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  1. So basically im dead inside. I currently being emotionaly dull, i cant feel any motivation or desire to live, despite that im still doing my everyday things, going to college, working out, doing my usual duties and chores. The thing is that i have an schizoid disorder, and im very paranoid. I posted in addiction because one of the most destructive things is my addction to many things. I smoke, not weed, regular cigarettes, the thing is that my parents think that i quited smoking but i dont, i wanna quit to, i hate it, and i hate it because my parents are well known religious leaders in my town and a lot of people know them and know me, when i smoke outside im always paranoid, i dont wanna live this way, my paranoia is getting worse but i always end up smoking again because my friends smoke and i always fall but i wanna quit. If my parents get to know that i still smoke they probably stop paying my colleges fees, a lot of people know them and can snitch on me. I have this fight, i cant keep going anymore, at the same time smoking helps me cope whit my side effectos made by my antipsychotics, but they dont understand, they always judge merciless even do im an adult in my twenties. Can anyone give advice, all advice is very helpful.
  2. I believe in God and believe I believe in Jesus and the Gospel, though I'm not sure. I'm holding on to belief and prayer (specially the rosary) to help me through the hard times I'm going through. I don't work going on 10 years now and am scared of people and interaction with strangers. That's why I don't work. I'm very anxious and can't seem to have peace of mind (maybe because I lost mine 16 years ago). I try to hold on to religion, though I'm not a church goer (because of having to go out), but whatever I do I have no peace. My schizoaffective disorder never gave me hallucinations and gives me few delusions, mostly the fear of people. I can't seem to find peace in God and nowhere else. I'm lost. What can I do? I have no friends I can talk to and I started psychotherapy some weeks ago, but it doesn't give me any relief nor I feel compfortable there. What can I do? I'm on my meds, quit smoking, quit porn and masturbation to get rid of anxiety but I have more of it, being locked inside the house 24/7. I'm not able to go out, only at lunch time down the street to have a coffee. I feel very insecure and fearful. If God doesn't help me what can? I'm lost.
  3. If you pray hard enough, you can make water run uphill. That's what science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein said. "If you pray hard enough, you can make water run uphill" "How had do you have to pray?" "Why, hard enough to make water run uphill." I can't tell you how often I've heard people say things like that - if only I prayed hard enough, had strong enough faith, tried hard enough, worked hard enough... then the illness would be healed. And I'd live happily ever after. And maybe get a unicorn for Christmas... The gimmick is that no matter how hard I tried, if I didn't get better, I didn't try hard enough. It's my fault. How convenient for the healers.
  4. I was the perfect child. A little stubborn, perhaps. For the most part, I was happy, loving, I cared for people, my main goals in life was to help others. As I hit middle school, anxiety hit. I was worried 27/7 about being popular. I became anorexic in 7th grade, in fear of getting fat. I was taking in a max of 200 calories for a whole year. When summer came, I got my first and only boyfriend. My self esteem increased dramatically! I got in honors in orchestra and second to honors in choir (which I worked my ass off the whole mother fucking year for). Then my boyfriend broke up with me. I started self harming because I couldn't take the fucking pain. School came back around, now I had a new habit on top of anorexia. After 2 days into school, my mother went through my text messages, and found the ones to my boyfriend. I sent him a message saying "OH MY FUCKING GOD" in it, because I was so mad at him. My mother, in response to it, smashed my phone 10 times, threw it in the toilet, and made me switch schools, on my birthday (may I also say that she didn't make me switch schools because of self harm or my eating disorder, but because I said "the lords name in vain"). This happened over a year ago, all my hard work crushed to pieces. I don't practice my violin anymore. Instead of anorexic, I now have a binge eating disorder and am overweight. The school I go to now is a super conservative christian school that is extremely homophobic, which I'm a benegender pansexual (my mother almost kicked me out of the house after I told her that I am one). My mom won't let me have a phone or go to public school because she's "worried about my spirituality". I feel so fucking trapped that I want to die. Does anyone have a problem where their parents are so oppressive that they want to kill themselves?
