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Found 12 results

  1. 1.) How many people here have decided to forgo having children because you have Mental Health issues? Are you glad that you stayed childless? 2.) If you DID have kids - do you regret your decision? Was it more (or less) challenging/upsetting/depressing than you expected? 3.) Does anyone here feel that having kids was the most fulfilling, meaningful choice in their life? Why?
  2. Is it normal to seem as though you have just developed a linea negra even tohugh you are a virgin who suffers with psychosomatic pregnancy issues?
  3. Please can someone help. I am very stressed and worried. I am 19 weeks 3 days pregnant and have been taking 400 mg of quetiapine the whole pregnancy so far for physocosis, insomnia, and anxiety. Can someone please tell me if they have ever or is taking Quatiapine during pregnancy ??? If so how did it effect the baby, mentally.. physically.. please Help. I don't think me stressing about the answers to this is good for me and the child.
  4. Hello old friends. Well, I'm having some difficulty. My husband and I have decided to try for another baby. That means I had to go off my meds (which were Cymbalta 90 and Abilify 5 mg.) Pdoc switched me to a new therapy called EnBrace. It's a multivitamin that is heavy on a type of folate and it's specifically made for depression. I've been taking this EnBrace for a few weeks now and I have to say, I feel better than I did the last time I ditched my meds, when I wasn't taking anything. But I am still having some problems. I'm moderately depressed in general, crying a lot. But I can deal with that... The weird thing is, I feel like I am losing my mind. I have been thinking a lot about spiritual nonsense and believing that I'm having meaningful dreams... In one case I even heard a voice of my baby (even though I'm not pregnant yet, we haven't started trying) calling "mooooom" to me.... I believe it was true and I am scared and disturbed by it all. I am not sure if this is psychosis or being off the meds is actually opening me up to the spirit world. I really don't want anything to do with this spiritual stuff and I want to go back on my meds, but I also want a baby. And now that I heard the baby's voice I don't want to tell it "Sorry, I decided not to have you." My husband thinks that if I just exercise and eat right I will be ok. I am just not feeling well at all. In other news, I did stop drinking for the most part. I hope everyone else here is fine.
  5. So my husband and I are working on another baby, and of course my thoughts turn to all of the meds that I'm taking. My pnurse and I decided I should only take max 1-2 drugs. After some research, only one of the things I take is relatively safe for me to take (Wellbutrin). Everything else will need to be tapered if at all possible, and just stopped if not. I'm just curious what experience the rest of you might have had with tapering meds for pregnancy. Did you have a lot of trouble being off your meds? Did you have a plan for going back on them after birth? Anything you can share would be helpful.
  6. Hi everyone, I'm new here, but have been reading a TON from the various forums over the past week. I've been struggling with major depressive disorder for 20 years - since I was 16. I typically have around 3 severe depressive episodes per year, each of which tends to last anywhere from 1 to 4 months. I've been on a ton of different medications, been hospitalized 3 times, done outpatient programs at least twice, and have been in therapy for 19 years with the same wonderful therapist. With my most recent episodes (of which I am in the middle of one now), my psychiatrist and therapist both are describing me as treatment resistant. We are considering ECT (I have a consultation with the ECT doc next week - I've been basically living in the ECT forum all week). In the meantime, my doc has increased my dosage of Lexapro and added Wellbutrin. I have been on Lexapro for several years and we thought it might have been working, even though I still had 2-3 depressive episodes per year. I started out at 20mg of Lexapro, and now I'm on... wait for it... 100mg. I've never heard of anyone being on such a high dose, and I'm wondering if anyone here has heard of it. I asked my pdoc if that was a safe dosage and she said it all depends on the individual and their tolerance and side effects. I haven't had any major side effects. To complicate things further, my hubby and I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years (have had 3 miscarriages). Everyone agrees that it would be far less harmful for the fetus for me to be on an antidepressant than for me to be as severely depressed as is my norm. Pdoc did say that we'll stop the Wellbutrin as soon as I know I'm preggo, but I've stayed on Lexapro during my last 3 (failed) pregnancies. I can't help but wonder if the meds are contributing to the miscarriages, though I know 100% I cannot be off them. Whew! That's a LOT of info. I'm sorry for the novel! I'm thrilled to have found this forum, and you guys seem like a very intelligent, supportive, and well-informed group. Thanks so much for reading and letting me know your thoughts!
