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  1. So I have been panic attack free since Jan til this past friday. When I had one out of the blue, and the anxiety and depression has been hanging around ever since. Today I woke up with a RAGING uti, (sorry for the TMI) blood in my urine, pain, burning. all of it. Its obviously been brewing for awhile. Well a friend of mine has worked with the elderly in the past and said that when ever they started acting crazy, angry, and what not they tested them for UTI and most of the time that was the issue. Same was true with my grandmother. She had alzhimers but when she got a UTI she became violently angry. So got me thinking, Could that possibly be what triggered my anxiety/panic relaspe? Im only 28 and I've had recurrent UTI's in the past but not while dealing with my current MI. Has anyone else had this happen to them before? Thankfully im on antibiotics now, so hoping, and praying (fingers crossed) my mind heals some along with my bladder.
  2. Coming here 5 years after the fact. I started Latuda for bipolar depression that wasn’t responding to the lamotrogine I was taking. About 4 months later a stressful new job coincided with a unique form of nighttime anxiety unlike the GAD I’d struggled with my whole life. I struggled with it for 18 months, diazepam and lunesta being the only things to help. Which resulted in daytime fogginess and forgetfulness. Neither my p-doc nor therapist linked the anxiety to Latuda given the 4-month delay in the anxiety’s onset after starting it. I only cracked the code by discovering a few buried comments on this forum that described the specific experience of the nighttime anxiety—I called it the witching hour because it was like clockwork, and I had a whole routine to deal with it, which included isolating myself from my family and distracting myself by reading dry technical books until I fell asleep. As soon as I discovered comments here that described my experience among others taking latuda, I stopped taking it. The nighttime anxiety evaporated almost immediately. I feel like a jerk for not chiming in on this board at the time to potentially help others in the same boat. So…if you visited this sub-board trying to crack the code within a similar context, talk to your doc about switching to a different bp or schizophrenia drug. There are plenty of folks who thrive on Latuda, and god bless ‘em. But if you feel crippled by a new nasty panic, look into whether it’s your Latuda.
  3. I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago. Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help
  4. Hi everyone. I’ve been dealing with unbearable symptoms for over 4 years. Insomnia, racing thoughts (OCD), derealization, irritability, brain fog and depression. I have tried so many medications, but none help. My insomnia and anxiety are through the roof and I have 24/7 derealization. Years ago, 2007, when I was struggling with depression, my psych talked about starting an MAOI, but we instead we added geodon to Zoloft and it worked (for awhile) Long story short, I developed sudden onset ruminating thoughts (in form of OCD), insomnia and Anxiety in 2009. After many trials of meds (I’m adverse and paradoxical to most) I finally was put on remeron which got me sleeping again and in turn helped my other symptoms. From 2010-October 2014 I did relatively well, that is until remeron stopped working and all my symptoms came back. Since I have been inpatient several times trying every sleeping med , bipolar med, SSRI etc with no relief. Mom wondering if an MAOI could help me? Can MAOI’s treat anxiety? Racy brain? I’ve read they can make insomnia worse, which I don’t need. Symptoms: severe insomnia, lucid dreams/nightmares, 24/7 derealization, severe anxiety and panic, major depression, brain fog, dizziness, migraines. I believe, like in 2009-2010, many of my symptoms are from sleep deprivation. I am very desperate to get control over my anxiety and sleep. I’m at the end of my rope. Could an MAOI help me as a last ditch effort to get some kind of quality of life back? Current meds: weaning off Zoloft, weaning off remeron, geodon 20 mg X2, Ativan 5 mg per day (please don’t jump down my throat about this, it will give me a panic attack. I know it’s a high dose and I need to taper this too), prazosin 2 mg. TIA
  5. Hi all. I saw my (worthless psychiatrist today- I’m seeing a new one in March) I suffer from severe anxiety and panic, OCD (ruminating thoughts, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts), derealization, severe insomnia, agitation and depression. I have tried many many medications. Nothing has helped. I specifically went to talk about trying Nardil today. She’s willing to let me try this, but will have to go off Zoloft and remeron for 2 weeks which scares me. Then if Nardil doesn’t help/work, I’d have to wait another 2 weeks to get back on something else. She offhandedly asked if I had ever tried rixulti and I told her no. So she pulled out a sample pack for me. I’ve been reading reviews of drugs.com, and it seems that it helps many people with depression, but makes OCD, anxiety, agitation and insomnia worse. Doesn’t sound like a good medication for me. Was hoping for some thoughts on this. TIA
