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Found 21 results

  1. So I saw my psych doc today and he feels the best reactions I have had to control most all my symptoms are in this class of medications. Where I do not like this "named" class, I will give this one drug one more try. I have been on them all but this one. All the others I can take for short bursts of time. We are trying to find something I can take long-term. Starting tonight with 20 mg of Latuda. I also asked for Cogentin to help with the horrible muscle spasms and rigid muscles. Mail order will eventually get me the Trasadone to help with sleep and Cogentin for muscle issues. I asked for Xanax and he wouldn't allow that since it's too short acting. I tried to convince him I need something for emergency purposes and he still said no. It's been 6 months since I have seen my psych doc and in 40 minutes he went thru all my back history, last 30 years to try to find something to help me. He also wrote to my landlord stating that my new kitten is my therapy cat and can therefore not charge me any pet deposits nor fees. I love him for doing that for me !!! So, after 35 years of treating me I asked... am I BiPolar or what am I? He said basically I suffer under the umbrella of chronic PTSD, tramatic brain injury and childhood abuse. The symptoms I continue to have will not go away, but need to be treated, great, huh? At least he was truthful. Settling in for the long-haul or what's left of my life. Somehow I was magically under the illusion I would be cured, lol.
  2. Last night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Well, thanks for reading this. I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me.
  3. I want to try Nortriptyline again, but my psych doc is hesitant. He prescribed me Seroquel and Abilify but my pharmacist refused to fill them, advising not to take them together at my age (67). I used to take Pamelor for 30 years and where it did nothing for depression, it controlled anxiety, panic disorders and managed migraine. Waiting to hear back from my psych doc today if he will approve Nortriptyline. I need to sleep. I need something to help with agoraphobia, terrible anxiety and panic. Everything I take activates anxiety and panic. Leaving my home is a battle with fear. Thank you.
  4. Hello, As the title suggests, I'm new to this forum. I decided to give google a search for such a thing because I've reached sort of a dead end. I have quite the history with anxiety disorder/panic disorder, but had been doing quite well. Then February 28th hit me like a ton of bricks and I've not been right since. Currently on clonazepam, depakote, seroquel (just added to start tonight). Other DX include schizoaffective disorder and OCD. Maybe other things, but I haven't read my eFile in forever because... why? This go-round has been rough. I've tried beta blockers and something called hydroxyzine HCL (did almost nothing but make me sleep, but when you have anxiety 24/7, I accepted it with glee!). I'm housebound. I literally cannot leave my yard or I have a panic attack. Initially, my bubble was broad and I could drive and go where I wanted but had to be cautious. This has changed now. I can't drive or ride in a vehicle at all (had a bad motorcycle accident a few years back and my doctor thinks that's why). So, I stay in the house all day and I do housework like a freaking boss and take care of the kids so that my wife doesn't feel burdened. I used to be able to cope well. I could feel that anxiety/panic switch flipping and I could smash that switch and carry on about my day. I can't do that anymore. I just feel stuck. What's working for any of you? What medicine could I talk about with my doctor if this seroquel deal doesn't work. I'm at a loss and at times have felt suicidal. Those thoughts still come, but I push them away with full force since my 9 year old (birthday today, actually) made me a get well card and started crying about me being "sick." Any suggestions or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Be well!
  5. hello all, I've had panic disorder since I was 16. I'm 23 now. I've been around the block - meds, hospitalization, therapy, self help, holistic stuff, etc. I have a GREAT PDOC and I was doing GREAT this past year (coming off my meds! going on long trips! happy!) but I seemed to have relapsed this spring. Here's my current cocktail that I want some opinions on: Effexor ER 225mg / daily - the only SSRI / SSNRI that's ever helped me (i've been through every. single. ssri. they don't work for me.) At my best, I managed to get down to 175mg / day with no withdrawal symptoms, i was so proud! but with the relapse my PDOC bumped it up again. Klonopin 1mg before bed - Basically just on this dose so I don't go into withdrawal. Klonopin doesn't really do much to stop my panic attacks after being on it for almost 7 years. I really want to be off it soon. Xanax as needed for panic attacks - 2mg stops my panic. I don't take it every day. The past few days I've had to take an extra 1mg after the first 2mg wears off. Basically the only drug in my cocktail I trust to work right now. Abilify 4mg daily - I was just prescribed this last months and started at 2mg. It seemed to work! but now I'm in hell and my PDOC just bumped it up to 4mg daily last night. New symptoms as of this new 'relapse' or whatever-the-funk: back at it again with the debilitating panic attacks and agoraphobia, this time with new and improved Depression™! which i've never had before except when i get sad that panic attacks are ruining my life. That's why my PDOC bumped up my effexor and added Abilify. I had to leave work early today which is something I havent had to do in like, 6 years. TL;DR: I'm wary about the abilify. Should I even be on it? anyone have any insight? why do I have depression now after never having it in my life? can anyone fix all my problems please?
