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  • Stuff That Makes You Feel Like Crap
    • Bipolar Spectrum Disorder - The Pole Dance
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    • Oh, No, I Couldn’t... Well, Maybe Just One More: Hoarding. Or, uh, Being Prepared
    • Casual Everyday: How to Stop Watching Cat Videos and Get Some Work Done At Home
    • Absolutely No One Walked Into a Bar: Best of Coronavirus Humor
    • But I Need a Damn Haircut: When You Don’t Have the Virus, But You’re Still Falling Apart
    • Countin’ Flowers On the Wall: So Bored We Need a Board For It

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  1. Just changed my therapist as the old one moved too far away....across the country, sucks cause I was with her like 14 years. Anyway, to the point, do most people feel kind of like the R.E.M. song "Losing my Religion" where he says "oh no I've said too much I haven't said enough" and by the way I do think this new tdoc is great so far so I don't think it's her really.
  2. I was diagnosed 30 years ago bipolar took all kinds of meds. Drug and alcohol abuse my entire life. Never in one place long enough or clean enough to think not bipolar. I have been mostly clean and around same people 7 years now. Questions led to testing. Told I have avoidance disorder. I stopped meds. Things are scary Dr. Stopped working with me. I have not been without some med. Or drugs for lifetime. I get paranoid and doubt everything. I see councilor but feel like a child all this new stuff and fear no sleep trying to work crying happy opinion on everything friends family myself no idea what I am. Off meds 2 month. Struggling. Not apposed to meds but need time to sort out who I am and what I can handle. Sorry lost right now. Trouble at work had to take off need help
  3. Hi everyone, I am new here. Thanks for clicking my post, I'm kind of a mess right now and I don't know what to do. I am a 40 year old female, married with kids. I've never been to so much as a counselor in my whole life. I feel like I am just now understanding that I have spent my life using my intelligence to smokescreen doctors and just get whatever I came for instead of admitting problems. Early in 2015, I went to my doc with the agenda of getting more Ativan. I was indeed having real anxiety, as we had just bought a new business AND moved across the country, so I was highly stressed. I have never been prescribed an antidepressant (never admitted depression to a doc). I used to do tons of recreational drugs as a young woman in college, and did more than my fair share of any kind of benzos I could get my hands on, but I never was diagnosed with anxiety or anything of the sort. I wanted a chill pill. The doc put me on Wellbutrin XL 150mg. I was willing to take it because one of our dearest friends feels that bupropion saved his life. My husband had been urging me to see about getting treated for depression, so I shrugged and decided to give it a try. I thought it wasn't helping me in the slightest and randomly stopped taking it after a couple of months and kept doc shopping for Ativan. My buddy takes 300mg, and he eventually convinced me to try a higher dose. Within only a few days of starting 300mg XL, I went into what I now know was a long, very powerful hypomanic state. My appetite bottomed out and I lost 80 pounds in six months without even trying. I felt GREAT. Energetic, full of ideas. My eyes would fly open around 5am, no matter what time I went to bed. I started wanting sex morning, noon, and night (after basically being entirely willing to go six months without). I started smoking a lot of pot again. I started learning to play an instrument, and actually got pretty good. I have a loud, assertive personality in any case, and my husband and I both assumed this was the "normal" me that was finally coming out from under depression. I was amazed, and kept telling anyone who would listen how great Wellbutrin is. I felt less angry, generally speaking, so I was really amazed that symptom of depression could be anger. I always thought my simmering anger and irritability was just.. me. As I became more hypomanic, it became very hard for me to eat enough to maintain a body weight that I didn't feel was TOO skinny (NEVER a problem before), my sleep was getting more disrupted, my opinions more strident, and I started struggling with being angry that my husband (the usual target, sometimes the kids) weren't "doing it right". Lots of amped-up but resentful cleaning of the house where I'm muttering in my head about how I'm the only who who fill-in-the-blank. Also, I started a few big renovation projects on our property with EXTREMELY short windows of time in which they would have to be finished (ripping up carpet in a room that needed to be ready to go in less that two weeks). As I type this, our kitchen is STILL half-painted a different color. Finally, the "peak" of this episode culminated in an event that will be hard to explain to others, but in a nutshell, I nearly had an affair with a friend of ours. When I say "nearly had", it is important to distinguish that my husband and I have experimented in the past with having an open relationship, and I did not "sneak" around to do this. However, the "usual me" hadn't been interested in having any sort of shenanigans like that since we were WAY younger. To say that it could have ended badly is a HUGE understatement. I