my strains, daytime and nighttime (and anxiety management), need to be high THC and low CBD. This is already becoming a problem because I'm hardly the only patient who needs those kinds of strains, and they tend to go most quickly. I'm currently in the process of trying to get set up with a second dispensary for times when my current one is out and I need to restock my nighttime/anti anxiety. I find sativas fairly stimulating too, less so than CBD itself but still noticeable. I like a high THC low CBD sativa for my regular daytime. I like high THC low CBD indica for nighttime, and also for anti anxiety. Ideally I would have at least two types of the latter at a given time, to help with possible tolerance. I no longer need my scripts for Imovane or Klonopin, and my medical pros are super happy about that. This was expected. Unexpected, but welcome: I have gone from 50mg Dexedrine a day (30mg AM/20mg PM), to 20mg Dexedrine a day (just in the AM). I figured the MMJ would help counteract unwanted side effects from any psychostimulant therapy, but I'd forgotten how smoking marijuana can sometimes make the effects of some drugs more intense. At least, I think that's what's going on, need to consult with pdoc. Anyway, my gdoc is pretty happy at any reduction in my stimulant dose, so. Alright my friends, my peeps, I'll leave you with that for now. (and if I'm gonna edit the next post too, it won't be today.)
  2. Hi there CB, long time no see, hahahaha. Let's just get down to it. Over a year ago I approached my pdoc about medical marijuana as an adjunct therapy. Long story short, I'm a medical marijuana patient. I've been one for a few months, I'm still building tolerance, figuring out dosing and strains/types, etc. I'm getting much better at it though. At the start of last month I spent $320 (plus GST, don't even get me started on that soapbox) and it lasted me until, well, yesterday. And I was trying to stretch it. My sleep is SO SO SO much better, for the past three months I've had a regular sleeping pattern, and have discovered at 30 years of age that I am apparently a morning person. As someone out of work for three years while I applied for disability (and got approved a few weeks ago, wooo-hooo!) this kind of regular anchoring rhythm is INVALUABLE right now. I smoke it, going for a vapourizor yes but can't get one yet -- not only for sleep but also for daily management. Like I unexpectedly had to cut back on my Dexedrine, I mean I was expecting medication reductions but not the Dex specifically. This is a good thing though, actually, I'm finding. Still feeling things out and talking them over with the pdoc, but the possibility of no more typical ADHD stimulant meds is honestly on the table right now. That's pretty amazing. I find it helps a LOT with social anxiety of course, but I find a huge amount of my "social anxiety" is turning out to be like. Sensory. Gah. And then people. Not anxiety!people just. People as a sensory overload. And when my brain is having a more disorganized and forgetful day, medicinal marijuana helps keep me from getting agitated so I can actually still function, because getting agitated just makes the disorganization & forgetfulness worse. Which makes me more agitated. Like I don't go non-verbal I go hyperverbal but it just makes less and less sense as I get more and more frustrated and upset. Weed helps me break that cycle instantly. But I self medicated with marijuana for well over a decade, illegally, long before I was ever diagnosed with anything. Which means I have a lot of weird hangups I'm working on getting over, even though I totally do know better. And like some things are working but some aren't. Like this. I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this. Because if I was doing this (WHEN I did this) with any other medication, I'd be taking this exact reaction I'm having as an indication that yes I do in fact need the medication. But no, I'm doubting myself. My friends, I have run out of my prescription pot. My sleep was horrible last night. I'm trying to get by on resin from my pipes but MY POOR LUNGS OH MY GOODNESS. Also headaches, and also it sucks and will probably give me cancer faster or whatever. Ugh. I get paid on Wednesday or Thursday (could be either, won't know until Wednesday) which is when I can place another order with my dispensary. I was going to try getting by until then. I was going to resort to clonazepam if I had to. I really really really don't want to. It will mess up my sleep. I will sleep too long and I will be groggy in the morning and it won't kick in when I lay down in bed 'cause I forget how to time the damn stuff for sleep. And I hate using it for agitation/anxiety/overload during the day. Also I really am preferring it to my Dexedrine too, I don't want to take my Dex. But I still feel really guilty asking my family for money to help me purchase a little bit to tide me over until later this week. Like I'm just supposed to try and go without. And I'm pretty sure that's messed up? Like I don't think I'm thinking clearly with this. TL;DR -- am I just being silly by feeling guilty over asking my parents to help me buy some MJ to tide me over until my payday later this week, because I know I wouldn't be doing this with any of my other prescriptions. It's just, I don't actually have to pay for any of my other prescriptions now. But I have to pay for the marijuana. I even have to pay tax on it.
