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  1. Hi everyone. I’ve been dealing with unbearable symptoms for over 4 years. Insomnia, racing thoughts (OCD), derealization, irritability, brain fog and depression. I have tried so many medications, but none help. My insomnia and anxiety are through the roof and I have 24/7 derealization. Years ago, 2007, when I was struggling with depression, my psych talked about starting an MAOI, but we instead we added geodon to Zoloft and it worked (for awhile) Long story short, I developed sudden onset ruminating thoughts (in form of OCD), insomnia and Anxiety in 2009. After many trials of meds (I’m adverse and paradoxical to most) I finally was put on remeron which got me sleeping again and in turn helped my other symptoms. From 2010-October 2014 I did relatively well, that is until remeron stopped working and all my symptoms came back. Since I have been inpatient several times trying every sleeping med , bipolar med, SSRI etc with no relief. Mom wondering if an MAOI could help me? Can MAOI’s treat anxiety? Racy brain? I’ve read they can make insomnia worse, which I don’t need. Symptoms: severe insomnia, lucid dreams/nightmares, 24/7 derealization, severe anxiety and panic, major depression, brain fog, dizziness, migraines. I believe, like in 2009-2010, many of my symptoms are from sleep deprivation. I am very desperate to get control over my anxiety and sleep. I’m at the end of my rope. Could an MAOI help me as a last ditch effort to get some kind of quality of life back? Current meds: weaning off Zoloft, weaning off remeron, geodon 20 mg X2, Ativan 5 mg per day (please don’t jump down my throat about this, it will give me a panic attack. I know it’s a high dose and I need to taper this too), prazosin 2 mg. TIA
  2. Ive tried Paxil which almost immediately made me want to sleep. Ive also tried Clonazepam primarily for akathisia from Abilify which had the same effect at first but after I gained a tolerance just wore me down a little so I take that around bedtime. I'm getting major anxiety and panic from being on an low-dose atypical antipsychotic and from my 1 1/2 year bid in jail, which ended 2 years ago, from a psychotic episode (having flashbacks of inmates, guards, and harsh environment). Additionally, I'm completely restless, suffering from somewhat intense akathisia, and have racing thoughts. Nonetheless, I want something I can take in the beginning of the day that doesn't make me crawl onto the sofa and doze off. I want something that is calming yet not sedating. Something that will gradually turn me into a mental superhero. The only one I've heard of so far is Buspirone.
  3. Hi I am new here. I am 27 years old, and for the past 2 months have been experiencing the following symptoms. I have been to several psychiatrists and psychologists, who have told me that I am not experiencing anything remotely close to psychosis. A few have told me that my symptoms are the result of chronic sleep deprivation (I have had a poor sleep pattern for the past 7 months). 1) Extreme detachment from people and my surroundings- I feel very detached from my surroundings and people, almost as if they are not real, or as if I am far away. Everything feels "strange" and a bit "off". I know this is some kind of a dissociation I am experiencing, but it causes me a lot of worry. 2) Extreme detachment from my own actions- I almost feel like an automaton, and as if I am on autopilot. I do things essentially unthinkingly. 3) Fear of random noises and objects- I can get scared by any noise or any object, partly because of my detachment from my surroundings, and then I get scared thinking it might be a delusion. 4) Having random thoughts come into my mind at all days- these aren't really voices but simply random words or streams of thoughts that come in my mind- and I wonder why I am thinking them- when I realise that I am thinking them i stop them. It's hard to explain. It's almost as if my mind is distracted and bringing up random things. This happens during the day, but most prominently during sleep, and both before and after falling asleep. For some reason, I feel confident that I am thinking these things (out of control as they are) because they are exactly the sort of things I'd think, and I can stop them at will. When I think these things during my sleep- they sound like nonsensical gibberish. The kind of things are mundane things or thoughts. 5) Lack of motivation to do anything 6) A conviction that I am going insane- that I am losing control of my mind Now here is a list of things that make me think it might NOT be psychosis- Things that make me think I might not have schizophrenia 1) My worry about schizophrenia preceded the onset of these symptoms- I obsessively googled and starting relating symptoms 2) No genetic history in family 3) My worry about these symptoms is far greater than symptoms itself 4) Everyday I seem to be worried or fearful of new things- Nothing really sticks 5) The doctors and psychiatrists I have met seem certain that it's not schizophrenia 6) I carry my activities as well as I used to earlier 7) I talk to people, and unlike schizophrenia I actually yearn for social interaction 8) I have been a hypochondriac all my life and in the past obsessed about diseases that didn't exist 9) There were a lot of stress factors in my life prior to this- breakup, worry about exams, worry about being ill etc 10)I seem to be in touch with reality, and more upset about these symptoms, rather than going through these symptoms unknowingly. It's almost as if I dissect these symptoms. 11) I have been suffering from sleep problems for the past 5 months- I basically wake up after few hours. Psych things this is the cause of these symptoms. 12) When I talk to someone or am involved in an activity- every symptom or worry about it, disappears. The worry really leads to more symptoms. What do you think?
