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Found 1 result

  1. potential trigger... maybe. i've slipped up 3 times in the past two days. i'd gone maybe two weeks clean until now. but the thing is, this time its much different. it is half revenge and half freedom. revenge: i have one friend who i tell absolutely everything. we have a scarily close relationship which can be rather unstable at times, like when we both crash at the same time. but in general its extremely supportive. the night before yesterday he decided he had to "take a break from everyone for a bit" so we haven't talked since. he was the one i would tell when i cut and he was encouraging me to stop. hence i was kinda pissed he was ditching when i was crashing and needed him most. so it was a "hah well i'll cut now to get back at you." freedom: because i'd tell him when i slipped up, i'd feel guilty when i'd do it because he'd be upset/disappointed. when we're not talking, i dont have to tell him, and therefore i don't feel guilty at all. and i feel like i can do whatever i want and nobody has to know. (stress: i've been trying to help a friend who has started cutting. (biggest hypocrite ever) it got me a little panic-y at one point and i ended up scratching a hole in my arm with my nails. "he" was in the room at the time so this could also be under revenge. the scratch wasn't to bleeding point but its been leaking clear/yellowy fluid for a full day now. weird?) are either of these reasons for anyone else? also, though i don't feel like i have to stop (no more guilt) i realize i should. i've looked at the alternatives board again but nothings really working cause these aren't the same reasons. not really sure how to tackle this.. ~M
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