  3. Hello all! I'm really struggling, have been since the end of this past December. Long story as short as possible, I stopped sleeping in October 2014-December - 10 months ago. My OCD ruminating thinking and compulsive thinking got very bad during this time and the insomnia continued. On December 19th I had a bad panic attack that threw me into a state of derealization. I have been stuck this way ever since- nearly 9 months. Over the 9 months things have progressively gotten worse. I have had vertigo since the derealization started, but it was somewhat manageable. Over the past 2 months it has become unbearable. The only relief I get from the vertigo is laying on the couch. It has especially gotten worse over the past 2 weeks to where I'm almost spinning. It's the worst feeling. I can't stand it anymore. When walking down the aisle of a grocery store-which I rarely do, but went with my husband today- everything appears tilted, almost like it's upside down. Super scary. I am almost constantly in a state of fight or flight. I have insomnia, but if I am lucky/unlucky enough to fall asleep I have nightmares or night terrors. My skin feels like it's on fire and pins and needles from anxiety and I often vomit because my stomach is in knots. I have also developed a nasty case of agoraphobia. my OCD ruminating thinking is out of control always thinking the worst case scenario, or just scary weird thoughts or songs looping over and over in my head. Sometimes I have uncontrollable suicidial ideation. I'm constantly testing my brain to see if I can remember things ie. Celebrity names, street names, old friends names, etc. it's so weird, and I can't let it go until I figure it out. My my memory and focus is terrible. It almost feels like dementia. At times I feel cognitively inept like my brain has completely shut down. I am currently on 40 mg geodon, 50 mg Zoloft, 25 mg elavil (mainly for migraines) 3 mg prozasin at night and 1 mg Ativan 3 x a day. But nothing seems to help. I have been in 3 inpatient facilities since December being diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, derealization and OCD but no one or nothing gives me relief. Some doctors say I have bipolar "tendencies" but not enough so to diagnose me with it. I don't get it. They say my racing thoughts and racy feeling, insomnia, irritability etc. may be more from OCD and anxiety then from bipolar. I am at my wits end. Not sure how much longer I can take this. Out of desperation yesterday I tried some high CBD low THC marijuana that my nephew bought for me at a medical marijuana dispensary. I took one TINY hit. Last night I felt that it helped with the anxiety, but not the derealization. I took another tiny hit this morning and then another this afternoon. The derealization is awful. I'm not sure if this marijuana has made me feel bad, or if I would have felt this way anyway, but the mental and physical anxiety seems to be a bit better. I know pot is a big no no for derealization, but because it has virtually no THC, I thought it would be worth a try. The strain is called AC/DC and is not supposed to have any psychoactive effect. I hope I didn't cause more damage or prolong this episode (that is if I was ever going to come out of it) is trying this form of medical marijuana a bad idea? does anyone have any advice for me? I'm so scared. I just want to feel better, better than I am now would be fine at this point.
  4. Hi all.. Just decided to stop being a lurker and post about my situation. I recently acquired health insurance after being without for many years while recently moving to a very pot-unfriendly state from a state where I was going to obtain my medical card. My last two surgeries were done through a county charity program for people with serious illnesses but who were having trouble obtaining Medicaid. After losing charity health coverage last year, I began carefully using pot to control pain/severe nausea, both of which are debilitating without any pain control. NSAIDs don't touch the pain I have from the growths in my abdomen and the scar tissue from surgeries. You folks know that situation. I went to my first appointment with my primary care doc, and he gave me a referral to a pain specialist. Now, I don't know how they'll react to me testing positive for pot on a drug test, because I am sure they will give me one. I was given Ultram for pain control to last me until then, but only to take for breakthrough pain. Frankly, nausea is already a huge problem and the Ultram doesn't do much for the truly sharp/unbearable pain. I stopped smoking for a few days to give the Ultram a chance to work on its own before I tried carefully combining the two. It doesn't seem to do much other than make the nausea worse. So I'm in the unenviable position of needing to ask for a stronger medication, along the lines of a Schedule II med, while I'm going to test positive for THC. How is the pain doctor going to react? As long as my pain is *adequately* controlled, I have no issue with quitting pot entirely. I rarely feel much of a high from it, mostly the pain in my abdomen dulls to a tolerable level and I can keep food down. I am severely allergic to most anti-nausea meds, but willing to try more. I just don't know how honest to be. I have not had many sympathetic or understanding doctors. I am also dealing with horrific PTSD from an abusive relationship, and the last two psychiatrists that I had refused to address my anxiety issues with anything other than an antidepressant which gave me MUCH worse anxiety issues, as most antidepressants have in the best. Frankly, my story is complex and I could go on forever, but the main point of my query is this: How much of a hardass is the doc likely to be about my "illicit" drug use? How likely am I to be able to trust a pain doctor to give me an adequate amount of pain meds while pursuing a sane treatment plan that includes physical therapy and nerve blocker shots?
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