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Found 11 results

  1. Hello everyone, So it has been a while since I have posted on the forum, but I wanted to hear from others on this topic. What does identity instability look like for people with borderline personality disorder? I want to get feedback from people who actually deal with this problem. The reason is that I believe I deal with this problem (feeling like I don't know who I am, confusion about gender/sexuality, not knowing what I truly believe in, feeling like I lose myself in others, changing goals/career ideas, etc.) This is a longstanding issue. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder initially, and this was changed to Schizoaffective disorder: bipolar type. My original psychiatrist denied the possibility of BPD, but I feel like that is a more accurate dx than the other two. (In all honesty, I heard from other medical staff later on that this PDoc basically dx'd everyone as bipolar!) Also, I was diagnosed only after a reaction to a medication (which was possible due to the newly published DSM V), and I feel that the majority of "psychotic" symptoms that I experienced (that led to the dx change) were caused by the many other med cocktails I was given over the years. I'm very sensitive to medications, and have tried many to no success. I've read about real life experiences from people with all these disorders, and none of them have spoken so truly to me as borderline has. I started crying the other day because it made so much damn sense. I am not looking for a diagnoses from anyone. I just want to hear from others...I am going through a very bad stretch, and I just want to feel like I am not alone. I want to avoid posts indicating that everyone goes through identity crisis. I know that. But this is something that has been with me for a looong time. So, to anyone who is willing to share a bit of their story with me: Thank you in advance. I really need to know I am not alone in this right now. Poem
  2. As suggested, I'm reposting in this section. Once again, I am looking for help/feedback/suggestions (FOR MYSELF) on how to deal with a family member (whom I care very much for) who is exhibiting difficult "personality disorder" type behavior. I'm sorry I don't know how else to categorize her cluster of symptoms, apart from describing it as Borderline disorder or Histrionic disorder- like......I have much empathy for her, I listen to her, tell her I love her, however, her condition is getting worse. I am the only "ear" for her & person who cares about her. As you can imagine, I am getting dragged down with her into her problems, hearing her arguments with my Dad, listening to her complain every minute of the day that no one cares about her....asking what should she do....etc etc. My mother is 75 years old. She’s always been a supportive, loving, best friend to me, and I see her every year for the holidays. I give her suggestions as to what I would do (i.e. try to see another therapist, maybe try another medication) but she rejects every single suggestion I make. Here are her behaviors we are trying to deal with: Excessively sensitive to any sort of perceived criticism & is in a state of amplified distress, to the point where she breaks down into exaggerated sobbing several times per day, acting the victim, for no justifiable reason. The entire family walk on eggshells. It's become too exhausting to be around her reactive (rapidly shifting) emotional outbursts, constant need for approval/soothing, Labile, high-strung, volatile emotions; childlike hysteria, anger and pouting, physical ailments. Within hours, her mood can rapidly shift from hysterical, devaluing herself, always acting as a victim, no tolerance for stress, angry, complaining - to being very cheerful, smiling, singing around the house, etc. She is a vivacious, lively, joyful, expressive, caring person and self-reports that she is not anxious or depressed. Her behavior does not really seem particularly manic. She refuses to go to any more Therapists because she went to one that was very unhelpful (like “talking to a wall”) So she wont go…she tried 2 SSRI’s which caused weight gain (so she won’t try more) She’s on Wellbutrin which hasn’t helped. She has heart issues, so cannot try many meds. Other family members have "abandoned" her and my dad has started to ignore her because we try to help and she just gets angry, argumentative, then starts sobbing. What else can we do???? I love her very much - She just pushes us away with her behaviors. I'm sure someone here has been in this situation....?
  3. My mother is 75 years old. She’s always been a supportive, loving, best friend to me, and I see her every year for the holidays. Due to my history with depression, I have much empathy for any problems she has, listen to her, tell her I love her, etc. I’m beginning to think she has some sort of Personality disorder. Over the last 3-5 years or so, she has become: Excessively sensitive to any sort of perceived criticism & is in a state of amplified distress, to the point where she breaks down into exaggerated sobbing several times per day, acting the victim, for no justifiable reason. The entire family walk on eggshells. It's become too exhausting to be around her reactive (rapidly shifting) emotional outbursts, constant need for approval/soothing, Labile, high-strung, volatile emotions; childlike hysteria, anger and pouting, physical ailments. Within hours, her mood can rapidly shift from hysterical, devaluing herself, always acting as a victim, no tolerance for stress, complaining - to being very cheerful, smiling, singing around the house, etc. She is a vivacious, lively, joyful, expressive, caring person and self-reports that she is not anxious or depressed. Her behavior does not really seem particularly manic. She refuses to go to any more Therapists because she went to one that was very unhelpful (like “talking to a wall”) So she wont go…she tried 2 SSRI’s which caused weight gain (so she won’t try more) She’s on Wellbutrin which hasn’t helped. She has heart issues, so cannot try many meds. I know this board doesn’t usually give advice or give diagnosis (in 2nd person)… However, I am the one looking for advice MYSELF to help me (& my father) deal with her and this stressful condition (which I’m not sure if this fits any diagnosis??) that is destroying our family relationship.