  6. Once again require constructive feedback from the community. Diagnosed with Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia and Depression. Possible OCD I have a history of developing tolerance to drugs and it's happening again. Currently on 115mg Zoloft & 2mg of Abilify. Have previously been prozac and lexapro, for about 3 years each. 2mg of abilify worked wonders in only about a week. totally reversed by phobic avoidance and anxiety levels. I seemed to build a tolerance for it exceptionally fast, on the order of a few weeks. pdoc suggested we raise dosage but I developed a form of Akathisia at 4mg. Absolutely could not sit comfortable, extremely agitated, without question crawling out of my skin. We reduced the 4mg of abilify to 2mg and I'm stuck at a point, with zoloft too, where I'm extremely phobic, anxious and depressed. Haven't slept in about a week from insomnia, icing on the cake. Driving is very difficult, cannot get far from my house without feeling the need to turn back etc...all the usual symptoms basically. Has anyone had a similar experience where they have to switch SSRI's every few years to combat tolerance ? That's my main question, so I don't feel so alone. pdoc and I will decide between Celexa or Paxil this Wednesday. I just want to know that when I run out of choices can I go back to an SSRI that once worked but pooped out, like prozac ? I always respond positively to SSRI's at first but like I said earlier, they have an expiration date of 2-3 years with me. Enjoy the 4th and please take a moment to share your thoughts. thank you!
  7. I am new here.. I don't know who to talk to because I feel like nobody can really understand how I feel. I've officially been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, ADD, MDD, generalized anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia... Ugh...I also have a history of substance abuse so there are medications I need but can no longer receive. I was on klonpin 1 mg 3 times a day for 6-7 years. Once my Dr learned of substance abuse by running into the physician assistant at the methadone clinic I was straight cut off. I'm now on: Wellbutrin 300 mg daily for mdd and ADD Tegretol 200 mg 3x daily for bpd Seroquel 250 mg at night for mdd I've been offered buspar and propanolol but after trying them and neither being any useful stopped those. I feel constantly exhausted, irritated and dissociated. I didn't feel this bad prior to being medicated. I'm now on suboxone instead of methadone because having to leave my house daily had me in constant panic mode. I can't get any doctor to give me the help I really need. Getting back on klonopin and I also need a decent medication for ADD. I'm looking to add these to my current meds to see if this helps but it's pretty much impossible especially while on suboxone. And no, getting off suboxone isn't an option. I keep feeling more and more depressed every day... Anyone else having these issues?
  8. So these past 2.5 days I've had that really panicky feeling where I'm going to cry but then I don't and I can't breath because I'm so scared and then I'm fine and I can't function and suddenly I can. I don't know what's happening, I'm going to be going out with a friend in a few days and I'm out with my granddad tomorrow and I'm terrified I'm going to have a panic or anxiety attack when I am out. I'm so scared, I don't know how to tell my mum about it, and I'm at my grandparents house and they mock me for my anxiety. I've been looking for support on the #AlwaysKeepFighting community but that seems to make me more anxious which is a shame because I love that community so much (check it out, seriously). What's happening? What do I do?
