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How do you distinguish between the Obsessive thoughts/ruminations that are due to depression and the "pure obsessive" type thoughts that are considered OCD? I know that you don't have to be compulsive to have an OCD diagnosis (I think) but more & more I see my obsessive, negative ruminations taking over and I wonder if this means I have both OCD and Depression? My brain just gets stuck on a track loop....any sad trigger and I start having related obsessive thought patterns and I cannot escape the resulting mood/emotion that comes with it.

Hi everyone. I’ve been bouncing from one trial of medication to another for the past 4 1/2 years with adverse reactions. Nothing has helped. I just saw a new psychiatrist on Monday. An older gentleman who actually seemed to listen. He was also a longtime professor our local university. My symptoms are treatment resistant insomnia, chronic, severe anxiety, chronic derealization, ocd (pure o) racing, intrusive thoughts (often presenting as songs looping in my head, but a switch can also go off in my head where I obsessively think about something to the point of it driving me crazy) brain fog, depression. My body and brown simply will not turn off. I’m stuck in constant fight/flight. I believe the lack of sleep is the catalyst for most of this (all of this started after sudden onset of insomnia) Maybe it wouldn’t go away with sleep, but I know it would get better. My main goal is sleep, but seems unattainable after 4 1/2 years. I have tried every medication under the sun (well, mostly) The doctor decided to prescribe provigil (modafinil) which seems counterintuitive to me. He was clear that it could go either way. Possible that it could calm me down, possible that it could let me up and make my symptoms worse. Luckily for me, since I am highly sensitive to medication, he is quite conservative and said to only start with roughly 1/16 of a pill to see how I do. Wondering what your thoughts are on this given my symptoms? Seems counterintuitive...but maybe it will help. So confused.

Same as the threads on the other sections, thought one would be good here

Just to preface, I don't take Ritalin for ADHD...it's more for Depression, motivation, procrastination, mental stamina purposes. Has anyone found that you get TOO focused on it? Maybe because I don't actually have ADHD, but I start working on 1 thing and become OBSESSIVELY focused on it (like it brings out the uber perfectionist in me). I forget to eat, I don't take breaks from my desk, and then my brain just shuts off from exhaustion. At the end, I've accomplished only 1-2 tasks. I have great difficulty switching tasks or getting all "priority" things done, because I get so stuck on working for HOURS on the same little thing! Basically, my processing speed is much slower, I can't adjust to "fast paced" situations, because I mull on things, make revisions over & over & over etc. On the other hand, if i go without taking it, I lay around, procrastinate, lack all motivation, and I'm unable to start anything at all. Not sure how to solve this? Do other stimulants work in the same way?

During my recent internet meanderings, reading about neurotransmitters & such, I came across the interesting symptom called "Memory Torture." Is anyone here familiar with this? No, it's not like PTSD due to actual torture or abuse... It is quite similar to OCD (the obsessional part). The theory is that inadequate Serotonin leads the person to constantly dwell on every little (or big) moment in life in which emotional pain was experienced. I do this very often, for hours at a time. Memories of something bad that happened to me, and exact words that were exchanged, from the time I was in grade school up to the present, run through my mind. I relive the humiliation, frustration, embarrassment, fear, pain, anger, guilt, and feelings of helplessness. My brain intensifies the feelings and relives them in great detail. Note, this is not the same as "PTSD" as the difference is, many of these "bad moments" can often be accumulative layered memories of very neutral / benign things that wouldn't cause most people to even remember at all (example: small critical remark a friend made decades ago, reliving disappointment over past employment because you hear something on the news that talks about a city where your former supervisor worked.) Does anyone relate?