  4. Hi everyone, I edited this post because I decided it would be better to leave particulars out. However, I know someone who I suspect may be on the Schizoid continuum and was wondering if those of you with that diagnoses would be willing to share their experiences with the disorder. Can you be social, even though you don't want to be? Do you absolutely prefer to be alone and shun social contact, or have a few people that you can tolerate in your life? How does it feel inside, or better yet how do you try to express your internal state? Do you feel split? Do you crave a connection with others, but can't act on it? Sorry for all the questions. I just want answers "straight from the horse's mouth" so to speak. Thank you, Poem
  5. Less than a year ago I began seeing a new therapist after the other retired. By the second session it became clear the pattern of behaviors I've been living with, and avoidant personality disorder is what he threw out to me as I'd been saying I wish I had a name for this, know depression couldn't be the only reason behind what I was going through. Ever since then I've been trying to break up the pattern and do the opposite of what I naturally lean towards. I'm making a little progress, but it still hangs around in my mind the idea that it's too late to make a difference. I'm too set in my ways and will just have to live with the misery they cause. Anyway, I just started a new job about 6 weeks ago and I'm having a rough time. Training is killing me. I'm being watched and my anxiety about making mistakes actually causes me to make more of them. The embarrassment is beyond what I can tolerate. There have been too many days already where I've felt I'd rather die than put myself through another day of it all. I feel totally exposed and as if everyone around can see how awful I am. That I don't really belong there and shouldn't continue. I don't expect support, but I just needed to share this somewhere. I've decided to increase sessions with the doctor as I try to adjust to the new people/situation of my job, because I've thought about hurting myself again. The isolation, the fear and near panic I go into when I consider disappointing people...It seems hopeless now. I can't really change and yet I can't see living like this forever.
  6. Hi I know there is a sense of irony if you write NPD and then write help but any way... I was referred to see a personality disorder specialist which came to me as a surprise. Initially I assumed that my CPN(community psychiatric nurse) was thinking that I might have BPD despite having Bipolar Type 1 with proper full on psychotic and violent manic episodes. So I approached her with this assumption and said with a sarcastic tone 'Do you think I am over-sensitive?' 'Do you think I feel empty inside?' Do you think I'm overly emotional?' 'It's my bipolar diagnosis isn't it, the symptoms? 'I don't need bleeping CBT, all I need is my lithium and my quetipine!' Then, she said something I would have never expected, 'I think you might be suffering from narcissism. That's why I referred you to the PD specialists.' I was surprised and it got me thinking. Yes, I can be very selfish and yes I can be very arrogant, but isn't that normal? You are wandering now probably, narcissists would always hate the stigmas surrounding NPD (since it's about them), if I am a narcissist.......... wouldn't I avoid talking about it!? Well that is true, I denied it at first when I heard it, but today...this day, I am writing this post and I'm feeling like a really different person. You see, my depression side of my Bipolar came back and it's really intense at the moment. It started with anger and me being really grumpy but about a week ago I almost got admitted to hospital for feeling suicidal. At the moment I'm still depressed to that point, and a lot of memories are starting to came back, things that I found irrelevant, silly and funny and didn't feel any guilt or any tiny bit of remorse about them. There were some things that I did (non-violent things)........ I told various people(who had some history) to kill themselves or to cut themselves when I had arguments with them and got offended. Once I had an argument with this bossy girl when I was in a psychiatric ward a couple of years ago, she told me I'll never make anything out of my life, I got angry and wrote a letter with reasons why she should end her life and included a razor in it and gave it to her. Then I didn't really care and didn't felt guilty at all, and I did laugh afterwards when she came out with just three superficial scratches on her arm. I am a horrible person, I lie and lie all the time,I am such an experienced liar that I can make people believe anything I say and especially manipulate people to achieve my desires. I can be so superficial sometimes. I even just say horrible things on a day to day basis when I'm offended and that can be quite often. My house mate was telling me that I dream too high and I'll never reach the top because no one is perfect, I told her, I hope you choke on your own yoghurt (yoghurts are her weakness) Now that I'm depressed, surprisingly I can recognise all these tyrannical atrocities through an emotion called guilt which I don't normally feel. So if I have NPD, it goes away when I'm severely depressed. I just want to put it out there , in order to be a normal selfless person do I have to be severely depressed? So let's say I stay depressed, how do I deal with the guilt? Last week when I wasn't feeling so fab I wrote a suicide note and I wrote "I am monster, I'm horrible and I'm becoming more draconian as I grow, I need to stop this. Before it gets too late." I can't deal with the guilt... So I have two questions Am I narcissist? and how could I possibly accept help (when I am not depressed) since I'm so arrogant and selfish ? & Should I find a way to keep my self severely depressed since my personality is not the same as when I'm depressed and if I do, how to I deal with the guilt?
