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  1. Sometimes out of the blue I get this feeling that I did something wrong and people will come to get me, because of this. Then I keep on reviewing what I did throughout the day and see that I did not do anything wrong. What causes this? Is this ocd or paranoia? How to prevent/deal/improve with this?
  2. Anyone on a very low dose of zyprexa? How low? Do you have any side effects on this very low dose? Does it improve your symptoms?
  3. Does the stage of life in which you get ill determines your prognosis and course of the illness? For example a person who gets ill after graduating from college and working several years will be more equipped to face life than a person who got ill and never worked (getting ill in the college stage of life or before)??
  4. I really do not understand the difference between psychosis in Bipolar and psychosis in Schizophrenia. For example a person who doesnt experience severe mood swings, just hypomania and experiences paranoia. Will that person be considered Bipolar anyways? Do people with Schizophrenia just experience psychosis with no mood variations at all?
  5. Sometimes out of the blue I get this feeling that I did something wrong and people will come to get me, because of this. Then I keep on reviewing what I did throughout the day and see that I did not do anything wrong. What causes this? How to prevent/deal/improve with this?
  6. P.S: There are voices and people, the voices are people but they can speak from far away, probably EMR or telepathy if thought broadcasting is real. The people are the ones i can hear clearly or with their real voice usually from a close distance. this is a pesron speaking, im not shyzo, she speaks from afar, and can change voice, because theres never 2 voices speaking at the same time, only very quick coordination, bringing me to question if it is the same person. They always pass for me because i have thought broadcasting and they are telling me things from far away where no one can hear them and they pass for me when they tell me things so that other people who hear me understand something else than what i want to say or to divagate from me exposing their game by completing my sentences before i can think of the end, play games and such, for example, when i think the name serena and i’m about to say it in my head, they say dena, and they imitate my style of talking and thinking while saying shit stuff and pass for me. Or they yell a random name to bring me off the flow of my ideas. They are always playing a game where they de-credibilise my every though. I don’t need to think sentences loud in my head since i can speak just by understanding someone. I can also formulate direct ideas like if i was speaking. When i’m not thinking about shit, they usually tell me things i can relate to even if theres nothing involved and then make it pass for me having said the thing that the conversation/argument started from. Most of the time they will say that I am saying and thinking (2 different things, both in the head) things that i did not say or think, or even think of thinking that, which means they are clearly manipulating almost every thought i have. Just because i’m a smoker and i thought about the police when i went to buy, since then almost everyone that speak to or about me wants to make me pass for a dealer and since i think briefly about the police the voices want to convince the other people that i am a dealer while passing for me even though they know it is false. Some other people think i want to play the dealer and that i’m just a son of a rich/looser that invents my life, just because i say i’m not a dealer (which implied to them that since i denied the fact i was one, i was actually one...) The funny part is that it all came from me denying to a voice/guy telling me i was a dealer, so he tried to make me pass for one, and then a DOMINO EFFECT happened. anyone going through TB can relate, not to this specific example, but the domino effect where one person tells you about something and most of the people you will hear after that will do a follow up of a previous conversation with someone else. I got to understand that some people don’t follow blindly. You need to make the difference between people that just speak, just AutoBlockTM it will do the trick. For people who like to play games with you, you need to focus on exposing their tactics, in my case they like picking up on thoughts and modifying what i originally said, so i focus on exposing the modifications they made to my thoughts while keeping track of my goal. A big part of their game is making you forget things that you where saying about them. Whenever i say/about to say a name, balthazar meunier for example, they know what i am going to say since theres telepathy involved before they can hear my thoughts loud (like sending an FTP file, or just consider it direct thought) and they take advantage of it to say other names (because information in directhought is not always clear), hence it will make me “feel” off it, and make me and the other characters from the voice divagate from the original subject of conversation while always going their side so i struggle to make my point most of the times but it got better, my advice is think less and don’t react to the games, tacle them unconsciously, whenever they say something, you don’t need to speak in your head, just think DirectThinkTM what you feel is good for you, talk to people by understanding what you want, you dont need to word it but you can, it will make your life easier. Another thing i can do is mute briefly the ones speaking far away when i want to say something important, it doesnt always work but it comes in handy. I once had moments where i could shoot mutes 20 in a row and it was less noisy, so less voices, so less thoughts and peace of mind for a few seconds. Another thing i noticed is that i can sometimes hear a very high frequency sound continuously in my head that tends to loosen my mind and make me forget things, when that happens try to remember the important things you said it might be a weapon to control your mind (i cant be sure) I also got medication due to clicks in my head
  7. Hello, I am new and am wondering if anyone else has had their neurotransmitter levels tested. By that I mean things like dopamine, serotonin, nueroepiniphrine, GABA, the ratios of these things and all that jazz. Despite a lifetime of psychosis, I never spoke to a doctor about my mental issues in truth. I did have to sprinkle in a bit of honesty in order to get the test I wanted to measure my neurotransmitter levels, and man was that worth it. I am hoping we can share our levels to see what levels correlate with what symptoms and what things people are using to treat them.