  9. Well.... I found this site by searching "self harm kits", I just wanted to know what other people did, if it was common for people to carry around supplies with them or whatever. So now I'm here, reading about other people and their struggles. Relating and not relating, though still understanding. I think that maybe if I have an actual place to talk, a real place that I can have feedback on, then maybe I'll be able to resist hurting myself. Okay so actual info part: My name is Shane. I'm listed as agender on here but a more accurate term would be agender/transmasculine. I use He/Him pronouns but they/them is also okay. I'm 19, I'll be turning 20 in December. I've been dealing with self harm problems and MI for almost 8 years now. I'm also trans so that doesn't exactly help me in any way... Anyways, from the beginning now. In 6th grade I became friends with someone who is my best friend. At the time, he was self harming and I guess that's where I had gotten the idea to do it to myself but I don't blame him or anything, it's not his fault that I started to do the same thing. Though not as intense as him, he was actually cutting and giving himself eraser burns, I was doing no-bleed scratches with a bent paperclip. At the time, I didn't really understand why it helped, but it did. Sometime in junior high I tried to tell my mother that I was depressed and had been for a few years. I had scoured websites, taken quizzes, doubted I was mentally ill, retook quizzes, looked up symptoms. Everything was the same. I was depressed and I didn't want to feel this way. So I tried to tell my mom, she didn't think the same thing. She didn't think I had any reason to be depressed. Which of course made me feel worse because I knew there was no emotional/situational reason for me to be depressed, I just was and I couldn't stop it. So I continued to self harm. There were a few times when my mom had confronted me about the scratches on my arm and even a time when I had a huge bleeding scratch down my arm. (all in 8th grade). It wasn't until 11th grade that my mom actually took me in to see a doctor. I had to check off a list to see if I was actually depressed and I was prescribed medication (Fluoxetine and Xanax), it helped but not for long. Eventually it stopped working, so I stopped taking it (I know, I know). I again tried to tell my mom that the meds weren't working anymore. She just thought I wasn't taking them, of course I wasn't but they weren't working long before that. This last February (2015), I didn't quite try to kill myself. I was in college by then (second semester). I was in a campus library, downstairs, in an area I knew people didn't walk around a lot. I found myself a spot and had decided to take the bottle. I didn't. I was scared it wouldn't work, so anxiety took over and stopped me. I went home that night and cried in my mom's arms. I told her that I was scared and that I needed to be admitted. She was very hesitant to take me in. So I was in a mental hospital for about 2 weeks.I am now taking duloxetine and klonopin and trazodone. I attempted to kill myself by overdosing on trazodone a few months afterwards. My girlfriend forced me to throw them up. I still self harm. I don't think my meds are working anymore. So anyways. That's my story. Thanks for reading. 12 yrs - 17 yrs: sx- Depression, GAD 17 yrs - 19 yrs: Depression, Anxiety, sx-BPD 19 yrs - now: Depression, Panic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder Also, on and off anorexia that hasn't be professionally diagnosed.... idk, I go through periods of not eating at all to completely binging myself out on food.
  10. Alright--first post, so bear with me here. It took me about five minutes to figure out what to type after that sentence. As much as I'd like to write a memoir on this forum about my insane drug-induced disordered life, I'll try to make my questions simple. Really, I couldn't decide if I should post in this thread or the OCD, social phobia, depersonalization, or addictions one. I used to be a crazy, outgoing kid that loved going out in public. Pulling pranks on people in grocery stores and getting in trouble at fast food drive-thru's were my favorite hobbies. I had been like this my whole life, up until I started using marijuana when I was 16. A few years into my addiction (that's what I'll call it) I had some sort of psychotic break in one of my high school classes. I was on venlafaxine at the time for depression; anxiety was never an issue. I've read of all sorts of these depersonalized episodes due to cannabis use (especially when using as an adolescent). These reoccur and are something I'll have to accept until I find a cure, hopefully. I gave up smoking the day it happened, which was three years ago, and haven't touched it since. The only why my psych was able to help me out was by prescribing clonazepam. It was a blessing until, you know, I got hooked like everyone else. It seemed to slow me down a bit. It took the edge off, but being a socially gimped zombie wasn't what I wanted. After a year I wanted to speed things up, so that's what I asked for; Adderall. I started at 30 and was at 50 within a month. Sometimes I wonder if I would make a better psychiatrist. But, I asked for it, and I knew what I was getting myself into. Whether I have ADD or not, I enjoyed Adderall and have been taking it for over a year (clonazepam for two years). After tolerance built up though, all I was left with was blue hands and feet. I've gone down to 40 milligrams and am really hitting the wall. I need to get to the point; this is only the addiction portion. My life now: I rarely leave the house (or even my room for that matter), take college courses online, write, and draw. I'm not afraid to leave the house, I simply don't want to. I do fear conversations though, or people in general. I can't make eye contact with anyone, lose my words between each sentence, and can see myself from their POV. All of this makes me (or how I see me) look like a stuttering, paranoid person with schizophrenia. The only times I leave the house are when I have to, and I rarely take my Klonopin during the day due to the zombie hazes. I have a feeling the Adderall has contributed to a mix of OCD and OCPD. Matter of fact, I believe all of the symptoms that make me a completely dysfunctional individual are due to drugs. The weed started the engine and the pharmaceuticals added fuel to it. I'm trying to wean off of everything slowly right now but it's still a disaster. I just want to be able to make a simple phone call without writing down what I'm going to say first. I'm tired of leaving earth at a family dinner. And I'm tired of needing to carry a pocket-full of pills everywhere I go, if I go. Any comments, questions, or answers to why I define every anxiety disorder in the DSM-5 will be greatly appreciated.