  6. Latuda is off the table for now due to the weird reaction. We were considering Depakote, but psych doc just called and nixed that idea due to my NAFLD and chronic hyperammonia issues. So, he wants me to start back on Zyprexa tonight and to call him tomorrow to see how I am doing. He has been calling me daily over the past two weeks. Several neighbors are suggesting assisted living, but my psych doc is saying no way, I'm not at that stage yet. However, my mother started dementia at my age, but his position in this is that when on Zyprexa, it cures the confusion and other debilitating symptoms at least for awhile. He says that if I had early dementia, I would not respond to the Zyprexa as well as I do. My neighbors are now concerned due to my inability to think straight and confusion which they are picking up on. I have known this for sometime and have expressed my concern many times over my brain feeling like it is falling apart and unable to function in the real world. Finally my psych doc is taking me seriously. Dissociation is with me all day long, extreme anxiety and fear/panic/dread all day long, confusion is there all day long, just feeling unwell with these chronic migraines is keeping me in bed 3 days out of 5 days. This is not a functioning life for me. I am afraid to leave my apartment, I am afraid to hear from my neighbors that I am confused and not functioning well. These daily reports are just overwhelming me. I now turn off my phone, close my blinds and live in a shroud of secrecy. I will be seeing my headache/neurologist/seizure doc this week and will bring this up to him as well. I hope I can make the appointment. Just sitting here after taking .5 mg of Klonopin to take the edge off. Will start the Zyprexa this evening or sooner. Just a few points about my environment. Two neighbor threatened my life here (verbally), neighbors that I get close to pass away suddenly (one right in front of me) (I live in an independent living facility and I am the youngest here - most have varying degrees of psychosis/dementia - hard to live with). I went to a party last week and I sat alone at my table while others crowded around with each other excluding me. I left and came home very depressed. I am an easy target where I live, bullies come after me. I have no trust with anyone who lives here anymore. Have been here a year and can't connect with anyone, very depressing, so I stay alone in my apartment. I do not drive and with my agoraphobia, leaving my home and venturing out alone is very very scary to me. Just not a life that I want to keep living. I have to get on something to help calm down my brain so I can function in the world. I have been on most medications now and nothing works or the side effects are too harsh. It's just becoming too hard now to function in this world. Well, thanks for reading *smiles*
  7. I am 22 y/o and have filed for SSI twice. The first time I got denied I didn't appeal within 60 days so I had to apply all over again. Now I am going through to extensive appeal process and no lawyer seems to want to help me. They claim since I am young, I almost need to have schizophrenia or an autistic/spectrum disorder to be able to actually be approved and get benefits otherwise it is going to be very hard to get SSI. Now here are some of the facts of my case. I was fired from my job last November due to "no call, no show" because I was in a bipolar depressive episode where I literally didn't leave my room but maybe 5x to make a microwave meal and shower once. This episode lasted a little bit shy of 2 weeks. So for my 3 no call, no shows I was terminated from my job at University. I asked if they would accept a physician's note explaining my circumstances but the manager actually refused documentation, saying "No it's not necessary, I don't need that". She also said that I should have called and at least have told her what was going on so she knew I couldn't come in, but let's be real guys, doing that during a severe bipolar depressive episode is like writing a PhD dissertation in less than a day. So I applied for unemployment and get a denial letter saying I am denied benefits of $50/week because they contacted my former employer and was told I was terminated for misconduct. So that was the end of that. I had applied for SSI last year around August I would say and was denied 1st time. Re-applied December and got denial letter again, this time on Feb. 8th stating "your conditions are not severe enough for you not to work. You are capable of substantial gainful activity". Yet on my listed disabilities I listed epilepsy (reoccurring grand-mal seizures), bipolar disorder NOS, insomnia NOS, ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, manic episodes, social anxiety disorder, delayed sleep phase syndrome, and listed all the medications I was on and how some of them has side effects that were impairing themselves. Has anyone here who is young actually gotten approved for SSI benefits? If so, how many times did it take for you to finally get approved and did you use a lawyer to help you through the process? Also, if you don't mind, what conditions/disabilities did you report to them that you believed qualified you for SSI or SSDI? I can't apply for SSDI because I don't have enough work credits so I can only apply for SSI. This whole process kinda sucks and is difficult especially for people with disabilities. So frustrating.
