Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'recovery'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


  • Stuff That Makes You Feel Like Crap
    • Bipolar Spectrum Disorder - The Pole Dance
    • Depression - Let a WHAT Be My Fucking Umbrella? (Sod You, Perry Como)
    • Self-injury - The Cutting Board
    • Personality Disorders - Fuck Off! No, Wait. Fuck Me Now!
    • Eating Disorders - Hell's Kitchen
    • Substance Abuse / Addictive Behavior - 8-balls, Highballs, Deal Me in One Last Time
    • Panic / Anxiety Disorders - What, Me Worry?
    • PTSD and Trauma- Duck and Cover. Again and Again.
    • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - Click Here Repeatedly
    • Social Phobia - Behind Paranoid Eyes
    • Dissociative Disorders - Now where was I?
    • Schizophrenia and Various Psychoses -- Jesus Had a Twin Who Knew Nothing About Sin
    • ADD/ADHD - Could You Say That Again? I Was Listening to My Head.
    • Autistic Spectrum Disorders - What Part of English Don't You Understand?
    • Migraines and Other Headaches - Not Tonight, Dear
    • Neuropathic and Chronic Pain
    • Seizure Disorders - Shake, Rattle and Roll
    • Sleep Disorders - Perchance to Dream
    • Allergies: Benadryl? No, But I Have a Cousin Who Was a Dremel.
    • Hormone and Glandular Problems - How Do You Make a Hormone? Kick Her in the Ankle.
    • Not Otherwise Specified - Put your finger on your NOS, on your NOS
  • Meds and Other Crap That Make Life Tolerable
    • Anticonvulsants / Mood Stabilizers - Bodies A-Twitchin', Moods A-Switchin'
    • Antidepressants - If You're Crappy and You Know It
    • Cocktails - Medicated to the Gills and Floundering
    • Antipsychotics / Neuroleptics / Major Tranquilizers - The Acme Pill-O-Matics
    • Miscellaneous Medications & Miscellaneous Questions About Meds
    • Benzodiazepines - Take a Chill Pill!
    • CNS Stimulants - Warped & Wired
    • Side Effects - It Turned Me into a Newt! A Newt? I Got Better.
    • What The Hell is THAT? - Medical, Nutritional, and Lifestyle Alternatives
    • Therapy - The Other Half of the Puzzle
    • ECT etc. - Watt's up, Doc?
  • Crap You Read About
    • Academic Interests - Geek Out While You Freak Out
    • Books Reviews - Self Help and Otherwise
  • Life Cycle: Mate Spawn and Die
    • Family Feud
    • Parenting/Pregnancy/Childhood Issues - Nature or Nurture
    • Relationship Issues - Crazy For Loving You
    • Aging Issues: Hot Flashes and Hot Rods? Midlife Crisis, Menopause, and Beyond
    • Spirituality - Luminous Beings Are We, Not This Crude Matter
    • Grief, Death and Dying
  • Your Crappy Life
    • The Health Care System Sucks!
    • Law, Money, and Employment -- Send Lawyers Guns and Money
    • Technology Sucks! - Luddites Unite!
    • News and Politics - Next on Sick Sad World
    • People Suck!
    • Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Transgendered Issues - Out of the Closet and Out of Our Minds
    • Intro to Being a Crazy Student - Whatsamatta U
    • The Confessional
    • I've *Still* Got Issues!
  • Other Crap
    • Whatever
    • I Got the Good Stuff Here
  • Generic Forum Crap
    • Board News - Incoming Message from The Big Giant Head
    • Suggestion Board - I'm Sorry Dave, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That
    • New User Info - It's Not Easy Being Green
    • Introductions - Who The Hell Are You?
    • Moderators - Pay No Attention to the People Behind the Curtain
    • Test Board - Do Not Push the Big Red Button!
  • Coronavirus: Because You Don’t Have Enough Crap On Your Mind
    • I Need An Adult!: Where to Find Accurate Information
    • Has Anyone Told the Amish?: Covid-19 in the Media
    • Social Distancing: I’ve Never Felt Closer to You
    • Telemedicine: Is This Thing On? Getting the Most Out of Screen Time With Your Doctor
    • Oh, No, I Couldn’t... Well, Maybe Just One More: Hoarding. Or, uh, Being Prepared
    • Casual Everyday: How to Stop Watching Cat Videos and Get Some Work Done At Home
    • Absolutely No One Walked Into a Bar: Best of Coronavirus Humor
    • But I Need a Damn Haircut: When You Don’t Have the Virus, But You’re Still Falling Apart
    • Countin’ Flowers On the Wall: So Bored We Need a Board For It

Find results in...

Find results that contain...

Date Created

  • Start


Last Updated

  • Start


Filter by number of...


  • Start





Website URL







  1. Hello everyone! Where to begin... I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with some avoidant traits. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since elementary school (I am 22 now). Up til this point, I have been in and out of hospitals and treatment centers and passed around from therapist to therapist. I was heavily self- harming and abusing alcohol and other substances. A few months ago, I was sent to yet another center after a suicide attempt. Let me tell you, it changed my life. I was introduced to DBT, which has truly saved me. I am finally on the correct medication which has seriously reduced, if not stopped, my horrid intrusive thoughts and paranoia. Before, I was to the point I could hardly get out of bed, and already had to drop out of college and leave my job. Now, I have rediscovered my love for art, I am waitressing (something I would have NEVER thought possible) and- best of all- my relationship with my fiance is SO much better and we are back to planning our wedding. I am back to seeing a therapist regularly, and she is awesome. I've finally confronted issues with my toxic mother and am opening up about traumatic childhood experiences as well as working through family therapy with my father (and my mother, when he can convince her to join). The fact is, life is GOOD, I am somewhere I thought I would never be and I am incredibly grateful. I'm back here to recieve support now that I am more stable and moving forward into uncharted territory in my life. Thanks for being here and reading.
