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Found 3 results

  1. I'm not really dating this guy, but we're in the talking stage, we've been talking since October 17th. We don't have tons in common, but when we first met i felt a spark. And that first night, the idea of sleeping in the same bed made me upset honestly. Like i've never hated the idea so much. We've had a few fights, started by me...oops? I get paranoid easy and keep thinking he's ignoring because I'm kind of clingy. But I don't feel the butterflies as much as I did in the beginning. We have a good sex life, we have the same morals, and I see myself having kids with guy and getting married later on. The thought of leaving him DESTROYS me and makes me wanna cry. At one point it didn't but now it does, it really does. I feel like he's all I know. I had this same problem with my first real boyfriend in the beginning. We have our first date this coming weekend and i'm actually super excited. He loves me for me, and has no problem with how I look or act. The good thing about us being opposite is i' m like a turtle in a shell and he is trying to break me of that. He's a country boy and i'm like a goth/metalhead. I like this different lifestyle I get introduced to, and I really wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him. I really only get butterflies when I see him, and I'm not...fighting with him. I've read so many articles that it's normal to not feel the butterflies after awhile but I know with my paranoid schizo and bpd...and anxiety...and not being on my meds...for..weeks...oops..probably doesn't help. HELP?!
  2. My first episode psychosis started June 2013, after a very stressful period which lots of problems happened at the same time and after some sleepless nights. For one week I was living in another world! I completely isolated myself and had lots of delusions and paranoid thoughts. I was thinking there was a conspiracy and all my family and friends are plotting against me. I was thinking they are controlling my internet and watching me through hidden cameras. I thought that I had a tumor or very dangerous illness and they are not telling me the truth. I was thinking they have spoken with a psychologist and he is telling them what to. All Facebook posts and emails I was receiving was a part of that plan. I didn't know what I am doing and I was writing crazy stuff on Facebook, thinking everybody is following. I also had a very strange and strong headaches and I was taking whatever pill I could think of, but none of them was working. I also had some recurring thoughts, for example reading the same comments 100 times or listening to the same music from dawn to dusk. My brain was like in a loop with obsession to specific thoughts. I didn't really know what I was doing. After that horrible week, one night I slowly remembered what I did and wrote. I realized that something is wrong with me but I didn't know what! I thought that I am becoming crazy and I cried a lot. In the morning I was calm and I thought that everything is finished. I was very happy until the headaches started again in the evening. At this point I went to the ER, and after many tests including brain MRI and Lumber puncture, the neurologist said I don’t have any physical problems and probably I have psychosis. I didn't accept that and until the end of August I still believed that I don’t have psychosis and the doctors are not telling me the real problem. They started treating me with Abilify which made me tired and after several days I had restlessness. I can say it is the most horrifying feeling in the world. I had some strange dream-like feelings and I was thinking I’m dying. Every day I was thinking of how to kill myself. I never thought that I could become better. My situation got worse and doctor stopped the Abilify and started Risperdal. After a while I had restlessness again and some very devastating feelings. Doctor reduced the dose and with this change the situation became manageable. But the problems with Risperdal was that it blocked my brain. I couldn't do anything and I was just lying in bed waiting for time to pass. After some weeks I had very severe anxiety and many panic attacks. I was thinking I was becoming crazy and I was suicidal. Doctor gave me Lorazepam and Valium on demand. I also had problems sleeping, having nightmares and night terrors. Doctor gave me some addictive sleep aid pills so I could sleep. In this horrible three months, I was still delusional and I was still thinking people are following me wherever I go, or monitoring me through cameras and so on (But I was thinking everybody is trying to help me!). Doctor said probably I have paranoid schizophrenia but he wasn't sure. Last week of August, I was less delusional and the doctor stopped Risperdal because I couldn’t do anything and my body wasn't adapting to it. But soon after, that strange headaches started again. So doctor started Zyprexa 5 mg and warned me about the weight gain and diabetes possibility. I started a diet and going to the gym. Fortunately, not only I didn't gain weight but I also lost 7 kilograms on it. Zyprexa was a miracle drug for me and all the delusions disappeared and I finally accepted my illness! My anxiety and panic attacks also get better. I reduced the dose to 2.5 mg after a while and I could sleep without sleeping pills. But after a while, I went into a severe depression and mode swings. I didn't have motivation for doing anything and I was sleeping 12 hours a day. Doctor gave me Cipralex (Lexapro). After just a week I had a terrible anxiety so I discontinued but the anxiety didn't go away! After that I struggled with anxiety for several months. I was using Xanax, Valium, Rivotril, etc. to calm down. In March, doctor started 10 mg of Prozac and my depression and anxiety got better after several weeks. In May, I reduced Zyprexa to 1.25 mg and after 2 weeks I stopped it. But severe anxiety and bad feeling started and I restarted taking 1.25 mg again. Since 2 weeks ago (July) I reduced to 0.625 mg and had a little anxiety and insomnia. But it went away after some days. I’m now quite well but still tired in the mornings. I can do my everyday tasks but I still have problems with concentration. I am planning to stay at this dose and after some weeks make it every other day and then cut it off. Is this a good idea to stop taking Zyprexa since I didn't have delusions or paranoia for about one year and am feeling normal? My other question is I don’t know what exactly my illness is!! If I had a first episode psychosis and fortunately I will not have another episode, or I am Schizophrenic? Thank you for reading my long story. Any comments would be appreciated.
  3. So, I've carried the dx of Bipolar II since I was around 20 yrs. (I turned 25 the 16th of this month) My and my husband has always wondered why I still had issues "outside" of mood swings or why it never seemed like I had a baseline period. We've known that I always had times where I seemed lethargic or dissociated; stuck inside my head. On April 10th I had an appointment at this new Neuropsychiactric center to take an array of tests to test my cognition, memory, attention, IQ, and psychological state. It took damn near 4 and a half hours! I went with my husband yesterday to get the results. The doctor started out noting my IQ was on par with my age and high cognitive abilities. He noted on my poor memory and attention as well. Well, then he threw me a curveball saying that I had many issues psychologically. He said on all of the paranoid indicators I scored extremely high and my results were similar to those with paranoid schizophrenia. I must have gave him a blank look because he reiterated saying that my results did not indicate I was Bipolar II but I was Schizophrenic. Then we talked for a while about my issues I had and my other symptoms matched up with the Schizoaffective diagnosis since mood was an issue as well. But wow, I don't know how I feel. I've always said there was something else going on but...well wow. It makes sense though because mood stabilizers never touched my problems and only anti-psychotics helped. Has anyone else gotten their dx changed from Bipolar to Schizophrenia/ Schizoaffective and not known exactly how you feel?
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