  7. Hi Everyone I'm new (hence the introductory post lol) here and wanted to share a bit about me. I have been reading this forum for awhile and you all seem very kind and helpful. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years. I am now 26 (actually my birthday is tomorrow lol) and I work in a helping profession and recently went from full time at my job to 32hrs per week because I feel overwhelmed. I have loving and supportive family, boyfriend and friends. I have been in IP once before for an anxiety attack that began a major depressive episode (lasted about a month). I was put on Pristiq 50mg and it worked well for a few years, but the withdrawal symptoms if I took a dose late were getting out of control, so I was weaned off of it. Currently I take zoloft 100mg daily and Ativan .5 twice as needed daily. I take Provigil twice daily for fatigue (nap at least twice per day without it) for a total of 300mg. Also, I was on birth control for 9 years and since i stopped it last June - I realized I also most likely have Premenstrual Exacerbation of my anxiety/depression symptoms. My life is currently at the mercy of my symptoms and I feel like I am drowning. My Pdoc and Tdoc had a little chat this week and decided they would like to put me on BuSpar. My libido is already very low and I am afraid that the Zoloft and BuSpar could make it worse and or cause weight gain. *sigh* we'll see! Thanks for reading my random complaints haha - feel free to say Hi in the comments! Dx: Anxiety, Depression, Suspected PME Current Rx: 100mg Zoloft, 300mg Provigil, 1mg Ativan PRN Former Rx: 50mg Pristiq
  8. So, I found out on Monday morning that I'm pregnant. I stopped taking my meds with the exception of the Prozac because I know my cousin was recently on an ssri while pregnant and everything went fine. I know I need to talk to my pdoc and my next appointment with her is soon (the 1st); I'm just curious if anyone has any experience to share regarding meds and pregnancy. And I have an appointment with the obgyn's office this Monday, so I can ask them, too. I know that taking care of myself in turn takes care of the baby, but I don't want to be using meds that could potentially harm the baby, either. I looked up the pregnancy class for my meds (in my signature) and all I could find for all of them was class C and the advice that if the benefits of using the medication outweigh the potential risks, then use the medication. The exception is the kolnopin which is class d. I'm just very wary about all of this. Also, if anyone has general advice on being bipolar and pregnant (sounds like a winning combo, right??), it would be much appreciated. I know I'm in for an interesting 9 months.
  9. Hello Crazies! I haven't been around in a while, so I'll give you a short bio: I just celebrated the 2nd anniversary of my 29th birthday (for those of you who don't feel like doing math, that means I'm 31) and my husband and I are ready to start a family. I have dysthymia, major depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. I had been taking Ativan PRN, Lexapro, and Wellbutrin, but I'm down to just the WB so I can minimize the risk to our as-yet-unconcieved fetus. I think I'll be okay without the Ativan, which I take very rarely anyway, and without the Lexapro, which was only 5 mg a day anyway. The WB was non-negotiable. I am a useless puddle of misery without it, and that's not good for baby or mommy. I consulted with my pdoc, ob, tdoc who has 3 kids, gp, and several other doctors before making this decision, so I feel pretty good about it. What sucks is the brain shivers. I did 5 mg every other day with the Lex for a week (I was already splitting 10 mg tablets and didn't think cutting them into quarters would work very well) and took the last dose a week ago. The brain zaps set in a couple days ago and have been in overdrive since late yesterday. Any guesses as to how long they'll last? I've got some other concerns with all of this. I get UTI's pretty easily anyway, and that's supposed to be more common during pregnancy. Then there's the whole OMG I'm going to be responsible for a tiny human thing, which is pretty freaky. Here's hoping I get knocked up soon so I can go back to my chemical routine as soon as possible!
  10. I know it's stupid. It was thoughtless, irresponsible, immature..., well I could go on, but I won't. We had sex, I won't go into details, but there's this really really tiny, but nonetheless existing chance of me being pregnant. I don't know yet, I'm still waiting. It's very unlikely, but ever since we had sex, I FELT pregnant. I don't want to be, he doesn't want me to be.. we've talked about it. We can't become parents right know. We're too young, and it would just mess up everything. Still, I had this strong feeling. And some suspicious symptoms, that caused my mother (she's kind of sensitive when it comes to stuff like that.. mother's instinct, maybe) to repeatedly aks me wether I was pregnant, making remarks, asking for reasons for my strange mood etc. Now I stopped taking my meds. I know that's stupid, too. But I can't go on taking them. I don't want a child right now. But it feels like I'm hurting "it" without knowing that it exists. It's more of a feeling than a thought. I just can't make me do it. I didn't tell anyone, neither my mom nor my boyfriend. I know it's wrong. But I will tell my tdoc next week. We have an appointment. Maybe by then I'll know more about my "situation" Please don't just tell me I'm stupid. That one I know already... Well... feel free to yell, but it would be great if you could maybe help me to put things in perspective...