  11. Well to start this off I've been diagnosed bipolar 2 for about 10+ years. About 6 months ago the meds I was taking were Wellbutrin 200sr, Lamictal 150, Letuda 40, Valium 5mg 3xday. I am a hairdresser and decided to open my own salon. It was very stressful and I finally opened the end of July. The first week I was open I unexpectedly had to put one of my dogs down. It crushed me with the stress of a new business also. Mentally at the time I was handling things ok even with the stress. I seem to be ok during the moment but afterwards I crumble. After a couple weeks I got really sick. I had an upper respiratory infection and sinus infection. I started taking sudafed and allergy meds. A couple days later I experienced this flushing burning feeling all over. My tongue was on fire and it would come in waves of almost losing consciousness. I assumed it was a reaction to the sudafed. I stopped the sudafed but a couple days later i was having dinner with some friends and it started again. I almost couldn't make it home. I almost went to the ER. The next day I went to urgent care and they couldn't explain the feelings I had but treated my upper respiratory infection. Put me on prednisone, which I hate because it makes me manic. I noticed shortly after I started having a fear of those episodes happening again. Thats when the panic attacks started. I felt like i was dying mainly in public at restaurants. I went to numerous doctors because I had never had panic attacks before They ruled out SVT and other hormonal imbalances. I called my Pych Dr and he prescribed Visteril for panic. It seemed to help a little but I felt more disconnected. I continued the bother the heck out of my DR because I felt like I was losing control. He took me off the Letuda cold turkey the at night I started having racing thoughts that continued through the morning. I had to take a lamictal during the day to get it to stop. I went back on the letuda and he took me off the Well butrin cold turkey. It seemed to get a little better but I continued to have panic attacks. I could hardly get through a work day. I was also put on toprol a beta blocker and that seemed to help quite a bit. I later thought maybe the Letuda was causing this so he decided to change my meds. I'm on prozac 10mg. Lamictal 300mg, Seroquel 50mg, and valium 5mg 3x day. I started feeling a lot better since the med change. I have to listen to music to go to sleep now because I would notice negative thoughts would overwhelm me at night. I also take a valium about 30 minutes before I go anywhere. Restaurants seem to be the worst for me. I began to feel the most normal. Let me add that the panic attacks were completely different than the first 2 episodes while I was on Sudafed. I believe those triggered them. I still dont have an explanation for those attacks. The problem I'm having now is I've become dependent on the valium before i go anywhere. My DR took me off of toprol and prescribed another beta blocker to take as needed instead of the valium. The other day I tried it and I was so nervous about not taking the Valium and the beta blocker not working that I gave myself a panic attack. So i went back to taking the valium. I feel better and I know that if I dont think about it I'm ok. I just hate this fear of having another attack. It's like a vicious cycle. The longer I go without having one the better I am, Then if anything changes I fear I will have another one. Now that I had one recently it feels like I'm back at square one. Has anybody else experienced this and how did you cope? I went to a counselor but had such a horrible panic attack at the session that I'm scared to go back. I also want to describe my panic attacks. It starts with confusion and disconnected feeling. I can be in mid sentence and forget where I am or what I'm about to say. Then the flushing feeling, heart racing, and a feeling that I'm about to pass out.