Hi everyone. I’ve been dealing with unbearable symptoms for over 4 years. Insomnia, racing thoughts (OCD), derealization, irritability, brain fog and depression. I have tried so many medications, but none help. My insomnia and anxiety are through the roof and I have 24/7 derealization. Years ago, 2007, when I was struggling with depression, my psych talked about starting an MAOI, but we instead we added geodon to Zoloft and it worked (for awhile) Long story short, I developed sudden onset ruminating thoughts (in form of OCD), insomnia and Anxiety in 2009. After many trials of meds (I’m adverse and paradoxical to most) I finally was put on remeron which got me sleeping again and in turn helped my other symptoms. From 2010-October 2014 I did relatively well, that is until remeron stopped working and all my symptoms came back. Since I have been inpatient several times trying every sleeping med , bipolar med, SSRI etc with no relief. Mom wondering if an MAOI could help me? Can MAOI’s treat anxiety? Racy brain? I’ve read they can make insomnia worse, which I don’t need. Symptoms: severe insomnia, lucid dreams/nightmares, 24/7 derealization, severe anxiety and panic, major depression, brain fog, dizziness, migraines. I believe, like in 2009-2010, many of my symptoms are from sleep deprivation. I am very desperate to get control over my anxiety and sleep. I’m at the end of my rope. Could an MAOI help me as a last ditch effort to get some kind of quality of life back? Current meds: weaning off Zoloft, weaning off remeron, geodon 20 mg X2, Ativan 5 mg per day (please don’t jump down my throat about this, it will give me a panic attack. I know it’s a high dose and I need to taper this too), prazosin 2 mg. TIA

Hi all. I saw my (worthless psychiatrist today- I’m seeing a new one in March) I suffer from severe anxiety and panic, OCD (ruminating thoughts, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts), derealization, severe insomnia, agitation and depression. I have tried many many medications. Nothing has helped. I specifically went to talk about trying Nardil today. She’s willing to let me try this, but will have to go off Zoloft and remeron for 2 weeks which scares me. Then if Nardil doesn’t help/work, I’d have to wait another 2 weeks to get back on something else. She offhandedly asked if I had ever tried rixulti and I told her no. So she pulled out a sample pack for me. I’ve been reading reviews of drugs.com, and it seems that it helps many people with depression, but makes OCD, anxiety, agitation and insomnia worse. Doesn’t sound like a good medication for me. Was hoping for some thoughts on this. TIA

