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Hello all. I have posted in a few different spots, mostly because I have no idea what is goin on with me :-/ 5 years ago I had an episode of derealization/depersonalization that lasted for 6 months strong, but then another few months after that before I felt better. I never got to 100% though. Prior to this episode, I was already on 100 mg zoloft and 20 mg geodon (was put on this because zoloft wasn't working. I actually felt horrible on just zoloft, sweaty and I think aggitated- geodon was amazing. I felt an immediate lift in spirit after my first dose) that I had been put on after giving birth to my son in 2004. I went through severe post pardum depression. 4 months into this episode, after several trial and error meds (including ADD meds) I ended up on remeron, 15 mg at night, 7.5 in the morning. This medication, although not a miracle, was a Godsend. It gave me back my sleep and my appetite which in turn began my healing. I was also put on ativan (the ativan story gets complicated. Hopefully I can find a concise way to write it below) This episode left me so fearful of everything that I became a very anxious person unlike the care free spirit I was prior to this. I believe I have pstd form this experience. Fast forward to dayday....This past October things started to go wonky. I stopped sleeping, almost literally. I noticed I was getting bizzare OCD thinking. I couldn't let stupid thoughts go. Like I'd think of somebody and couldn't remember their name and it would haunt me until I could figure it out. Through October and November I had a few dizzy spells that, looking back, were precursors to what was to come. the beginning of December I went to pick up my ativan- same manufacturer I had been using for 4+ years. (it took a long while to find a manufacturer that didn't spin me out and make me feel like I was on crack- I know this is weird, but my body almost always responds opposite to meds. Sleeping pills wire me etc etc) I ended up on 1 mg Ranbaxy brand lorazepam (ativan) 3 times a day. This particular lorazepam didnt really seem to do much for me. It didn't spin me out or really relax me. I think it was more of mental feeling of it helping me but I'm not sure. Anyways, when I went to pick it up, I found out the Ranbaxy brand was no longer available. Ugh. After researching I learned that ranbaxy had been charged with a felony for many reasons, including improper testing of meds and fudging numbers to the FDA. They ended up having to pay 500 million dollars in fines and civil suites. I tell you all this because I'm not sure if the lorazepam I was taking for 4 years was a much lower dose than I thought I was taking, or if it was even lorazepam at all. Ugh. Soooo....I started taking the lorazepam that the pharmacy carried by Qualitest. Immediately I didn't feel right. So then I tried Watson brand, then Mylan bramd then name brand Ativan. They all seemed to make me feel kind of wired and spun. My thoughts were very scattered. But I kept taking the pills afraid of withdrawal, but was exerimenting with slightly different doses trying to get it right. Then a few days before christmas, I lost it. I felt a "shrill"- almost an electric adrenaline feel- go over my body. My heart was pounding, I had to pace around, I was dizzy and the detached surreal feeling set it (I feel like I'm on LSD all the time -I experiment with psycodelic drugs when I was young) and my body and mind have been completely stuck in "fight or flight" ever since. I've been this way ever since. My symptom are long and horrible- vertigo, shaking, impending doom feeling in stomach, headaches, so sleep, can't eat, nervous all the time, emotionless, upset stomach, noises are pound to me, especially voices and my own voice, my head feels kind of "buzzy" all the time. I need uo checking myself into a psych hospital to see if I could straighten outy meds and get some sleep. I tried a few different things, but not too much as I was afraid of doing anything drastic. We tried to add an extra dose of 20 mg geodon in the morning, but I was too scared to take the 2nd dose that might, so I never was able to play with this. We upped my mirtazapine by 7.5 mg and it did nothing. Tried to add trazadone for sleep, but it didn't work. The more I took, the less I slept and my blood pressure skyrocketed. They took me off benzos completely, but the night terrors and middle of the night panic attacks got worse. So here I am. I am now taking a total of 1 - 1 1/2 mg name brand Ativan a day. Still on the same geodon, zoloft remeron. My pdoc tried 25 mg seroquel on me for sleep. I took it this past Thursday night. But the night I took it, I was up all night and the next day I felt completely dead. So I didn't take it again. But yesterday, 2 days after taking it, I had a relatively good day. But I'm not sure if the seroquel would have anything to do with it. I don't know what to do anymore. Yesterday I thought I was coming out of the woods little. Besides the vertigo I felt pretty good. But last night it was the same. Up most of night because of being awoken by horrible night terrors and full blown panic attacks attacks. It's scaring the hell out of me. I just need some relief. 5 years ago Remeron seemed to help quite a bit. But I'm still on it and having this horrible episode. I've read that Anfrinil has been used successfully in some derealization patients. Has anyone taken this with any success? becasue I'm already on Zoloft and remeron, I'm not sure they can add anafrinil (seritonin syndrome?) Is this an activating drug or can it be calming?? Would upping either my geodon or zoloft be a plausible idea? I so scared right now. Am I stuck like this forever? I don't think I can handle it forever:( I just need sething to help calm me down. The ativan doesn't really seem to help, it just helps me from adding withdrawal symptoms to my list. Am I bipolar and going through. Manic stage? Is is depersonalization disorder? Ativan withdrawl? (but the first time I don't think it was from ativan- but maybe it was. I had only been taking it for a few weeks on and off before the episode started) Extreme anxiety? I just don't know and the doctor doesn't know either. I'm so afraid. I'm afraid I will never go back to my old self and that I a stuck like this forever. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated
