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hi ya, lately i have these issues that i feel like i'm going crazy. like earlier today i parked my car in a parking lot and when i went back to get it i didn't remember where i've put it and i had this panic attack that i felt i was losing my mind. i got all sweaty , i couldn't breath and teared up because i just didn't remember if i even got there by car or not (i sometimes take my bike to the city or go by foot). also i've been experiencing a lot of anger lately, i'm angry at everyone for no reason and when people come around with stupid stories or excuses (like at work) i feel it boiling up like hot water. i've been having panic attacks since august this year, not much have changed in my life to be precisely all stayed the same. i feel like i have this anxiety or panic disorder that i carry with me everywhere it is so upsetting. i'm not much of a talker about my feelings and my closest relatives don't even know that i experience this (i don't think i need to tell anyone my feelings as why would they matter to another individual?) so never ever have opened up to anyone about anything. is there someone out there experiencing the same stuff?

A friend just showed me this site. You guys, I really didn't know. Like, I knew, but.. no. Everyone feels negative and depressed and anxious, and I am just being dramatic, and emotional, but emotionally absent when it counts. My thought process is sporadic. I have been in therapy for 8 years. Never once did I consider that NOBODY else thought the standard "Do you have access to weapons?" questions were hilarious. I answered "no" because I assumed they meant guns, or something. Um, hi, if I wanted a weapon, this pen will do, butterknife, literally any room. I would find something if it came down to it. I never mentioned it because I thought it was the rare piece of common sense I actually had. I knew I had depression, I knew I had built an entirely false persona, but it never clicked that that wasn't just what people do. I went to the hospital for PTSD, and Major Depressive Disorder. And BPD seemed like a weird sidenote when I read it on my paperwork. But I didn't know what it meant, the definitions are fine, but this forum really helped me feel like, idk, I'm not alone.