Just an update based on my posts earlier during this year. I ultimately wound up remaining on the oral antipsychotic (Latuda 20mg) which I started taking after completing my 2nd probation term in this decade in January 2018 stemming from a January 2015 motor vehicle offense which ultimately slammed me with a 3rd degree felony (after already acquiring a misdemeanor for resisting arrest on foot in June 2012) related to having schizoaffective disorder and experiencing manic episodes and hallucinations. I was previously diagnosed with Bipolar 1 With Psychotic Features after the 1st incident I was involved in back in June 2012. My main issue the entire time I was serving both probation terms was that I was always court ordered by a judge to continue taking the antipsychotics by injection and to continue my psychological treatment. My primary concerns with the antipsychotic medication was always having intolerable akathisia (inability to sit still), tremendous amounts of weight gain (My height is 5'8 with a small to medium frame and my weight maxed out in January 2018 at almost 310lb after being around 155lb until after June 2012, severe gynecomastia (recently won Risperdal / Invega class-action lawsuit), anxiety, depression, and disorganized speech (currently seeing a speech pathologist to suppress language disorder). Following the completion of my 2nd probation term, I was initially placed on Latuda 40mg taken with food at night and then tested out Fanapt 6mg. I was still experiencing most of the side-effects and was still outright desperate to eliminate all of the symptoms I just mentioned. By the beginning of March 2018, I did ultimately try consulting with my psychiatrist about switching to a mood-stabilizer as monotherapy acting in place of an antipsychotic and accepted the risk that if I actually suffer from schizoaffective disorder and it wasn't Bipolar 1 With Psychotic Features that I would probably relapse and hallucinate again and I was even in agreement to keep a bottle of antipsychotics as a PRN and to just eat them like crazy if anything happened. I discussed everything with him (I never considered him to be a control freak) and he said that he would eventually be willing to try my suggestion but asked me if I had any other idea in mind that involved remaining on an antipsychotic for slightly longer. I suggested to him that I'd be willing to try taking the Latuda at 20mg instead of 40mg before switching to a completely different class of drugs. In retrospect, I'm not even completely certain if any of the oral antipsychotics including the higher dosage of Latuda or Fanapt were even that badly tolerated.. Now, I'm not condemning an entire class of drugs because I now support some of the low-dose oral antipsychotics for myself but I ultimately think that my former overall disgust and intolerance for the antipsychotics was because I was only ever taking them when I was either locked up in county jail and the overall quality of the drugs was really bad and primarily because the only time I was ever actually taking them was when I was taking court-ordered injections. That basically explains why my experience with the mental health system always sucked up to that point. I'm not trying to speak to highly of myself here but my psychiatrist has always said that he considers me to be one of his higher functioning patients, therefore the reason why he thinks I was always so vocal about all the underlying side effects from the injections and was more sensitive to them than the majority of his patients, even at 260, 280 or 310 pounds, my weight was never really a factor for me in terms of reacting to the meds with less sensitivity. It simply didn't matter what injection he would put me on. I was on so many of them including Invega, Aristada, and Invega and they always caused more damage than they did anything positive for me. I always felt like the compromises I had to make to not hallucinate and remain out of legal trouble were simply too much to take. The slow-release form of the injections was always too intense for me but I was honestly being completely forthright when I admitted that I didn't want another episode involving the boys in blue to occur ever again. At the time of my last post, my dosage was already reduced to 20mg and I was still complaining on a regular basis about everything I was still feeling but it wasn't until the end of March when the restless / walking on hot sand feeling finally began to subside. My overall appetite decreased enough to where I lost over 50 pounds by the beginning of the summer (since then the weight loss has stopped at around 260lb unfortunately but I have remained generally stable in terms of my weight). I won a class-action lawsuit against Risperdal / Invega in February and my weight became low enough where my plastic surgeon agreed to perform male-breast reduction surgery on me after denying me previously because I became so overweight / obese after I was released from county jail and the results were very successful without needing revision surgery thus far. My speech disorder did improve a little but unfortunately wasn't completely going away by the end of the summer. I still felt like I had something like aphasia where I couldn't think of common words or name common objects and the words wouldn't return to my mind until 10 or 20 minutes after the conversation took place. The speech pathologist I eventually saw for this referred me to the audiology department at my local hospital for Central Auditory Processing Testing and it was revealed that I do in fact have a language decoding disorder (my intuition was right all along) which is certainly aggravated by having schizoaffective disorder and maybe even still by the medication. I only become somewhat anxiety-ridden and become depressed right after I take the medication with some food, therefore I normally take it right before I go to sleep. By the time I wake up, I am no longer experiencing the anxiety and paranoia but I never become psychotic. Still, the most important thing is that I'm no longer experiencing any of that indescribable akathisia and thank god the weight gain reversed before I hit 350 and I no longer have to walk around with female-like breasts anymore. This is easily the most balanced I've felt since I developed the mental illness in the beginning of this decade. I'm not a morbidly obese zombie with female-like breasts pacing all day and night with akathisia but I'm also not hallucinating and running away from the local police department during a welfare check or speeding from the state troopers on major highways either. The delusions are still there at certain times except mild enough where I just laugh them off most of the time and don't believe the majority my own deception.

