Search the Community

I suffer horrific periods. They cause me a lot of pain. The biggest difficulty however is my mood before and during. I become profoundly depressed. I mean don't-get-out-of-bed-for-a-week depressed. Suicidal depressed. I cannot stand it. My entire life shuts down once a month. Combined with my rapid mood cycling with borderline, it's a hell storm. I have tried every brand of birth control available to me. Every single one has made me go off the rails. My doctor has written me a prescription for the IUD Mirena, claiming that because it releases different types of hormones, it shouldn't mess with my head. She has left the decision in my hands with very little information. The internet isn't that reliable for proper information, but what I have found has not sounded promising. Has anyone else, who is specifically borderline tried any IUD before? Did it make you nuts? Did it make you fat? Is there even such thing as birth control that doesn't ruin your life?

I worked my way up to 5mg of Zyprexa last 10 days, but still very irritable. I snap at everyone, so everyone is naturally leaving me alone. I don't like living this way. Left a message with my prescribing doctor about this irritability issue. Update, prescribing doc called and suggested I go up 1/4 of a tablet and get the irritability and mood swings under control before I start the Lamictal. So, took another 1/4 tablet which makes 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I have taken so far this morning. Seizure doc prescribed Lamictal, but holding off starting that until I feel more stable on Zyprexa. Zyprexa used to calm my mind, not sure why it's not working so well this time around. I have been on all the other anti-psychotics and Zyprexa is the only one I can tolerate. Anti-depressants don't work for me, can't tolerate any of the SSRI's. In the middle of a card game last Monday, I got mad at one of the players, threw my cards down on the table and left. That is not like me, I never display anger towards anyone. Very upset over all this irritability and moodiness and now what happened at the card game, very ashamed of my behavior. I have since apologized to the person I offended, will attend the card game this evening and see how I do. Gulp !!

Thursday night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I don't have a clue what triggered all this. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Update: Last night felt extreme paranoia inking in, back at the computer ordering things I don't even remember ordering as I see notices coming thru my email account, so took a full 25 mg of Seroquel and within an hour, the paranoia was gone and I slept straight thru 14 hours until this morning. This morning feeling less paranoid, more grounded and a bit sedated due to the Seroquel. Will see how the day progresses and if the paranoia and dissociation occurs again tonight.

This is what I go thru every day from the moment I wake up: anxiety throughout the day, uncontrollable anxiety and panic only when I leave my home, dissociation in times of high stress and high anxiety and panic, insomnia every night, daily depression, scary cycling mood swings. My psych doc called me on a Saturday afternoon (now this doc is semi-retired and only works 3 days a week now). I was shocked when I saw his name come up on caller ID. He was calling to suggest I go into the hospital until I become stabilized. Stabilized in one week, no way I say. It's gonna take time for that to happen. He said with the dissociation and everything else I am going thru on a daily basis he is worried I might self harm. I assured him I am not at that point and he knows that I call him when I need to go back in, plus I have a new kitten and don't want anyone in my home anyway. I think I can manage all this at home. I will be seeing him on Tuesday. That was soo out of character for him to call me like that, kinda got my attention and am I worse off then I realize. I have known him for 30+ years and he knows me well, so I have to trust his direction. His concern is that I am in the middle of a perfect storm and anything can happen and he worries that if anything triggers me I might not be able to control what happens to me. Then several neighbors stopped by to see if I was okay as they have not seen me last week, curtains have remained closed, not answering phones nor texts. I know I have been avoiding alot of neighbors now as I am selectively avoiding those that trigger me and those that knocked on my door I call them "the axis of terror" for what they have been known to do to other people here. So, I had their phones on block. I have been protecting myself while I work on medication and mood and it's nobody's business. Had a game of RummyKub set up for this evening and really looked forward to this all week, and everyone just canceled, really bummed about that. I have had no interest in bath, washing my hair, eating. I can't focus on TV, can't read, nor listen to my book tapes. No interest in anything, I am soo flooded with anxiety/panic. My HMO has restricted how many benzos I take, I have been on Klonopin for 30 years and that takes the edge off, but have to stock pile them due to the restrictions and delays in getting the medication to me, so had to cut back and that makes my anxiety worse. So, back to my psych doc. The plan is to keep me on Seroquel (1/2 of a 25 mg) at night for sleep and for mood control for now during the day until I see him next week. It just sedates me too much if I take more than 1/2 of 25 mg in a 24 hour period. But the Seroquel puts the breaks on mood cycling, I just can't tolerate the side effects, they never go away, just increase. So, I am going to suggest to him for sleep (I want to get off Seroquel due to over sedation and muscle rigidity), Ambien or Trazodone. I read up that Trazodone helps with insomnia, panic, migraine. Then I need a mood stabilizer/seizure medication so may go back on Depakote and Xanax for rescue from intense anxiety/panic. I don't want to go back on Lithium. Goal for the day, making my bed and taking a bath, maybe washing my hair.

Heyyy... I was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder. I hear voices, have obsessive/negative thoughts (possibly intrusive), have thought broadcasting, and mood swings. As of now I am on abilify-15mg, rexulti-4mg, and lexapro-20mg. I'm seeing a pdoc as well as a therapist. Though, it's really hard to keep my appointments with my therapist due to my social phobia. I keep thinking people can hear my thoughts and think of me as 'disgusting.' I even sometimes think my family & friends hear me. It's getting so hard to deal with... I think about suicide a lot... but I know deep down that it's not the only option and it is very final. There is help for me!!! Anyone else going through this crappy stuff??? What medications are you on? How do you deal? What has helped you - past and present? How long have you dealt with this? Feel free to add any additional information about what you are going through... I am also here to help anyone going through this because I know how hard it can get... believe me. Sometimes I am better at offering advice rather than taking my own. However, please seek help from a professional if you feel you are at your wits end.