  4. I really don't know what to do. I am in a giant Catch-22. God help me. I feel like my brain is going to explode. Fragments of thoughts, songs, quotes, stupidity are going through a 15 lane highway being really loud and annoying. All I want is peace. I took 3mg Ativan, didn't do shit (so much for anxiety). It started few days ago, my psych decided to fuck around with my Wellbutrin, as my brain has racing thoughts. After 3 days off Wellbutrin I was ready to throw myself off the bridge. I started it again, and depressive thoughts subsided. Being off it didn't eliminate the racing thoughts either. This is torture I rather be waterboarded. All I want is some silence. I even tried plugging my ears. Meditation is useless. I am contemplating going to the emergency room. I am depressed (not in the mood sense) because this shit wont end and the fact I had a big mood swing. I was stable for 8 weeks, I even started celebrating life. Back to hell. I'm also on lithium it does wonders in making me docile, but on the other side, I need an anti-depressant, and none of SSRI/SNRI etc worked on me except Wellbutrin, which is legalized speed, and I don't think its causing my racing thoughts because the 3 days off it I still was having them (maybe its half-life is long and its still in my blood). I don't know if anyone can give me advice on meds etc, maybe I just need to bridge, my psych was thinking Latuda. Another thing. My mood is SUPER SUPER affected by weather, I am actually in plans to move to a warmer state, my mother is helping me since I am helpless (and 34 y.o). I don't know if I will find salvation there but its the only motivation and thing making me look forward to life. We had 3 days of rain, and everything went to shit in my head.... Anywayz I really don't want to end up in emergency room but I don't know what to do....... HELP......
  5. You know how it is when you're supposed to work on a Really Important Thing but your brain would just rather focus all of its energy on everything else. Everything but the Thing. Everything there ever was except for the Thing. And your brain just won't shut up. And you think you feel great! wonderful! kind of amazing, even! But you're aware of this teeny tiny part of you somewhere deep, deep in there that really just feels kind of trapped. Edit: I got kicked out of chat. Oh god. I'm so sorry. I thought I was being helpful, but I was trying too hard and said things I now realize were really insensitive. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Edit2: Apparently it was just a glitch and I'm a complete noob. Now I'm exhausted from the rollercoaster feels. But I'm still sorry. I'm sure I've annoyed at least one person here at some point.
  6. Hi all, I'm hoping someone can provide me with some feedback regarding my current situation. Right from the start, I do apologize if the post is graphic in nature, but I am attempting to be as concise and honest as possible, and am having a difficult time discerning whether my current mental status has more to do with change of medication versus environmental circumstances. I have switched from Celexa to Effexor 75mg, and have been on it for about a month now, without ever missing a day. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder many years ago, although Depression-esque symptoms seem to parallel my anxiety, and have decided to switch from Celexa, as I was still having symptoms. How/what do I feel? Well, within the last month, I've been feeling anxious almost constantly, and have had episodes of stabbing pains in my chest every so often. I haven't passed out, but I have had difficulty breathing/weight on chest. At various times, my thoughts and worries seem to almost swirl throughout my mind, and everything going on in my life appears to be catastrophized in my head. I most often am consumed with insecurities about career/relationship/appearance, and always seem to feel completely isolated. I'm very avoidant of just about everyone these days, and find myself completely frazzled and stressed out by mere interaction with my clients (I work in a highly stressful mental health outpatient center and have a degree in Psychology, go figure). I find myself having outbursts of anger, and even the simplest things set me off sometimes, causing an unexplainable sense of anger, and desire to physically act upon this anger. Speaking of which, after over a decade of off/on self-injury, I have returned to my frequent patterns of cutting, burning, and peeling off my finger nail. I've always had some eating disorder tendencies (limiting intake, bingeing when emotionally unstable followed by hating myself, obsessing over exercise, vomiting, etc), but throughout the past three weeks or so, I've been obsessed with looking at "thinspiration" photos, and eating no more than 500 calories per day. What potential environmental triggers do I have? Well, I live alone in an apartment I can barely afford. I'm terrible with money and always struggling. My father's alcoholism has gotten out of hand lately, and he is getting sued by a client. My full time job makes me spread so thinly that I can't even go pee without 10 clients following me to tell me what they need from me. I'm also a full time student in culinary school, which requires a lot of travel, dedication, and time running around the kitchen. My boyfriend of pretty much forever won't move in with me because he's "not ready", and has a son, spending the majority of time caring for him at his ex-girlfriend's house, who barely knows I exist. Also, his best friend just died. My best friend just got married, got her PhD, and a fabulous life. Anyway, so after all of that..I guess everything just seems to always be a struggle. Nothing can ever just be, nothing can ever just come easily, and I certainly can't just catch a break. Now, should I stay on the Effexor, and blame my recent slip-ups as a result of environmental stressors, or should I already disregard the Effexor, and try something else? Anyone want to take this hot mess on? I truly appreciate feedback..