  8. Hi all. I hope you can help me or give me some advice. I quit klonopin and gabapentin (first tapered one and then the other) and since then nothing but constant panic attacks anxiety and no appetite. The reason I stopped these was because I could not eat anything and I wasn't sure which med was the culprit. I recently read that gabapentin can cause loss of appetite and figure this med is the problem. I tapered from 1500mg/day to 600mg. I took 600mg last night and my doc told me I could go ahead and take 300mg tonight and be done with it. He told me that I should take each lowered dose for 3 days until I was down to 600mg. I have one day left and then within 40 hours it should be out of my system. I've been on gabapentin a few months starting with 600mg and going up slowly but ever since starting I have had trouble eating. I thought it was my anxiety but now I'm not sure. My current meds are only Effexor and ativan prn. I've tapered everything that wasn't having any significant effect. I know for sure that Effexor works for my depression. I've been on it for probably 15 years and I doubt it's causing my appetite issues. Thank you.
  9. I know.. I am not the only one who has this fear, some people are afraid of trains , boats etc. I have not been on an airplane in over 15 years, shit prolly more. It's my Mom's 60th Birthday in August, and she wants to go somewhere, my dad took a week off and the only thing that was really stopping us from planning something was our sick dog, which sadly she has passed away 2 weeks ago. I think of being up there and not being able to get out etc and knowing I am up 35k+ feet. I don't know what other drugs I could take, It's already June, and I am already freaking out. Maybe I can convince them to rent an 80 ft RV haha. What would you do??
  10. -Seeking friends who don't look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I just had a panic attack- Hello there! This is my first blog on here. So here I go, I'm depressed. I started taking antidepressants about two years ago after getting a brain injury from multiple concussions in soccer. Meds combined with therapy have truly saved me, I have been taking Fetzima for depression but now have to switch meds because Fetzima is draining my bank account to refill each month and I am balling on a budget. I also use comedy/jokes to diffuse my anxiety and depression; I hope you enjoy my witty banter. It in no way means I take these topics lightly, it's just part of my charm. I started Pristiq about two weeks ago, the first week I felt very content and happy and truly felt like myself. I am on a low dose because I am very sensitive to medication, and I take it at night because it helps me fall asleep. I am on day 9 or 10 now and am starting to feel a HUGE increase in depression and constant anxiety and even had a panic attack at work yesterday during a meeting. I understand symptoms may get worse before they get better, but does anyone have any feedback on how long the worst of it may last? Started a new job two months ago and really don't want my life to start unfolding. Any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated!!
  11. Hi, i started on 25 mg of Seroquel on January 21. This was prescribed for OCD. After starting it I started getting even more anxiety than I had. On February 3 I had a full blown panic attack. To the point I couldn't walk or talk and thought I was dying on the spot. It lasted for two hours and then I fell asleep for two more. The following week was hell. Exhausted and even more anxious. I had another panic attack out of nowehere again on Feb 10. It wasn't quite as bad and didn't last as long, but again thought I was dying on the spot. After looking up the side effects and what Seroquel can cause, I'm convinced it is this medicine that has basically turned me into a crazy person. Anyone else experience this? I'm quitting this medicine immediately. I have a moderate case of OCD which is a result of Lyme disease. I don't think Seroquel is a medicine that will help me. I think it has just about killed me the past 3 weeks. Would love to know if anyone else has felt like you are going crazy on this med, or had panic attacks from it. Thanks!