still had no idea at this point what hypomania even IS. I never followed up with my doc after he raised my dose because the guy got FIRED from his practice (!) and we live in a very rural area and finding another doc was proving really tough. So, eventually, I go into an urgent care clinic for a UTI, and start running my mouth about it, and the guy says, "Well, you are hypomanic I can tell you that right now and we've been in the room less than five minutes." This was, maybe 4-6 months into the episode. I was really surprised, and I go home and start Googling 'hypomania'. Of course, everything fit the description exactly. So, now what? I outright refused to stop Wellbutrin, there was no way I was going to gain back 80 pounds, for starters. My husband and I basically spent the next couple of months working out ways between us that we could keep lines of communication open, and that I would defer to his judgement more often, and of course IMMEDIATELY stopped sexual foolishness. I began reporting to him if I had trouble getting enough calories for the day, or if I wanted to communicate with a customer but I had to "cool down" first. He supported me in keeping up with my meds, since he genuinely felt it made me happier. I got more Ativan to take the edge off the bad days. Right around the time the weather changed for this winter (we live very far north), I started coming down. Since then, I have had both days of mad cleaning and days where I have written three songs in one day, interspersed with stretches of days spent playing video games in a separate room from the family, sleeping on a bed of candy bar wrappers (literally). I've been a little bit all over the map. I decide my Wellbutrin's "not working anymore" and start more Googling. Three days ago, I started finding testimonies online from people with BP who had hypomania on antidepressants. I blew this off immediately. Then I found more and more medical journals where basically not a single person with unipolar depression in twenty different bupropion studies had a hypomanic reaction.. but fully half of all bipolar patients had a hypomanic reaction. I started looking up subtle symptoms of bipolar. I broke down in tears when both my husband and I agreed that I came up 11 out of 11. I feel like it's like waking up and finding out I'm adopted. My frame of reference for my entire life just got changed. I am completely freaking out, to be honest. I am looking back on my life and seeing that there were so many interludes where I was just.. I guess I'll just say "freaking" for strange, random reasons, like mini-nervous breakdowns.. but I always just thought I was like my Dad, who had a very assertive, dominant personality. I do know that my Dad was in a mental hospital for two weeks in the late 60s, but he claimed it was a mescaline overdose. It was the 60s, ya know. It never ever occurred to me that the drugs could have aggravated an underlying mental disorder in him. After that incident, I do know he basically quit all drugs and alcohol. I (to my knowledge) have never had an actual psychotic break, but I didn't know there was more than one kind of bipolar. I have had depressed periods, for sure, and I also can see a long pattern of crazy impulsivity (example: flip out on Mom for no reason, drop 5 best friends, and move to a new state without a plan). I know I probably sound like a real jerk, coming on here and laying all this stigma and shit on people who have been living with their diagnosis forever. I guess I just want to say, I had a very traumatic experience around bipolar particularly. I was 17 years old, and my boyfriend and I had been dating for all of high school. His mom was bipolar, and she was taken off her lithium due to kidney damage. I don't know if her doc just didn't substitute or if she stopped taking the new meds, but she had a psychotic break. She was speaking in tongues, throwing things, doing weird rituals, running away, crashed the car.. My boyfriend had no dad, no grandparents, nobody to help him at all except me. Us two little 17 year olds had to attend two hearings and speak to judges several times to have her involuntarily committed at the state hospital. As soon as they got her on a new med, she was immediately improved and completely came out of it. But it was a long process and terrified me. I just figured that is what bipolar looks like: perfectly no problem but completely crazy with no meds. Obviously, my attitude has evolved since then. :-\ We live at least an hour drive each way to the nearest psychiatrist. I started Googling mood stabilizers and I am really skeptical of side effects. I absolutely do not want to come down or off my Wellbutrin. I'm terrified that if I go see someone I'll end up with a diagnosis on my medical record that I am not sure I am prepared for, and that the doc won't take into account my wishes. I'm a goddamn mess right now. I don't know if I am really "cycling" right now or if I am just losing it over the IDEA of being bipolar and undiagnosed my whole damn life. I don't know if I want to see a shrink at all. My husband is concerned that when the summer hits, the fact that it won't be so dark and gloomy and winter-cloudy will make me go hypomanic again. I'm also relying heavily on pot to help me eat sufficient calories, and keep from being so damn pissed off all the time. I don't know what I am even asking you guys right now. Thanks for listening.