  7. Hi folks. New here, but here for a reason. I live in a new city, new job, new everything. I've been stable the most part the last few years, thanks to a low-key schedule and meds that manage me just enough where I can still be creative and therefore productive (I teach and write for a living). Last month or so, though, I've hit a major wall. I don't know what triggered it. I have/had a doctor here but he seems reluctant to adjust my medication (he's also literally 100 years old and thinks that I'm a child -- but I'm 34). I had a massive panic attack that woke me up in the middle of the night, petrified and convinced I was having a heart attack/dying/going to throw myself out a window without my own consent. My partner was sleeping next to me, and got mad at me for waking her. I couldn't stop crying or freaking out and she finally reminded me to take my klonopin, which I did. It's been bad ever since. I don't know if I'm rapid cycling or just depressed or what. A few nights ago after drinking too much I wandered off while walking home with my partner and a friend, and it took them an hour to find me and get me back to my apartment. I was hiding behind shrubbery in a nearby neighborhood. Just embarrassing. Couldn't stop crying or saying "It's not okay, it's not okay!" and gripping my friend's shirt collar and staring him in the eyes like I had to deliver the word of freakin' god. Then I'd chill for a sec and seem normal. Then he said he could see my eyes glaze over and he knew I was slipping away to some irretrievable place. (His brother is BP and he's had experience.) All of this is scarily reminiscent of episodes earlier in my life that led to, among other things: me cutting up my arm, breaking a window with a baseball bat, OD'ing on meds and alcohol, and finally landing myself in an inpatient clinic in Texas. But after that I worked so hard to get on the mend, and I've been doing so well except for a few bumps here and there, but minor bumps. I just don't know what to do. Can medication just fail? How do I got from being so stable and productive to this scary terrible feeling of not having the slightest control over myself? I have so many responsibilities -- my students, my colleagues, my lover (who I think is now just plain afraid of me bc she's never seen me have an episode.) I don't want to lose my job. I don't want to disappoint my family and friends. Or scare anyone. The question is: I DO have an appt with a pdoc on Wednesday. But I am afraid of how hard it is going to be to make it that day without another incident. And I don't even know what to tell this guy, or what I need, or what medications or anything... I don't know what is actually happening. Sorry this is a long post. But after years of relative stability, this situation has me freaked the f*ck out. I'm uninformed about my own condition again, because I've been pretending it didn't exist. And now I'm really, really scared. And I am very much alone here in this city. Advice? I am seeing a doc on Wednesday. But what do I say? What do I do between now and then???
  8. so hey yall this will be my 1st post I have read this forum for around 5-6 months but anyways her is my story and maybe some of you all can help me figure out what I have....it all started with skunk weed "the purps" if anyone wants to know the specific strain or watever.....so I toke like 12 hits and I was really really high at first I got a pleasant happy feeling then I got up and started walking around and I noticed that the room started moving and my vision would like skip frames and I panicked and told the friend I was smoking with about it and he sayed to just calm down and that I was just high but I felt like running away so bad....so that happened and I saw things like you would when you go to a 3d movie all super close and the background far away......anyways I just waited it out came back home and went to bed and the next day I got up and was fine at first but then I noticed it felt like I was still high so I had work and I noticed I would get really racy and panicky at work and I felt like the world still looked like it did when I was high and stuff....i was freaking out as u can imagining I thought I had got brain damage somehow...till later I learned about people getting depersonalization from weed and that it was quite common so I was a bit relieved....got tested with eeg, cat scan, mri the works and everything came back normal.....but stil I felt lioke I was in a dream so I just said to myself this is probably temporary and I will get over it and toke time off work to let my mind recover and I didnt go to work for like 2-3 months and I exercised aswell...so I returned to work and I felt crazier than ever I couldnt connect with my work friends like I used to it was like I had some kind of mental block between me and them that I couldnt crack ...I went to get thearopy and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder..and I would get this attacks where I felt like I was losing control of my mind and I couldnt focus on the present and my senses would be heightened for those brief moments which would never last for any longer than 30 seconds tops.....I thought they might be some kind of panick attack but I dont know wtf those were....so the dp and dr persisted and I got such bad anxiety at work that I had to quit my job and out of the depression and worthless feeling of not having a job my mind started racing uncontrollably...