  12. Hi guys, This is my first time asking the internet for advice so apologies if I screw anything up and for the novel-length post. I’m not at immediate risk - things are getting rocky again but I have already made appointments to see a doctor and therapist. I would appreciate any feedback, comments, similar experiences, or being pointed towards useful resources. In terms of background, I think things went a little off for me around 13. My sleep has been shoddy since. When I was 14 for a year I barely left my room, didn't go to school (not a country where it mattered), would occasionally run away, punched walls and experimented with various forms of self-harm, would spend most of my time in bed staring at the ceiling, often very badly wanted to end it but couldn't inflict that disaster on my parents who then bore the brunt of my anger when I decided that they were to blame for standing in my way. So I thought often about killing them too because that's logical. In retrospect a pretty classic case of angsty teenage depression. At one point my sleep was very disturbed for almost a week. I went downstairs to get a yoghurt and insects started crawling all over me and I saw lots of blood. I very vividly remember that I used my fingers to push through my eardrums into my head and then pushed out my eyeballs from behind. I was terrified but internalised it and was probably in denial that it had happened or that it was me who saw that (if that makes sense). I’ve never watched horror films, have never witnessed a car accident, or in fact had anything traumatic happen to me at all. Who knows. I eventually got over the worst of it and aside from occasional periods of depression and self-harm nothing much happened until about 2013 when things went south a little bit. I felt like I was moving through slush and that people were talking to me underwater. It took a little bit of time, probably around two weeks, for me to get myself to a doctor (I’m stubborn and I thought I might be getting sick again and I was scared I would end up like a close relative whose mental illness has turned her into a zombie). I was immediately diagnosed with depression and prescribed ssris that I took at best sporadically, since I had a deep-down belief that relying on them would mean I was weak (more logic). From there on things degenerated somewhat. I began to hear the radio, or someone slamming the door and moving around, but I would head on over to switch the radio off or say hello to my roommate and the radio would already be off and no-one had come home. Then I began to have episodes where I would again feel my hands were pushing through my ears to pop out my eyeballs, and I would dig holes in my chest til I could see my exposed ribs and snap them, and mushy bits would ooze everywhere and there would be a lot of blood and a lot of pain. Seeing this would often trigger a panic attack. I sometimes had panic attacks without images but never images that didn’t trigger absolute panic, since they were fairly terrifying things to witness. Once I had to be physically restrained because I was trying to scratch something out of my arm with my fingernails and by the time someone noticed I had scratched a deep enough wound to leave a pretty gross scar that won’t go away no matter how much bloody bio oil I massage into it. During another episode my boyfriend at the time had come up for a cup of tea or something and I apparently told him things were coming and that he had to take a knife and kill me before things happened. Sometimes I had to self-harm quickly because I could feel things coming and if I could see and feel my hands doing something like that then it was easier to believe that they weren’t doing something else, if that makes any sense. I was hospitalised twice in crisis situations but the psychiatric wards were mindnumbing and I was scared that being surrounded by people with serious issues would somehow trigger or emphasise mine so I always got out as soon as I could. I was variously diagnosed with severe anxiety with intrusive thoughts, depression, bpd, psychosis, or preschizophrenic symptoms. At the time I didn’t read anything on the internet or in books as I thought I might be influenced by what I read so I let the doctors do their thing, but at a later date I started reading around and although I identify strongly with descriptions of depression and anxiety (then again I already knew that) and partially with some descriptions of psychosis, I think the diagnoses of schizophrenia or bpd were patently bollocks which has shaken my trust in doctors a little. I was prescribed with anti-depressants, benzodiazepines, and anti-psychotics but even aside from my inherent stubbornness against medication I was in no fit state to stick to a treatment plan so took them erratically, I wouldn’t take them and them someone would notice and force me to take them for a while and then I would stop again etc. At some point I moved home and got a very manual job which left me physically exhausted and with no free time so I was in a comforting cycle of work sleep work sleep etc. I was screened again for psychosis but the symptoms had begun to subside and I found that recounting the experience was very distressing so didn’t take any form of treatment further - I was just grateful that it seemed to have stopped and that the whole thing was over. Things have been alright for a long time now but I’m having some wobbles and in any case I can’t keep working to the point of exhaustion just to keep from spiralling. I want to be able to have free time and enjoy it without immediately sinking into a cycle where I feel happy and energetic and then flip flop into comatose and then when I get energy again I can’t enjoy it because I have to catch up on everything I didn’t do when I was comatose. I want to be able to do things that are intellectually demanding without grinding to a halt and have happy, fun relationships and most of all I want to seek treatment and finally fess up to what happened and do everything I can so that it doesn't happen again because it's terrifying and it's kind of bollocks that the fear I have of these images is enough to trigger a panic attack because honestly the way these things feed off each other is fairly toxic. I know I’ve got depression and anxiety and panic attacks and I’ve read many accounts I identify with and that have helped me consider these things difficult but approachable and certainly not the end of the world. It’s the episodes I’d appreciate talking through. I’ve read accounts of intrusive images in relation to OCD and anxiety and I think it must be that, but these accounts haven’t quite rung true in the same way that accounts of depression have with me. I suppose they’re not psychosis or delusions because it’s pretty obvious after that they didn’t happen (or I’d have spent a lot of 2013/14 just splopping my eyeballs back into their sockets like some deranged bungee jumper). Also they just sort of went away after a while but these recent wobbles have me paranoid that they’ll come back. Please help me pinpoint what happened so I can try and fix it. And if you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read.
