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Found 14 results

  1. Hello crazyboards, All of a sudden, I have been depressed over the past couple days. For a while now I have been on a path of personal growth, and trying to improve my life by continuing to make gradual changes and be a more active participant in life. A lot of the positive changes have enriched my life greatly. One of the positive changes I made, was attempting to dump my crazy ex who has proven *impossible* to get rid of. (But that is another story for another thread.) To be honest, some days are difficult. I have been going through a lot of transitions. I recently had a milestone birthday (30), I have out grown a lot of the people in my life (who are actually pretty effed up individuals under the surface), and there has been serious strain on close relationships. To try to help manage some of the stress I saw a healer for some energy work. Afterward, it seemed to help tremendously. For a solid month I was full of energy, taking excellent care of myself, and very productive. Cue two days ago, and the honeymoon phase is over. All of a sudden this silent depression started creeping in. On a surface level I feel that I have nothing to be terribly depressed about. On a deeper level, I know that my life is less than ideal. The difference, is that I am usually filled with a positive "can do" attitude about improving it. Of course, there is also the ever-present struggle with the illness which many of us can sometimes be in denial about. So for whatever reason, it happened. I got depressed. Not-sad, melancholy, hopeless, overcome with emotion,-depressed. Just depressed. I think it started when I tried to do a positive thing for myself, at which I failed. About five days ago I attempted to finally quit nicotine gum for good. I quickly realized that this simply would not be possible for me at this time in my life. Lately, I have little motivation to do anything. For about a week now, I have gone back to taking poor care of myself and eating poorly. Nothing sounds "inviting" to me when I think of fun things I could do. My emotions are dulled, yet on some level I feel this pesky throbbing ache coming from somewhere...Like as if I were getting hit with a hammer...in the heart. I am writing this thread for no other reason than to just say that depression blows....the big one. And if you are reading this and you are depressed, you are not the only one. I am going to fight it though. I am going to continue to do non-depressive things until my attitude follows my life style. In the meantime, it sucks trying to function when you are "running on empty" so to speak.
  2. So, i have more than a year excerzicing, i lost in the beginning like 10 kilos or more. But this past months ive loosing my motivation ans starting gaining belly fat, in part due to my anxious eating i accept it. Right now im always tortured by the fact that im getting more fat againg even if people around me say that no, im convinced i am, also if i dont feel the nergy to exercise one day or i cant exercise for whaterver reason that day i feel like crap, obssesed about the fact that i didnt exercise and that im going to get even more fat. Its hell, also it mixes whit the fact that im quitting smoking and i have other obsessions and also depression. Im feeling very bad, i feel whitout energy and motivation, the girl i was going out decided that i was so "good" for her that she changed me for a 13 years older guy. I wish i could be in a country where i can acces more different drugs for my treatment but in this God forgotten country south to the USA they dont give you new medications or alternative treatments. I really need help.
  3. While my depression is more manageable nowadays, and I am very rarely suicidal, I have found it extremely difficult to care about anything. I have very little to no interest in music, video games, talking to my friend, learning about new things, my future, the world in general, etc. Basically the only things I'm still interested in are eating, drinking (water) and sleeping. Everything else just seems equally boring. I want to know if there is a way to slowly bring myself out of this, to slowly start giving a shit about my life again. It's especially frustrating since I have many ideas for things I want to do but I simply do not have the drive to do these things which makes it feel like I'm letting my talents go to waste. I just want to know if anyone has been able to at least partially overcome this problem and if they can help me out.
