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Found 7 results

  1. Hey everyone! Hope you are having a nice morning. I wanted to chat with likeminded individuals about something I've been struggling with lately. I have anxiety and bipolar type II that has been controlled for nearly 4 years with regular therapy and the right medication, with milder interruptions that can be upsetting from time to time (such as the below) in stressful times. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar "pattern" so to speak. This was the cycle.... Sunday/Monday (down, depressed) Tuesday and Wednesday (charged up, making tons of plans, no appetite, no need for sleep/caffeine) , Thursday (agitated depressed- no need for sleep, racing thoughts, etc. but very depressed mood, crying for no reason, not handling stress well). I imagine now it will just be more depressive symptoms for a couple of days. these "moods" seem to follow a very set pattern day to day (slightly up, very up, and then down) and last a couple of weeks at most. I definitely know the down mods can be prompted by alcohol consumption (when I'm slightly hypomanic I tend to drink more than usual at dinner, etc.) Anyone else experience this? I want to make sure I am categorizing my moods correctly, if they ARE in fact moods and not just a bad bout of anxiety! Looking forward to hearing from y'all!
  2. So, I've noticed, as my symptoms are starting to return, that I don't have the typical bipolar episodes. Even for rapid cycling. I have psychosis all the time, mostly paranoid delusions, a couple delusions of grandeur, general paranoia, and possibly mild hallucinations (seeing shadows,but that could just be common tricks of the eye that I put more meaning into because of my delusions.) My mood tended to be elevated more than depressed, and even when I self harmed it would usually be because I was overly anxious, or frustrated/angry, and restless that it was a way for me to calm myself temporarily. I've since stopped, although the desire to do so is returning but I haven't acted on it. When I would feel depressed and/or suicidal it was more likely to be a result from anxiety and being overwhelmed. My anxiety, irritability, and delusions would cause me to draw away from friends and family. And then I would feel alone, tired, and depressed. This would either switch between my elevated moods quickly (multiple times a day, or every couple days tops) or they would happen together. I don't remember if I would ever go through periods of time without feeling any sort of mood issues but still being psychotic. There may have been times when I wasn't depressed or elevated, but I would still have anxiety and social awkwardness. Most of my mood swings (this is what my family tells me, I was a bit out of touch with reality to keep track of it myself. Although I was very good at hiding the paranoia and delusions, not the mood swings though) were switching between extreme irritability and giddiness/excessive happiness. Another note, is that even when I'm manic (I assume it's mania, unless the diagnosis is wrong and it's something else?) I have no trouble sleeping. I tend to stay up late, but I have no problem sleeping in. I actually have a bit of a problem with oversleeping, and am often unable to wake up before 2pm unless I set multiple alarms. I know a lack of sleep is a tell tale sign of mania, so I'm wondering how common it is to have mania without it. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with rapid cycling/mixed episodes (one psychiatrist said rapid cycling and another said mixed episodes) and put on lamotrigine for the past 3 years. For the most part my mood issues stabilized, with less severe irritability and elevated feelings not as often. My psychotic symptoms didn't completely disappear, but they were less intense, more easily ignored. I'm just worried that I may have been misdiagnosed. I've heard that schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder with psychosis are sometimes confused with each other, but I don't really know much about the former. And of course I'm not a professional, so I can't make a diagnosis. I just wanted some opinions and maybe some help. Thanks.