  2. First of all, happy new year everyone! Okay, so I said I was going to do 'No cut December'. And I made it! I realized I'm much more happier without self harm. I even stopped counting the days unconsciously, self harm wasn't a daily thought anymore. Whenever I felt down, hurting myself didn't even cross my mind. So in 2018 I will continue my road to recovery. Thank you all for supporting me on this forum.
  3. It's the third day of December and I decided I wanted to do this thing called 'No cut December'. I want to recover from self harm, and help others along the way as we get through this journey together. So for the whole month of December, let's try to stay clean. It's a quite a challenge but I'm sure we can do it.
  4. Today my mom told me she was trying to find a counselor. Today was the first day I wore short sleeves without makeup on my arm. Today I don't have to live in fear about people finding out.
  5. I have been sick for the past few days. My mom was taking care of me and she rolled up my hoodie sleeve and saw my scars. She questioned them and I didn't reply. Then she told me she is not mad, she just wants me to be happy. She took away my razors and told my dad. Both my parents reacted very calm about it, I'm so grateful and blessed to have parents like this. They don't want me to be stressed. They don't want to see me like this. My mom suggested other coping mechanisms. She also said I could talk to her anytime if something is bothering me. I might be able to get a counselor sometime. ?
  6. Okay, so I've set up a challenge for myself. I'm gonna try to stay clean. I know, it's pretty difficult, easier said than done. As of now, September 29th, I've been clean for nine days.
  7. So as the title says, I am trying to start a depression support group at the community college I attend. I live in a very rural area and the closest place that would have anything like this is 25-30 miles away. The only problem I have is that I have never done anything like this and I need help. I would like to hear your experiences if you've ever attended a support group, good and bad. I would like for my group to be around 50% educational and 50% venting. Any suggestions or maybe a recommendation on what i can talk about would be highly appreciated.
  8. Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values) while it is only our negative emotions that allow us to see the negative qualities of life (i.e. the bad values). Having neither positive nor negative emotions would be no different than a blind person. No value judgment can allow this blind person to see just as how no value judgment or mindset can allow us to see the values in our lives.
  9. Hello. My name is Lisa. ive been struggling with the addiction of cutting since 14 years old. I am now 28. I have good months and I've even gone a year without cutting. Recently I went back to self harming. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel sad constantly. I have an amazing husband that treats me like a princess but I still just don't feel good enough. He knows my cutting history and does everything to support me. I started seeing a therapist again.. and I hope that starts working. I can't talk to any of my friends about my struggles. It would be nice to have someone to lean on that can keep me strong. Just need people that understand the addiction. Thanks for listening.
  10. This post is for everyone, even people without the substance abuse Dx. So I have this feeling I am not alone here. Are there any people out there who have a substance abuse Dx mixed up with other Dx and or stand alone in the substance abuse Dx? It is pretty common for someone with a MI to develop substance abuse disorders, especially if they self medicate before they get an official Dx. I do not have stats to post at this time but I can later if people would like to know. Now the purpose of this post is to find out people's opinions on what I think is a problem in the MI community. The rejection and or dismissal of someone with a substance abuse disorder Dx. I have seen it where a person with a substance abuse Dx is sharing in a group setting, and the other attendees will automatically shift in their seats uncomfortably and either try to change the subject or dismiss it outright when the person is done sharing. I know that it is an uncomfortable subject, and that if you have not dealt with a substance abuse issue then you can not relate to well. I am sorry for saying it that way, you may be able to relate indirectly, which is also very valid. Why is it though that sometimes people do not take the other Dx that people have seriously? I have been in this situation; I was sharing in a group and when I mentioned the drug use and my issues with that and how it affected my other MI's. I was then interrupted by another attendee, that person said, then you do not really have Schizoaffective then. Thankfully the moderator jumped in and said that minimizing and discrediting someone else is not allowed. which caused a few in the room to cross their arms and stop sharing. As did I because I felt like I was not allowed to share my experience any longer. So what is the deal here? Are we (drug users) not allowed to come and share on equal terms? This can apply to CB or really any group. Are we truly in our own grouping and our story has no impact or value anymore because we are just useless junkies? Is it that having a MI is very hard for anyone in this world, and adding a Dx of drug use is just a slap in the face for people actively pursuing treatment? Do people without a Dx of substance abuse think that we (drug users) have failed or have taken an easy way out? I would encourage anyone to post here, answer the questions, or create new ones. I would like to hear everyone and their side to this. No judgments will come from me, I just want to know where I stand within the community.