  11. I'm new. I’m reaching out for support here because I don’t know where else to go. I’ve distanced myself from everyone other than my husband and counselor out of shame. I pray and I go to counseling, but it just isn’t enough. I need help. Please be kind. I know I’ve done the unforgivable, but I’m having a hard time just making it through the day without killing myself anymore. My husband is considering divorce and he has very valid reasons. He moved out and many states away to live with his parents (he is 25) and asked me to move to the same area and get an apartment. I have. I’m currently just under five months pregnant with our first child and that is making the whole thing much harder. In theory, we are trying to work things out, but I don’t think he is sure of that decision. He left because I lied to him for years. It was a mistake. I thought I had a good reason when I started, but of course I didn’t, and once it started I didn’t know how to get out of it. I told him I had no contact with my biological family except for a sister. I did this because I was on very bad terms with them at the time and planned to cut them out of my life entirely, and didn’t want to involve him in the drama because I thought it would scare him away. We hadn’t been together very long when that lie started. But things didn’t work out the way I planned. The economy crashed, we lost our jobs, and I turned to those same relatives for money and they helped. But I didn’t know how to come clean with him and the lie continued. So I stayed in contact with them, gradually my relatives and I got along better, they continued to help out financially when we needed it, but I still wanted them out of my life. I continued the contact to get the money, to keep us off the streets. In short I used my relatives, and the lie to my now husband continued. I made excuses for where the money came from. He never knew. And that wasn’t the only thing I lied about. There was another big one: my age. We didn’t talk about it at all for a while. When he first thought to ask how old I was, it was after we’d slept together and actually moved in together with a roommate. And I panicked, because I was under 18 still (I’m 21 now) and he wasn’t. So I told him that I just didn’t like talking about my age and didn’t elaborate for months. And that is true; I don’t like talking about it. I spent a while on the streets as a young teen and then in an abusive live-in relationship with someone older, and I learned it was a bad idea to ever mention age because it could get me in trouble. Police could get called, I could go to foster care, and other fears. When he wouldn’t let it drop I lied about it too. I thought he would leave me over what I just saw as a number. I told him I didn’t know how old I was, because I didn’t have a copy of my birth certificate and there was some doubt surrounding my age. I supposedly got it cleared up just before we were married to keep up the lie and present a valid birth certificate in order to get married. I didn’t have a copy of my birth certificate for years while we lived together, but the reason wasn’t the one I gave him. We’ve been together roughly five years, married for under a year. We’ve lived together all but a few months of that time. We have had a lot of relationship problems aside from this. He has had two affairs with the same woman, so trust issues aren’t new to us, this is just the first time he hasn’t trusted me. There have been a few physical incidents as well, if you can call it that. He has held me down against my will on three different occasions and the last time it left marks. The last time was about a year ago now. We have fights that escalate, that started after I became pregnant. He didn’t touch me, just yelled and yelled after I asked him to stop, and I ended up in the ER immediately following two of the arguments because of bleeding and miscarriage scares and the doctor told me it was the stress. I nearly left him when things were bad after the ER incidents. Because we had another really bad fight, I locked myself in the bedroom and he kept yelling through the door, and then he called the police and told them I was armed and trying to hurt myself (neither were true, but since then he has said that he wanted them prepared for the worst.) The operator told him to get away from the door so I could get out, so I packed and left, and he followed me down the block until the police showed up. They checked me for weapons, saw his claim was false, and separated us. But I guess he still went to the magistrate to file some mental health thing against me. We reconciled, I thought. But while we were working on things, he had gotten in touch with my relatives and secretly asked them to fly to where we lived and help him confront me. They did. He moved out of state and so have I, at his request. There have actually been quite a few more problems than that, but I won’t get in to them right now. We’ve had a lot of wonderful times too and I want to save this marriage. A bit about the relatives. I moved out of their house as a young teen. My mother and I had a lot of problems and I didn’t feel safe. She self harmed, she was suicidal throughout my childhood, and we fought all the time. Not normal fights like teenagers and parents have, but stuff that would start small and really get out of hand, even when I tried hard to stop it. She also forced me on a medication that was supposed to be for chronic pain but caused psychotic episodes and I could never trust her after that, because she refused to let me stop taking it when I begged. Lots of bad things happened. I tried to talk to my father about everything that was happening with her, he wasn’t there much, and he didn’t believe me. So I brought him tape recordings of an argument, but he refused to listen to them. I stopped trusting him and I knew