  7. I've read that group therapy is usually suggested for learning social skills and whatnot. I don't know anything about group therapy and I'm probably not the only one, so I was wondering if someone would care to share their experiences and maybe explain what it is all about. What kind of people are usually grouped together, how much are you expected to share, do you get assignments, etc. Also, I'm worried that I'd end up being mean to the others, I don't know what to do about that.
  8. Hello, my name is Simone. I've checked out this place a few times and I finally decided to make an account. I got out of inpatient a few months ago and I'm doing pretty good, but I do need support from time to time to keep me on track. This website seemed friendly and has a bit of a twisted sense of humor, which is awesome by me. I'm a member of some other support sites, but they are for specific problems and I needed a place that was more general because, like most people, I have more than one problem. I am diagnosed with Major Depression, Dysthymia, and Personality Disorder NOS. I struggle with severe self-harm and Trichotillomania- one reason I like online support groups, because I don't have to worry about people staring at me the entire time! Anyways, I love meeting new people and I am a great listener, so drop by to say hi if you would like Thanks for reading!
  9. I'm just curious to hear your thoughts on this. I am generally able to spot the "craziest" person in the room, just by their eyes.I believe I am able to pick up the vibes of people with mental illness/personality disorders....and I tend to get along very well with those people! Do you guys also have the ability to spot these people?And aren't they the greatest? I believe mental illness/personality disorders are just a coping mechanism & it's a damn good one too.Just makes us stronger/more intuitive/more sensitive and dare I say...more intelligent. Any thoughts?
  10. My problems seem really trivial compared to what a lot of people are going through. I'm almost embarrassed to post about them because they seem so petty, but at the same time I know that my life is going to hell in a handbasket right now, or at least getting there, and I can't talk to anyone about it. You don't have to read it all, I just want it written down somewhere so I can remember when all the details go fuzzy. Let's start with the basic stats. I'm 15 years old. I am a sophomore in college - yes, "real" college, not college classes in high school or college prep or whatever. I'm triple majoring and double minoring, and graduating at least 1 semester early. I don't get along with my parents. I have been through multiple rounds of therapy and have never liked any of my therapists. I've also had a lot of bad experiences with confidentiality issues/therapists not understanding me. Over the summer my therapist and psychiatrist essentially tried to blackmail me into taking my medication (Lamictal), so I fired them both - but only after they betrayed my confidentiality to my parents, whom I dislike and do not get along with at all. (The Lamictal didn't do anything for me, BTW. Neither did the Prozac I was taking up until a little while ago.) I first went to therapy in fourth grade, hated it and thought it was stupid because the therapist was really ineffective. After around fifth grade I stopped going, and stayed out of therapy until I was caught cutting at college my freshman year (last year). According to college policy I probably should have been expelled, but because I'm sort of a trophy student they let me stay on the condition that I attend mandatory weekly therapy. I did this, which involved a lot of B.S.ing the therapist. I hated it the whole time and resented being forced to do something that only made me more paranoid and afraid. Around the same time, my mood swings increased in length and severity. I would spend days on end listless, only dragging myself to class because I knew what was at stake if I let people see there was something wrong. I started hearing voices, which later developed into pseudo-personalities. The summer after freshman year the college promised me I'd be done with mandatory therapy, but they changed the rules at the last minute after I refused physical examination and made it conditional that I attend therapy over the summer if I wanted to come back in the fall. I found a therapist and a psychiatrist in Colorado, my home state, and was subsequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and personality disorder NOS. Neither of these came as a surprise to me, as I had already researched both as possible explanations for what was happening to me. Although the cutting at school had made my parents totally freak on me, I had mostly managed to convince them that I was fine until the end of that summer, when the aforementioned blackmailing occurred. I managed to return to school (barely, and only because I spent a long time convincing my parents I wasn't a suicide risk) and found a different therapist and psychiatrist in Virginia, where I go to