  5. Look, I'm an atheist. All organized (and unorganized) religion seems absurd to me, for a multitude of reasons. It seems to me that if everyone was raised by scientifically-literate parents, and not told about religion until critical thinking skills were fully developed (twenty-one?), that religion would disappear from this world. However, I see it's value in comforting people. I would greatly appreciate that comfort. So do me a favor and convince me!
  6. When I was 16 I joined a cult called Branhamism. Most people haven't heard of it, but it has churches all over the world. It's a Pentecostal, Holiness, Fundamentalist Christian Cult that follows the teachings of the man they (used to be we) consider the prophet for the last days. His name was William Branham--he died in 1965. The church was all tangled up with my abusive marriage, because the Bible and the prophet really emphasis blessing those who curse you, doing good to those who despite-fully use you, that a soft answer turns away wrath (which it doesn't, in most cases, it didn't with my husband) and that wives have to obey their husbands in everything as unto the lord. It does say all that. A lot of people have told me it doesn't because that doesn't fit in with their image of god and what he would want for people--like to not be miserable their whole lives--but it really does. I was mentally ill when I joined--I think I was mentally ill almost my whole childhood, especially after my uncle raped me when was five and my step-grandfather molested me over a several year period. But the church made my mental illness much worse. And being in the abusive marriage did too. my ex-husband was even a preacher for 10 years. So, i left him after 22 years, but i was still in the cult. I left the church a year later. That was the hardest thing i ever did, not the divorce. The divorce was a huge relief, but leaving the church was terrifying. It's been 10 years and I'm not really scared anymore, although it still affects me. i feel warped by it. From 16 to 44--that's a long time to be in such a destructive mindset and atmosphere. Anyone else spend time in a cult? There's lots of different kinds, but they all use mind-control and fear. Brain-washing. i'd love to hear from others who have been in cults or have feedback or thoughts. Thank you!
  7. If materialism, naturalism, and scientism are true, then you would be delusional to find meaning in your life (as stated by materialism, naturalism, and scientism which state that life is just a bunch of meaningless atoms and particles). There are things in science that do have objective meaning. For example, the fact that the Earth revolves around the sun is a scientific fact and you would, therefore, be delusional to think otherwise. Same thing with creating our own meanings in life since life really has no meaning in terms of science. You would, therefore, be delusional in finding your own personal meanings in life since life has no meaning. If you are going to say something here such as that this is a logical fallacy I am presenting here, then what I would have to say in return is that your own personal viewpoints in that people would not be delusional in creating their own meanings in life, this would also be a logical fallacy since finding your own personal meanings in life when life has no meaning is a contradiction. I don't even care if it's in our evolutionary design to find meaning in life in order to survive and benefit our survival. You would still be delusional in finding your own meanings in life anyway. Now you might also be thinking that, since it is in our evolutionary design to find meaning in life in order to survive and benefit our survival, that to even perceive this as delusional would contradict our evolutionary design and would be a delusional viewpoint in of itself in terms of evolution as a result. But this would be false because the only way for it to contradict our evolutionary design is if we were to tell ourselves the message that "We are not designed by evolution to find meaning in our lives." That would be the only message that would contradict our evolutionary design. Telling ourselves that "We are delusional in finding meaning in our lives" does not contradict our evolutionary design. To say that something IS when, in reality, it is not, would be delusional regardless of what you think otherwise. So any personal meanings you create in life are your brain's way of telling you that these meanings ARE. Even if you tell yourself something such as that these meanings you create are not objective (definite) meanings, the fact is, for you to view these personal meanings as true for yourself and for your personal life is your mind's way of telling you that these meanings are definite meanings which would be false since they are not. It would be saying that since even you as a person are a bunch of meaningless atoms and particles, that any personal meanings you create hold true for you which would be false because you would be saying that you and this life both have meaning while at the same time they both don't have