he would never protect me if I needed it. So when we got in a fight and she said I could leave and to never expect a welcome back, I left. I crashed on friends’ couches for a while until I ran out of places to stay. Then I lived on the streets and friends covered for me when people asked where I was. Then I got together with a guy who gave me a place to live. He became abusive. I have complex PTSD from that. I moved out after a couple of years to a different city. Things stayed bad with the relatives. We still fought, but over the phone instead. That was what it was like when my husband and I first got together. And now he is understandably hurt and angry. He lives with his parents. I live in an apartment in the same city, supposedly so we can work on our marriage. I’m pregnant. He is considering divorce. I’m in counseling to deal with a host of issues that I’m sure you can see here. He is trying to find a counselor for himself, with no luck so far. I want us to start marriage counseling, but he isn’t sure when or if that will happen. One of his other conditions for working this out is family counseling with my relatives, which my mother, father, and half-sister are supposed to attend with me if they are willing, but he will not be attending. I’ve signed consent forms so that my counselor can tell him everything that goes on in my sessions. I make sure there is proof every week that I’ve been there. I try to be completely transparent. But he has no interest in talking about the issues. I see him once in a while, but not much, because he wants distance. I’m trying really hard to find a job because I don’t have much money left at all, and we have a debt to clear up in our previous state as well. We have separate bank accounts now though. While I’m excited about the baby, the pregnancy hormones are making everything so much worse. But the baby is keeping me from smoking cigarettes, drinking, or doing anything self destructive that I might otherwise in this situation, and I know that is good at least. I do struggle with suicidal thoughts on an almost hourly basis right now, but I don’t want to do anything stupid because I love this baby. I hate to see my husband in so much pain and I know I caused it. I do want to fix things. I’m doing everything I can think of and everything he asks. It is so hard. I love him with all my heart; he is my husband and the father of the child I’m carrying. I’m a heartbroken wreck and I have only myself to blame. Please, any advice or support is most welcome. Please be kind though. I know what I’ve done. I’ve taken responsibility for it. I’m doing everything I can to fix things. And I can’t take much more. Thank you.
  12. I am having a complete hysterectomy next month, this month if they can move it up. The end of my reproductive years is nigh. I find myself grieving intensely at moments, something that has surprised me. I've found a couple of people to talk to about it, and they've agreed with me that no one talks about this grief, or the celebration of our reproductive years, or the fears of what is to come. We start with our menarche when still girls, and first deal with the trials of menstruation. Some experience this as a painful event, others as a pain. Many are excited to become "a woman" or at least a developed girl. At some point, we become sexually active and have to face the possibility of pregnancy. Some of us seek out birth control. Many experience the pregnancy scares, failed birth control, oopsies. Unintended pregnancies and the choices that go along with that - abortion, motherhood, adoption - can force us to grow up quickly. We have the opportunity to choose pregnancy when we are ready. Others experience the pain of infertility. And somewhere along the line, we learn that miscarriage is a regular experience, not some unlikely event. We bear children, and watch our bodies transform into miracle makers. We learn about our new body, and say goodbye to the one we will never have again. We return to the cycle of reproduction, with all of its choices and challenges. At some point, we choose to stop having children. There is a grief there all its own. Some women need hysterectomies for health reasons. Others continue into menopause. No matter what, at some point, our reproductive years end. And we realize that those years defined thirty or forty years of our life, our definition of ourselves as women, in part. We say goodbye to that person we will never be again. It is HARD. There is enormous grief there, the knowledge that you can never become a mother again, that that part of womanhood is no longer there, that you won't be reminded every month of the life cycle. Looking back, you realize that you forgot to celebrate parts of this journey along the way. That maybe you had too many or not enough kids, or no kids at all. That you had kids too early or too late. That these years were a gift you forgot to say thank you for. I cry. I had an ultrasound and asked for one last picture of my empty uterus, of this incredible organ that has been so much a part of me, of who I have been, for so many years. It was against the rules, but the tech gave me one. So I want to talk about this. I know there are few here who have finished this cycle. But I still want to talk about the grief as those who have chosen no more children surely understand part of it. I am grieving, yet curious about the next phase. How will I be a woman after my reproductive years end? And, also, of huge concern, how will my mental health be affected. I'll be going on hormone replacement, my sex life is already screwed by meds and sexual abuse, and my bipolar is still unstable. Plus the usual PTSD shit. I'm wondering how others have experienced this, either the grief side or the mental health side. Thanks for reading so long!
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