I used this site over a decade ago during my first bad episode of OCD and found it really helpful at the time. My OCD was pretty under control for five years and then I had a baby this past June. Postpartum OCD was on my radar due to my history and also because I had four major life stresses/traumas in the two years leading up to the birth of my baby. The first two months with my baby were pretty good - some mild intrusive thoughts but I was able to cope with them. I was so happy, thinking I'd escaped PPD or PPOCD! Then a majorly overwhelming occurrence happened. And suddenly I was catastrophizing about it and things spiraled from there. Over the past few weeks, I started having intrusive thoughts and images about doing bad things. Like many OCD'rs my first course of action was to use logic and I thought 'I've never done anything like that so why would I now?' Of course, that didn't work. I started questioning whether I had done something like that in the past but just didn't remember. Things then got worse. I had an image of me doing something and thought 'was that a memory?' Then I started wondering 'did I question if that was a memory or did I just know it was a memory?' I tried doing some exposure and saying "Okay I did that" and "I know I did that" to myself (not cuz I thought I did it but because I knew I shouldn't fight it). It kinda helped. Then yesterday I had a disturbing image (I'm not even entirely sure what the image was, I just know it upset me) and I immediately thought 'I do remember that' and then started getting really anxious and wondering 'why did I think that? Is that really a memory or is it OCD?' Now I'm wondering if that was a memory and I'm in denial and using OCD as an excuse. At my core, I think this is my OCD but I'm not sure. I'm so scared. Why would I even think 'I do remember that,' if it wasn't actually a memory? But I also know it seems like an OCD thought, especially since I started obsessing a few days ago about whether I had thought "I know I did that" so it makes sense my OCD would then change from "what if" to "that happened." But maybe I'm wrong. My OCD has been really bad in the past. I once was scared of becoming psychotic and told myself I wasn't hallucinating so I couldn't be psychotic. Then I started feeling what felt like raindrops on me when I was inside and was concerned that meant I was experiencing psychosis. (I wasn't!). This was eleven years ago and I only give it as an example of how bad things can get. I'm scared to even write this. I'm so scared someone will think I actually did something bad. Then I'm scared I did do something bad because why else would I have thought 'I remember that.' But I also really don't think it was actually a memory. I don't really believe I did this thing I'm scared of having done. I don't think I have the stomach to actually do it and I don't know why I would do it. I have so many conflicting thoughts, it just doesn't make sense. Does this seem in the realm of OCD? Does anyone else's OCD take on this form? I'm so terrified and I feel so alone right now. I want to be a good mom to my baby but I'm so anxious. I just want to be the happy mom I was for two months and enjoy my baby again. Right now, I just feel "crazy."

So, I don't know if I've talked about this on the boards before, but I have something known as OSDD-1b. That's a diagnosis that is similar to Dissociative Identity Disorder, except that I don't have amnesia when I switch between different alters, or parts as I call them. Anyways, this is not about my OSDD-1b diagnosis, but rather about a part that I have who happens to have the worst case of OCD that I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. The part that I'm going to be talking about is a part that feels a very strong connection to Christianity. Basically, with her, I discovered something that's very depressing. I am a woman of color. That's something that I've learned to become proud of over the years, but when I was a kid, I remember thinking that I was ugly because I wasn't lighter skinned and didn't look "white". It took a lot of years to undo that kind of thinking, but now that I got to know my Christian part a little bit more, it looks like she took the message that I was ugly and ran with it. According to her, I am ugly because I am not white and don't have blonde hair or even maybe orange hair, and that is absolutely heartbreaking. And what's worse is I'm actually looking at myself in the mirror and wondering if maybe she's right? Again, it took so long for me to overcome this kind of thinking, but maybe she's an indicator that I never fully got over thinking that way? If I listen to her for too long, I realize that I start to internalize those toxic messages again. So that's not good. Another thing that I've realized is that the Christian part that I have is incredibly obsessed with being "good enough" to get into Heaven. And, according to her, she will never be good enough to get into Heaven, no matter how hard she tries. So the fact that she keeps trying to convert everyone of my personality parts is kind of pointless since it won't bring her any peace. Logically, she kind of gets that, but she keeps trying anyways. And the thing is, when we indulge her or even entertain the idea that we might become Christian, she then gets incredibly scrupulous when it comes to her worship. That is to say, she has to follow everything to the T with no exceptions. Otherwise, that means she's a bad person, soiled, dirty, or defective in some way. And people who are spiritually defective don't belong in Heaven, at least according to her disordered way of thinking. I think she is plagued by these thoughts to a point where it's unhealthy and she needs help. But how would I even begin to help her? Talking sense into her does nothing except make her defensive, if she listens at all and doesn't simply tune out my voice. I feel bad for her, but I also feel pretty bad for myself too. You don't know how much her thinking messes with me. It's incredibly toxic and destructive. And I just hope this doesn't set me back miles in my recovery process. And before I end this post, I want to say that I don't think Christianity is a bad religion or only for white people or anything like that. In fact, I think Christianity is a beautiful religion and one that I might have considered joining if it worked for me and if it weren't for the massive level of OCD that this part of me happens to have surrounding this particular religion.

