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  1. I had a terrible manic/psychotic episode last August, and I'm having a great deal of difficulty letting go of certain elements of the experience. I keep being gripped with the feeling I've made a terrible mistake of some kind that's going to result in something bad, but other times I'm able to reassure myself that's not the case. What's really bad is when i start to argue with myself internally about it, which can make me panicky. I do take Depakote and Zyprexa, so it's not like I'm not taking my meds. Has anyone else had this kind of trouble? I thought about posting this in OCD but it seemed
  2. "Best" as in being effective with fewer side effects. Which ones were the best for you? Which ones did you take? What condition(s) did you treat? What side effects did you get? How did the antipsychotics compare to "conventional" antidepressants? Can antipsychotics be an alternative to "conventional" antidepressants? What are the risks? What are the benefits? Do they make you a tomato with time? Psychiatrists prescribe them more often in recent times, it seems.
  3. Sometimes out of the blue I get this feeling that I did something wrong and people will come to get me, because of this. Then I keep on reviewing what I did throughout the day and see that I did not do anything wrong. What causes this? Is this ocd or paranoia? How to prevent/deal/improve with this?
  4. Hello All, Looking for an opinion on something. I was put on Cogentin (Benztropine) 50mg a day for a neuroleptic crisis some years back. Almost immediately, I had visual hallucinations and even reported them to the nurse, who ignored it. Things spiraled out from there and my bizarre behavior got largely ignored, thanks to being under-insured. Eventually, I developed a heart arrhythmia so I was required to cold-turkey it. I don't wish benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome on anyone. I had been on the medicine as well as narcotic-vicodin for about a year at that point. However, it made me wond
  5. Had a tiny fight with my psychiatrist, he seems to be dobuting my diagnosis. In the hospital they tried to say i was bpd with bipolar, but my psychologist says i cant be bpd and even my psychiatrist used to think im not. I dont have any bpd traits other than emotional inestability. Anyways im mad bc people dobut my psychotic symptoms he thinks is just something from my imagination or something "typical" from me. Im mad bc the new medication is not working and now i have panic attacks i didnt had before. The hospital kinda helped kinda made things worse. I feel like my doctor has left me behin
  6. Do you ever have ultra-rapid/mixed-type episodes (imagine the flavor of uncontrollable crying, deep despair, hopelessness, with added dash of hysteria and near-psychosis). These episodes repeat each month (3-4x), but only last 1-2 hours...they have become more & more erratic as I've become older. It can be a small trigger, stress builds and it's like a mini-nervous breakdown, feelings overwhelm, before I can pull myself out. It can be quite traumatic, honestly. No one can tell me what this major brain blip is. Most doctors have diagnosed me with major depression, but then I have these
  7. Hello, I am new and am wondering if anyone else has had their neurotransmitter levels tested. By that I mean things like dopamine, serotonin, nueroepiniphrine, GABA, the ratios of these things and all that jazz. Despite a lifetime of psychosis, I never spoke to a doctor about my mental issues in truth. I did have to sprinkle in a bit of honesty in order to get the test I wanted to measure my neurotransmitter levels, and man was that worth it. I am hoping we can share our levels to see what levels correlate with what symptoms and what things people are using to treat them.
  8. Hello there, my name is Spokety. I"m having trouble dealing with my paranoia. I've been hospitalized way too many times in the past couple of years, especially recently. My symptoms are hard to treat because I'll have 0 paranoia and delusions for months and then all of a sudden I'll believe all these things and next thing I know I'm in a hospital. I've ran down the street naked a couple of times as a "protest" for what I believed was a government that was purposely trying to torture me using anti-psychotics. Another time I tried to go to jail by assaulting a woman in a grocery store. It
  9. Three days ago I felt like there was mold growing in my brain and it was controlling my thoughts. I am now in a time of feeling a little less crazy, but I know in 30 minutes that might change again. Yesterday, I was waiting for someone to drive me home from church and I started believing the whole church was a cult and all religion is a mind control cult, which some people believe this but its not normal for me. I grew up in church. It made me feel very afraid. Then I started believing that demons were in my brain because of the mold in my brain. I tried to call my old pastor about this and he
  10. hi everyone, its been SO long since I've posted. Last time was in March but I don't know, that just seems worlds away. Anyway, anyone have any ideas on kundalini and psychosis. I'm quite convinced I'm a twin flame and was wondering if anyone has any experience like this that I can relate to. Thanks and I hope this post finds everyone ok
  11. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in early 2016. Originally I was on five meds but weaned off and just now started on abilify 10mg a day. I’ve been taking ativan since I’ve been diagnosed but only as needed so I don’t build a tolerance to it. Just saying hello! I am a musician, and I make videos as well.
  12. Hi, I don't remember too much about my 2 week stay, but if I wrote it all down, it would be a small book I think. I still feel jangly about it a month and a half later and I guess that the worst part is wondering if/when it will happen again. Normal? They did so many tests on me and I only remember one - the EEG, for some reason. Don't remember visitors, like best friends (2! and lucky to have em), brother, or docs and nurses. They say that I'd been mumbly, unstable on my feet before roommate called 911, then still for the first two days, then talkative and friendly the rest of the time.