  4. So... I've had an account here for a while, I figured I should probably introduce myself to the endless void of code that makes up the internet. I don't really know what to say, I don't know why I'm here. I'm doing this during school, I'm surprised this site isn't blocked to be perfectly honest. I'm sad. That's pretty much all there is to it. I'm not happy for perfectly no reason, I have a good life, a good family, good friends, an education. I'm a typical white middle class girl. Dull as hell. I don't really know how these things go... I guess I should have read some introduction posts before I decided to write my own. I really don't know what to say, and I know no one will be reading this anyway, so I think I'm going to end this here.
  5. Well, in terrible at this so I'll just I guess tell you about myself? Idk.. Anyways. Sorry For such a long post!! For 12 years I've struggled going from Dr to Dr trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I am without a doubt BP and the other thing they just couldn't figure out. After almost 2 years with the same dr, I went into his office completely fed up because I felt like literal s*** and was over it.I have been on everything. 12 years worth. He put me on Lamictal and I take 200mg which seems to work I guess but the depression was still there. He put me on Latuda which should have been sugar pills because they did absolutely nothing. Then wellbutrin.. Hello PSYCHO alert.. I went crazy. Then gabapentin for the depressive episodes .. Nothing, just ridiculous irritability. Then on to Abilify which worked for about 3 days then I didn't sleep for a week because the 5mg made me manic and I stayed up all night mind racing. He upped it to 10mg and I couldn't sit still, I had to keep moving it was absolute torture. It felt like restless leg syndrome in my entire body!! So then I went on Saphris.. Sedation. All I can use to describe it. It tastes disgusting and made me so stoned I literally would get up in the middle of the night to make a sandwich IN MY SLEEP. I gained 10 pounds in a month and had restless legs from it. This last visit he asked about my drug history. I said I did them many years ago and I would never again. Then he asked "what happened when u did cocaine?" I said I felt awesome and would get everything done and would go to bed. He was surprised, he couldn't believe I actually slept on that drug and says "I'm almost positive you have ADD, very few people can even lie down when on cocaine and you actually had a full nights sleep. he put me on Adderall and gonna say I felt so WEIRD and disconnected from my body but the anger (like I had hot lava running through my veins) is gone and so is the sadness. The crying before work, during lunch and after work. Sometimes when I'd take showers I would just sit in there an cry and I have a,burden listed off of me because,I don't feel that. I just hope this time we finally got to the bottom of this. Thanks for reading!
  6. Hello to you fellow human who has seen my post and wanted to know about me. I have been struggling with Bipolar for about a year and surprise surprise,I have anorexia and bulimia too. I have been snapping at everyone,I'd punch myself and cut myself for no reason (or that what you think) and next thing you know all that anger disappears and I become this depressed freak of nature who doesn't care about anything and everything and only thinks about ways to kill myself. I am younger than most of you may think,but I have the mind of a 50 year old. Anyways I feel rather honored that you have finished my boring story and haven't died of boredom.
  7. i just joined today, mostly because an answer id been scouring google for came from this site. my names sky im 28 and idk what else to say for an introduction i probably sound stupid af. i like roleplaying and flight rising and i do a lot of digital art in my spare time. mostly fanart. i dont know what else to say so hi! nice to meet everyone :33
  8. Good Day ALL! Hello! I'm new to this group but, I'm not new to the diagnosis. I was first diagnosed as having a personality disorder in my late teens along with depression. Later (year-tops) this changed to Bipolar with Anxiety issues... in my 20s we moved up in the world to ADHD, Bipolar I with Rapid-Cycling, Severe Anxiety, and PTSD. I've been on a lot of meds and to a lot of help professionals. Always a good time. I live in Missouri, USA and I'm almost 32. Just got married 6/7/14 after almost 8 years of being together-no kids (aside from our furbabies-2 cats) & we're currently TTC our own (I have a ton of my own battles with all of this). Anyway, that's the short story. Wishing all well and sending postive thoughts.