college. After a few months I went off my meds (Prozac) and stopped seeing my psychiatrist, without my parents' knowledge. They also don't know that I haven't been to see my therapist in weeks. Right now, I'm doing okay in that I'm not really depressed or really manic. I'm worried, though, because everything seems so blank. For the past few weeks I've experienced breaks with reality - not knowing/understanding where I am, or what day it is, or what I'm doing; everyday information like the time seeming nonsensical; feeling detached from the world and having difficulty separating thoughts/dreams from reality; having difficulty remembering things that happened, even if they happened very recently. The voices aren't as strong as they used to be, which is also odd - it's like parts of my mind have just been temporarily obliterated, and sometimes they come back and sometimes they don't. I also experience rapid mood cycles - hypomanic to depressed in a single night, and then I'm fine in the morning - and I've started cutting in visible places again. I know that it's an easy way to get caught but somehow that knowledge doesn't feel real, either. I've contemplated suicide and come very close a few times before, but right now I'm not actively suicidal. I feel like I might kill myself just to see what would happen, I'm that divorced from the real world right now. I've also just about stopped eating and sleeping, and maintain minimum functionality levels through coffee and Diet Coke in excessive amounts. Sorry for the *very* long rant. I don't know what I'm looking for . . . sympathy, advice, thoughts, all are welcome. I can't talk to my p- or tdocs because they're convinced nothing much is wrong with me, and I'm scared of what would happen if I revealed how bad things are. I can't talk to my parents because they might pull me out of school, which is the one thing I'm holding on to right now, and I can't talk to friends because they have reported me to the college staff several times before for "self destructive behavior" and I don't want to go through that again. I feel like I am a burden on the world and I realize that the world would go on easily without me. I feel like I'm just sort of drifting through life, not doing anything of importance, just existing. I'm so apathetic that I've started doing things that not even the worst depression could make me do - skipping homework, forgetting assignments or meetings and not studying for tests. I'm scared that this will have an effect on my future, but honestly at this point I'm not even sure I have a future. Again, all comments are welcome. Thank you.
  11. Hey guys, just wanted to say hello to all you OCD'ers out there and thought I'd start a thread for OCPD. As msot of you know, OCPD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, which I was diagnosed with about 2 years ago. Essentially, it means that you don't have a compulsive trigger & response, (checking, counting, turning knobs certain ways, etc), but rather entails your entire life being something you want to manage and alter to a state of perfection in any way possible. I've attached an interesting description of OCPD that's from the OCD Foundation itself, which includes indications, possible triggers, and behavioral patterns found in people with the disorder. I personally had regular OCD when I was about 10 (obsessive hand-washing), but was able to get rid of that. I think that, while I was able to get over the hand-washing, the OCD just morphed into OCPD as time progressed, and just continued to get worse. Now, my medication cocktail keeps me pretty stable, but I'll occassionally have episodes that cause me to revert back into OCPD mode, and only realize I'm in that mindset after arguing with somebody over how something should be done, etc. It's kind of freaky, but I just thought I'd post the following in case any of you guys were interested. I used to fit this description all-too-perfectly, especially during my first two years of high-school, but after taking larger doses of SSRI's mixed with some longer half-life benzos, things are pretty much under control nowadays. Thanks for listening! Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) What is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)? OCPD is a type of “personality disorder” with these characteristics: Rigid adherence to rules and regulations An overwhelming need for order Unwillingness to yield or give responsibilities to others A sense of righteousness about the way things “should be done” ruled under OCPD demands can be very frustrating and upsetting, often leading to conflict. (Staff note: the balance of the article was deleted to protect CrazyBoards from being prosecuted for violating the copyright laws. Please click on the link below if you would like to read it in its entirety.) Author: Barbara Van Noppen, Ph.D., University of Southern California Copyright © 2010 International OCD Foundation (IOCDF), PO Box 961029, Boston, MA 02196, 617.973.5801 http://www.ocfoundation.org
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