  13. I'm considering if checking myself into a hospital will help me or just be a waste of time and money. Things all went haywire when I tried to quit Prozac 20 mg and 1 mg Xanax (nightly for sleep) after 15 years of an SSRI plus Xanax. I went off both of them because I wanted to see if I could "get clean" so to speak and it resulted in panic attacks virtually non-stop for 2 months. Now those panic attacks won't even go away with the resumed 1 mg Xanax nightly and 5 mg of Zyprexa twice daily (10 mg total). I tried of course first to reinstate an SSRI and they all drove me crazy with increased anxiety (which is not unusual for me, SSRI's often work for me, then create tons of anxiety when they poop-out). I am shocked about the Zyprexa since I have taken Zyprexa before briefly during one of my many SSRI poop-out periods and it was overpowering me with much needed sedation (as it does with virtually everyone). 15 mg of Remeron has not worked either to sedate me enough and stop the panic attacks. Taking 1 mg of Xanax throughout the day helps a little but not nearly enough and that is of course only a short term solution anyway. I want to go to the hospital and see if they can inject me with Thorazine or something? I think I have activated some type of never ending cycle of adrenaline and fear response in my system and need something to reverse it, even for just a couple days? What can they do, if anything, to put a sledgehammer to these panic attacks? Please help. Thank you so much for any input. P.S. I do not have bipolar disorder, nor have I ever had symptoms related to mania and got brutal anxiety when I experimented with lithium and Lamictal. I have depression, anxiety, and chronic fatigue.
  14. Hi, so I don't have a anxiety/panic disorder but I thought that this would be the right place to ask.. Yesterday, I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack (I've never had one before so I'm entirely sure). It was definitely a triggered one.. But now I'm really scared that I'll have another. It was beyond terrifying and I've never been out of control like that. So I was wondering if anyone has any tips or advice about what to do during one or how to keep them from happening in succession.
  15. So I play cello, and I have for nearly five years. I have played in two solo concerts and several times with an orchestra. My anxiety has been steadily growing worse and I average about one panic attack per week without any stressors but I have a quartet coming up and these freak me out because if I was solo I wouldn't mess anyone else up if I screwed up timing. In an orchestra of twenty or so people, I could sink out of it if I needed to. In a quartet, however, I would screw up the other three players. Even though I play the easiest part, I can't bring myself to even look at the music or else I panic. My mom said I didn't have to do the concert but I had to tell my teacher face to face why. To me, this is nearly as bad as going up in front of all those people because my teacher is amazing and I love her. After my mom said that, I started to panic again, thinking of all the ways it could go wrong. She might not let me be her student as I miss most of the solo concerts. I really scared and this has caused me a sh*t-load of anxiety and panic attacks. What should I say? What should I do? Please help.
  16. Hello all! I'm really struggling, have been since the end of this past December. Long story as short as possible, I stopped sleeping in October 2014-December - 10 months ago. My OCD ruminating thinking and compulsive thinking got very bad during this time and the insomnia continued. On December 19th I had a bad panic attack that threw me into a state of derealization. I have been stuck this way ever since- nearly 9 months. Over the 9 months things have progressively gotten worse. I have had vertigo since the derealization started, but it was somewhat manageable. Over the past 2 months it has become unbearable. The only relief I get from the vertigo is laying on the couch. It has especially gotten worse over the past 2 weeks to where I'm almost spinning. It's the worst feeling. I can't stand it anymore. When walking down the aisle of a grocery store-which I rarely do, but went with my husband today- everything appears tilted, almost like it's upside down. Super scary. I am almost constantly in a state of fight or flight. I have insomnia, but if I am lucky/unlucky enough to fall asleep I have nightmares or night terrors. My skin feels like it's on fire and pins and needles from anxiety and I often vomit because my stomach is in knots. I have also developed a nasty case of agoraphobia. my OCD ruminating thinking is out of control always thinking the worst case scenario, or just scary weird thoughts or songs looping over and over in my head. Sometimes I have uncontrollable suicidial ideation. I'm constantly testing my brain to see if I can remember things ie. Celebrity names, street names, old friends names, etc. it's so weird, and I can't let it go until I figure it out. My my memory and focus is terrible. It almost feels like dementia. At times I feel cognitively inept like my brain has completely shut down. I am currently on 40 mg geodon, 50 mg Zoloft, 25 mg elavil (mainly for migraines) 3 mg prozasin at night and 1 mg Ativan 3 x a day. But nothing seems to help. I have been in 3 inpatient facilities since December being diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, derealization and OCD but no one or nothing gives me relief. Some doctors say I have bipolar "tendencies" but not enough so to diagnose me with it. I don't get it. They say my racing thoughts and racy feeling, insomnia, irritability etc. may be more from OCD and anxiety then from bipolar. I am at my wits end. Not sure how much longer I can take this. Out of desperation yesterday I tried some high CBD low THC marijuana that my nephew bought for me at a medical marijuana dispensary. I took one TINY hit. Last night I felt that it helped with the anxiety, but not the derealization. I took another tiny hit this morning and then another this afternoon. The derealization is awful. I'm not sure if this marijuana has made me feel bad, or if I would have felt this way anyway, but the mental and physical anxiety seems to be a bit better. I know pot is a big no no for derealization, but because it has virtually no THC, I thought it would be worth a try. The strain is called AC/DC and is not supposed to have any psychoactive effect. I hope I didn't cause more damage or prolong this episode (that is if I was ever going to come out of it) is trying this form of medical marijuana a bad idea? does anyone have any advice for me? I'm so scared. I just want to feel better, better than I am now would be fine at this point.