  13. I've had two previous major psychotic episodes while off my medication for long periods. These episodes put me into a manic frenzy that caused legal problems. Once where I isolated and resisted arrest on foot and the other where I resisted / eluded by motor vehicle across 3 counties. One occurred during a heat wave in mid-July and the next during frigid temperatures in mid-January, thus extreme temperatures are one of my triggers. Thankfully there was little damage and no one was hurt either time. My lifestyle pattern involves me taking anti-psychotic medication by court order (usual
  14. I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type but don't have hallucinations and never had. What I have are thoughts like: a family member is answering to another and they answer with a displeasing (I think) voice, for example, say "No" in that tone, and I think it is because of me that they are angry when they answer. Or when my mother sighs or something, I think in a weird way that she's sighing because I am a failure. I think when I am with my family members or when I hear them talk, I tend to feel like I am the cause of all the problems in their lives. What do you make of it?
  15. So I haven't been feeling well lately, not as bad as I felt last time I had to go to the hospital, but not too good either. Lately the suicidal ideation has ramped up a lot, but its not from me its from the psycho-ocd intrusive thoughts. I feel no need to act on them, but for some reason they are extremely comforting (thinking about suicide that is). I just cant stop thinking about killing myself. Ive also heard my name being called a lot at random times, not too sure what that is but it might be a new symptom. I don't feel like a danger to myself yet, but im scared I will be very soon. I have
  16. So I've been wondering for a while. Wouldn't it be better if I just stopped all meds and let out whatever disorder I have that's waiting to come out? I have attenuated psychosis, so my delusions and hallucinations aren't that bad, but everyday I get worse (such as developing new delusions) and frankly, I'm tired of getting worse slowly everyday. My meds seem to work for a while but then I get worse despite being compliant. Should I just stop all my meds to let out whatever is hiding inside? I would have done this a while ago if it wasn't for my father who doesn't want to see me get worse. I'm
  17. In your experience, after a period of feeling good and being relatively symptom free, do you become extremely bad? Like do you need to go to the hospital ever again after the initial stay? Im just sitting here thinking about how my psycho-ocd keeps getting worse and i keep getting new symptoms despite being without too many symptoms for a while. Will i have to go back to the hospital one day?
  18. If you are taking either of these medications and are experiencing suicidal feelings, I want you to hold on, and tell yourself it is the medication and not you. Hold on: you have a precious human life - taper gradually off the drugs, and find other ways of dealing with the symptoms for which the medication was prescribed. After my experience with the world of psychiatry, I have this to say: if you can find a way of functioning without antipsychotics, then don't be pressurised into taking those medications. I found in my case that even when I was largely functional, and not suffering too m
  19. Does anyone who has psychosis ever struggle to use the correct words when talking, forget the word for something or when reading something see the wrong words from what is actually written down, e.g. the text is "you select" and you read it as "your secret"? I hope that makes sense, I'm not to good at explaining what I mean lately.
  20. So im home alone rn and i just finished watching a tv show. The thing is that after i turned off the tv and went upstairs for a drink i started hearing the tv again. So i went downstairs to turn it off but it wasnt on. Then i heard the upstairs tv on aswell so i went to check that and it wasnt on. Could this be a symptom of psychosis? I have a diagnosis of attenuated psychosis syndrome (finally got a diagnosis) so could it be part of that? Im really scared guys, any answers would help
  21. So this has only happened the last 2 days (not typical for me)... but I was feeling down in the dumps (as usual) on the bus due to an encounter earlier in the day that left me a bit teary-eyed. On the bus, there was an older (mid-50's) woman next to me with a fully shaved head. Prior to noticing her standing close next to me, I was having peculiar thoughts/assumptions that this woman next to me had Cancer and I could "sense" her suffering. I could feel her "pain body" as I looked into her eyes/face. As I initially got on the crowded bus, I thought I was feeling/sensing all people's pain
  22. I notice a lot of people around here with SZA dxes, and I know of some people here with BP1 dxes with psychosis outside of mood episodes, so I am wondering how common is it for you to have started out with what appeared to be an ordinary mood disorder, with psychosis only occurring within mood episodes, but where the psychotic symptoms eventually gained independence from the mood symptoms, so that they now can occur at any time? Bonus points if one has also developed negative symptoms and/or cognitive symptoms separate from depression after having originally developed a mood disorder. (Th
  23. In the past year, especially the last three and a half months, my psychotic symptoms have been coming out of the woodwork, after having been gone for years, and have especially hit hard in the last three weeks. In the most recent times I have had insight, even though I have lacked insight to some degree at times in the past, but I have definitely observed a pattern in recent times of acting on my delusions as if they very much were real, of that what insight I have has very little impact on my actual behavior, of that what insight I do have is not enough. I am afraid that, at some point in the
  24. Right, yo, so I have psychosis... in the sense that I hear voices (or "audial hallucinations") of friends and whatnot communicating (in a telepathic, 'extra-sensory' secret kinda way) if you like. Now these voices can be pretty damn convincing and whilst I can keep my wits around me, it's not uncommon for me to occasionally slip into the delusion that the voices my brain produces - which manifest themselves as people I know / might have just spoken to moments before - can seem totally realistic in the sense they posses their own unique personalities/opinions which I (consciously) could not eve
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