  11. I have had horrible depressive nightmares as a result of severe depression throughout my life. These depressive nightmares were not normal experiences of a normal healthy depressed brain. They were experiences of a severely ill and tormented brain since my depression has gotten to the point of being so severe that it has taken my life away. The depression (hopelessness) and the horrible mental states experienced in those nightmares were nothing normal and was beyond anything imaginable since experiences in nightmares are nothing like experiences in your waking life. People who have near death experiences sometimes have distressing or hellish ones. They experience the horrible indescribable mental states that they experience in their worst nightmares just as bad or even far worse than their worst nightmares. But it's much worse since they experience it fully conscious since people are fully conscious and aware during their near death experiences. They are hyper aware and everything is hyper real. To be fully aware and conscious of these horrible experiences is far worse than being less aware of them during your nightmares. If I ever have a near death experience myself someday, then there is the possibility that I could experience those horrible indescribable depressive mental states that I experienced in those depressive nightmares. To experience that fully conscious would be something so indescribably horrible that there is no way for me to be fine with that and not worry about that. The possibility (no matter how slim) that I could have such a hellish or distressing near death experience has completely taken my life away from me. It is a constant non-stop 24/7 obsessive worry that has destroyed my life to where I am not functioning and not doing any of my hobbies, it has troubled me, traumatized me, and has made everything in my life completely devoid of all joy and meaning to make my life worth living. So my life is now completely gone and is no longer worth living which is why I have to somehow find a way to address this worry so that I can have my life back. But I don't think it's possible and I think there is no hope since it is impossible for me to let something this horrible go and to be at peace with and allow myself to be fine with the idea of possibly experiencing this. I am fine with and am at peace with facing any horrible experience in my waking life since these experiences are normal no matter how bad they are. But those experiences in my depressive nightmares was something indescribable. They were completely altered abnormal mental states that were an indescribable hell. They were far beyond just some really horrible nightmarish experience. It was beyond anything imaginable and there is no way I am fine and at peace with the idea of possibly experiencing that again fully conscious during a near death experience. There is no way for me to just be here in the moment and not to worry about it. I don't think any therapeutic techniques can help this. This is something so far beyond horrible that there is no possible way for me to let this go, be at peace with, and not worry about. This situation seems like it is far beyond therapy and other known relaxation, meditation, coping, etc. techniques. So what do we do for this and what hope is there for this? I will add two additional points that are important that I would like to make. The first being that as long as I have this obsessive worry, my life will continue to remain empty and miserable like this. Having such obsessive depressive worries in your life causes your mind to focus on a problem and to shut out everything else in your life so that everything else is completely shut out of all joy and significance (meaning). As long as I have this worry, then everything in my life will continue to remain dead and empty to me since my mind will always continue to shut those things out. I will also remain non-functional in doing my hobbies and such since having this trouble and worry has rendered me this way. The last point I would like to make is that some therapists and mental health professionals would say that it is all my way of looking at those mental states in my depressive nightmares. That if I were to instead look at them differently such as looking at them from a more positive and less horrible perspective, that I wouldn't have to worry about experiencing them again fully conscious during a near death experience. But the experience is what it is. It truly was that horrible and no change of thinking can change that experience for what it truly was. During that time I had those horrible depressive nightmares, I was so desperate to try this. I was so desperate to try and take away the horrible power of these experiences by telling myself before I went to bed that they are nothing more than unpleasant experiences, that I can look at them from less horrible perspectives to make these experiences less horrible, etc. But that did nothing. When I had those depressive nightmares, the experiences were just as horrible. So this says that experiences alone in of themselves can be the absolute worst and most horrible or they can be the absolute best and glorious. This says that the experiences themselves alone have this power and that it is not just simply your way of looking at them. If it was nothing more than your way of looking at them, then a change of thought should change the experience. In other words, if you looked at a certain experience in the very beginning as the most horrible experience, but then changed your perspective of that experience as being nothing more than an unpleasant feeling, then that is all that it should be now. So next time you have it again, it won't bother you that much and would now just be nothing more than an unpleasant feeling and would no longer be the horrible experience it was before. But this isn't the case for me. The experience is what it is regardless of how I choose to view it in a different manner. In conclusion, some therapists would tell me: "Yes, it may very well be that horrible of an experience. But you'll get through it no matter how horrible it is if it ever does happen to you." This statement does not make me any less worried. It does not bring me peace or anything. You do not realize what this is. You do not realize just how horrible that experience was. There is no possible way for me to be at ease with the idea of experiencing it fully conscious during a near death experience.
  12. I have a friend who suffers from horrible flashbacks and I have a question regarding flashbacks. We know the types of experiences flashbacks can bring back such as certain smells, sounds, and emotions. But are there certain types of experiences that cannot be brought back during a flashback such as feeling hungry, tired, thirsty, etc.? The most important question I have here is, would that also include the completely altered and strange horrible mental states we experience in our dreams and nightmares? These types of altered mental states during dreams and nightmares cannot be described. They are entirely new experiences unlike any other. They are not experiences like touch, smell, feelings, etc. They are completely altered mental states. So can those altered mental states be brought back and experienced during your waking life during a flashback or not?
  13. Am looking for testimonies/recovey stories of people who've been heavily brain damaged by antipsychotics. I received 5 or 6 Risperdal Consta injections over a 2 month period last year and as a result find myself severely brain damaged/in a partial vegetative state. Am wondering is there hope of recovery. It's been 13 months since my last injection but the damage just seems to worsen. It seems the chemicals in the injections just keep seeping deeper into my brain tissue as time goes on. They certainly don't call them "long acting" injections for nothing. I've been told it can take many years to recovery from such a drastic change to one's brain if at all. Would love to hear your stories. Thanks.