  12. Hello, I'm new to this board. I've suffered anxiety most of my 34 years of life. My life has always been about someone else. As a child it was my parents and their problems, as an adult it was about my ex and his problems and what made him happy. So I'm just discovering what I want and who I am. I'm currently on Zoloft 50mg for the past 16 days for my panic disorder and if you could see me typing this now you'd swear I was high on something. Sticking with this Ssri because it's at least making me feel a little alert to the world around me. Well hello everyone and I'll be seeing you.
  13. Dear Friends, I was diagnosed with PTSD/Anxiety/Panic Disorder many years ago. I've been desperate for relief but no medications have helped me. I think I just can't take antidepressants. I've tried them all: Paxil, Zoloft, Buspar, Haldol- all with very dangerous results. I've ended up in residential treatment because of going into rages and I've been hospitalized for hurting myself. None of these things happen or even occur to me unless I'm on antidepressants. I also tried Remeron and it made me homicidal. Fortunately all I ended up doing was blackening some dude's eye and spending a few hours at the county jail. I've decided to give meds another try because the anxiety has crippled me. I barely leave the house because driving is torture for me now. I have an apt with a new Pdoc and I'm wondering if any of you can share your experiences with this: Anyone else here resistant to antidepressants? If so, what did your doctor give you? Are there any medications you can recommend that I discuss with the doctor? Thanks.
  14. This is about Abilify as an add on for an antidepressant. After the birth of my son, my pdoc added 2.5 mg of abilify to my 200 mg of Zoloft. It has been the best combo I've been on for my anxiety/panic/subsequent depression. However, of course, I've been rapidly gaining weight and I want to get pregnant again in the next couple years so I want to go off of it. I've tried tapering down three times so far. First two times I got very bad restless leg syndrome and return of anxiety. This last time I tapered much more slowly (.25 mg every 3 weeks of the liquid) but as soon as I got below 1 mg, I had a very bad episode of panic and anxiety about 3 days after I dropped the dose.it seems to happen every time I go below 1 mg, but AT 1 mg I'm totally fine. Here are my questions: Is 1 mg even a therapeutic dose? Anyone else on this? Is it just a coincidence that my anxiety has returned at that magical 1 mg point? Has anyone had success dropping the abilify and switching to a new ssri? I figure if my AD isn't working well enough, wouldn't it be logical to try a new one rather than deal with the side effects of an AD and an AP? Thanks for your help.
  15. Hello. Amongst other things, I've recently been diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder. I've been put on Effexor as my daily medication, and Ativan/Lorazepam as what I take to calm me down when I'm having a panic attack or when I'm going into psychosis. Obviously, Ativan doesn't stop the psychosis, but it makes me calm enough to deal with it rationally. I've had no negative side effects with Ativan so far. Effexor, on the other hand, hasn't been great on me. I haven't gained any weight; in fact, I've lost some, so there's one positive. But I'm experiencing constant dizziness, I've blacked out about ten times, I often lose feeling in my limbs, and it doesn't seem to be helping me much with my anxiety. It did at first, which was why I was let out of the hospital, but now it doesn't have any effect in that way anymore. I don't want to tell my doctor, because if they know that everything is getting worse and the meds aren't helping, he'll probably send me back there again, and there's no way in hell that I'm going back. So, I'd like to hear others' opinions; should I just stop taking Effexor and rely entirely on Ativan, or are there negative side effects to that, too? Have you experienced anything similar on Effexor?
  16. I hate having to do this kind of thing. Don't get me wrong - I appreciate the introductions that everyone else makes and I completely understand the need for these but as someone who suffers from Social Phobia, this is not my favorite thing to do. I hate the period of time after I have posted something like this because I can't escape the second-guessing. Did I say too much or not enough? Did I come across as too negative or too smartass? Did I spell (insert word) correctly? Ugh. It is exhausting being neurotic. Anyway, here goes... I am a 40 year old female that has a big basket of diagnoses. As I mentioned, Social Phobia is one. I also have PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Panic Disorder. I am a survivor of severe physical and emotional abuse from my childhood at the hands of my mother. Saying that I tend to isolate is... well... is a ridiculous understatement. That is why I joined - to try to connect with some people that may understand what I go through. I am looking forward to checking out more of the forums and I aim to keep my promise to myself to try. I have to try, right? Right. I am right about that, right?