  3. I just joined CB and I didn't really want to make a new thread to whine about myself but I guess I feel a bit scared out here on my own. I'm currently trying to complete my last semester of college, after already having to repeat a year. I'm only taking 1 class, but it's a constant struggle. I can't attend class and I got behind from the start and have yet to fully catch up. I was just diagnosed last year with BPNOS--BP1, with rapid cycling. I was on Lamictal for a bit fall/winter of 2013, but my dad lost his job so there went my insurance, and I just got it back this semester. Back then my BP had seemed quite manageable, but since October, I feel like I've been holding onto the side of a cliff by my fingernails, trying my best not to fall off. I refuse to not graduate this year, though, because I've come so far, and I'm not repeating another year. I either finish this semester or I don't graduate. This semester, I've gotten back on the Lamictal along with Seroquel, and we've slowly been raising both, but I have yet to feel a difference. In fact, as the semester has progressed, I've felt all the more unstable. I feel like maybe I could benefit from IP, if anything to get the medications in order, but I remain firm on my decision to see the semester through to the end. At this point, there are just 6 weeks left. I guess, I just want to know that I'm not the only one trying to hold it together like a car that you can tell is falling apart but you're just praying will make it to the end of the road trip xD
  4. At times I can be walking around or whatever and I feel like I'm transforming, I feel this incredible, intoxicating energy, and I feel like I'm becoming a demon, or specifically a kitsune because I've always related to them. I can practically feel the claws and fangs growing. I walk around and I imagine how with such a power, such claws, I could easily kill these puny stupid humans, and I imagine cutting/stabbing them with my razor sharp claws, biting them, essentially, going feral and attacking the heck out of everyone. It's so much fun that it's hard to keep from leering at everyone. I'm grateful for the sunglasses on my face so they can't see my eyes, so bright and murderous. I understand that I'm not actually a demon, and I wouldn't actually kill anyone, but I get so pissed at people that you know you just want to kill someone, so at that time it's like so releasing and intoxicating. If it happens at night I feel like the moon is making me transform and it's like lending me its power and I just want to run and act crazy because it's night, the night air is alive with energy and everything has transformed under the light of the moon and is alive and free How about you?
  5. You know how it is when you're supposed to work on a Really Important Thing but your brain would just rather focus all of its energy on everything else. Everything but the Thing. Everything there ever was except for the Thing. And your brain just won't shut up. And you think you feel great! wonderful! kind of amazing, even! But you're aware of this teeny tiny part of you somewhere deep, deep in there that really just feels kind of trapped. Edit: I got kicked out of chat. Oh god. I'm so sorry. I thought I was being helpful, but I was trying too hard and said things I now realize were really insensitive. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Edit2: Apparently it was just a glitch and I'm a complete noob. Now I'm exhausted from the rollercoaster feels. But I'm still sorry. I'm sure I've annoyed at least one person here at some point.
  6. I'm hoping there are others who hate the transition from late winter into spring as much as I do. Here is this topic summed up: do you suffer from very rapid and intense mood cycling when winter slowly blooms into spring? I honestly feel as though my mind is in sync with the transition of the death of winter into the explosion of life that is spring time. I'm diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar 1 disorder (I think I have schizoaffective bipolar type due to hallucinations, delusions, visions, and intense paranoia but I don't care to be officially diagnosed). The slow transition from late winter into spring always hits me very hard. Simple put, I experience very intense cycling. The mood cycling is filled with mania, mixed episodes, plenty of insomnia, depression, bouts of crying...you name it. I apologize if this is a waste of crazyboards time and server space. It would just be nice to know that there are others going through the same kind of an almost purge of the conscious and sub-conscious. Thanks for taking the time to read, and if you are experiencing heaven and hell during this time of the year, I wish you the best in coping. This time of the year is what initially sent me into the hospital and I'd imagine things get intense for other people with bipolar 1 disorder or otherwise. Lastly, is it my ungrounded thinking or do we individuals with bipolar disorder express a metaphorical yet very human representation of seasonal change? Stay tuned for more nonsensical writing (don't worry, I will not be flooding crazyboards with topic after topic, only kidding).
  7. New to these forums and happy to find such a supportive community! I apologize if this post is a bit long. I was officially diagnosed with bipolar II by my psychiatrist two months ago, and I’ve only recently started tracking my moods. In my life, I have had a total of two depressive episodes and one hypomanic episode that I would consider significant. The depressive episodes lasted months, the hypomanic episode lasted about two weeks. However, since tracking my moods, I’ve noticed I have these little mini mood cycles within the supposed “normal” mood episode I’m experiencing now. I’ll have several days that mimic a mild to moderate depressive episode, followed by several days that mimic a euphoric hypomanic episode (however I can still sleep full nights, unlike my previous two week episode). This all inevitably falls back into several more days where I feel moderately depressed again. All of this, of course, occurs with no real outside influence. Long story short, is it common to have baby mini less severe mood cycles between actual full blown episodes? Or does this qualify as rapid cycling? Not that labels matter, I’m just genuinely curious if I'm a special snowflake. Thanks!
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