  14. I was given 5 or 6 injections of Risperdal Consta over a 2 month period in early to mid 2015 and have been heavily brain damaged as a result. Am looking for testimonies or recovery stories of people affected similarly by this or any antipsychotic really. Much thanks and healing and recovery to you.
  15. I struggle with chronic anhedonia and it has lasted for over a year and a half now. But I have come up with a theory that might get rid of it for me and everyone else who struggles with it right here and now. I don't know if this will work or not, but with anhedonia, you have a chronically overly active part of the brain (the hpa axis which is the area of the brain responsible for the stress response) while another area of the brain turns off which is the area responsible for feelings of pleasure (our good moods). If you can make yourself pass out, then that overly active part of the brain might turn off and allow your feelings of pleasure to turn back on. The brain has to devote all its function to vital organs and such to keep them alive while you are passed out. So this would have to mean that the overly active part of the brain I mentioned would have to turn off. So when you wake back up, you might have your full feelings of pleasure back to you and no more anhedonia. Being aware of stress (both consciously and subconsciously) also causes that stress region of the brain to become overly active as well. When it is overly active and can't be regulated, that is why the area responsible for pleasure turns off. So by making yourself pass out in this situation as well, then you would have temporarily gotten rid of all conscious and subconscious awareness of that stress which would turn off the stress response. Awareness of stressful life events=overly active stress response. Absence of awareness=no stress response. So if you can also wake back up having amnesia, then that stress response would also be turned off for the time being and further give your brain the chance to regulate itself and turn its feelings of pleasure back on. This whole thing is just a theory of mine. I don't know if it will work or not. I'm not sure if I should recommend others trying it and reporting back to me to see if it worked for them or not. If it works for them, then I am going to try it. I also thought of being put out by anesthesia which would of been a better alternative to passing out since anesthesia puts you out longer. But since I don't have that option, then making myself pass out would be the only option here. There is a way to do it. I heard that you have to hyperventilate and stand up.
  16. I struggle with depression and I have never perceived any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life while having it. I am wondering if there is a way I can though if I were to work on my thinking. Or if my thoughts alone cannot give me those things. I would like to ask this question. How can our thoughts alone while depressed be any form of rewarding experience for us? Aren’t they all just thoughts? Aren’t they all nothing more than just the “thinking” experience of our brains that cannot give us any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, inspiration, or rewarding experience? Don’t they just give us nothing more than just words and phrases of those things? There is the difference between words and phrases and our mental states. So what I am asking here is can we achieve the mental state of love, joy, happiness, and inspiration through our thoughts alone while depressed? Or is it just simply the words and phrases of those things and not the actual mental state of having those things? If this sounds confusing to you, then let me explain more on this: If a blind and deaf person told his/herself that he/she still has sight and hearing, then he/she would just be telling his/herself nothing more than labels (words and phrases) of sight and hearing. That would not give him/her the actual mental state of sight and hearing which would be the mental state of visualizing objects and perceiving sound. So in that same sense, I am wondering if our thoughts alone while we are depressed do not allow us to perceive good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration just like how a blind and deaf person cannot perceive sight and hearing. So for that very reason, I am thinking that it is only our good moods alone that allow us to perceive good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in our lives. Our reward system being fully up and running to give us our good moods is the only thing that can allow us to perceive the full degree of those things in our lives. It has been considered as to whether good and bad are objective or subjective terms. So I am wondering if there really is an objective version of good and bad which would be our good and bad moods. It would be a universal version of good and bad that applies to all human beings. We might currently be deluding ourselves that our lives can be good without our good moods and bad without our bad moods. Same thing applies for the terms love, joy, happiness, inspiration, suffering, despair, anguish, sadness, rage, etc. They are all our good and bad moods.
  17. Hi, I wonder if anyone could help please... I am a 33 woman and I took Zypexa for 6 years due to very mistaken and stupid diagnosis (10mg`s for 2 years and 5mg for 4 years) and Cypralex for first 3 years. I quit Cypralex 3 years ago while on Zyprexa and quit Zyprexa 11 months ago after a 3 months taper.I am absolutely,100% drug free.I am in full withdrawal/discontinuation syndrome and I have experienced a lot of debilitating sypmtoms,severe insomnia,severe muscular pain throughout the body,uncontrolled rage,tremors,severe headaches,stiff/pain in my neck and shoulders,severe stomach pain,vulvodynia,PMS,IBS.. over 80 symptoms in total... I`ve changed my diet completely,I becomed a vegan (no meats,no eggs,milk or gluten),I eat very very clean,I cook my own meals at home and stay away from any processed foods,conservants or additives.I don`t take any painkillers,absolutely no pills at all.I manage my pain with ginger tea and a arnica based organic solution.I don`t drink coffee,alcohool... I don`t smoke. I try to live a very healthy,clean live and exercise (take gentle walks in the park).The diet change paid off and the symtomps are starting to dissapear and I am starting to have good and lasting windows.My sleep has improved a little but not so much... my night sleep depends of how my day was... if I had a stress free day and everything was fine I am sleeping 4-6 hrs... if my day was not a good one or I have something relatively important to do the next day I might sleep from 5-6 am to 11 am or not sleep at all until 9-10am! Overall I am doing fine if I stay away from cold,bad postures and stress and take care of what I eat.I have very low stress tolerance and any little arguement,contradiction or event in my life brings a very bad wave of symptomps,the insomnia returns in full swing,the muscular and head pain returns,convulsion/ tremors as well and of course the depression as a result of lack of hope.Suddenly I have the feeling that I never healed at all because the symptoms are exactly as bad and severe as when I quit Zyprexa.I am very fragile and I wonder if I will ever heal completely and have 0 symptoms exactly like the normal person I was before drugs. 11 months of endurance and pain have passed and I really want my old life and body back... no pains,no restrictions (from cold air,stress or bad postures). If anyone has COMPLETELY healed from Zyprexa and be 100% free of any psihotropic drugs please e-mail me and let me know how you`re doing,how long it took you to be normal and live a normal live again.If your stress tollerance is normal,if you don`t have any pains no matter the climate condition,if you`re sleeping well no matter how your day was,If you can eat or drink anything and don`t have any symptoms.PLEASE E-MAIL ME AT [removed email address] Many many thanks and hang in there!
