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this will not be a short post. i thought that I had everything sorted. I honestly believed that I had these answers and they were correct and I wouldn't have to worry about anything else. how naive am I! here is the rundown of my known issues. major depression, generalized and social anxiety, paranoia, and panic attacks. nothing has been officially established about my paranoia, but it's been getting worse. all of my symptoms have, since I left home. I'm currently on welbutrine (150mg), and amnytriptyline for sleep. I also smoke marijuana, which I've done regularly for over two years (I read something yesterday about pot causing psychotic symptoms in people who already predisposed, but it's not nearly every time I smoke, and the paranoia happens when I'm sober). I spend a lot of my time at home. I did at my parents because I wasn't allowed to go anywhere, but it continued after I left. along with my paranoia getting worse, I've been having other symptoms of psychosis the past week or so. the last two panic attacks I've had included delusional thinking and halucinations. I haven't straight-up seen anything, but during the first occurrence, I saw the air beside me sort of vibrate. I began hearing different octaves of ringing in my ears, and at one point I could hear a woman vocalizing and the same voice telling me to "listen". during the second panic attack, I thought that someone in the government was listening in on my thoughts. I then realized that they probably heard that, and we're about to kill me. in my head, I tried to reason with them, but came to the conclusion they were already killing me. I felt some sort of hot liquid being poured on my head. I could feel it moving down my scalp, and thought it was poison. then I began to hear really intense ringing in my left ear. I couldn't hear the tv over it, although I could hear my husband moving around on the couch beside me. at that point, I got up and walked onto the porch, and was able to reason myself back to reality. when I went to bed that night I felt like there was something in the room. I have somewhat of an idea of what this.. creature, it's not even human, looks like. i felt like it was there to hurt me. I am currently in therapy, and I see my therapist again in two days. I'm just very, very worried about these symptoms. they're terrifying. any help you can offer is greatly appreciated

Quick background. I've been on Seroquel for a long while. It use to never make me drowsy at all. Recently (within the last month and a half), under doc supervision, I cut out Celexa and clonidine because of sexual dysfunction. At night I take Lamictal, Seroquel, Buspar, and Neurontin. I take Buspar during the day also. So that leaves three possible culprits. Lately, I've been getting really stupid tired after taking the night meds, say within 30 minutes. As I said, this was never a thing before. Then I find as soon as I lay down, I start getting the thump thumps and the panic and the irrational belief that I'm going to die. Heart either races or, once, it was going normal but pounding out of my chest. I've left a message for my pdoc but in the meantime I figured I'd throw this up and see if anyone has experienced anything similar.