Hello all. I wrote in the anxiety section earlier. Just realized I should have posted my story here first. I've been dealing with various levels of anxiety and depression since I was a child. I have had trichotillomania (hair pulling) since I was 9. I am now 38. I suffered an pretty severe 3 + year bout of depression after giving birth to my son 10 years ago. But nothing has compared to what in going through now. I'm in a living hell and need some relief. In mid October I stopped sleeping. Total insomniac. Then I went to pick up the only lorazepam brand that I have been able to tolerate the beginning of December (ranbaxy) and found out it is no longer available. Ugh. I tried 4 otter brands including name brand Ativan and they all seemed to spin me out and make me hyper and scattered. On December 18th things went south. I suddenly felt very detached. My mind became racy and I started panicking. I was thrown into a state of depersonalization/derealizarion (feeling detached from reality, but being aware of it) and have gotten progressively worse since. I've been detached, my personality is gone, stomach issues, my body and mind are stuck in a "fight or flight" state- feeling horrible anxiety 24/7, can't concentrate on anything (conversations, tv, reading) I can't eat, I can't sleep, and when I do fall asleep for a moment, I'm awaken by night terrors. I pop up sweating, heart beating out of my chest and the "pit of doom" feeling in my stomach (I have this all day all night) it's horrible. And I have vertigo which seems to blend in with the depersonalization. After Christmas I checked myself into a psych hospital, but nobody there knew what to do or say about the derealization/ depersonalization and vertigo. I am currently on, and had already been on, 75 mg zoloft, 22.5 mg remeron, 25 mg geodon ( I have the 5 mg compounded) and a VERY small dose (100 mg) of liquid lithium citrate- VERY sensitive to medications. I have noticed that when I take all these meds at night, around 5, about 2 hours later I get a little relief (not a lot, but some) Things calm down a bit, but at midnight, like clockwork, all symtoms return and I'm up all night with intermittent night terrors and severe anxiety. My legs, arms and jaw are tense and hurt. My stomach is in knots. While in the hospital we thought to try the meds during the day too, but sadly this didn't work. Also tried to add trazadone for sleep, but my blood pressure skyrocketed and it didn't seem to help with my stubborn insomnia. We also tried to add 25 mg mg of seroquel. 12.5 mg at 5 pm the next 12.5 at 8 pm. Didn't help. May have made my symtoms worse. I saw my pdoc yesterday and he told me to try seroquel again. so I just took 25 mg and hour and a half ago, but nothing. Anxiety through the roof and I'm not sleepy I had an episode similar to this, but not nearly as severe, 5 years ago. At the time I was only on zoloft and geodon. After 4 months into the state and many trial and error meds, I was put on remeron. Although symtoms were by no means gone, I got my sleep back and my appetite. This was the beginning of a slow recovery. But now I'm back and worse than ever. I need to sleep so bad, but can't. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just can't take this feeling anymore. Another thing is that I almost always react adversely to meds which makes things hard. All sleep meds wire me. Benzos even wire me. Ugh. I just want this to stop. Is there hope for me? Will this ever go away? It feels like im going to be stuck like this forever:( I'm so scared. I'm sitting here now, after the seroquel feeling complete anxiety and not tired. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't function. My husband has had to take off work to be with me and take care of our son. I'm worried this is going to keep going and he's going to get burnt out and leave me. And I can tell my son is weirded out by me:( I just want to find something that helps like the remeron did 5 years ago. I need a break. I've read Anafrinil is a good possibly for derealization/depersonalization, but I don't think I can take it because I'm already on 2 seretonin drugs, zoloft and remeron and there's the seritonin syndrome issue. I believe this is what happened to me in the hospital when we added trazadone. Any advice, help or encouragement is greatly appreciated. Am I going to be this way forever?
I have gone off Effexor about 3 weeks ago, and also am waiting for a sleep study results. I had a depressive last weekend, not so bad week and by Friday I was dancing and exercising and trying hard to be positive about my life (still waking up a lot at night) Sunday my BF and I decided to go stay at his sisters cabin. I had a GREAT time! I'll admit I drank a lot also smoked a small bit of weed. I slept awful at the cabin and woke up feeling tired but not hung-over. We drove home and I rested and ended up passing out for maybe an hour. After a lazy day I finally turned off the TV and passed out (no sleep meds) about 10pm. The next thing I know, my BF is above me in bed holding me saying "Its okay! It's okay! Wake up!" And my heart was racing, my breathing super fast, I was shaking and grabbing him. It felt like the worst panic attack in my life!!!! It took me about an hour to really snap out of it. I had a nightmare that I was possessed by a demon and it paralyzed my body so I was struggling to kill myself and began moaning. That's when my BF heard me and came in to check on me. I kind of feel like someone at the cabin (and I have a feeling who) has put some curse on me or given me some bad energy. Sounds crazy I know. Anyway, I took my last clonazepam (Dr wont give me anymore) and tried to fall back asleep with no luck! I was literally changing positions every hour). I'm still a little shaky today. And EXHAUSTED!!!!! So here's some questions.. Why would a night terror this bad (where I feel paralyzed) come out of the blue when I haven't had them in over 13 years? Should I tell my counselor about it? And should I mention the alcohol & weed? Can I get arrested for telling her about the weed? Are there any medical conditions that you know of that may cause this? I'm so foggy-brained, what are some questions or things I should be asking? Or am not thinking of? Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for your replies I wanted to add that I am terrified to go to sleep tonight and have felt panicked all day