  18. From the album: Random

    This book gives me hope. It's about a Norwegian woman who battles with her illness for many years with long admittions..Then somehow she becomes symptom-free w/o medications and she reaches her goals; a fulfilling job, studies and her own house. To me, the possibility of a recovery is my only light in the tunnel..I know it may be long time till, but I need that hope..
  19. I am a hedonist which means that feelings of pleasure are the only things that define my life as good (even though I still have full empathy and compassion towards my family and other innocent people as well). However, it is actually only my own feelings of pleasure that define my personal life as good and nothing else since I am only in my own mind and not in the minds of others and cannot feel their pleasure. Me somehow experiencing pleasure from witnessing someone else experiencing pleasure is not me experiencing their feelings of pleasure. It is all still my own personal feelings of pleasure. Therefore, this is the reason why only my own feelings of pleasure define my personal life as good and nothing else. Me living on to help out others in the event that my feelings of pleasure could never recover would not make my life worth living at all and wouldn't give my life any sense of good value. It would be good for them, but not for my own personal life. I am just as important as any other innocent person and I deserve my life of pleasure, too. Balance is key here and I must have my good life to live while others have their good lives to live and are helped out by me. Before you even try to convince me that there are other good things that can make my life good and worth living besides my feelings of pleasure and before you even try to change my thinking, I am not a part of your world and am not a part of your moral values. We might interact, but that doesn't mean I am a part of your moral values. They might apply in a physical sense in that you can choose to do whatever physical actions you want to me that will affect me physically. However, your morals do not apply to me in the sense of me adhering to them and living by them. Except for rules such as on a forum website which I will adhere to. I may be a part of this community in a physical sense. But I am not a part of this community in a moral sense. Therefore, the things one might say such as that I am selfish or some crybaby do not apply to me and neither do the things I'm saying apply to these people either. We are both parallel universes here. The non-hedonistic advice one might give are like a straight parallel line that does not intersect with me and doesn't apply to me. Same thing for my hedonistic values in that they also do not apply to you either. Therefore, we should instead go about our own ways of life here and respect each others ways of life since I am not harming/demeaning anyone with my hedonistic life. What you would deem as harm/disrespect is different than what I would deem as harm/disrespect. Therefore, not even your idea of harm/disrespect applies to me either. So that is why we should instead go about our own ways of life and respect each others ways of life. Therefore, you should respect the idea that if my feelings of pleasure don't ever recover, then I would end my life. You should, therefore, not tell me anything here that my life can still be good and worth living without my feelings of pleasure. Any other form of scorn/mockery towards me also does not apply to me either. Therefore, it would just simply be pointless for you to have any sort of scorn, name-calling, etc. towards me. You can if you want to. But it would all just go off into a parallel line and wouldn't even apply to me. Also, any things that anyone else says that my life can still be good and worth living without my feelings of pleasure, that doesn't apply to me either. Even if it did somehow apply, then it would only be infringing upon my way of life which would be my life of pleasure I deserve to have and must have back. A life of pleasure is the only thing I came into existence for and noting else. That is my own personal life here and you do not disrespect that by giving me scorn, mockery, or name-calling.
