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Greetings everyone, I had honestly forgotten about my mood disorder. I have gone for years without any major episodes. Over the summer I had renewed my eyeglasses/contact prescription from a clinic affiliated with my childhood. In my file they had mailed me, it stated a diagnose of bipolar. Yeah right, had taken medication in my younger years for both depression and adhd. I experienced extreme reactions to both. Whatever. Long time ago anyways. I'm just a dude with lots of empathy, my motto is care more. Never looked back. Then... yah know, 'till now. Heh... Had a long hypomanic period (almost a year) that enveloped two short states (about a week or two a piece) of depression. It ended in a four to five week period of mania. Not the feel good everything is sweet, but dysphoricky, psychotic kind, terminologies, mixed, mind trickery bleh. Sucky. I feel pretty fucking depressed right about now. Postdroming would be the hip lingo methinks. Or post-whatever-whatever. When I was manic I related my experience to times in my past I had felt similar. This most recent bout, the most extreme by far, is not the first time I have experienced hallucinations or delusions during those "difficult" times. Anyways, it seems that for the most part, I float from one period of hypomania to the next with intermittent periods of mild depression. Up and down, up and down for two, three, four years then... boom! Shit just gets unreal, blend of all symptoms. Depression for a few months, rinse and repeat. To pose my question, is there a possibility that one could spend so much time on the manic side of life? It is kinda opposite of the descriptions for bipolar 2 I have read, I dunno maybe. My depression only feels like contrast to my elation. Hard to describe. As difficult as it is right now, it is not nearly as terrifying as my mania. Also, is it realistic to pursue a life without medical attention until one should really be institutionalized during full mania? Would I be lying to myself by embracing my hypomania? Maybe I am just not experiencing any symptoms during those times and I'm just a philosophical, passionate, eccentric. It all just reads like hypomania...fuck. I don't know, I am trying to understand. Crazy talk... Though I have read that episodes can last for a long time. Maybe I have just learned to cope with depression but not mania. I don't know. I am not suicidal but have had suicidal ideations during my episodes. A close friend of mine since childhood had a psychotic episode or break last year and is being effectively treated for psychosis. I know that medication serves a very real purpose. I mean, my mother has struggled with controlling her bipolar type 2 with various medications her entire life, but it helps her control it. I have always had poor experiences with any sort of medicines aside from antibiotics. Hah! Had some pretty weird hallucinations after getting a tetanus shot with some added violent mood swings, paranoia and blacking out forgetting where you are kinda shit. Lasted three days. Hard to paint a house with that goin on. Avoid ladders... Maybe I'm just afraid... A lot has been going through my head. Not as bad as it was for a minute though. That being said, care more my friends and thank you for any input. May we build eachother up! We may not heal, we may not get stronger, but damn it, we will get better at fighting!