  17. Reaching out to all the lovely people here to see if anyone else has felt this way. I'm struggling right now with employment and my anxiety/panic triggers. I've just finished 12 months employment (my first employment since 2008) in a bookstore. I loved it, it was quiet, easy, part time, stress free work -especially once I got used to my daily tasks and used to the software-. Sadly, the store closed down and now I'm back on the job hunt and back at Centerlink (Australian Welfare). Now that I am back looking for work, I have been offered some work at a local fast food place. (Years ago, worked at another of the fast food places in town and I found it to be a very triggering environment. I was unable to cope with the fast pace, the staff who expected you to know everything straight away, and the managers that would full on yell at you if you didn't work quickly enough.) I know that there's a chance that this place wouldn't be like that, but I find even the thought of working there sends me into panic mode even during the interview, I could feel a panic attack trying to get a foothold to start. I don't cope well with fast paced environments where you've got to learn and retain a lot of information right from the get go. I don't cope well with being 'flooded' with customers and having to process them on my own. I don't cope with having to deal with brusque staff and blunt managers. So in short, working at a fast food place is a really really bad idea for me. Yet I feel partially forced to accept the work; a) because I do want/need to get more work, b) because to keep my welfare payments, I'm required to 'accept any reasonable' work that comes my way and c) to help contribute financially to our family. It's gotten to the point that I am thinking of lying to my hubby and family and saying they've already got someone working there and don't need me. --I haven't felt able to express how I feel to my husband yet. He's so supportive and understanding, and doesn't judge me, but I feel like such a fool, and he's given up so much and works so hard in a job he hates to support me and our son, that right now, I feel unable to broach just how horrible (& mentally unwell) the idea of working there makes me feel.-- I don't have a PDoc atm -haven't in a while cause I can't afford one-, but I am thinking of seeing a decent psychologist to see if they can help me handle this sort of thing better than I am alone. I'm sorry for the novel! I just wish I didn't feel like such a failure Chiaroscuro
  18. It's 11:30 pm. I'm hungry. I go downstairs to the kitchen. This Christmas, we found and killed several mice (we not including me, I just sat and closed my eyes and rocked back and forth). With my OCD, one of my obessions is contamination. Ever since I found out we had mice, I held my breath (to prevent breathing in mouse germs or urine I guess) when I was in the kitchen or an adjoining room. You can possibly imagine my horror when I heard rustling in the pantry, one of the spots they killed mice. I just chocked it up to my dog in the other room. I stepped into the pantry. A mouse jumped up from one of the cereal boxes into another box.(oh god oh god I got sick and more anxious just writing that) I think I screamed. I'm pretty sure. I know I slammed shut the pantry door and ran away into the living room. Then I went into panic mode. It didn't help that my grandma began telling me about how you can never get rid of mice. About how they're everywhere. I, being my paranoid anxiety ridden self, interpreted that as a literal statement. That mice were in every single room of the house. In the walls, in the floors, in the bed, in the couch. Everywhere. I even hallucinated (I think) a mouse on the carpet near where I was standing twice. So now I'm in my bed (with no blankets covering me so I can see), crying, having an anxiety attack. Can someone please tell me if my grandma was right? Will I have mice forever? Are there mice everywhere? Also, can one have hallucinations as a result of an anxiety attack?