  4. So I haven't been around for a while, mostly because I've been feeling better and trying to straighten my life out. I've adjusted to hearing voices/sounds, and I can ignore them for the most part and go on with my life. It's taken over six months, but I've accepted that I'm stuck with them (and probably Abilify) for forever or something. The Abilify helps. I'm on 15mg. I barely hear them (just a few times a day), but I'm still dealing with a lot of dissociation, which isn't too bad, I guess... But... I'm EXHAUSTED. Like, all the time. I sleep through my alarm clock on a regular basis even when I have like 10 hours of sleep. My shrinky dink switched my Abilify to night time after two weeks of zombie status, shaking, etc., so it's not the Abilify (anymore). I haven't showered in weeks, tbh. I hate doing housework and am getting in fights with my husband all the time about it. He's so frustrated with me, he can't take it, and neither can I. I go to work, go home, and I just want to go back to bed. I'm maxed out on my Effexor- apparently I can't go higher than 375. Abilify boosts Effexor, so I really shouldn't be depressed (I guess?), but it's creeping in. The past week has been really hard. I feel like crying most of the time, and my anxiety is at the point where I threw up in public THREE TIMES on the way to work today. Yesterday, I tried to hide in part of the building at work where I could cry and no one would find me, but someone found me. Of course. Ugh. I started thinking about suicide again after not having it cross my mind in months, and that's really scary. I don't want to go back to curling up in a ball and crying for like four hours. I can't deal with that. It's too hard to resist doing something to myself, whether its self-harm or something else. I'm literally afraid of myself when I'm in that state. I saw a therapist (for the first time since I was a teenager!) for about a month until a couple weeks ago when she decided that I have enough positive coping mechanisms and don't need to see her anymore. I was feeling okay at that point, so I haven't made another appointment with her. The sixth and final time I saw her, she literally asked me why I was seeing her. I was like, "I would like to not hear voices anymore, or at least be okay with it, or figure out if they're going to go away or stick around?" She just said my shrinky dink should probably up my Abilify, and said bye. So, if I'm taking all my meds like I'm supposed to, and I'm following the therapist's instructions, WHY OH WHY am I dealing with this depression and exhaustion? It's not situational. I don't understand it. :/ Is this as good as it gets?
  5. I was recently prescribed Strattera 60mg to help with concentration and a little with motivation. Well, I still find myself struggling with productivity and motivation every single day. A typical day looks like this: I wake up, I take Strattera and Lithium in the AM. I stay in bed for about an hour mainly to let the Strattera kick in. Unfortunately, I still feel tired, nonfunctional and unmotivated all throughout the rest of the day. Lithium only helps with my moods, so I don't expect it to do anymore. But it takes me all day to finally take a shower and sometimes I don't! If I am productive, I work part-time because it's all I can handle right now, so I'm home the majority of the time. So, working 4-5x/week is kind of a struggle because of the mornings but I need an income of a sort. My evenings are fairly bording, unproductive and mostly spent at home with my family. I usually can't wait until the night comes so that I can just take the rest of my cocktail and go to bed. There's nothing active or fun or worthwhile in between this time period. It's all mostly spent suffering over my condition. This has been a 6 year battle. Is anyone facing anything similar to this? If so, how do you deal with it? I need a solution to feeling better!
  6. Hi Everyone, So, I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder and ADHD in 2011 and ever since then, I have lost control over my ability to stay mentally and physically energized or fully concentrated. I have switched medications several times with both diagnoses and the medications below are what seem to be the most effective for now. However, they still do not hit the spot in terms of energy. Everything else, they do. Even on Vyvanse, I still can't concentrate. I can sit down to start doing my homework and within 5-10 minutes, I am up doing something else and I'm not without feeling frustrated with myself. This is my 6th year in college for all that bipolar and ADHD have put me through and I'm taking my last and final class for the second time. I was a great student with great grades at first, but I've lost complete and utter control and it makes me feel incapable and unsuccessful as a student and person. When I wake up everyday, I feel groggy, unmotivated and just all around tired and fatigued and this lasts throughout the day. I can't even work myself up to take a shower unless I do take Vyvanse to give me a small jolt for the remainder of the day. My favorite activities like piano, biking and drawing have all gone out the door. And every time I go to the doctor, my medication treatment is just never good enough, which creates this unwanted negative attitude streak. I am not a person of negativity because I know that these conditions have suppressed the real person that I am. My doctor suggested Provigil and I've heard a some positive things about it, but wasn't sure if my insurance covered it, hence the Vyvanse. I'm willing to try it, but I don't know whether it's long term or short term or if it can be use long term. It's an impossible journey I must say and I have no idea where to go from here. So, I'm looking for some help in every area I can use. Has anyone ever gone through anything similar or can relate to this? What were your remedies and has anyone else tried or is on Provigil? If you have, please tell me what your thoughts are on the medication.