Ive had to come off SSRI's/SNRIs due to very bad paraesthesia. I toughed it out for years but cant hack it anymore. Im on pregabalin 450mg, diazepem 10mg and recently started Reboxetine which whilst helping me feel like getting out of bed isnt touching the intrusive thoughts or the irritability and anger. The pregab and Diazepam combined with CBT and some Stoicism keep the anger and irritability at just about bearable. Anyone got any ideas for off label stuff i could suggest to the Psych? Is it possible that 25 years of SSRIs have made it so that any drug that touches serotonin is going to give me paraesthesia?

Hi, I'm a 43 yo guy who's been severely depressed since I was 19 and I'm amazed I'm still alive. Antidepressants (and there's very few I haven't tried, including the popular combos) either do nothing, make me more depressed or help partially for a few weeks and then poop-out. I've never had mania/hypomania (other than a period on Abilify). After my stay at an inpatient psych ward in February, a young PDoc added Lithium to my Nardil (which, incidentally has been my most successful med to date but now does nothing) on the hunch that I might be BP2-ish. Whilst I can't say I went "WOO I'M FIXED", the Lithium certainly had a positive effect for a couple of months. Which has since just waned and stopped. So now I'm desperately depressed again. I'm seeing my PDoc soon to discuss alternative BP2 treatments. Top of my list of suggestions (since he is malleable in his dispensing) is Lamictal. But should it be? I read a lot of positive feedback on it's effect on depression but the data says it's poor. Should I perhaps be aiming towards an alternative? There are so many it's quite bewildering and I'm relatively new to the BP2 scenario. Any tips are most appreciated. Pete

I am on day 2 of freaking out about my nails. Backstory: Ever since I can remember, I have obsessed over my fingernails. I traded one obsession for another. Awful nail biting turned into polishing and then picking it off every other day. Then I began clipping the skin around my nails obsessively. I've done this for ~ 15 years. I also had nail enhancements (acrylics, gel manicures, press-ons, etc.) constantly. I have over 120 bottles of nail polish and a tub of enhancement tools to do acrylics and such. My husband finally demanded I get help. I constantly bite the skin around the nails, pick at it, or am touching/tapping/clicking my fingernails constantly. It is a nervous tick I never realized had gotten out of control. My husband took my cuticle nipper tool away and told me to bring this up to my psychiatrist. Since he made me aware of this, I have started realizing how often I mess with my nails. It is nearly constantly and habitual. (I counted my fingers in my mouth about 4 times in an hour, and that is just what I became aware of.) Currently, my nails are all-natural. It is killing me. I normally have some sort of polish or other enhancement. My cuticle nipper is hidden. It is killing me. The only thing I AM allowed right now is cuticle oil to keep my very toughened skin moisturized. After years of clipping, it is pretty much calloused. I hate obsessing like this, but I figured this would be the place to vent this panic/obsession. Any suggestions for me?

Hello! This is my first post here and I'm really hoping to get some responses... I'm new to the forum but it seems pretty active and you guys seem very helpful. I have OCD and for the past two months, I've been experiencing very distressing, violent intrusive thoughts, probably resulting from a medication withdrawal. I'd been on Lexapro for 5 years and was just going into my third month off the meds when the thoughts hit me full-force one night in late November. I'm back on the Lexapro and my doctor also prescribed Risperidone, but it hasn't been helping as much as I'd like. I've read up on Seroquel and saw that a few people here have been helped by the medication. I was just wondering if anyone has been prescribed Seroquel specifically for intrusive thoughts, (and even if it was prescribed primarily for something else), did it help lessen or eliminate the intrusive thoughts? And if so, on what dose? Thanks so much in advance, I'm looking forward to getting some help from you guys and trying to stay optimistic