  19. Its been a months since last time my derealization got out of hand and scared me (that happened because of me taking amino acids). I had been getting used to being able to deal with life, and was finding things predictable again. Today I started taking Zoloft from Pfizer insterad of generic Sertraline bluefish and about 7 hours after I had my pill I had a huge change of perception. Everything started to look increasingly fake and unreal and I got scared. I felt like sounds were louder and like people were automated. When I understood that it was a panic attack I rushed to the toilet and took 25 mg Atarax. Then my boyfriend drove me home where I could go to sleep. This was such a dramatic setback. Could Zoloft have a higher concentration and therefore I am feeling like I increased the dose, or what is this? I was not worried at all. This just seemed to come out of the blue sky. We had plans and had to cancel everything. I'm scared to go outside but feel safe at home right now. Edit. Perhaps I should add that I took 1/4 of a 25 mg Propavan (Propiomazin) pill at 9 pm the evening before. Propavan is a non-addicitive sleeping pill. It helped me sleep better than I am used to and I felt good in the morning. I don't think it's likely that such a small dose caused me to panic so many hours later.
  20. I started Sertraline (Zoloft) 2 weeks ago because of derealization, anxiety and panic attacks. (First week 25 mg, second week at 50 mg, and today starting with 75 mg.) I have been absolutely shocked by how hard it has been starting with Sertraline, because of initial side effects of deperzonalisation and anxiety, but I have noticed a change for the better. It has had some effect on my anxiety and I have not had any panic attacks this past week. The derealization is unchanged, but I am not as scared by it any more, and that helps me to "feel normal". I have gained about 3 pounds these 2 weeks and I am worried that I will continue to gain weight because my appetite is significantly increased and my energy is low. I have been bulimic and depressed in the past and Fluoxetine (Prozac) has been a great medication for me. It decreased my appetite and made me feel better about myself. Should I ask to switch from Sertraline to Fluoxetine right away or should I stay on Sertraline for as long as I can manage and see how I feel even if it means gaining some pounds? I am concerned about gaining weight, but the most important thing is that I can function well enough to work, which I can do right now. I am very scared that changing medications will make my anxiety and derealization worse. But in the long run I can not possibly stay on a medication that increases appetite. I know that when I start to feel good again I will think about this a lot. I am scared that if I increase Sertraline to 100 mg in the following weeks tapering of it will be hell and that I will have to be on it for a long time, gaining weight, feeling tired and not being productive at work. I'm scared of my body getting used to it. Perhaps if I change now then it would be easier. My favorite antidepressant is Bupropion (Voxra, Wellbutrin), but I understand that since I have developed anxiety it might not be working for me right now. It used to make me productive, positive, decrease my appetite and increase my libido. My pdoc had me stop it because she thought it might be causing the derealization and I miss it a lot, but since I stopped it I have developed anxiety and now I am to scared to try it again. Having panic attacks with persistent derealization is in lack of better words; a nightmare. List of things that I am scared of: In order of most to least scary Panic attacksIncreased anxietyIncreased derealizationGaining weightBeing tired and non-productiveNot feeling like doing anythingAny input would be greatly appreciated!
  21. Hello all...so I'm not sure if I should be posting in the dissociative section or anxiety...I'm all over the place. But according to all the doctors I've seen, my derealization is caused by severe anxiety and OCD. Though no stranger to anxiety and depression, long story short, I had a bad panic attack in December. I haven't been the same since. For 9 months I've been stuck in a state of derealization, panic, anxiety, vertigo, brain fog, OCD racing thoughts, poor cognition, insomnia and subsequently depression. I NEVER get a break. I can't take it anymore. I have been to THREE inpatient facilities since December. Nobody seems to know what to do with me. Most at medications I've tried have made me worse. 5 weeks ago I decided to have my Mirena IUD (birth control) taken out in hopes that it would help. Well, it didn't. My symptoms have gotten worse. I've been having nearly daily panic attacks on top of my constant derealization and anxiety. My vertigo and derealization has gotten so bad all I can do is lay on the couch and shake. It's horrible. I am at my wits end. i have been reading up on rTMS therapy. Has anyone tried this? I Really don't know how much more of this I can take. I have a consultation for TMS scheduled for next week. I'm just afraid of it making my symptoms even worse. I would primarily do it for anxiety. I know that at this point it would be off label which kind of worries me. I just started DBT/psychotherapy last week. Hoping that will help:) Please let me know if anyone has tried TMS or has an option on this:) I just pray pray that the derealization and vertigo will eventually subside. It's been nearly 10 months straight of this. Seems like it's never going to end...that I'm going to be stuck in this state forever. Current meds: zoloft 50 mg geodon 40 mg ativan 1 mg 3x day minipress 3mg