  9. Hello! I've read posts on this site for quite a while now, and figured it might be useful to join and participate. Super frustrated with how long it's taking to get in to see a psychiatrist and feeling like I'm going well.. crazy while waiting! Previously saw a psychologist, but ran out of insurance coverage. And now I'm just rambling... My diagnosis is below. I feel like the Borderline "traits" are becoming worse and more prominent, and I need to find ways to cope with them better. Sometimes the way I'm feeling, or even behaving, is causing a lot of anxiety.. So hopefully some of the forums on here will help me out!
  10. Hi I'm new, name is Lisa and Bipolar 1. Look forward to posting with you and learning from other's experiences and making new friends
  11. Hello all, Decided to join the community, can't remember how I stumbled upon it. maybe a url link. Anyways I think Im all setup here. Looking forward to helping and getting help. Because communities, especially those designed so well like this one, work. A group forum/chat/ or any interaction beats sitting in my room with my mind wandering alone. These work. So I thank the admin/designers and all those who help maintain this community. I look forward to delving deeper into the forums and other resources you all provide and contribute to. Finally, I found it.
  12. I'm not 100% sure this is the best place to vent out my feelings, but I've joined anyway. I'm a person with a lot of problems. I have anxiety, an eating disorder, and severe depression. I often feel lonely and suicidal even. I'm not gonna get into that right now though. I've been on one other forum before, though I stopped, not sure why. Now I'm rejoicing because problems have popped up for me, I feel like I'm at a breaking point, and I do know there are so many people out there struggling, and way more than me. Some of you have bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. I sympathize with you indeed, I'm not typically looking for the "it get's better line" I need solid advice. I know I am mental, I have terrible thoughts, I feel stupid, guilty, and uninterested. Worst of all I have the lowest god damn self esteem ever. I hate myself and the way I look, I've been at 90 pounds and still felt ugly. I hate my face and my body. Hell even my hair, anything. I truly feel worthless. Okay so I'll stop, I think you know why I'm here now... I really hope to help others AT LEAST, if no one knows how to help me. I've heard it all from "Just eat." when I didn't want to, to "Get over it" to "You're not ugly" (without further explanation or thought) and even " you don't have depression" I hope I will not hear these words on here. In fact I doubt I will, people who have depression know better than to tell these things to someone else. Anyway, It's early in the morning I believe, in a couple hours I'll be off to my personal hell. So, all I'm looking for is someone to help me cope, someone to talk to me when I'm borderline suicidal. Anyway, I hope all of you have a good night/morning/evening. I will try to get some sleep now before morning... Goodnight <3
  13. Hi Everyone I'm new (hence the introductory post lol) here and wanted to share a bit about me. I have been reading this forum for awhile and you all seem very kind and helpful. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years. I am now 26 (actually my birthday is tomorrow lol) and I work in a helping profession and recently went from full time at my job to 32hrs per week because I feel overwhelmed. I have loving and supportive family, boyfriend and friends. I have been in IP once before for an anxiety attack that began a major depressive episode (lasted about a month). I was put on Pristiq 50mg and it worked well for a few years, but the withdrawal symptoms if I took a dose late were getting out of control, so I was weaned off of it. Currently I take zoloft 100mg daily and Ativan .5 twice as needed daily. I take Provigil twice daily for fatigue (nap at least twice per day without it) for a total of 300mg. Also, I was on birth control for 9 years and since i stopped it last June - I realized I also most likely have Premenstrual Exacerbation of my anxiety/depression symptoms. My life is currently at the mercy of my symptoms and I feel like I am drowning. My Pdoc and Tdoc had a little chat this week and decided they would like to put me on BuSpar. My libido is already very low and I am afraid that the Zoloft and BuSpar could make it worse and or cause weight gain. *sigh* we'll see! Thanks for reading my random complaints haha - feel free to say Hi in the comments! Dx: Anxiety, Depression, Suspected PME Current Rx: 100mg Zoloft, 300mg Provigil, 1mg Ativan PRN Former Rx: 50mg Pristiq
  14. Well, I just thought I'd maybe make an introduction post. I already posted but now I think I'll do this, too. I joined today because my friend suggested that I do so! I'm generally wary slash terrified of posting online but you've all been super welcoming so far, so that helps! I have depression, PTSD, some sort of anxiety disorder, and panic attacks. My little brother and father both have Schizophrenia. I'm currently on Lexapro 20mg and my post before was referencing the mania side effects I've been having so I'm going to discuss that with my doctor. I take Xanax when my anxiety becomes too overwhelming. I love my dog more than anything or anyone and she's the best thing to happen to me. She's better than any medication, or exercise, or therapy I've ever had. I couldn't live without her and she seems to feel the same way. A bad habit I have is typing out responses to things online, then deleting what I typed because I'm too anxious to post. I hope to overcome that here. I'd also like to get to a point in this where I'm not awake all night and where I can enjoy my passions and hobbies again. I'd also like to make more friends. So, hi. :]