  8. Hello, Recently I had a bought of noise that I wasn't able to fight off well due to being distracted by a personal issue. Of course, the reason I lost footing in the first place was because of the mildly stressful issue. What I am wondering, is if there is a better way to distract the voices. I am usually able to mute them by using foundational logic to win. But, when something has me questioning my beliefs in my choices and actions (which is irritatingly easy to do), I am at their mercy. I used to have 'good' voices that would hold my body back from doing anything physically because of the 'bad' voices. I had cleaned them all out a while back while trying to get better. This has left me openly exposed for these sudden surprise attacks on my sanity. I don't want to rely on 'good' voices anymore. This has been used against me in the past for me to psychologically manipulate myself into living how I wanted to myself to live. I hated that. It wasn't only me manipulating myself. It was crazy. I don't even know if it was me doing that to myself or if it was one of the 'bad' voices in particular who had a name. I don't want to believe that he could do that, so I try to say it was myself. It would be impossible for it to be myself manipulating myself... But, this is currently the only way I can move on until I can find actual help. Sorry about that weird spiral. Yesterday I scratched the word "mistake" into my arm while arguing with the voices and coming up at loss in the battle for a while. While in conversation, I am lost in thought fighting, when I lose something else can get control of my body. I forgot to have a notepad and pencil ready. They so want to make their mark on reality that they will carve their words onto or into anything. I've put up quite a few psychological stops over the years that prevented self harm, but a lot of those were linked to the 'good' voices who would battle with positive noise against the negative noise. One of the other stops I've made is the use of the cyrillic alphabet instead of the latin alphabet with any written discussion having to do with my voices so that they are forced to translate the letters over. This means the word "mistake" was scratched into my arm in cyrillic letters. This used to slow the majority of them down, but not anymore. I've also forgotten the numb feeling and the weird sensation gotten by pain that makes it through the haze, because it no longer registers as pain. I used to use the boiling frog hot water method as a means for pain management due to a chronic condition. Either that or hot wax. I have forgotten all of these important things until now as I write this. It makes me feel pretty stupid for forgetting all of this and getting so comfy thinking I was getting better. There has got to be a better way to distract the voices and win than to rely on honing 'good' voices. I don't want to rely on voices to fight voices when I am powerless. I want to find a physical means, something more real to help. Any suggestions?