  20. I have lost all my feelings of pleasure due to anhedonia which is a negative symptom of schizophrenia and also due to depression. It really gets to me when people tell me that there are other good things I can live for in my life besides my pleasure because there aren't any. I am not selfish in saying this and I still have full respect and compassion towards others even when saying this. I have every reason to believe that my feelings of pleasure are the only things that can define my personal life as being good. I wish to talk this out with someone who is fully compassionate and respectful who will listen to me and not just dismiss the things I'm saying, tell me that my writing is offensive, have disappointment or scorn towards me, etc. Therefore, I am going to begin by saying this: As for the idea of me solely living for others if I could never recover my pleasure, we all have personal good lives of our own we need to attend to and need to have. For example, I do things for my own self and my own life such as playing videogames which doesn't involve helping others. But the only thing that could make those sort of things I do for myself (my hobbies) anything good in my personal life is if I can derive feelings of pleasure from them. Therefore, it is like taking away all my personal hobbies and my own personal life and then telling me to just accept that, to just forget my personal life, and to instead just live for others and for other things instead. Therefore, do you not see why that would obviously make me psychotic? It would make any innocent and caring person psychotic. Feelings of pleasure are the only reward message to the brain and are the only things that tell us that our lives are good and worth living. Therefore, my feelings of pleasure are the only things that make my life and hobbies worth doing and pursuing. Don't believe me when I say that feelings of pleasure are the only "good" messages to the brain and are the only things that genuinely encourage us in life and encourage our survival? Then go ask an intelligent scientist or an evolutionary biologist. Sure, we could tell ourselves that our lives are good and worth living without our feelings of pleasure. But that is nothing more than just some thought. It is not that "good" message (feelings of pleasure). We could recognize certain situations as being good or bad and we could very well choose to help others and such without our feelings of pleasure. But the fact still remains that they are nothing more than just thoughts. They are not that "good" message as I said before. They are just simply thoughts of good and bad and not the actual messages of good and bad. The message of good obviously being feelings of pleasure while the message of bad obviously being feelings of suffering. When we do something good or bad, then that gives us actual feelings of pleasure and suffering. Why is that? It's not just because they are just feelings that "just happen." They are messages to the brain that tell us that what we are doing is good or bad since that is how we evolved. Therefore, to not have any feelings of pleasure due to depression or anhedonia, then there is no message telling you that your life is good and worth living and you would only be fooling yourself by thinking that your life is good and worth living through your thoughts and such alone without your feelings of pleasure. Same thing applies for feelings of suffering in that you would not be having any message telling you that what you are doing in life is bad or that your life is bad. There is a feeling version of good and bad and there is the thought version of good and bad. The thought version of good and bad without our feelings of pleasure and suffering are fake. They are not the true good and bad. Only our feelings of pleasure and suffering give us the good and bad message. Then there is empathy and compassion here as well. Those things also come in the form of feelings of pleasure or feelings of suffering. If you help someone out, then you feel good and that is a form of empathy and compassion. If you feel bad from hurting someone, then that is a form of empathy and compassion as well. Those feelings are what tell us what is good and bad in life. But without our feelings of pleasure or suffering, then there is nothing giving us the good or bad message. Therefore, you choosing to live for others anyway and to help them out in life despite your absence of pleasure wouldn't make your life anything good at all and wouldn't be any perceived good message at all. It would only be just a thought as I've said before. It's the thought of a good message towards others, but isn't the actual perceived good message.
  21. Hey guys I'm relatively new here. I've been on many different medications and med combinations in the past. So just curious if any of you have ever been on a cocktail similar to mine. So far it has worked wonders. I've been on this combination for months. The weight gain from the remeron was hard to deal with, but eating better and exercise helped that, and the munchies I got from it became less and less over time. I'm on Propranolol instant release 80mg 3 times a day (I used to take this 3 times a day, but now have weaned myself down to once a day when needed. The whole idea of taking a 'heart medication' still sketches me out. But apparently propranolol has a low side effect profile, I think? Lol) Gabepentin 300mg 3 times a day (however my doc for some reason gives me a monthly script of 270 300mg pills) Remeron 30mg at night Effexor ER 150mg in the Am ( apparently the combo of effexor and remeron is called 'California rocket fuel') A little bit about me. I have depression and generalized anxiety, and currently being tested for possible bipolar disorder. I have had severe substance abuse issues in the past so I have to go the non narcotic route.
  22. (NOTE TO READER: I AM ON THE VERGE OF GOING INTO SOME PSYCHOTIC RAGE. PLEASE READ EVERYTHING I'M SAYING HERE. I KNOW IT IS LONG-WINDED LIKE MY OTHER POSTS. BUT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT HERE AND NO ONE SHOULD HAVE DISRESPECT AND BELITTLE MY SITUATION BY TELLING ME THINGS SUCH AS THAT I AM JUST WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME HERE AND THAT I SHOULD JUST TAKE THIS ELSEWHERE AND/OR KEEP IT TO MYSELF): My anhedonia (chronic absence of pleasure) that is there all the time 24/7 in which there are never any brief moments of pleasure, I was told by my doctor (psychiatrist) that this is a negative symptom of schizophrenia since I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and that there is no validated treatment for it and that I am just going to have to learn to live with it. There is no way I could ever possibly accept living a life in which I have no pleasure to enjoy anything in my life. My pleasure, to me, is more important than the air I breathe to stay alive. I live off my pleasure. It's more important to me than my heart which beats to keep me alive. Me having this strong desire to have my full pleasure back in life is not just some want. It is far more important than a want and is far more important than a need. Needs are defined as being more important than wants since needs are things that we use to survive such as the air we breathe and such. But since my pleasure is far more