  15. Over the last month or so, I've been turning to you guys at Crazyboards to seek some common ground, as I sure don't feel it where I'm at. I'm 32, live in a major city w/ my boyfriend, and my sincerest hope is to be able to save up enough money to move out of state for graduate school. By trade I'm a fairly disappointing legal secretary, where I'm daily treated like dirt by my coworkers no matter how hard I try to do my best. This is what happens when you have nothing but work-study office work experience to put on a resume as an undergrad. Nevermind how mindnumbingly bored I was after day one, I should be "lucky" I have a job in this economic climate...hey it's just a paycheck and benefits I tell myself. It takes all the willpower I've got just to get out of bed every morning because I know I'm headed for a day of nonstop ridicule. Moving on... Anyway, since age 20 or so I experienced mood swings. At first, I thought I had a borderline personality. I fit pretty much all the criteria, especially fear of abandonment, moods that changed at the drop of a hat (never positive, mind you), and my relationships - friend or significant other- were all so very messed up. It wasn't until a particularly bad breakup at age 26 that everything came to a head. I attempted suicide with booze and pills in a bathtub (my favorite place to be) and not only did I lose my shot at rekindling the relationship with that guy, but I lost pretty much all my friends. Two years ago, I lost another "best friend" after I started dating a mutual friend. The first time around was understandable - I was chewing this girl's ear off about my ex and she couldn't take it. Or, more likely, her new boyfriend was scared of me. One day, I came home shaking from every negative feeling known to man. I took a nearby wineglass and smashed it against the counter. She moved out not long after without a word. This latest time, however, I know I didn't deserve to be dropped. She claimed I was a "bad friend," which translated roughly to "You have a boyfriend and I don't, and I can't be happy for you, so I"m giving you the kiss-off." Nevermind I dropped everything to be with her while her mother was dying in the hospital, was with her the moment she died, and took days off from work to be at her wake and funeral. Nope, my boyfriend and I were just bad people apparently. I'm quite sure the only thing I did wrong was back out on meeting her at a cheap restaurant because I was feeling sick. With an autoimmune disease flare-up. Again, moving on... The title of my post is exactly that. I am doing my best to get some help again. It turns out that I did not have BPD as originally thought. Up until a couple months after my suicide attempt, I had only ever been prescribed antidepressants. Effexor had been the one to do me in. It's truly the devil. After 4 months of being on it, I started having intense nightmares - semi trucks falling from the sky like rain...killer tornadoes...pestilence. In my ignorance, I thought it was a mere side effect of the drug. I developed a terribly short fuse, hurling both insults and items such as my jewelry box at the wall in my dorm room. My friends at the time were in my roommate's room (our rooms were connected by a bathroom), and they were terrified. Of me - the person most likely to be terrified of other people. I never knew at the time that these rage outbursts were my first instances of true mania. I assumed it was BPD, a) because the mood switches were within hours and b) there was (to my knowledge) no bipolar disorder running in my family. No diagnosed bipolar disorder, that is. Now I know otherwise. In 2011, the same year I was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease Sjogren's syndrome, I went for psychological testing to see if I had attention deficit disorder. I had a lot of memory problems that was making work much more difficult that it really was (aside from my inability to socialize), and I also wanted to see if I had dyscalcula since I was so horrendous at math. After over 10 hours of testing, a neuropsychologist diagnosed me with Bipolar I and Paranoid Personality Disorder, the latter of which I denied - if anything, I had an avoidant personality. I can't look anyone in the eye, I refuse to answer the door or leave my bedroom wherever I live, you know the drill. Fear of rejection after years of being rejected/bullied as a child. Had a secret to carry since I was 3 years old, also making me not trust anyone. So I guess I was pretty much always a weirdo in everyone else's eyes. My 300 question personality indicator survey pointed the doctor in the direction of BP I as opposed to II since my answers had been "extreme," although the last time I received treatment they told me I had BP II because