I have an extreme fear of water. Not lakes or oceans but DRIPPING WATER. Turn off the shower and I panic. I refuse to take baths because I cannot stand to watch the faucet drip. I hate the rain because I hear dripping. I am the same way about anything that CLICKS or TICKS. Hot water tanks, scare the crud out of me because they ‘tick’. My children aren’t allowed to use hot water after 8. My future husband and I just bought our first home together. It has an energy efficient heating system which creates condensation vs. the old heating systems that did not. Well the drain for the condensation line DRIPS into the drain for the wash machine. I heard this and went into complete panic...running out of the house screaming and pure panic. I try to not let my kids witness me acting like this because it’s ridiculous. That is the thing, I KNOW and REALIZE how ridiculous my fears are. Yet I cannot control it. If I hear a drip, tick or click noise I go Into a pure panic. It’s embarrassing. It’s ridiculous, and I’m tired of constantly wearing earplugs and living in extreme fear of noises. I start shaking, my heart races, I get soooo hot, I can’t stop it! I feel nauseous my stomach goes into horrible knots.... I have talked to therapists in the past-they are so quick to offer any medication. I don’t want medication, I want to know WHY I do this? I can’t think of anything from my childhood that would cause this and I have been this way as long as I can remember (I’m now almost 40). Does it sound like anxiety? Panic? Ocd?

I'm currently on the lowest dose of Risperdal for severe OCD. Not long after I started taking it, I nearly fainted in class and had to go home for the day. The dizziness came on very quickly, and my vision started to turn black (to put it simply. The effect is hard to describe) I could hardly hear what people were saying, and the event lasted for a very short amount of time. I felt nauseous, and my stomach was in a lot of pain. Is this a common side effect of Risperdal (assuming it was caused by this particular drug)? If so, has anybody else had a similar experience with this medication?

Hi, I'm Hannah. I've had generalized anxiety and OCD all my life and developed major depressive disorder around 11 years old, but I was not properly diagnosed until I was 13. They've put me on lots of meds since then, most of which either didn't work or had shitty side effects. Around the time I was 14-15, I even had some psychotic features during my worst depressive episodes, and some of my medications were only making things worse. Now, at 16, things are at an all time low, and I came here to talk to some people who are in similar situations. My current medications are Pristiq (Desvenlafaxine) and Risperdal, with a Deplin supplement. Long story short, school sucks ass and it's making things worse. That's pretty much all from me. Hello, CB!

Hi guys, I have just joined the forum and I was needing some advice. I suffer from severe OCD and intrusive thoughts. After having a major episode this year over the birth of my nephew, (should have been an exciting time, not OCD fuelled) I was having intrusive thoughts about my newborn nephew. I suffered major POCD and in the midst of this I was having thoughts about my ex boyfriends child. This guy has been a major source of pain in my life. Anyway, cut a long story short, I still have images of his daughter every time I have an episode. Question? Can OCD thoughts be obsessions about anything? Like why the fuck would I have thoughts about the child? It is really disturbing and upsetting. Currently on 300mg of Luvox, does jack shit for me as I have been on these meds since I was 24, I am now 42. Can anyone please shed some light? In addition to these thoughts, images of the child are also strange unnatural, sexual acts regarding her. It started off with my nephew and when I had a thought about her, thats when my world turned upside down. Now, it doesnt seem to go away during times of stress.

I have no idea if I'm doing this right so bear with me: I have GAD and OCD (such a lovely combo) and I just got prescribed Brintellix to help me get out of the recent anxiety/panic hole I've dug myself into. I've been on every SSRI under the sun (I was diagnosed with this shit storm of anxiety, panic attacks and OCD when I was 11 and am now currently 31) and have had great success through the years with Luvox. Then I made the "mistake" or thinking I could live without it and stopped taking it (with my psychiatrist monitoring me) and now I can't even go to the mailbox without panicking. Also, Luvox now hates me and doesn't help. I've done the whole CBT thing and found it very helpful but I'm still very isolated to my apartment so meds are needed now. I stupidly read everything I could about Brintellix and the thing that popped up most was nausea and vomiting. I have a SEVERE vomiting phobia so now I'm afraid to keep taking Brintellix. I've taken 5mg for 4 days now and not felt any nausea (besides the usual anxiety nausea) and I actually haven't even thrown up since I was 12 (drunken throwing up doesn't count) so I kind of have a stomach of steel. My question is: would I have already experienced vomiting if it was going to happen? Or am I at risk of just all of a sudden developing that side effect? My doc says I'm going to veeerry slowly up the amount to avoid as many side effects as possible. Like I'll up the dosage by 2.5mg every 2 weeks. I also take it at night with an anti nausea med. Also, has it helped anyone's anxiety? I'd love to hear something positive. Thanks for the help!