  7. I started a new med cocktail and it felt like my anxiety got overwhelming better overnight. Overall I feel so much better but I can NOT focus on work. It's like I forgot how to do what I do. I want to go home and stare at a wall. It's gotten better since Friday but still. Today has felt 12 hours long.
  8. So I feel like my latest anti-depressasnt has been doing something since I started it about 7.5 months ago. I've had less severe down days and suicidal thoughts recently. However I feel completely 'meh', like I cannot get happy or excited about anything, despite the fact that I am now getting out the house more and have achieved some significant goals. For example I did well in some exams and I just feel no joy or pleasure at all. I started going to the gym again and picked up an old hobby, but I just feel like they aren't enjoyable, even though I know it is something I know I enjoy, IYSWIM? I guess I feel a bit flat and emotionally blunted, like I have a depression still but the associated suicidal thoughts have died down a bit. I don't know if there is a term for that? Is this likely to be the antidepressant or just the depression itself? I feel I'm out of options here, my family doctor doesn't want to send me to a pdoc but we have tried so many antidepressants already I don't know what is next. Plus I'm scared of going to pdoc incase they take me off the one thing that does help (ativan) or try to put me on AAP. Any replies and shared experiences would be really appreciated right now. thanks for reading
  9. I thought I'd post this thread because I've recently come across some great android apps for crazy people. Please feel free to share! Do tell whether your apps are for Android or iPhone or what, though, because unfortunately we can't use each other's Moodlytics is, bar none, the best mood tracker I've found. It has the capacity to annoy the shit out of you remind you as often as you want to input your mood, back up your data, and it even does handy graphs for those times when you sense your psychiatrist needs to look at some pretty colors because you're using words of too many syllables to explain your mood. Cons: I have no idea how you can add backdated moods but I hope they're working on it. There's also quite a bit of Engrish in there... I'm enjoying it as some flavor (they defined all the moods with a specific color!?) but it might get on your nerves if you dislike that. Runner up: T2 Mood Tracker. Developed by the US government; this app records more data than you can shake a stick at and also does multiple moods a day. I found that it felt like it almost recorded too much data, it seemed so difficult to customize that I never did it, and it asked about really too much stuff related to mood at a time for someone who wanted to fill it out multiple times a day, but YMMV. (It does support multiple times a day.) The other app I'm really loving is called MyChain, and it works on a motivation hack. The premise is simple: you tell it an activity you want to complete at least once a day and then you add a widget to your screen that tells you the number of days you've done it in a row. The objective is "Don't break the chain!" and I have to say, knowing that I've been able to do something (or NOT do something) 28 or 16 days in a row is pretty powerful motivation. --- What apps have you found that speak specifically to needs that crazy people might have? Or just general needs, for organization or getting things done or whatever?
  10. Hi! I've been prescribed Abilify 10 due to its activating nature (with SSRI fluvoxamine 50) because I have hypersomnia (sleep 16 hours), lack of motivation, some social phobia. The first two times I took 10mg, I felt very tired and had to sleep. And then felt a bit drowsy and like fainting / nauseated. And restless also. Not good. I wonder if it subsides over time and if 10 is too much in my case (maybe 5?). Thank you!