I seemed to have more hypomanias and depression. My main "problem areas" include overspending, taking on too many projects, not wanting to go to sleep EVER, and executive dysfunction. In terms of that, it surprised me to learn I had a slow reading disorder (I'm an English major and now a part time writer and editor, so Ii LOVE to read) but was average in math. I qualified for extra time on my GRE exam, but I for some reason decided I didn't need to take it. Apparently the test results are only good for a year. It was 10 hours of testing and I paid approximately $500 for the whole thing. So now I do need to take the GRE's and will have to either study my ass off to do well or be tested all over again. I've had various things happen, usually involving $$$, that made me put getting treatment on the backburner. Having crappy teeth is par for the course when you have Sjogren's, so most of it went to that. I also have chronic back pain, knee pain, and arthritis due to my autoimmune disorder. I originally was on Wellbutrin and Lamictal. Then I switched to a world renowed bipolar specialist who only ever prescribed lithium. Lithium, while I felt it had worked to reduce my hypomanias, did very little for my depressions and made all the physical symptoms from my Sjogren's like dryness and joint pain, worse. Not to mention, it increased my acne. No, thanks. I briefly tried Abilify and it made me nauseous and made my eyes extremely sensitive to light. II'm hoping to find a new pdoc soon because my relationships (what's left of them) are all starting to deteriorate. If I lose my boyfriend, who is also my best friend (and I his), my world will basically collapse. I'm so grateful for his understanding...and his appreciation of my weirdness. But he knows my moods are swinging more and more out of control as the days go by. A few days ago, I went to hopped in the shower and started singing, dancing, doing push-ups while in the shower...came back to my room and wanted to have a dance party. My boyfriend yawned and said, "Oh no, here she goes again..." It's not all fun, though. I'm very snappish. We rented a room with a Nepalese family just to save money before our big move a couple months ago, and needless to say, it's been one big nightmare. They move my stuff around a lot, which I really can't stand because my last roommate stole from me constantly. Instead of politely explain how my olive oil that I swore I bought went missing, I ended up making the guy think I was accusing him or his family of stealing (entirely possible, since someone took a slice of our pizza without asking. No we label everything). That was over a month ago, and now no one except the roommate who isn't related to them, will talk to me. I feel like I have done this a lot in my life. My extreme social anxiety, fueled by paranoia and irritable hypomania, ruins my conversational skills. And they were never great to begin with. I really don't want to be like this forever, so I'm willing to make the necessary changes. I would give anything just to give the appearance of being normal, even if I never could be. Thanks for reading. Misfit Love
  16. Hi hi My name is Mary and I'm a compulsive eater full of anxiety over food and eating in public. I'm the largest I've ever been since giving birth to my third child in October of 2012 (203 lbs) Feeling extremely self concious in my skin and my clothes Ashamed to be seen in public or have pictures taken of me. This doubles up with depression, so when I'm on the down cycle I start to binge on anything made of white carbs- which only perpetuates both problems. Oh, and my mother feeds these anxieties by commenting on my weight, my figure, my clothing, what I'm eating or not eating, and how much exercise I'm getting or not getting (it's been this way nearly my entire life) Its (not) awesome Good to be here I'd love to find some support -Mary
  17. Hi crazies (lol), I've been on your website recently and found the information and sense of community quite inspiring. Well, I'm a 17 year old high school senior with major depressive disorder... that's about it i guess, that's all I've got. Obvious symptoms of a mood disorder surfaced at 14 years old, but now that I know more about mental health i realize that I was probably very different in the way I think from early childhood. Two years ago my family saw that my mood was become a problem and starting to affect my life so they made me go to our general practitioner and from there I referred to a psychiatrist, whom I am still currently with. I was hospitalized three times in three months back in mid 2013 for suicidal thoughts and intentions, self harm... and other usual stuff that we all go through here (stay strong together (: ). There has been some debate on the diagnosis which may explain why nothing has worked thus far. I was once given a diagnosis of bipolar 2 and bipolar NOS and doctors were treating me accordingly. However, after my most recent hospitalization the diagnosis is now MDD, but I think all of us (including the doctors) are a bit confused as to what exactly is wrong with me. So yeah, that's where I am now... in a long stalemate of doctor giving medications and me staring at them hoping one day one of them will work. I realize this is getting long so I'm done now thanks for reading if you did .