Hi Everyone, I'm new to CrazyBoards and wanted to make an account because I've started taking 25mg of Lamictal a week ago today and I had a question. Long long story short: My psychiatrist prescribed Lamictal because regardless of the antidepressant regimens I've been on, I still face mood swings every week that take me from "eh, I guess I feel normal" to "I'm so sad that I can't move" in a matter of hours. On my third and fourth day on this drug, I noticed that I was uncharacteristically calm, with an overall content mood, and that I was handling stressful situations without becoming emotionally reactive like I usually do. It was very exciting, because it was the most "normal" I've felt in many months. I'm aware of the placebo effect, but this "new me" was so palpable and real that I don't know how it could have just been in my head. I kept saying: "(insert stressor) should be making me upset, but I'm just not!!" But then, unfortunately, as this week has gone by this feeling has faded and I'm back to being in a quasi-depressed rut which can shift harshly into a very depressed rut. Whoever that "new me" was seems to have gone into hiding. So my question is this: Is it possible on Lamictal (or any psych med for that matter), to feel a "rush" of positive effects in the first few days, but those effects settle down as time goes on and titration continues? What I'm hoping is that my experience earlier this week was a real indication of how mentally healthy I will be on Lamictal, and I just need to keep taking it. Does anyone have a similar experience to share or could offer some insight? I'm trying not to get discouraged. Thanks so much in advance. Steven

Hi, I was taking Lunesta (ezopiclone) occasionally (2mg), because I have a hard time *falling* asleep. (One I'm there I'm fine) The temptation to use it everyday was strong, but I resisted. It is a great pill, I thought. Just the falling asleep feeling is so nice. But in November, I started taking it every day, because I was on an extended work trip, often sleeping in unfamiliar places. Gradually, because I craved oblivion after a long stress day, I would take 1.5 tabs (=3mg) everyday. A few weeks after I started this, I began having really bad "attacks," mood swings very violent, as if a sudden devil came inside me, or someone took a butcher knife to my soul. Rage, irritation, crying fits, extreme hopelessness, despair. I have to lock myself into toilet stalls at work so that I wouldn't yell/cry at my workmates. Then a hyper awareness of the futility of time passing: as if every single second of passing time was a needle puncturing my soul. Every second of time, hurts. Yeah, it really is that bad. These attacks sometimes last hours, sometime minutes. When they leave, I'm fine again, maybe a little low level sadness, but basically ok. My Pdoc is telling me that it "could be" the Lunesta, but it "could be" the accumulated stress of my living situation and eating disorder. He wants me to try Sonata. He tells me that my situation is giving me psychotic attacks. I've never had these kinds of violent possessions before. They're so bad I can't even remember the feelings well when I'm out of them. I'm also taking Wellbutrin, 75mg a day. It seems like the "side effects" of Lunesta, as listed, could include these kinds of attacks. Maybe. Does anyone have any insight or experience with this? I'm tapering my intake of Lunesta down, and coping with taking a long time to fall asleep, but these attacks are continuing.

Not sure if this is the appropriate forum or not but here goes.. My baseline mood has been 'crap' for a long time and I can just about function to a certain extent. But then I get dips where I have 3/4/5/etc days where everything is absolutely terrible; suicidal, tearful, barely able to function, physically feeling like I've been involved in a boxing match or something, etc. However, following those dips I often get a few good days where I have hopes and plans for the future, feel motivated and have less pain, more energy, I feel I can think clearer and start being more logical rather than pessimistic all the time. But then quite rapidly things go back to baseline. I've just been through one of these phases and it is quite frustrating because I felt awful for the best part of 2 weeks, very minor SH for the first time in 10+ years, tearful, suicidal and so on. Then all of a sudden and for no apparent reason at the weekend I started to feel better and now after 3.5 good days I can feel myself dipping again. The frustrating thing is when I have the good days I always think 'wow, maybe things are/can get better'...... this never happens of course. Plus I never seem to get enough 'good days' to keep on top of my studies or follow through any long term plans. Does anyone else get similar mood swings with their depression? And what about physical symptoms like muscle aches, fatigue, pain, etc? I'm treated by my family doctor; no Pdoc or Tdoc. I'm trying to access therapy but keep being rejected (socialised system). I'm wondering if maybe I need to insist on seeing a Pdoc for some kind of mood stablizer or perhaps that is overkill?

Last night was one of the worst of my life. I was hyperactive, restless, jittery & acting very bizarre. I kept racing around the house, jumping on beds & the sofa & picking random things up. My housemates apparently found me in the corner of the kitchen floor huddled up eating peaches. This was 1am, I didn't even want those peaches. I was flipping between hyper, scared, anxious & giggly. My mind was going at 100mph & I was wide awake despite having to get up for work at 7:30 :/ I forced myself to concentrate of organising clean clothes looking up helplines, that settled my mind enough to lie down & I eventually forced myself to sleep. I woke up this morning & felt so anxious & scared that I called into work sick, I couldn't face the idea of dealing with that many people when I feel so unstable. I've not been diagnosed with BP but lately my mood has been so sporadic that I'm trying to push to see a psychiatrist rather than my GP. I know you guys aren't medical professionals & can't say one way or the other, I guess I just needed to write this down to try to make sense of it though. I really need someone to listen & not thing I'm going crazy.