  17. Hi, my name is Steve (anenome), and I suffer from many many many things. Have all my life. Been there, done that. I've tried every shrink; psychotherapist; social worker; as well as every chatroom (most useless); every med...anti-psychotics; anti-depressants; mood stabilizers; uppers; downers; hypnotics; hallucinegentics; alcohol; sedatives; anti-anxieties;...you name it, and very few have worked. It has gotten to the point (and I just came across your site a couple days ago), that if this doesn't work...I'm fucked. At this point, I could use a few people who think they have alternatives (other than death), as well, the only thing keeping me going at this point is helping others...it helps me feel better about myself when I can help someone else. I have no ego, no nothing...in fact, I have hit a point of anhedonia that has even scared the last few shrinks I went to turn me down...literally. The last two I saw said my conditions are 'so acute', I am in need of a specialist...not a behavioral clinic or stress center etc. I'm talking donating my brain/body to science it's that bad. So, as you can see, I have absolutely no help...no friends, no relatives, no nothing to turn to (I'm on disability and medicaid, but medicaid is turning down...giving me a spend down next month Jan. 2012 that I cannot possibly meet, so I won't be able to afford even one or two of the 13 different meds I take daily...some several tmes a day. I'm fucked. So, talk to me please, I could use some good conversation, and should you have an option I haven't tried, tell me about it. If you need help and advice...please tell me...I'm a good listener and have MUCH experience with many things, and besides, it will give me a chance to take a break worrying about my situation. So please, I've been in total isolation/seclusion/agoraphobia for years and CANNOT just go outside and deal with people. This is going to have to be a major step-by-step process for me. Drop me a line if you are interested. My email is: [edited to remove private information - please send PMs] P.S. NO RELIGIOUS BIBLE-THUMPERS ALLOWED! NO PREACHING!! I'VE STUDIED THEOLOGY, PHILOSOPHY, ETC. ALL OF MY LIFE. YOU CANNOT CONVERT ME!!! I don't mind if you have your own beliefs that get you by, in fact, I would by intrigued by that. But don't push your ideas on me. That is all I ask. Thank you and hope to hear from you soon. Steve (anenome)
  18. Sorry to interupt anything, but I don't know where else to turn. I need advise and I need it FAST! Let me give you the rundown: Disorders: Schizoaffective (bipolar type 1 mixed); Panic Disorder; ADD; Severe Social Phobia; Acute Anxiety; Severe Agoraphobia; Severe depression Now); Chronic Pain Disorder; severe obstructive sleep apnea; severe EDS/Narcolepsy; late stage hypothyroidism; high blood pressure...and more I'm sure... Meds currently on (some for decades): Geodon 80 mgs daily; Prozac 80 mgs daily; Clonazepam 6 mgs daily; Neurontin 1200 mgs daily; Adderall 60 mgs daily; Oxycontin 80 mgs daily; Oxycodone 45 mgs daily; Baclofet 75 mgs daily; Lisinopril 25 mgs daily (blood pressure); Synthroid 75 mcgs daily; and some misc.; antibiotics, etc. Income: Was a writer/designer for about 25 years, applied for disability in 2006 and was turned down but in appeal (as of today, it's still in appeal for back pay). Attorney advised to apply a second time and was given immediately last year, and considered 'lifelong' chronic disorders, but only $1,000 per month. I also took Indiana Medicaid and Food Stamps. Story 1: I have had no luck with shrinks in a couple years and fired my last one about a year ago. My doctor has been keeping me up on my meds including pain specialist, sleep disorder specialist. But for a year now, I have been trying to find a competent shrink that takes medicaid...but have had no luck. Last two shrinks I saw...one in May 2011, and one in Oct. 2011, both said my conditions were 'too acute' and didn't have the resources etc. to treat me. They also said (and I agree from experience) that my conditions are too acute for places like behavioral clinics and stress centers (been to both several times). And they weren't the first to say maybe the only option left is ECT because I have tried every (or most) anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and mood stabilizers with no luck. I only had some luck with Geodon (which I take now), but I've gained about 50 pds and the paranoia and phobias are still strong. Abilify helped some, but gained weight, was maxed out and they took me off it. No luck with anti-depressants. Part 2: Because I had lost all hope for disability long ago, when I finally got it last year, I was in such bad shape (I was hospitalized 3 times in 5 months before and after I began getting it. Indiana medicaid sent me a letter a couple weeks ago saying I should have reported that income. Stupid me!! I figured...disability, both