(well not really uncontrollably cause I could bring myself back down by running and exrcise) so I did the next was go the medication route...my psychiatrist saw my present racy mind and told me I was hipomanic even though I didnt feel happy at all....I felt scared and miserable...she perscribed me saphris and xanax ..but told me that xanax I should only take for one week.....so I did and at first I felt instant great relief....but after that one week when I went without xanax I got the worst week of racing thoughts ever I coudnt think straight I was very jittery....so she put me back on xanax but I felt like I zombie and I noticed I was so dulled out on saphris I couldnt even socialize right with my friends....so I was put on geadon and it at first made me feel even crazier like it amplified my derealization....and I tapper up to 60 mg and felt like absolute shit plus I read that antipsychotics cause brain damage so I decided to take myself to only 20 mg of geodon....then the racing thoguhts and even this odd fear feeling of statues and posters and such came so I got myself back on geodon 60mg and I told her this and now I felt even anxious when I was on geodon and my head would hurt and I had the same disconnection..even though I was on medication....was wasnt the cause before I had my withdrawal...at the end of my time with geodon I felt even paranoid like someone was looking at me all the time or something and I was suspicious that people were talking about me behind my back but not that bad it was copable..so I was most recently put on latuda 80 mg and I felt fine execpt the slight dullness which I absolutely hate with a passion....and around 2 months went by and I was fine and I got tired of the dullness and tolled my phychiatrist about my complaint with the dullness and she lowered my dosage to 60 mg of latuda which somehow made me more dull and made my anxiety feeling come back and head aches come back as well...and I also my paranoia didnt return but i felt more like If someone would do something to anger me I would take it more personally and be more anger than I normally would be....and now to were I am now....I must state that I have a deep fear of schizophrenia and developing it.... so yesterday our manager at my new work had a meeting about us not doing so well at out jobs in terms of our sales were down and I just suddenly felt like he looked like a weird monster or something and I panicked and it felt like that time I got paranoia but I really didnt have paranoia at that time.....and later I went home and i was watching some video about effexor and the lady seemed like a little troll her self...mind you I didnt hallucinate it I didnt really see them like trolls or anything like that or monsters but they gave me this weird vibe that they seemed like straight from a scary momvie or something and while I was eating food last night my food aswell seemed like wierd or something like it looked brighter and seemed like this bunk even though it was regular food....so I went back up to 80 mg of latuda imediately and this is where I am now any helpful advice or suggestions as to what it is that I have qould be appreciated as I am tired of this and the meds I hate cause they make me feel so dull...thanks for reading my long and complicated ass story lol please reaspond!
  9. Hi, It's been a long time since i've been around here.... anyways.. I am supposed to have schizoaffective disorder but i rather believe it's just bipolar with very very rare psychotic beakdowns ( 3 times in whole for some hours without the need of hospitalization or anything ) but because of my rather sensory issues (overload) and derealization symptoms i have they say it's schizoaffective. on the top of that i have to change my pdoc because i moved to a different city and he wont believe me i have bipolar altogether and keeps prescribing me low potency old antipsychotics one after the other in addition to my zyprexa and valproate. so here is my problem. i have mood swings. not the kind that would render me running naked on the street or commit suicide but it ain't fun either. and most of the time it's mixed. and almost all the time with RACING thoughts from hell. and when the thoughts get quiet i get depression. i get hypomanic very seldom but it's fun as it lasts. so problem: RACING THOUGHTS solution: not found yet (oh god please let this "yet" be appropriatly put). there are maybe 4 to 5 antipsyshotics that i haven't taken yet so i REALLY dont believe antipsychotics are the solution. i took all the new ones except geodon. that INCLUDES Clozapine even high dose Clozapine. and some of the old ones too. i mean the really sedating low potency ones like Chlorprothixene(Taractan) and Methotrimeprazine (Nozinan, Levoprome), Dominal, whatever. stuff that would knock off an elephant. i didnt even felt a difference. but some made me depressed i should admit. which sucked. I think i will beat any doc that tries to put more antipychotics in me (except for Zyprexa. i have a good feeling about zyprexa for whatever reason) So here is my idea. i need some shit that calms my brain. And antipsychotics wont do that. maybe i should take 5 other mood stabilizers along with valproate? i've had Lithium and Carbamazepine at different times but they didnt really help that much. but Topamax has come to my attention recently. they say it makes you dumb and you cant think straight. well for me that would be A VERY GOOD THING. Honestly that's the only thing i can think of. or maybe i should go hardcore and take diazepam or tavor? i know that bezos calm me down. at least single doses of them. as opposed to huge doses of taractan and nozanin that wont do shit. Bad idea i know...... sooooo......please tell me some good stuff on Topiramate. and tell me how to get my doc to prescribe it ! or if you have any other idea keep it coming Thanks for your time
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