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  1. I will try to keep this brief. I was always depressed and my senior year of college (a year ago) I had a major psychotic break where I literally thought I was flying through the universe. I was hospitalized in for two weeks, and I have been trying to fine tune my meds. I am working closely with my Pdoc, but am getting very discouraged. Any input would be appreciated. Lithium is what brought be out of my mania, and I have been on 900mg er every since. I have gone thru Latuda. Could only get to 60 mg. I took with food, but still felt ill most of the time. Cannot take Lamictal
  2. Thursday night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I don't have a clue what tr
  3. So I saw my psych doc today and he feels the best reactions I have had to control most all my symptoms are in this class of medications. Where I do not like this "named" class, I will give this one drug one more try. I have been on them all but this one. All the others I can take for short bursts of time. We are trying to find something I can take long-term. Starting tonight with 20 mg of Latuda. I also asked for Cogentin to help with the horrible muscle spasms and rigid muscles. Mail order will eventually get me the Trasadone to help with sleep and Cogentin for muscle issues. I aske
  4. Hello everyone! Where to begin... I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with some avoidant traits. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since elementary school (I am 22 now). Up til this point, I have been in and out of hospitals and treatment centers and passed around from therapist to therapist. I was heavily self- harming and abusing alcohol and other substances. A few months ago, I was sent to yet another center after a suicide attempt. Let me tell you, it changed my life. I was introduced to DBT, which has truly saved me. I am finally on th
  5. I don't know if I should class this symptom; is it a facet of bipolar disorder, or just ingrained negative thinking patterns, or an enduring part of my personality? I am paranoid of people I work with. Sounds silly, and usually perfectly sane people have trust issues around people they work with because of backstabbing, gossip, office politics etc. etc. I guess what I found different is that it seemed to be because of my mood. A few days before my period I was hyped up and mildly agitated. I was training new people who were just lowering the bar of expectation for me. Basical
  6. Hello there, my name is Spokety. I"m having trouble dealing with my paranoia. I've been hospitalized way too many times in the past couple of years, especially recently. My symptoms are hard to treat because I'll have 0 paranoia and delusions for months and then all of a sudden I'll believe all these things and next thing I know I'm in a hospital. I've ran down the street naked a couple of times as a "protest" for what I believed was a government that was purposely trying to torture me using anti-psychotics. Another time I tried to go to jail by assaulting a woman in a grocery store. It
  7. Three days ago I felt like there was mold growing in my brain and it was controlling my thoughts. I am now in a time of feeling a little less crazy, but I know in 30 minutes that might change again. Yesterday, I was waiting for someone to drive me home from church and I started believing the whole church was a cult and all religion is a mind control cult, which some people believe this but its not normal for me. I grew up in church. It made me feel very afraid. Then I started believing that demons were in my brain because of the mold in my brain. I tried to call my old pastor about this and he
  8. So basically im dead inside. I currently being emotionaly dull, i cant feel any motivation or desire to live, despite that im still doing my everyday things, going to college, working out, doing my usual duties and chores. The thing is that i have an schizoid disorder, and im very paranoid. I posted in addiction because one of the most destructive things is my addction to many things. I smoke, not weed, regular cigarettes, the thing is that my parents think that i quited smoking but i dont, i wanna quit to, i hate it, and i hate it because my parents are well known religiou
  9. Hi, I'm going to briefly describe my experience and see if anyone can relate or maybe if no one can that can answer my question about whether or not schizophrenia is a possible diagnosis for me. Basically, I have been in and out of therapy since I was 14 (I am now 25). Initially I was in talk therapy for what I perceived as depression. When I was 18 I had a really bad night that felt like it was brought on very suddenly. WARNING: potential triggers; describing paranoia and thoughts of self-harm I became convinced I was going to cut my fingers off. I had been feeling off for most of the night a
  10. For those of you who experience paranoia as well as panic, how do you cope? I had a bad attack yesterday where I felt something was behind me, and the only way I could feel somewhat safe was to put my back against the wall. This continued until my anxiety meds finally kicked in. I also called my on call facility to have someone to talk to. Anyway, does anyone have any other ideas on how to deal with something like this. It is freakin scary and I would love some answers. Thanks, Poem
  11. Hello, Warning: This is a really long post. The weird/bad stuff: So, while my Schizoaffective Disorder is mainly controlled by 3mg of Risperdal twice a day, I still have some weird things happened that I was wondering if anyone else experienced. I hear people calling my name ALL OF THE TIME. I will literally be on the bus and someone will be on their phone through a Bluetooth or something and I will look up and say, "I'm sorry, how do you know my name?" or "Did you call me?" or something. I will be sitting alone and hear my name, watching TV and hear it on the TV, etc. Or I thin
  12. So first of all i am 18 years old so i can smoke cigarettes legally,bit i still live whit my parents and they don't know I smoke. I smoke because it takes away my general anxiety and is currently the only thing that can give strength and desire to do things, so I make my life lessmiserable, the problem is that sometimes even taking my Seroquel I have hallucinations about seeing people that know me or know my parents when I smoke, there were all hallucinations until yesterday. I was walking to college when a guy that knows me and my parents was behind me, at first I fought it was an h