meaning which is contradictory. So for you to believe that any personal meaning you create in life holds true for you and holds true for your own personal life would be no different than saying that "I know that it's a scientific fact that the Earth revolves around the sun. But I don't have to believe that it holds true for me as a person nor that it holds true for me in my own personal life and that I can create any personal meaning I want and instead believe that meaning holds true for me and holds true for my own personal life. I can believe anything I want such as that the Earth is flat and is the center of the universe and that words don't have to mean what they mean or that scientific facts have to be what they are. I can say that the color blue is actually the color black, that hot is cold, etc. and this will hold true for me and my own personal life while in actual reality itself it doesn't hold true at all. And even if these personal meanings don't hold true at all for me and in my own personal life, I can still have them anyway in my life and live by them anyway." So as you can see here, this would be nonsense since it is a scientific fact that life has no meaning and that we are also a bunch of meaningless atoms and particles. This is no different than the mindset of a religious person who has a delusional belief in a God and the supernatural. Therefore, it's not just religious people and delusional people who are the only ones delusional. Even atheists, highly intelligent people, and scientists themselves can be delusional here. Sure, you can still live by those personal meanings you have created in life despite knowing that they are not true since this universe does not tell us how we should think, but it would all still be nonsense anyway. I don't even care about the fact that if we didn't have any created personal meanings in life, that we would all be dead since we would all just be sitting there and not finding any reason to get up and eat, socialize, or do any other activities. We would all still be living nonsensical and delusional lives anyway for being human and living our personal lives and making the best of this life regardless of the fact that this is in our evolutionary design to do so and that this is how evolution designed us. It's only if this life had an objective meaning through there being a God and an afterlife of eternal joy would we find reason to live our lives and find that meaning in our lives. Now if you are going to ask something such as that "To be is not to be? To be is not the way to be?" what I would have to say to that would be that there is no "way" in the first place since even that quoted word is a personal meaning. Also, to say that concepts such as value, worth, and beauty do exist in this universe, but are not things that are scientific and can't be defined by science and, therefore, you are free to live by them and not view them as being delusional since they are separate from this universe and are not a part of this meaningless universe and can't be defined by this meaningless universe, this would be false. These concepts are created by the meaningless atoms and particles in our brains that come up with these concepts in the first place (so these might be measurable concepts in the future through advanced neurological technology that can measure the amount of value, worth, and beauty in this person's mind by measuring the amount of activity of those atoms and particles that have created these concepts in this person's mind). Therefore, these concepts ARE the functioning of those atoms and particles that have created them in our brains and are, therefore, meaningless as well and to view them as being true for yourself and true for your personal life would be delusional nonsense. How we come to the conclusion (the scientific fact) that this universe is meaningless is through scientific evidence. Therefore, you might be thinking that since there is also scientific evidence for created personal meanings being accomplished as something meaningful in life, in helping ourselves and others, doing great things in life, keeping us alive, etc. that this would somehow mean that these created meanings are not delusional nonsense. But this would be false. This entire universe and everything in it is all meaningless and the meaningless of all these things is what defines even our own personal created meanings in life. Now if you are going to ask me something such as for me to define "meaning," what I would have to say to that would be that there is no meaning. It is just a bunch of atoms and particles and that is it. But this would only hold true for things besides scientific facts such as the Earth revolving around the sun and also the scientific fact that this life has no meaning. Finally, even Stephen Hawking himself has stated that philosophy is dead and that science is all there is. The viewpoints that others have regarding that you can find your own personal meanings in life and that this would not be delusional, these are philosophical viewpoints which would actually be "dead" (false).
