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Showing results for tags 'rejection'.
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Hi there! Recently a new girl has started work, and I've taken a liking to her. The trouble with this is that I've walled myself off from other people for around 7 years. I've been managing to deal with my illness by not talking to other people, not having friends, not having a partner. I wasn't looking for anything with this new girl, but unfortunately, my body has had other ideas. I've been hit by a wave of emotions for her that I'm just not able to deal with. What makes it worse is that she's been seeing a guy for 14 years and there's no chance that we will ever get together. I think that she was attracted to me when we first started talking; I don't think that she would want to go out with me still, but life isn't black and white. I was flattered that she was like this, but I didn't push the issue, I knew how things were. On the mood scale chart that I keep seeing everywhere, I'm normally between 5-8. Since this has all started. Since her turning me down, I'm now between 2-5 most of the time, I think I've dipped down to 1 twice in the last couple of months. With my mood being all over the place, it is becoming more difficult to talk to her and I think she's pushing me away now; I can see things from her perspective and I can't blame her. Recently, she's been smiling at someone else in the office that isn't me and I'm having difficulty with it. It all feels so stupid, but I've now let someone have too much power over me and it is keeping my mood low. I don't know how to get out of this. I'm worried that if it continues I will need to take time off work and if that happens I might lose my job, my house, etc. I need help! Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can move on more quickly? Has anyone dealt with similar issues?
...I still feel angry about it, and it's seriously upsetting how not "over it" I am. My siblings-in-law are all having babies and I'm not. I probably won't, ever. I'm feeling left behind and watching all the happy families posting on Facebook and hearing about all the resources, emotional and material, being lauded on these families is making me way jealous and angry. My biological parents threw me under the bus because I wouldn't give them grandkids, and was infertile besides, and so to feel like that rejection might happen a second time is seriously distressing. And then something happened in October that keeps coming back. I e-mailed asking my inlaws to come out to a sports event with me, since I was starting the sport myself. I got either nos or radio silence. Come game day, I check Facebook, and there's the freaking baby at the inlaws' house - free childcare for the couple that has everything - and everybody's happy. Made me so mad. So mad. I called the inlaws on the evident priority call, saying I was upset that I got ditched for a baby (when previously they'd said "if ever you want parents, come to us")... and then stepmom says, "I know this is just your fear of abandonment" and "I can't help you with your cognitive distortions, talk to your therapist". I asked her to just tell me that the baby is a bigger priority, and I'd try to be OK with it, but she refused to. She insisted that she loved me and I was a priority (but she's still not coming to any games, for no reason). Yeah, I'm feeling a fear of abandonment, BECAUSE YOU"RE ABANDONING ME. And now you're shutting me down and we can't even talk about it. So we don't. And I keep getting angry about it. Apparently this little sports event was really, really important to me and I needed to DEARMAN the shit out of it but I was still too shy. I feel stupid that I'm so upset. I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to about this because they're sick of hearing about it, or I'm afraid of pissing them off, or they'll say something callous and hurt me when I'm at my most vulnerable. I know on some level it's childish jealousy and want for attention and on others it's a deep, deep terror of being abandoned and then finding "evidence" that I will be. Like I want to tell these inlaws to sod off so they can't hurt me any more. But my husband would suffer losing his family, so I have to keep up appearances, only I'm seriously seething. I don't know how to handle this any more. By now everybody in the family knows I went to the hospital after this little scenario because I was having fantasies about harming myself in front of everyone. No one's willing to talk about it and I'm as isolated as ever. I am sure I'm the crazy sister-in-law. I don't want to be the crazy sister-in-law. I just wanted a goddamn family that would consider supporting me when I asked!! Also, how shitty is it of people to use therapy speak on you in a casual context to shut you up/down? I think that's just the lowest blow. Talk to your therapist, not me. Humph. Why do we bother talking at all, then? Rawr.