  11. Hi everyone. I've been on some "support forums" before but I like the sound of this one. Looking for a place where I can get some advice/different opinions that are not sugar coated. I am female in my mid 20's, live alone with 2 dogs and 2 cats, working full-time at a job I enjoy. I have been on antidepressants since I was a young teen, been on celexa for about 10 years now, varying doses. I have bouts of bad depression and bouts of okay-ness that last a few months at a time. My state of life doesn't affect it - ie. I would be just as depressed if I was a millionaire or broke. I have had good jobs and bad jobs and it doesn't make a bit of difference. What brings me here now is that in the past couple years I have been getting ANGRY which is a new thing for me. I feel especially angry at night. My patience is very low and the littlest things piss me off to no end. One of my dogs is quite young and she is full of shenanigans, and stuff she does in the morning or afternoon that wouldn't bother me much absolutely infuriates me at night. She gets a lot more yelling at and scruffings after dinner - and I don't want to cow her from over-disciplining just because I'm in a bad mood. It's not fair that I take out my bad mood on her. The worst part is that it feels like I get relief when I get mad. I know that getting mad at her doesn't do her much good training-wise and I like to use positive re-inforcement most of the time, but it's like blowing up is rewarding for ME so I keep doing it. Now when the sun goes down she walks around on eggshells and it breaks my heart. I don't want to be like that. It makes me think that if I can't even handle a dog what kind of wife or mother would I be. It makes me think I might be better off being alone forever. I honestly can't imagine why anyone would want me - for a wife, a mother, or in the dog's case, for an owner. Not looking for judgement. I know I can be an asshole to my dog but I'm not abusive, just not nice. She gets lots of love and quality time with me and the old dog too. It's just that when the dog gets hyper I get hyper, except I get hyped up in a negative way and I don't like it. Anyone have success keeping their anger at bay and learning to be peaceful? Like should I try yoga or meditation or something? One of my therapists seems to think that trying a different medication might be helpful, but I am TERRIFIED to try it. When I changed to celexa it was the worst time of my life until I got used to it.
  12. I've been struggling with motivation since forever, but in the past few years I've been committed to steady treatment, it has never changed. Some days I cannot motivate myself to get out of bed, and others it's not as hard but getting anything at all done is at best - a chore, at worst - torture. What has worked for you?
  13. Right then this is my first post about my personal issues so I'm not entirely sure where to start but I'll do my best to sum things up. I may ramble quite a bit... I am currently not sure what to do with myself, every route I've taken has either dissapointed me or completely ignored me. I have had mental health issues from a very young age (6 or 7) ,noticeable symptoms of an anxiety disorder manifested at around this age and as I got closer to puberty these symptoms became more and more severe. Accompanying these symptoms at the beginning of my teens was the onset of Depression. Up until the age of 15 I was able to function in an inhibited capacity attending school half the time and rarely leaving my house due to depression and low energy. During these years (I am currently 18) I have seen multiple psychologists, psychiatrists and medical professionals. I have spoken about my issues, tried countless types of medication, had blood tests, ultrasounds, ekg's and sleep studies. In the last few years I have essentially been unable to function most days getting out of bed is a task let alone doing anything productive with my life... I have slowly lost contact with my friends my family loath my current state and there seems to be nothing I can do about it. Exercise, medication, medical advice all of which recommended by medical professionals has done nothing to ease or halt my symptoms. Any advice would be greatly appreciated I know I need to do something I simply have no idea what. If anyone has had similar issues it would even be nice just to talk to someone about this as nobody I know has any idea what I'm talking about which I suppose makes sense if you have not experienced something yourself you can only really guess what a person is feelling. Tiredone (original I know)
  14. I think lack of "anticipatory pleasure"*** is really causing me to not care. Not in a depressed way; not like "what's left to live for?". More like--- I cant visualize or feel what it is I'm working toward in life. I feel I may be on the edge of a motivation black hole where there will be no return, where I may end up permanently living in an group home/supported living type situation. As you may be able to tell by the link below, I'm trying a few new things to work on the negative and cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia and am up for just about anything at this point. My (likely futile) question: is there anything else that may be able to help increase motivation? Also, if anyone else has experience with this and would like help please make a short comment but please don't hijack the thread. Thanks! ** heard the term here first: http://socs.berkeley....et.al.2009.pdf
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