  8. When i was younger i was raised in a very spiritual household... i was raised where you believed negative spirits exist and only negative spirits...maybe this belief system was the stressor/catalyst that help create my psychosis to what it is. I got very much into the spiritualist community..you know meditation connecting to guides , angels, energy healing, etc. I was psychotic during this time i been having psychosis since 7th grade and i am now 20. So, about 7/8 years. And during that time i have been in long periods of psychotic episodes... and when i came out i was a fool to what happen the longest i was lucid for was a month or even 2 months where i had no psychosis at all... just freaking peace. Recently maybe 8/9 months ago i came to a realization... this isn't something spiritual this isn't what a same spiritual mind is like. When i looked at people around me that i knew who were spiritualist they might have run into negative and positive spiritual experience but the constant outcome was that they came to a realization they came to some kind of truth about their surrounding/situation/person. What my constant outcome was paranoia and chaos. Anyway i made this chart i hope i don't come off cocky but this has helped me a lot personally. anyway how you use the chat.. say you have a hallucination that some woman was telling you some advice like "you can't trust that person their gonna hurt you"... so the choices you have is "positive or negative presence/hallucination"....I would say Negative...then you ask yourself when you respectfully and logically explore if this person could be trust... "truth" in what the hallucination said or "paranoia/chaos" did this just cause anxiety. problems for you and was false. Let's choose the latter, most likely it was a hallucination...but some believe that it could be a negative spirit from what i view from my observation of those that take on this spiritualist view that it's hardly ever that, but that's for you to figure out. I feel this chart is best if you trying out this "hearing voice movement" - http://www.hearing-voices.org/voices-visions/personal-experiences/ or if you are trying to figure out is just a spiritual experience from your past and what is psychotic when your piecing together your past that psychosis i feel could robbed you of. -This is to help anyone who is piecing together their past experience and are still very spiritual. I personally cannot get too deep into spirituality or religion anymore because it can help quicken up the process of me entering a major psychotic episodes, BUT for anyone who is still searching for faith while having this disorder will help them not loose faith. And we get a few who ask was this past experience something spiritual or not and i feel this chart could help them. So i am not here to push any religious faith on anyone... it's just here to help others piece their past together like it has helped me so far. -
  9. Practical Explanation ( For Example ) :- `1st of all can you tell me every single seconds detail from that time when you born ?? ( i need every seconds detail ?? that what- what you have thought and done on every single second ) can you tell me every single detail of your `1 cheapest Minute Or your whole hour, day, week, month, year or your whole life ?? if you are not able to tell me about this life then what proof do you have that you didn't forget your past ? and that you will not forget this present life in the future ? that is Fact that Supreme Lord Krishna exists but we posses no such intelligence to understand him. there is also next life. and i already proved you that no scientist, no politician, no so-called intelligent man in this world is able to understand this Truth. cuz they are imagining. and you cannot imagine what is god, who is god, what is after life etc. _______ for example :Your father existed before your birth. you cannot say that before your birth your father don,t exists. So you have to ask from mother, "Who is my father?" And if she says, "This gentleman is your father," then it is all right. It is easy. Otherwise, if you makes research, "Who is my father?" go on searching for life; you'll never find your father. ( now maybe...maybe you will say that i will search my father from D.N.A, or i will prove it by photo's, or many other thing's which i will get from my mother and prove it that who is my Real father.{ So you have to believe the authority. who is that authority ? she is your mother. you cannot claim of any photo's, D.N.A or many other things without authority ( or ur mother ). if you will show D.N.A, photo's, and many other proofs from other women then your mother. then what is use of those proofs ??} ) same you have to follow real authority. "Whatever You have spoken, I accept it," Then there is no difficulty. And You are accepted by Devala, Narada, Vyasa, and You are speaking Yourself, and later on, all the acaryas have accepted. Then I'll follow. I'll have to follow great personalities. The same reason mother says, this gentleman is my father. That's all. Finish business. Where is the necessity of making research? All authorities accept Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. You accept it; then your searching after God is finished. Why should you waste your time? _______ all that is you need is to hear from authority ( same like mother ). and i heard this truth from authority " Srila Prabhupada " he is my spiritual master. im not talking these all things from my own. ___________ in this world no `1 can be Peace full. this is all along