  13. Sometimes I get really bad anxiety when I have to go somewhere. I went to a play once and could not handle the anxiety. I had to take .5mg clonazepam to calm down. Basically I felt like everyone was watching me, like the orchestra section was staring at me. I just could not get comfortable without a med. Is this plain anxiety, or something else? I go to an event like this and I feel like the spotlight is on me and everyone is staring at me. I'm not even in the play. Move to the anxiety section if need be.
  14. This works allot for me, in instances of "he's gunna kill me" "I'm gunna be arrested, captured", etc ... Just to give in the fact that whatever is gunna happen, is gunna happen regardless and you're gunna die soon anyway so just enjoy your time before it does.. this helps ! But not in instances of someone I know is a pedophile etc.. these things I really try to convince myself are me being "delusional" , cause I don't want to believe it but I do, might convince myself I'm delusioning for a minute . Been paranoid about innapropriate relationships lately. Idk how to deal w it, w
  15. Hey guys I need your help! The past week and a half or so I've been getting progressively more paranoid and it's getting to the point I have panic attacks as I get ready to leave the house for work. I don't feel safe at work and am so stressed that I block out the majority of the day and have no idea what I do. When I shower the Shadows start chattering just quietly enough that I can't make out the words but I feel threatened by them, and they scramble my thoughts as I try to work. My pdoc just added Abilify 5mg to my meds in addition to Risperdal 3mg, Lamictal 200 mg, and Effexor 150mg. Have
  16. I don't know if anyone else experiences this particular worry but when I'm driving I won't use my windshield wipers unless I see other people using theirs. It's like I'm embarrassed and feel out of place if I don't act exactly the way they do, even though I know that no one is even paying attention to me anyway. I have many quirky things I worry about but this one struck my wife as particularly odd.
  17. I am mainly wondering where the line is between paranoia and anxiety is, but also where delusions fit in, for the sake of accuracy when I discuss things with my doctor. I will, of course, discuss in detail what I am experiencing with him, but I would like to call things by the correct name so I don't sound like I am either being dramatic or downplaying my experience. Our meetings are barely 15 minutes, so I want to be very clear with him. For example, I was recently very concerned and had a minor panic attack because I thought that my auto repair garage was going to try to kill me by me
  18. it's been years and my agoraphobia has been on and off... i am not quite sure how to get rid of it. i'm currently on a cocktail of meds... they keep me calm... but when i am out of the house.. the intrusive paranoid thoughts come and i seem not to be able to get a grip on them. I think of really bizarre stuff and it makes me question if its real or not.. like it feels real... is my imagination that good at tricking me? i thought the sky was going to fall on me once and that the road was going straight up and it made me very dizzy. does anyone else get those weird thoughts or distorted thinkin
  19. Hey folks. I had a strange event 2 years ago and I'm still trying to get out of the hole that I'm in. I had a sudden increase in depression, crying, and paranoia. Started having crying spells, usually about the topic of "healthy parent-child relations." By that I mean if I saw, or thought about, or saw a story on TV about a "touching" family event, I'd totally start bawling. I did not have that problem before that, to that extent. Human interest stories are particularly bad for me. I can also just sit and think about various things(parent-kid stuff) and I will cry. The worst is probably
  20. Hello Everybody It's my first time on this board and it looks like the right place for me with my current condition so I just wanted to say hey A little about me : I'm 23 years old and recently after developing psychosis :/ (about 3 weeks ago) and its really freaking me out ; racing thoughts, paranoia, delusional thinking, inability to form a sentence when talking to people, hard to concentrate when people are talking to me as my mind would race, fear people were judging me , isolating as a result, and to top it off , a bad bout of insomnia because ofthe racing thoughts. (I would have
  21. I'm not sure if this falls under depression but since that is my current official DX (along with social anxiety/OCD) I will put it here. Does anyone else feel like they are being watched or spied on? I mean like I'm siting at the computer and I will turn around quite often as I get the feeling someone is there watching me. I will watch the reflection in the screen to make sure sometimes. Alternatively I start thinking maybe someone has hidden a spy camera in my room, or in the shower, etc. I keep my computer webcam covered up because I worry someone could hack into it and start watchi
  22. Tip

    Thought Knot

    From the album: Tip's Mind 1

    This one is about when my thoughts are all twisted and knotted and I'm having lots of anxiety. My thoughts are twisted into a knot.
  23. Lately I've become rather convinced that anytime I say something out loud I "jinx" myself and cause it to fail. For example, if I were to say "I'm going to see this movie tonight" I feel that by saying that I will cause some unforeseen circumstance to derail my plans. My logical brain wants to believe it isn't true although I can actually name several instances in which things have gone awry only after I voice these plans to others, or even if I acknowledge them to myself. It's reached a point at which I am afraid to even think about certain things too hard for fear that I will ruin my ow
  24. I recently had a fight with my girlfriend, and it got me to reading about projective identification. I was reading things about MIs like Borderline/Narcissistic PDs and behaviors like mobbing, projective identification, and it seems like: A) There are a high number of people, close and not close, in my life who have these MIs B) I am the victim of their pathologies and also of these general behaviors I know that people are probably thinking I'm getting trigger happy with dxs, but I think in my personal life I attract them/am attracted by them. It kind of freaks me out to think
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