I have an appointment in a few hours to see my new therapist. I woke up this morning in a massive panic attack and actually had to turn on my metronome and count in order for it to calm down. This is my first time working with a therapist that actually cares enough to get to the root of the problem, not just placate me. I am scared as all get out. Gonna be my first time talking about what has happened to me in a very long time. Any idea's on what I can do to help keep myself calm in this situation. I will have my meds with me in case of a major breakdown, but am hoping not to use them as I want to stay focused on getting better and getting as much of the details as correct as possible. I am already working on my coping skills right now. Breathing, counting, relaxing my muscles, and such. Any other ideas would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Hey everyone - first post ever on a forum of this type. I guess I’ll preface by saying I’ve always been anxious; ever since childhood, I’d have bouts of anxiety, not debilitating, but generalized anxiety/nervousness – usually pertaining to a (deluded) underlying health problem, or becoming obsessed with a common physical symptom – i.e. I’d think a stomach ache was appendicitis. Otherwise, my childhood, teens and twenties were great – I was active, healthy and had plenty of friends and social interactions. Fast forward to January of 2013 – I’m 31 years old. The last few months of 2012 were extremely nerve wracking; sudden, expensive car issues on a usually very reliable car, relationship problems with my long term girlfriend; uncertainties at work (Start-up Company), etc. I was laid off on December 28th. This is when things started to really get funny. Initially, I was bummed about getting laid off, but surprisingly optimistic; I started partying a lot – the New Year’s celebration kind of carried over; often binge drinking from Thursday through Sunday. I’ve always liked drinking and hanging out with friends and/or family, but I pretty much started self-medicating with alcohol. One day, I was driving to see a friend, who lives about 30 miles north of me. About 20 miles into the drive, the traffic became gridlock – a tractor trailer had rolled over, and I was literally moving about one mile, every 15 minutes. Out of nowhere, I began to sweat and felt extremely lightheaded; my heart pounded and I felt trapped on the highway; negative thoughts began to manifest in my head – “something is wrong - what if I pass out in the car”, “should I pull over”, and even a thought that surprised me after the fact – “should I call 911?” This whole experience was really weird, since I grew up driving around a big city (Boston) and traffic and commuting had been nothing more than a nuisance. For the first time in my life I had a full blown panic attack. Luckily, in my state of panic, I was able to make it to an exit and turn around; heading back towards home. I instantly felt better - 65 mph and the wind blowing on my face felt great; I made it home, but still felt shaky from the ordeal. It was just the beginning for me though – the beginning of a very bad year. I had panic episodes off and on (more on than off) for the next few weeks – I was becoming increasingly distraught, and self-medicated with alcohol. I was in a seemingly constant anxious state – the thought of these full blown panic attack episodes returning was always on my mind; which is perhaps one of the worst aspects of the disorder. I would drink it away until numb to the anxiety. In mid-February I was flying to Las Vegas with my girlfriend to celebrate her 30th birthday. I knew I was in for a very bad time, and boy was I right… There were even “signs” I shouldn’t travel – one of the worst snow storms in a decade crippled the northeast and all flights were cancelled. We ended up leaving a day late, but we were able to fly out. At the airport (drinking a couple beers), before the flight, I admitted to my girlfriend how I’d been feeling, and that I was feeling really anxious and didn’t even want to go – I felt like something was wrong – health anxiety. She became very angry, and assured me I was fine and it was in my head. I’ve had ZERO problem flying in the, but this time was absolutely treacherous! I was in a constant state of panic the entire 5 hour flight – it was pure hell. Needless to say, I had a bad time in Vegas – feeling shortness of breath, insomnia and general anxiety almost constantly. This caused a huge problem with my girlfriend – she claimed I ruined her trip and 30th birthday; she also claimed she was breaking up with me. This hurt very bad, especially since I had always been there for her during rough times in her life and was always totally supportive. I felt abandoned when I needed her the most. I tried very hard to give her a good birthday, considering my mental state. This is becoming a lot longer than I had anticipated, so I will condense. Upon returning home, I went to see a doctor. I avoided the whole ER route since I have no insurance at the moment. I hate hospitals, doctors and anything related. I get very nervous – heart rate, BP, etc. I’m pretty sure I have white coat hypertension. He prescribed 50mg Toprol for HBP/tachycardia and 1mg of Ativan, twice a day; and sent me to the lab for blood work. They took four vials of blood and I was scheduled to see the MD a week later to go over the results. I hate medication – synthetic poisons that are too often worse for you than many of the ailments they are supposed to treat. Went back – nervous as f*ck yet again. The extensive blood work came back normal and he gave me an EKG; again normal, which was a relief. Six weeks later and I’m still struggling daily. I constantly think I’m on the brink of a medical crisis and get nervous when I’m alone – fear that I will pass out and nobody will be around to help; this is the worst time of my life and I’m actually embarrassed – I feel like a defective loser at the moment. I only hope I can bounce back at this point – this is no way to live; my quality of life is severely hindered.

I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Sever Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Slight OCD, and Mood Disorder. I also have trouble sleeping, and when these sleep cycles hit where I cannot sleep I wind up with major Panic Attacks. They have tried all kinds of medicine, but I am currently on Celexa 40mg, XanaX 2 X 2mg a day as needed, Lithium, Seraquil, Propranolol (low blood pressure med, so I don;t have a heart attack from panic attack in my sleep)... I have been under a lot of work pressure and in fact it was a blessing I got fired today for doing what was right (long story) But I was very releaved. I am having major financial stress and worry about paying for medication and my high risk health pool rates. My Mom helps me pay for these. I feel bad b/c she is retirement age and struggling....but I have no other options. My spouse ignores me and is not affectionate to me b/c I am no longer the strong person (mentally) that I use to be. Also I had gotten laid off from a really great job where I made great money. My job along with 11,000 where moved overseas. SO I am blamed for all of our financial problems. My mom and spouse do not understand what it is like haveing these mental conditions. And b/c of that I get no support, and I have no support from any friends. I feel so alone in this world. Recently the panic attacks have really gotten bad. I don't freak out mentally, at least on the outside. I keep feeling that I am about to die. And the worst one is I feel that I am absolutely going totally insane. It is completely wearing me down. On top of the feelings I get various physical symptoms. It almost feels like the panic attack is on going and never really stops. I get some relef from it... the Xanax really helps for 4 hours, but I really need to be prescribed 3 a day... my doctor doesn't want to do that. I feel terrified most of the time. I also feel that I am in unreality. This is horrible to live like this.... and sometime when I get the feeling I am going to die, I just wish I would.... I cannot take it.... Is there anything at all I can do to get some relief from these panic attacks? Can panic attacks just perpetually go on like this...??? Also a lot of the time I get freezing cold feet when this is all happening... I am so desperate... any advice would help.... I just know I cannot go on like this... It is completely wearing me down.... A lot of time the Panic Attacks also have bad episodes of depression with them.... I just feel all alone in this world... If anybody can give me some suggestions... I would appreciate it more than I could ever express....