federal/state run; knew situation, etc. I thought it would automatically be known by state government, but I guess not. So, they immediately, without warning, cut my food stamps from $200 per month to $50 per month, and the biggie; they cut my medicaid and gave me a spend down of $300 per month before they provide anything. I immediately appealed it, but nothing has been set yet. The Problem and hope for advise: About 8 months ago, I was pretty much homeless, but came across a so-called 'friend' I knew since grade school. Known her over 35 years. She was informed of the situation, and gave me an offer I couldn't refuse..I had no other choice. (Keep in mind, we are just friends, not lovers or anything like that). After a couple months of talking, she made an offer of: I move to Lebanon, In close to her and she would be my provider until I could get the mental and physical help I needed and was stable...including help cleaning, finances, pay my bills, laundry etc. (I can no longer do daily tasks), and all I would have to do is find and establish a rapport with a shrink, therapist, doctors etc. I warned her it might take several months in my condition, she said 'quit worrying about it'...so I put my trust in her. She took everything I made including food stamps and medicaid covering everything except a $36 monthly copay for meds and found an apartment, got me set up etc. and budgeted everything so I would end up with about $150 to $200 per month left over (on good months), but after about 2 weeks of me getting in the apartment she bailed on me and won't have anything to do with me. And with my disorders, I can't do it all myself. I have also had two unsuccessful back surgeries and my pain specialist wants me to see another specialist for a third surgery. I can't do it. (Don't forget I have extreme agoraphobia; social and socio phobia (fear of public places as well as people in general). So I rarely go outside unless I have to. But with these cuts medicaid did to me, instead of just $36 per month for meds, I have to pay everything until the first $300 is paid. I DON'T have it! Like I said, I barely have $150 to $200 left per month and much of that is for emergencies like: higher utility bills depending on season etc., other meds; food that the $200 per month food stamps wouldn't take care of (yes, it's next to impossible to live off of $50 for a 7 day week of groceries, especially when you can't make it to the grocery store and you just live off frozen overpriced shit from the 24 hour CVS pharmacy across the street). So with this new spend down and cut in food stamps, I figured at minimum, I would end up at least $75+ in the hole every month. I can't afford two of my meds let alone 13! I live very cheaply. I don't have a phone, I don't have cable TV, no entertainment except the computer (which is my only way of contact with society). I have exactly 30 days of meds left, still no shrink, I've tried every resource I can come up with and I'm at a dead end. I still need part time live in help...I go a month+ without a shower or brushing; I have no clothes; I don't have a washer or dryer; I don't even have broom or vacuum cleaner...shit, I don't even have a bed...I sleep on the couch. I am waiting for replies from my last two possible resources. A social worker/case manager, and because of everything else, I going to try to find a psychologist I can talk to and maybe he can pull some strings. Does anyone have any suggestions? Is it possible to go to another country as a visitor and get proper medical treatment without losing my disability? Is there a law or exception for people like me to get this spend-down reversed? ANYTHING!!!???? I'm so sorry to take up your time, but I just have absolutely nowhere else to turn and I'm afraid I'm just going to end up being another statistic in a very short amount of time. A mentally ill nobody living on the street. I won't last two months. I am not street wise. I was decades ago, but not anymore. Again, I'm so sorry to bother you, I just don't know what else to do. Any suggestions would help and I thank you in advance...sincerely. Steve
  19. Hi, my name is Steve (anenome) and I am pretty much at my last resort. I'm not going to get into specifics, there is no point in doing that when the chances of someone getting back with you is minimal. One thing I have found in my 45 years of life is: For the most part, people (especially in chatrooms), only go when much help is needed immediately. Then, when they feel better or whatever, they basically tell you to 'fuck off'. Well, I'm not in that position. I am 45 years old and have pretty much given up on life. DO NOT WORRY!!!!! I am NOT suicidal etc. I just have no drive left. This site is pretty much my last hope. If this fails...well, let's just say the system won. So I am not going to go on and on; I gave you my username (anenome); it's all there in my profile along