important to me than any of those other needs to survive, then my pleasure is more important than some need. It is an intrinsic part of me that defines me and my life as being good and worth living. I would rather be dead from lack of air and other things than to live a life of no pleasure. To me, how I feel is the only thing that matters in terms of my personal life. In other words, if I feel good, then that means me and my life are going great. But if I feel bad or if I don't feel anything, then me and my life are nothing good at all. It doesn't matter how much I help others and make their lives good without my pleasure, me and my own personal life are still nothing good at all without my pleasure. All my personality traits such as my intelligence, creativity, and everything else in life are nothing good at all in terms of my own personal life without my pleasure. This is a strict value and belief I hold. Please do not try and change it at all. Otherwise, that will cause me to become enraged and psychotic. This is because I MUST have my life of full pleasure back and I could never possibly accept my absence of pleasure and to live for other things in life instead without my pleasure. Yes, I still value other good people such as my family. But since I have just as much good value as any other good person, then that gives me every right to have focus towards myself and to want my own personal life of pleasure given back to me. To say that I have no right to have value and focus towards that and that I should instead focus and live for other things and for other people would be no different than if I came up to you and told you to have all the attention and focus towards me. Therefore, it would be selfish of you to tell me so and it would be selfish and offensive for me to tell you to abandon your own values in life just so you could live a life that is not only nothing good at all without that said thing in your life which was the one and only thing that made your life good and worth living, but is also a life in which you have abandoned your own value (focus) towards yourself and are catering to me. So if I can never recover my pleasure, then that gives me every right to end my life since I have just as much good value as any other good person. Since I am a good person, then why keep me alive just to suffer with a life that is nothing good at all? Also, I wouldn't be having lesser good value towards my family and other people in me choosing to end my life. Rather, the good value that I once invested towards the message of me living for my family and helping them out, this good value has been redirected towards another message of value towards my family. This new message would say that I just wish for them to move on and find their own ways and strengths in life without me and that I still have full good value towards them even though I have chosen to end my life. I wouldn't of chosen to end my life with a message towards my family such as that I just don't care for them anymore and that I am the only one who matters in life. Therefore, since I wouldn't be having such a thought towards my family in me choosing to end my life, then I wouldn't be having lesser good value towards them if I were to choose to end my life. If I can't get my pleasure back, then I will end my life. I won't have it any other way. I was on some other depression forum with a user who went by the name "itstrevor." He said that even though anhedonia does tend to recover for many people, those people who have anhedonia due to schizophrenia tend to not fully recover. He said that many people with anhedonia do tend to fully recover and that once they recover, it tends to remain recovered. But as for people with schizophrenia, the anhedonia in schizophrenia tends to be an intractable problem. He says that anhedonia that is a result of other things in life besides mental illnesses such as Parkinson's disease and schizophrenia, that this version of anhedonia tends to recover since there has been no loss/damage of axons in the brain. But as for something such as Parkinson's disease and schizophrenia, these mental illnesses cause damage/loss of axons. Which is why I am asking here if there is some intelligent expert in the mental health field who can tell me if there is any chance of recovery from this anhedonia, what my chances of recovery are, and if it is really due to schizophrenia. If it's due to something else, then it just might be likely to fully recover. But in the event that it doesn't recover or doesn't sufficiently recover, then to tell me to accept this anhedonia and that I am just going to have to learn to live with it, this would be a complete mockery and insult to me and to the one and only good and greatest life there is to me which would be a life of as much pleasure and as little suffering/little absence of pleasure as possible. It says to me that I am just going to have to accept and learn to live a life that is nothing good at all without my pleasure. How we accept problems and move forward in life can only happen if we have found other things in life that makes our lives good despite our problems. Some people might claim that they can still live their lives even if there is nothing good about them and their lives. However, these people would of attributed a good value towards living such a life such as them saying that they are fine accepting and moving on in such a life. Otherwise, if they didn't attribute any good value at all, then they would find no reason to accept and move forward in such a life. Therefore, since my pleasure has and always will be the only good thing in my personal life, then I can never accept this anhedonia. I am going to tell you just how much my pleasure matters to me and how enraged I would be if I were to lose it for life. If there was some ferocious lion who somehow took my pleasure away from me and told me that I am just going to have to accept and learn to live with this loss of pleasure, then I would become an enraged psychopath and would slaughter this lion. I don't care how dangerous and ferocious this lion is. My pleasure is the one and only thing that defines me and my personal life as being good and I would fearlessly go and slaughter that lion even if it meant me being mauled to death since my life wouldn't matter without my pleasure. Even the most elite trained warriors might have fear facing something such as lion. But not me. I would become so enraged that there would be no trace of fear. My pleasure is so vehemently important to me since it was a very profound good experience for me and my life and made me and my personal life good and worth living. My personal experience of depression and anhedonia also made me realize just how important it is to have pleasure in life and just how devastating it is to lose your pleasure. You can take away my limbs, you can take away my sight, and you can take away my hearing. But if you take away my pleasure, then... So as you can clearly see here, my pleasure is what personally defines my human existence as being good and worth living. Absolutely nothing is going to take that away from me and leave me in a permanent anhedonic state. No one or anything else in this life is going to take away and try and change my personal values and beliefs regarding my pleasure either.