one of my obsessions is over the labels I use to define myself. my sexuality (which, I know, is it's own sub-type within the framework of OCD), my subcultures, my hobbies. I feel like I can't call myself a nerd, or a writer. as if I somehow am not qualified. or I'm using the word wrong. or it just doesn't apply to me the way it applies to other people. labels eat at me, I can't stop thinking about them, but they all feel wrong. nothing fits, nothing's right. but I need to know what is right. I need to sort myself into boxes so I make sense. so I'm not chaos made flesh. I feel like if I can't define myself, with certainty, that I'm not a person. does anyone else have this?

Hi, this is my first post on in the OCD group. I was diagnosed with OCD about 7 years ago but have been untreated for about 5 of those. I was feeling better and didn't feel like I needed help anymore. Lately, I've been obsessed with the idea that I don't have OCD, but have something else like schizophrenia or some kind of psychotic disorder. It has been pointed out to me that some of my symptoms do actually seem like Pure O OCD and I was just perceiving them as something else because I've had no compulsions outwardly. I always knew about pure O, but for some reason my mind obsessed about the fact that it could be something else which I realize is kind of part of the disorder . Basically, now I feel really stupid and think people are judging me for having these thoughts. It's like this never-ending cycle or questioning myself and self-hatred that I can't stop thinking about because I have OCD! I've been taking Zoloft 75 mg and Risperidone .75 mg per day for these problems. My doctor is going to increase the Zoloft but wanted to wait because I also have ADD and we're starting Adderall so she didn't want to add that and increase the medication at the same time. I have a few questions for other people that have been through this: 1. Does anyone have experience with Zoloft working to control their obsessions? I feel like they aren't going away and I know it takes time and I can increase dosages, but I'm just wondering if anyone has had success with it when finding the correct dose? 2. Has anyone else been prescribed a low dose antipsychotic for their OCD? I have paranoia because of my OCD and we were trying to stop those thoughts. I felt like it was working, but then realized I just became obsessed with other things. So what if I'm taking this medication and don't really need it? Anyone have success with antipsychotics? 3. Can anyone tell me Clomipramine works better for OCD than Zoloft? I just saw that it is almost exclusively used to treat OCD and didn't know if it was something I should ask my doctor about. Thanks for listening. I'm just feeling rather hopeless today. I don't want to get out of bed because something embarrassing happened last night and I obviously can't stop thinking about it. Another question: does anyone else have great difficulty being embarrassed? I feel like all I do is dwell on it for way too long. I am trying to stop. I just have no idea how. I feel like such a loser right now.

Hey guys! First post on this website. TLDR- I have an obsessive fear that the world isn't real. It's hard to know if I believe in this idea (solipsism) or not, because if I did fully embrace it I don't believe that I would be afraid of it/ feel intuitively like something is wrong. Backstory: Tripped on LSD two months ago, have never had any history of mental illness, got horribly depressed after the trip and started encountering this thought. I am obsessed with this thought, and think about it almost every second of the day. It's incredibly distressing, but I've started to develop habits to cope: spending time with family, seeing friends, running every day, exercising whenever I can, playing music. The power of the thought is definitely lessening-- I'm not as scared of it as I once was but I am exhausted by it: why do I obsess? It's so freaking annoying etc. Counterthoughts that have helped me: There's zero proof of this thought to hold any weight. I've lived 24 years of NEVER believing or feeling this way, this is obviously not how I'm "supposed" to feel. If this reality was fake, does it really matter? If I'm still able to love the people around me and feel emotion towards them, then this is as REAL as I need it to be. Prior to this "thought" I was almost always happy, which is something that in retrospect I have realized I took for granted 100%. This my first venture into depression and mental health issues and it is truly terrifying. Would love some guidance or assistance with this/ if anyone has any similar thoughts/ feelings and how they were able to overcome. Need to beat this.