with my email address. If you are interested, please contact me. If you are not interested, don't contact me. P.S. NO PREACHING as far as religion goes...I respect others beliefs, I expect the same in return. I'm not out to 'USE' anyone, although I may need some help, I have MUCH experience in the mental health field. Not only 45 years of myself, but a father who tried to commit suicide about 27 years ago (was a successful dentist), but the disorders got the best of him. And I also had a younger brother with a disorder and he successfully committed suicide about 5 years ago. So I have been around the block a few times. I am also very much a non-conformist realist; I am not bound by ANY religion; am very educated...from politics to design to creative writing to quantum mechanics to chaos theory to string theory to parallel lives/universes/dimensions, etc....(just to let you know). But please, look me up, I would enjoy the company and helping others even if they have no advice for me. thank you and looking forward to hearing from you. Steve (anenome)
  20. Hey everyone! I'm new here...so be patient. I have many disorders, two of them being severe agoraphobia and panic disorder. I take 13 meds a day and am on disability. I am also on medicaid (state run). I got my disability last year while I was hospitalized and had absolutely NO IDEA I was suppose to report it to medicaid. The thought never crossed my mind. I just figured: disability-medicaid-food stamps, etc. fell hand in hand. They have all my documents, SS# etc. I thought they were basically one entity. But I got a letter from medicaid a few weeks ago and they said I didn't report the disability I was getting and they cut my benefits big time. I barely get by on my disability with medicaid covering everything anyway. I don't have cable, I don't have a car, I don't have a phone, etc. but they slapped me with a $300 monthly spend down before they will pay for anything. As it is, I end up with maybe $25 or so at the end of the month, but as of next month, instead of a $3 copay for all my meds...$36 total monthly, I have to pay the first $300. And me being on 13 meds, all I pretty much need, and some being major narcotics I've been on most of my life, I won't be able to afford two of the thirteen, let alone $300 worth. I'm screwed. I can handle the schizoaffective for a period of time as well as other things, but what I CANNOT deal with are my panic attacks! They finally put me on a cocktail of meds that have considerably cut my attacks to maybe a couple a day for maybe an hour at most...before, anything triggered an attack, and sometimes they would literally last 24-36 hours non-stop! I would pace back and fourth the hole time to the point of exhaustion. I tried drinking myself silly to stop them and nothing helped. Finally, one night (and I am not at all suicidal), I was in the basement pacing as fast as I could and could no longer take it. I grabbed a knife, went into my roomates bedroom and said 'Jack, I can't take it anymore' and I was going to just put the knife through my chest they were so bad. He got up and immediately took me to the hospital and I was put in the psychiatric ward. They gave me a shot of something major to calm me down and started me on a cocktail of: Prozac 80 mgs a day; Neurontin 1200 mgs a day; and Clonazepam 6 mgs a day. And after a week I felt better, and after a month or so, they were tolerable. If medicaid doesn't rethink that spend down and I can't afford my meds, it's just a matter of time. Like I said, the other disorders will take a little time to get worse without meds, but I CANNOT take those kinds of panic attacks again. I'm starting to get worse panic attacks since they told me that a couple/few weeks ago. I CANNOT live like that again. I've tried everything for meds with no luck...any suggestions? I've tried everything including each drug company, etc. I promise you, and it won't be voluntary or premeditated, but when those attacks come back and last a day or two, I WILL end up doing away with myself. I also suffer from Cluster headaches annually...I would rather have chronic cluster headaches year around than deal with the extremity of those panic attacks!!! I have 30 days of meds left, then I won't be able to afford them. I can either a.) quit taking all of them and have a roof over my head and in a short period of time, go crazy again without them, or b.) leave the apartment, live on the street and be able to pay the $300 per month (and that won't last long because of my agoraphobia, social/sociophobia, and the fact I'm not street smart and don't know anyone)...or take the fast way out and just commit suicide and get it over with quickly. Any suggestions? They would be much appreciated. Those of you who have had severe panic attacks like that know what I'm talking about. Thank you in advance.
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