  9. I have diagnosis of bipolar with psychosis. My doctor says there is something else also there because of my other symptoms he says he was trying to figure it out. My IOP therapist is going on a three week vaca and the actual diagnosis paperwork may not be available up to 30 days. Im going crazy here and getting depressed because i just want to know what is wrong with me. Im also applying for ssdi appeal with an attorney and the wait is driving me Meds Lamictal 200mg. latuda 80mg. Gabapentin 900mg x3 daily Effexor 225mg Prozosin 4mg Trazodone 100mg
  10. hey im 14yrs old and I have been doing quite a lot of research into some things I am experiencing and im just not sure if im getting anywhere and would like others opinion also I am sorry this is so long. so cutting down to the point, It was only recently that I moved into my new house (we lived in our old one for 7 years) and I started to hallucinate things (we have been in this house for about six weeks) now it wasn't the first time I have had hallucinations but I thought I should look into it. ive been having hallucinations every since I was young (like 4+) when I was really young I remember when I used to visit my dad (saw him during the school holidays) sometimes I would see something in a tree at the front I used to play in it was a boy a dead one really pale but the odd thing about him was he sometimes would have like tentacles instead of a body (so a head and tentacles or sometimes he had a full body) and I always got really scared and ran inside those rarely happened but I remember in year one (we had moved from my old place and somewhere new and I didn't have any friends) I would sit in this corner and cry but one day I saw a girl once again she was a dead girl she was old fashioned night gown that had blood on it not heaps just a bit and was soaking wet I dont know why but I wasn't ever scared I told her to get out of my corner and she said no anyways I became friends with her and im pretty sure she died from drowning she fell from somewhere hit her head (hence the blood) and drowned (why she was wet) and I vaguely remember these dreams that we went on her and I we saved a town or something It was weird I dont remember her name I know it was something with an A I think Annabelle sounds something close to it but I cant remember her name anyways one day she disappeared and I never saw her again and it made me upset but oddly I forgot about her until year 6 when I had one of those dreams again but she was older and it was weird and all my memories came back, I have many times seen dead people on the street they had like this glowing aurora around them that as how I knew they were dead that and no one else saw them (I just knew that couldn't) I have waved to them smiled etc. I also felt the presence of a person like someone opens a door and I just get this random information like John was his name 37 a wife two kids a smoker died in a car accident (made that up but it happened it hasn't happened since year six) I also have seen shadows moving Turing into things and ive seen things I cant really explain them like people sometimes there not and they move around I have heard things like whispers underneath my bed and footsteps scratches music playing etc ive also felt things I remember when I was younger I climbed on my mums perfectly made bed (you would see a if there was something underneath the blankets) and I climbed on it to get something from her bedside table and I felt a leg and heard hissing I ran away and when I came back nothing was there I cant say the exact age but I was around 7-9 years old and I got it really bad everynight for 6months I remember it was horrible I would see things (even in plain daylight) hear things feel things it was scary and I still get these hallucinations there on and off they can last a month, weeks a few days usually if I have a nightmare they come or if I talk about them but they do just randomly happen. I used to think I saw dead people but now im just questioning if I hallucinated it all or if it was real I know its not but im lost at the moment I cant tell if it is or if it isnt. also I go numb a lot I cant feel anything im like an empty shell and I have so many thoughts running around in my head but I just can't get to them its like a wall blocks them and when I do feel something its everything negative and I cry and cry. I think a lot I have so many ideas in my head ones that ive been told are not what a 14 year old my age think about that its deeper and I like to think in all honesty I cant turn it off even if I wanted to. I also have this thing it started with me wanting to become an author but I look at every detail like when I look at a person I look at like the liens on there face the colours in there eyes the movement of there mouth and I have periods where I zone out and Im numb but I cant stop I look at my hand and its weird I know its mine but its different it doesn't feel like it should be and then I cant stop looking at everything in detail I think I just have a really active imagination but I wanted to see others opinions im super concerned about the hallucinations I just want to know what they are. I also wanted to add in that i have ADHD, depression , and high anxiety (and to add it in agoraphobia) also ive always had trouble sleeping at night thank you for reading please reply i need some advice opinons.
  11. I'm just wondering because well, I'm not really sure and I never have gotten a full explanation of how that works... Because for me it's not as clear cut as it is for some others I don't think.. I mean yes, I know that I'm sick and I take meds religiously because Zyprexa is literally why I'm at all coherent for any portion of time and, well disorganization is one of my prominent features but I'm also wondering what else is going on because I was... Well a therapist was basically fucking with my head for three years and even my psychiatrist agreed that said therapist was full of shit, even though our opinions on why she was a piece order of shit kind of varied carried in well it differed... The point is that I asked to see what my diagnosis was, and my psychiatrist let me see and... Well yes the schizophrenia diagnosis was there but also, well they're still loosely using the subtypes thing at least in my region and, she put down paranoid type and I was wondering how she got that because I don't talk much about myself ... I don't trust easily and maybe that's part of why I got the paranoid specifier... (?) Okay so my main question is: how do they, as in professionals, determine what your most prominent features are? I'm primarily asking about schizophrenia here but hey if you've got another disorder that has "types" and have some insight about how this works feel free to chime in. Thanks for reading if you did and I hope this made sense!