Fact. cuz we all are suffering in this world 4 Problems which are Disease, Old age, Death, and Birth after Birth. tell me are you really happy ?? you can,t be happy if you will ignore these 4 main problem. then still you will be Forced by Nature. ___________________ if you really want to be happy then follow these 6 Things which are No illicit sex, No gambling, No drugs ( No tea & coffee ), No meat-eating ( No onion & garlic's ) 5th thing is whatever you eat `1st offer it to Supreme Lord Krishna. ( if you know it what is Guru parama-para then offer them food not direct Supreme Lord Krishna ) and 6th " Main Thing " is you have to Chant " hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare ". _______________________________ If your not able to follow these 4 things no illicit sex, no gambling, no drugs, no meat-eating then don,t worry but chanting of this holy name ( Hare Krishna Maha-Mantra ) is very-very and very important. Chant " hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare hare rama hare rama rama rama hare hare " and be happy. if you still don,t believe on me then chant any other name for 5 Min's and chant this holy name for 5 Min's and you will see effect. i promise you it works And chanting at least 16 rounds ( each round of 108 beads ) of the Hare Krishna maha-mantra daily. ____________ Here is no Question of Holy Books quotes, Personal Experiences, Faith or Belief. i accept that Sometimes Faith is also Blind. Here is already Practical explanation which already proved that every`1 else in this world is nothing more then Busy Foolish and totally idiot. _________________________ Source(s): every `1 is already Blind in this world and if you will follow another Blind then you both will fall in hole. so try to follow that person who have Spiritual Eyes who can Guide you on Actual Right Path. ( my Authority & Guide is my Spiritual Master " Srila Prabhupada " ) _____________ if you want to see Actual Purpose of human life then see this link : ( www.asitis.com {Bookmark it }) read it complete. ( i promise only readers of this book that they { he/she } will get every single answer which they want to know about why im in this material world, who im, what will happen after this life, what is best thing which will make Human Life Perfect, and what is perfection of Human Life. ) purpose of human life is not to live like animal cuz every`1 at present time doing 4 thing which are sleeping, eating, sex & fear. purpose of human life is to become freed from Birth after birth, Old Age, Disease, and Death.
  10. lately I've been doing a little research into Paganism and was wondering what it means to people who believe in it. How you do practice your faith? I'm curious, because I was formerly pagan and am interested in regaining my faith but am not sure how.
  11. I have an odd problem so I posted it here on a board that seems to take up all the topics that don't belong anywhere else. I have been on and off ssri antidepressants for 18 years and only seem to feel "saved" "holy" or "sanctified" when I take the drug. What I'm saying is that ssri's give me a false sense of annointing that goes away when I quit them for awhile. It makes me wonder if my faith is real after all. Off them, I feel anxious, rebellious, questioning everything, and in anguish over my relationship (or lack of) with God and the way the world is going. The pills make me feel that I'm being "good", following my religion, etc. I feel it's easier to learn under a pastor, etc..., in other words to be put under a teacher or be led, controlled, etc. I can do "rules" much better on the pills. Has anyone else felt this: that their religious/spiritual state varies as top whether they are on their pills or not? I'd rather be questioning my faith than having this false sense of bliss on the pills. A Christian walk is painful sometimes and being able to "float" through it is false. God is not fooled. I do not really think religion and psych meds mix. I went on them in desperation about 18 monrha ago as I could not sleep and could not sit still to do anything. Now I feel blunted, tired, lazy and stupid. Merely going off them a little while I'm feeling my mental acuity come back. Salvation is a personal experience with God not a pill regimen. I had something really stressful happen to me about a month ago and could not even feel anything on the pills as a side note. Also, the walk I take all the time had become too much for me and I was stopping and panting for breath every few steps. Even during tapering, some of my energy came back and now I have no trouble walking. Oh well hope this thread does not get locked due to religious content.
  12. hammock

    snake oil

    I painted this one when I first started prozac. The difference it made for me was huge- it was the first time I had had any western medicine for my illness, since I have never had health insurance I have of course tried EVERY "alternative" cure, every method, every therapy, every bit of juju and voodoo and hoodoo that is shilled...within two weeks of proper medication I felt like a different person. I am a big fan of old-timey carnival and hobo stuff. Back in the day a common shill was to bottle up just any old junk, add a tiny bit of cocaine/alcohol/heroin, and sell it as a "CURE-ALL". Snake oil. They'd hawk it off the back of trains, on a table in town. Unscrupulous bastards. I feel that way about all of the non-medical cures for depression and psychosis I tried over all those decades. Bunkum!

    © @resonanteye

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