Hi guys, it has been awhile.... Well, my OCD germaphobe habits are starting to tick badly again. I think it is the result of my actually going over to another person's place. OMG, right? I've been a couple of times and try to be polite, but I can't wait to leave and clean myself like crazy!!! This was before they got a pet. And this is the kicker...the last time I was over their pet made a mess on the floor, and they picked up the mess BUT DID NOT CLEAN THE FLOOR. For a moment I was literally paralyzed because I had to cross over that area to get to another spot. I pretended to shake it off, but for the rest of the visit I kept thinking about all the germs that could be on that carpet from now and before. It was horrible. I wanted to trash all my clothes. Now I am reluctant to visit again, but I can't really ignore this person. So this is the problem. I told them at a previous visit (before the whole mess thing) that I was "a bit of a germaphobe." They were a little incredulous, but now I need to seriously tell them that this is a problem for me, but I'm not sure how. I have offered time and again to give them a pet carpet cleaner, but they decline. And I really don't want to go over there again because in my mind everything is contaminated. It wasn't so bad before the pet (well it was bad) but now.... Any ideas? I'd be glad to hear them. Until then I'll be alienating "dirty" clothes, showering, washing my hands, lysol spraying the doorknobs, and glaring at people who sneeze in public. Poem

Hi all, I've done a little lurking and thought I would finally post something in hopes of being able to relate to others, get advice and perhaps even help others. Let me introduce myself. I'm Sara, I am a 29 year old mother to one beautiful, 5 year old little girl. She's my only. And my everything. Not long after giving birth to my daughter, I developed postpartum depression and OCD. The OCD took the form of intrusive thoughts. Thoughts of harming my baby. Of course, this sent me on the worst anxiety roller coaster I had ever experienced. I didn't understand what was happening to me or why. I knew I didn't want the thoughts or to harm my tiny baby but I couldn't turn off the thoughts. I started googling and that was both a blessing and curse. I found stories of other women suffering from Postpartum OCD and quickly realized that I had just that. But I also came across awful stories of psychosis that only sent my anxiety to the highest peak imaginable. I eventually convinced myself that I would become psychotic and harm my child. I never had the desire to act on my thoughts (thankfully) but would have to assure myself that if I ever felt that I was going to act on the thoughts, I would take my own life before I harmed my child in any way. Now I was paralyzed with fear and unable to function so I sought out help. After a few trials of multiple drugs and psych's, I ended up on Luvox which literally saved my life. I stayed on for 3 years and functioned really well. Took a break for a year and then last year, had a particularly rough and stressful time in my life and I wasn't coping so well so I decided to go back on. About 6 months being back on Luvox, I became less motivated, anxiety started creeping back in and then the intrusive thoughts resurfaced briefly. The thoughts arent there so much now and I think they only lasted briefly because I recalled how to manage them from prior CBT therapy. However, the anxiety, the feeling of "Something is really wrong with me" wouldn't leave. So back to the psych I went. She ordered genetic testing which revealed I have the COMT met/met gene mutation- meaning I have excess dopamine in my brain. Luvox is not effective or has adverse reactions to those with this type of mutation and advised that I taper off because it was now ineffective. Which I don't understand completely because it worked well for so long before and now- nothing. So the tapering is going...I wouldn't say well... but it's going. Im down to 25mg. And let me tell you, this is HARD to get off of. Looking back at my life, I realize that there were always OCD tendencies ad anxiety issues thanks to traumatic events in my childhood. But I guess full on OCD came on when I gave birth to my child. Currently, I just feel something is "off", I have anxiety like crazy, I obsess with whether or not I am or will become schizophrenic because yup, my OCD has turned me into a compulsive "googler," As soon as I see an article about the gene mutation I have being related to schizophrenia or psychosis, I basically panic. (thought the literature says it isn't always) I get incredibly anxious and dizzy in public, I experience DP/DR, I have hypnagogic hallucinations which can be attributed to the meds, the anxiety or even narcolepsy. I'm not sure what it is that is "off" or if this is all attributed to tapering off of luvox. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading my story.

Can I ask how does weed affect you? And if you'd say what "disorder(s)" you deal with? Just wondering, it seems too have different affects on different people.. Wonder if it's got something to do with how you're already wired. Personally,. PLEASE INPUT?