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Found 7 results

  1. Hi. I'm curious. I'm 42. I'm twice divorced, no children. I've not dated anyone for 2.5 years, by choice. I'd never went longer than 4 months. I've not even held hands, let alone had sex. I did go on a very tame dinner date a few weeks ago, but the guy is a friend and I just don't feel that way about him, so it wasn't too hard. I noticed I didn't want him around my personal space, though. No setting beside each other, no setting close in the truck, no holding hands, no snuggling and only 1 very brief hug when I got home. The guy lives in my apartment building and that alone has made my PTSD worse. What I am wondering is if you noticed yourself needing that personal space more with the PTSD. It seems the worse mine gets, the more isolative I am. I am almost agoraphobic as it is. All over the last 2.5 years. I don't drive due to the fact that I'm blind. There's no public transportation here. I rarely leave my apartment except to take my dog out. The thing is, I'm rarely lonely. I just feel like this personal space thing is getting worse & worse for me. I'd like to date, but I go full panic/anxiety mode as soon as I really try to put myself out there. Any suggestions?
  2. This says "whatever". So, I'm guessing I can put whatever here. If you guys are against rape, could you consider signing the petition for amazon to stop selling the pro-rape books by RooshV. He teaches the best methods to rape, and how to get away with it. He repeatedly states how rape should be made legal. He teaches men how to efficiently rape girls. https://www.change.org/p/amazon-stop-selling-rooshv-pro-rape-books?recruiter=92007399&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink That ^ is the link if you would like to sign. Please consider signing to ban pro-rape books. No man should be taught better ways to rape and get away with it. These books are creating more victims.
  3. I started cutting after my rape years ago. I'd been clean about 4 years. My PTSD symptoms are all of the time now. I had my first therapy session last week. I failed to tell the therapist that I relapsed into cutting once a few days before Christmas. I'm so confused if I should tell him or not. I think it has a significant tie-in to the PTSD/rape because I cut both breasts. Pretty badly. I've never done that before. It's almost always my arm. Has anyone else had anything like that happen? I've been fighting the urges again, but think I'll be ok. I'm not suicidal. I'm just freaked out that I cut my breasts....
  4. Okay, trigger warning, and also I'm sorry, but this has been on my mind lately and it's kind of clawing its way out. The thought- I wish my rape had hurt more. I froze up, and also had taken one of my night meds (seroquel) before, so I didn't fight back in any meaningful way. As a consequence there wasn't much physical damage. I also kind of checked out during, so any sensations were dulled and distant. There was pain and small cuts in the morning, but I barely felt them at the time. That's part of what made it feel so unreal. So I wish I had been more -there-, so it would feel real. Is that weird? Has anybody else felt this?
  5. I'm not sure where to turn or who to talk to but I really need help. I hope someone on this forum can help me out. I've never spoke to anyone about these things. When I was 14, I started dating a 16 year old boy and we ended up dating for almost a year. He turned out to be very abusive and controlling. A few weeks before we broke up, he got mad and raped me. He forced fingers in me and scraped my insides until I bled and then stuck himself in and started having sex with me. After the whole insident, he was crying and apoligized over and over. I didn't really believe him that much but for some reason I forgave him. I felt more attached(?)) to him in a twisted way. Kind of like I was a part of him? I'm not sure how to explain it. I think it was because I was a virgin at the time. I had great dysphoria about if I still was considered one. I was very ebarrassed to ever speak about it.. I didn't even know if it was rape. He was my boyfriend and I wasn't sure if anyone would believe me. I am now 18 (19 in July). I started dating someone in November of last year. We had been friends for years before that. He's a great guy that truly cares about me. We started having sex the end of January. He knew a little bit (the fingering part) but doesn't know about the whole rape. We knew sex was going to be something we needed to take slow and he was totally supportive of that. He has never made me do anything I didn't want to do or pressure me. I thought maybe having sex with someone I knew cared about me wouldn't be so bad but it is. After sex, I feel so distant and depressed even though it makes my boyfriend feel closer to me. I can't help but to feel unloved even though I know he does love me. I also get very jealous whenever I think about people he's had sex with in the past. I'm not sure if this is related but I still have pain during sex even after 3 months. I've talked about this to him before and he told me we don't have to do it anymore but I don't want to rob him of something I've started to give him. I don't think I will get better if I just ignore the problem. I feel hopeless and disappointing. He tells me that he loves me and doesn't need sex but I know he still wants sex and I can't give it to him without feeling terrible. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. Lately, I've been seducing him into having sex with me even though I don't want to. Everytime I see him I initiate sexual things, and everytime I feel terrible afterwards. I don't know why I'm doing this but I feel like I can't stop. On an unrelated note, I am a severely anxious person and litterally haven't left my house since I've graduated (unless I'm going over to my boyfriends house). I have a hard time talking to people because I'm so scared of them judging me. I only have 1 friend outside of my boyfriend but we don't talk much due to her being in college. I really want to go to therapy and talk to someone but my parents don't believe in mental problems and don't think I need it (they also don't know about the rape, just anxiety). I am trying to talk them into it. I am still very dependant on them and can't just do it by meself. I'm almost certain have some undiagnosed anxiety disorders. Is there any advice you can give me to help me with any of these issues? I am desperate..
  6. Okay, so when I was growing up I was scared of anyone and everyone. I had been abused my whole entire life so of course I was going to be afraid of people...in highschool I had to get passes saying I would be late to a class because I would not walk through the hallways because I was affraid someone was going to hurt me. A few years later, around the middle of my sophomore year, I grew out of my social anxiety. After I graduated I started dating someone, and we got along perfect until he raped me...and then a few weeks later he went to a wedding I was also attending and he raped me again. I had gotten over my fear of guys, strangers, public, and dating...and he raped me twice. I've gone back to my shell and try to avoid people at all costs, but of course I can't honestly do that. I am trying to learn to retrain myself to not being scared of everyone again though. Everytime I'm in public if I see a blue car I have to make sure it isn't him, make sure he isn't near me or close to me ever. Everytime I see a blue car like his I'm afraid to enter a store, etc. I AM pressing charges eventually...maybe that will ease the fear back down to what it used to be instead of what it turned into again. Thank you for reading.
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