  23. I have developed severe chronic anhedonia as a result of depression. It has lasted for over 7 months, still hasn't gotten any better, and there are never any brief moments of pleasure. My feelings of pleasure (such as love, joy, motivation, etc.) are the most important things about me as a person. They are far more important than my attitude, actions, personality, etc. As a matter of fact, my attitude, actions, and personality do not matter at all without my pleasure and are neutral (neither good or bad). My good and bad value as a human being is solely based on the level of pleasure (good value) I have in life while my bad value is solely based on the level of suffering I have in my life. In other words, if I suffer alot from anhedonia/depression and help many people out around the world, then even that wouldn't make me a good person at all and my life would still be nothing good at all. I would still be a bad, weak, and inferior person regardless of the fact that depression and anhedonia are mental illnesses and that they are not choices in which people can snap themselves out of it. I would have helped others and made their lives good. But without my own pleasure in life, then my own personal life is nothing good at all. My thoughts, actions, and everything else in life are nothing more than just sounds, words, images, phrases, gestures, etc. without my pleasure. For example, if I think of a good thought in my mind (such as a profound loving thought towards my family) without my pleasure, then that good thought is nothing more than just a thought. There is no sense of empowerment, "high," or any profound experience whatsoever from any of those thoughts since they are nothing more than just thoughts. They may make us do certain actions and such as well as other important things, but that is it. So all my thoughts and personal created meanings in life including my attitude and actions are nothing profound or anything good since they are all neutral experiences without my pleasure. It has nothing to do with me having a bad attitude and attributing a neutral value to those things that is making them neutral. They are all actually neutral in of themselves and it has nothing to do with me attributing a neutral value judgment to them since they are all neutral experiences as I've said before. If I were to create a very profound good meaning (thought) in my mind, then the meaning itself would be something very good and profound (but only in the sense that they are nothing more than just words, sounds, images, phrases, etc.). However, the conscious experience of that meaning is a neutral (neither good or bad) experience and it is only my conscious experience of pleasure that is good while it is only my conscious experience of suffering that is bad. Therefore, who I am as a person and what my actions are do not matter at all. As long as I have my full pleasure back to me in life, then that is all that matters to me. Growing as a person and becoming more of an empathetic, compassionate, understanding, intelligent, insightful, creative, etc. person through my suffering does not matter at all to me either without my pleasure and I could care less about growing as a person or who I am for that matter. As long as I am happy (have my full pleasure in life), then that is all that matters to me and that is the one and only thing that defines me and my life as being good. The one and only greatest life there is and is the one and only life that matters to me and nothing else would be a life of as much pleasure and as little suffering as possible. If I can't get that life, then I would end my life since I would be living a life that mocks and insults me and the one and only greatest life I wanted to live. Therefore, I must have my life back in which I had a normal full amount of pleasure before. If I can't get that life, then I would end my life. In conclusion, I would like to say something very important here which is that I am absolutely convinced that my pleasure is the only thing that makes me good and my life good while my suffering is the only thing that makes me bad and my life bad. There is nothing anyone else here can tell me that can make me change my mind on this. These are my own personal values and beliefs. But the reason why I came here and talked about it anyway is simply because I want others here to listen, relate, and sympathize with me and my described situation.
  24. Depression (including anhedonia which is an absence of pleasure) are, in a way, sort of like the flu. It comes and goes. You first get sick. But over time, the mind and body heal themselves and you are back to being completely well. This is because it is vital to get back to the state of your full normal well-being. Otherwise, your chances of survival (thriving in life) are slim. So it is vital that your mind and body restore its survival mechanisms. This would even include pleasure since pleasure is something vital for our thriving and survival in life. Far more people feel depressed having an absence of pleasure than there are people who are fine with and accept an absence of pleasure. This would be because pleasure is so vital to our survival as I've said before. Depression, in addition to being perhaps a chemical imbalance, can also be a natural stressful response. Depression can sometimes be a response that warns us that something is wrong in our lives that we need to change. This holds true in my case since my depression is not a chemical imbalance or anything of the sort at all. Rather, it is a response to my anhedonia (absence of pleasure). This depression response (feeling of hopelessness) is warning me that I must have my life of full pleasure that I solely value so much in order for me to live a good worthwhile life. Therefore, since pleasure is so very important for me and my life and is very important for many other people, then this is why the mind restores itself back to normal and that your full normal amount of pleasure should soon be fully restored back to you. You should be able to soon fully recover from depression and/or anhedonia and live the life of full pleasure that makes a vital part of your one and only life good and worth living. However, my anhedonia has been going on for 7 months, there are never any brief moments of pleasure, and it still hasn't gotten any better. As a matter of fact, it has only gotten worse over time and I am now left with complete chronic anhedonia. Therefore, I think I might have some condition that is preventing me from recovering. Usually, when you get the flu, you soon recover over time. But you then have some people who have the flu for prolonged periods due to some other type of condition/abnormality perpetuating the flu. Therefore, this might be what is going on with me here. Therefore, once I take care of this condition that is preventing me from recovering from this anhedonia, then I should have my full pleasure back to me in life.
  25. I'm so happy to have found this support site! A little over 3 years ago I had my first episode of major depression accompanied with psychosis. I was mostly in a disassociated state and my personality was terribly fragmented. I don't know exactly how to explain it without writing a novel. I have Disassociative Identity Disorder. I know many people don't believe in it, and if I hadn't experienced it myself...I don't think I would either. I have always battled depression and anxiety, but I fully and completely lost touch with reality at that point. My "self" was badly fragmented. I first spent some time in a private trauma treatment center and then I was hospitalized. I'm recovered enough now to understand just how out of my mind I have been and also to realize that I may never be who I was before my breakdown. Just being OK feels really great. I still have a ways to go. Leaving the house is something I seldom do. I sleep and rest a lot, but I feel like my brain needs it. It feels like the biggest changes have happened over the past 6 months. How I've improved from 3 and a half years ago: I have a much better sense of time and how much has past (minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years). I'm starting to feel like myself again. I can recall words much better than before. My memory in general has improved. I feel like my body parts belong to my body. I sleep without nightmares (most of the time). My parts (personalities) feel like they are working in a system. I'm mostly free of suicidal ideation. I'm not in a constant state of fight or flight, frozen, or numb. So, feeling more steady and centered and my body isn't constantly pumping out chemicals in response to those various states. I can connect with people. I've worked so hard! I'm really proud of myself. I have to keep at it. I want to start working at leaving the house some. This is a big step. It feels so good to be able to sleep and relax...even if I still struggle with it to some degree. It's so much better. Thank you for letting me share.
  • Create New...