  18. I just stumbled upon this site this morning and I'm excited to be amoung kindred spirits. More and more I find that my regular community of friends do not identify with the things I feel (and perhaps they're real, REAL tired of hearing about it all) My name is Mary I'm a mother of 3 kids under the age of 5. I struggle with Major Depressive Disorder and all the fun that it entails. Glad to be amoung people who can relate to 'the crazies' -Mary
  19. My name is Matt and I have been looking up complaints I take for my issues for awhile. I had manic episodes for months as a child as well as ADHD (depending on the brand the dose has to be adjusted but it a and that combination helps. Pardon me, I took my night meds (4 mg of Ativan and 2 mg of klonopin.) I am easy to get along with and know a lot about med. I have been on the train ride... Nice meeting everyone
  20. Trigger warning: mentions self harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, bullying, disordered eating Hey I've come across this site and decided to join. I'm a 19yr old Australian girl and currently trying to do a bachelors of Arts/Science at University majoring in psychology and sociology. I have only been diagnosed with mental health problems since starting Uni last year. I currently am diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (formerly known as Aspergers Syndrome), Depression and some Social Anxiety (although it's a lot better than it was). I have also struggled with self harm and alcohol abuse for the past 2 years. My eating also became disordered at the beginning of this year with restricting, binging and purging (although I managed to stop before it developed into an eating disorder). My main problems are as a result of my ASD and being severely bullied from yr 3 till yr 10. I have been unable to complete my courses this semester as I have relapsed and am currently trying to get my depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm under control. My interests include but are not limited to: Harry Potter, Doctor Who, anything by Joss Whedon, Starkid, mental health issues, feminism and other equality movements, Sherlock, zombies and politics.
  21. I am new here. I found this site when googling alternatives to xanax. Anywho.. I have depression. I am currently untreated and it has taken over my life the past year or so. I have within the past 3 months started to get panic attacks sometimes daily. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest or something in stuck in my throat and I want to explode like the hulk or cry until my eyes dry out. My doctor is not the best and the referral she gave for a shrink told me I am bi-polar, have poor impulse control, anxiety, and a whole laundry list of things..then tried to prescribe me enough medicine to knock out a bear for 6 months..I left and never went back 3 months later I got a letter from my insurance stating that place had been shut down. Now here we are over a year later and I need something done because I'm a hot mess. I want an anti-depressant which I'm going to ask for either zoloft (which I've taken and did good on) or prozac (which my doctor prefers to prescribe). My point of this long post is what do I ask for in regards to the panic attacks???? I'm pretty sure her go-to is xanax but I don't want it because I know a lot of people who got addicted to it. So pretty much what do you take for panic attacks??? What is good/bad/ugly???
  22. I have an appointment in a few hours to see my new therapist. I woke up this morning in a massive panic attack and actually had to turn on my metronome and count in order for it to calm down. This is my first time working with a therapist that actually cares enough to get to the root of the problem, not just placate me. I am scared as all get out. Gonna be my first time talking about what has happened to me in a very long time. Any idea's on what I can do to help keep myself calm in this situation. I will have my meds with me in case of a major breakdown, but am hoping not to use them as I want to stay focused on getting better and getting as much of the details as correct as possible. I am already working on my coping skills right now. Breathing, counting, relaxing my muscles, and such. Any other ideas would be much appreciated. Thank you.
  23. I have been stumbling along trying so hard to keep anyone from noticing how hard I struggle. I am scared of people around me knowing what is actually going on for me. I am getting really tired of being so alone, I know the next logical step is to see a professional. Until I work up the courage I would appreciate meeting other people that have come out of hiding.
  24. Hey guys I'm Sarah and New! I'm depressed. Crazy. Self-Harmer. Borderline. Trainee- Nurse If you want to chat or help me get started then you are AWESOME So fav coulour: Purple Into Rock! Talk to me!!!!!!! xxxx
  25. Hey, I'm new here. I'm Mouse, a 31 year old female diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Nice to meet y'all.
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