  22. My Neurologist thinks that a few of my night time "episodes" are Panic Attacks. I don't necessarily agree (and my Psychiatrist isn't convinced either); but I'm reluctant to argue with my Neurologist. My Neurologist actually wants me to try to get off my Seizure Meds to see if I can "do without". But before I try to convince her to keep me on Topamax because I think I'm still having seizures, I want to make sure I'm not being irrational (or health anxious) - so I ask anyone who have experienced Anxiety or Panic Attacks (or simple partial seizures) if these symptoms sound familiar? It basically goes like this... I wake up...like my eyes just open...but I'm not completely "there" (I'm half there and just go along for the ride)I can feel my bed underneath me, and I know where I am (in my bed, in my room), but sometimes the bed feels smaller - and the room seems a lot larger my heart is pounding slow but HARD, and then my insides start to feel like they are going "inside out" - it starts in the bottom of my stomach, and works it's way up and "out" (hard to explain an "inside out" feeling - it's not really a "out of body" feeling...but somewhere on that spectrum I guess? like wave of acid butterflies going through my system, and my system knows these butterflies "do not belong" - and these are all a feeling not thoughts...I'm just trying to explain this weird feeling LOL) When the "inside out" feeling starts to go "right side in" I know it's almost overMy perception of my surroundings go back to normal - my heart then slows down to normal - and I just go right back to sleep (the ride is over) In all it lasts for 2 minutes. I have no fear or anxiety related to what I would think would be related to a "panic attack". And there is no rumination or worry period (or "mental recovery" period) right after the "event". When it's over, I go straight to sleep and don't think twice about it until I wake up groggy and go "WTH". I don't have Panic Attacks during the day, and my anxiety disorder is specific Social Anxiety/Selective Mutism when exposed to people in public; so my education and experience on Panic Attacks are indeed very minimal. As well my Simple Partial Seizures mimic this, so it's very hard to differentiate. I'm having a difficult time right now.
  23. Hello, I just increased my Viibryd dosage from 20 to 40 mg. My anxiety has increased and I'm having panic attacks; the latter hasn't happened in a while. My PRN Diazepam is not helping (I just feel sleepy/spacey & panicked). I'm excessively jumpy & overall freaked out. I just checked my HR & BP and they're normal, although it seems like my heart is beating a zillion bpm. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm not seeing much on the web about this- mainly info about disturbed sleep & nausea. I'm hoping this will dissipate and am calling my pdoc tomorrow. Thinking the increases may be too rapid b/c of my other diagnoses (see below). thanky.
  24. Hi, The past 2 days I have been slammed with sudden panic attacks. This hasn't happened to me in a while, I tend to experience anxiety attacks. I have been on campus both times it has happened. I still feel it even though I'm home safe now with my dogs. Really difficult to slow my breathing. I have GAD and PTSD so I wonder if it's just the nature of the beasts. Anyone experience this? Thanks for listening, freaked out. Jt
  25. Hello, I google searched my combination of medicines and the first link that popped up was for this site. I am so glad I found you guys! I recently spent 6 weeks in a partial hospitalization program and then intensive outpatient therapy for trying to commit suicide. I slit my wrists on 2/19. I have officially been diagnosed with: PTSD, Severe Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Extreme (Debilitating) Panic Disorder and OCD. My doctor told me to write a list of everything “unusual” with my mental health that I have ever experienced since childhood/young adult through today. After I presented him with a list of issues I have had or am currently experiencing my doctor is reevaluating me for Schizoaffective Disorder with Bipolar. I have never been so scared in my life to be totally honest with you all. I take 3 different medications now and I am guessing that will be changed to include even more medication once my diagnosis is adjusted. When I went into the partial hospitalization program, I also entered chemical dependency classes as I am an alcoholic and at times a cocaine user. As of today, I have been sober for 53 days and counting. My current cocktail of mood stabilizing and sleeping medication makes it easy to not drink, however it is not helping with other things that are affecting me very negatively. I’m sorry for the novel. I am nervous, scared, worried, etc. I am hoping that by being here and being able to talk to people about my problems or my concerns or my diagnosis that there are enough people here that experience similar things and will be there to help me through this terrifying journey.
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