  12. Hello spokety here. I'm a sufferer of neuroleptic (anti-psychotic) induced "anhedonia." I don't enjoy anything anymore, I don't feel pleasure. I don't feel happiness, sadness, excitement, anger, or any other emotions. I've lost my libido (sex drive) completely. I'm not able to understand movies I watch, or read books anymore. Food doesn't taste nearly as good anymore. I have no energy or desire to do anything, I have lost all my physical strength and stamina, I can't laugh, can't cry, can't sing or dance anymore, and I can't enjoy music. I'm sick of living but I'm too afraid to commit suicide. I'm not depressed, it's not the illness and if you're thinking about commenting that please don't waste your time. And yes I've tried more then one anti-psychotic, and it has nothing to do with that. I'm looking for other people who have been damaged by the medication and are in a desperate state for recovery, if you have please respond.
  13. Hey guys and girls Me and a friend of mine made a short film about a young man starting to suffer from schizophrenia. We have a friend who has schizophrenia, and we talked with psychiatrists and read a loooot of books in order to understand it better and make a fitting movie. I really love this part of the internet, so I thought I’d post the link to the movie here. It takes about 15min to watch and is filmed in swissgerman with english subtitles. Here is the link to the movie: https://succeedshortfilm.com But be advised, although there aren’t any disturbing images, it could trigger some of you because it shows the effects of a schizophrenic escalation. Do you like the movie? Do you think it's authentic? Kind Regards and take care Luki
  14. I am not diagnosed as such (yet I've experienced med-induced psychosis before), I am curious to know when (what age) and how (situation/trigger) did you develop symptoms or know you had a full- schizophrenia, schizoaffective or psychotic disorder? What were your first (or main symptoms)? I am really curious to know more about how these disorders start, and the timeframe until they are officially diagnosed? I am also wondering (my very first doc wanted to initially DX me as schizoaffective), has anyone been diagnosed after only having 1 episode of psychosis, delusion, or paranoia? There is sort of a gray area, because I know of some bipolar people that had 1-2 manic episodes (with psychosis) yet they are not diagnosed with schizo-affective. How often are you symptomatic and have meds been a near "cure" for you? Anyways, thanks for any clarification.
  15. Hi I used to have hardcore thought broadcast (which is a delusion btw) for 4 months straight maybe due to isolation and constant PC fan running , there are a few things you need to understand with the voices you hear everyday when at home or in the street. You need to BELIEVE Because the voices are stupid af and are just a copy of what breaks our balls in our everyday back-end thoughts, which you re probably aware of and the voices talk to you about "intention", "truth", "ftp telekinesis", etc... REMEMBER, the voices are just a reflection of what you make them to be in the back of your head(what you don"t say) , at the moment you are reading this (if you are advanced enough) you will feel like saying "o shit they can hear me thinking about that, o no, they gunn get me", hopefully the people in my head can play comedy alot (which is how i was tackling this problem when i actually thought people could hear me and my intention) Few things to note in case it happens in your mind and can't get out of it: "the truth": there is no truth, lying to yourself doesn't damage you, P.S: Don"t believe you're lying :p, people can understand you hehe Its useless telling voices (that seem like real people) to shut up theres whats going on behind your thoughts that the voices concern most of their time on (at least i thought that they wanted that "un"conciously so they kept ranting on the useless stuff that gives me headaches, and since i believed them guys were here to put headaches in my head) Don't try to think about the "un"conscious (or what you are thinking on the thought level, or being conscious of your you being conscious)... I just made you think about it (you know what i'm talking about, you're in my thoughts, and your neighbours also know it, and yes it is sarcasm), and it probably started a chain reaction in your head if you are conscious of the "un"conscious, or intention, call it whatever You don't need to speak in your head, you got a power in a power, the power of getting understood without even needing to say the sentence in your head, you already know what you're saying, but them evils call me names (prob because i'm either scared or its me not wanting to have headaches) so that way i'm back in the awareness loop (aware of TB). What you need to do is believe above the awareness of broadcasting that its in your head, make a few bad jokes and sleep btw what saved me is me remembering that no one can hear me and that i was just one more crazy fuck, i still find it funny to make jokes with the voices but that's in another area the schizophrenia because i already anticipated the reaction (the base of this problem is making scenes, not necessarily visual) also dont mind the voices if they sprout words or sentences or try to interfere in your sentences to change the meaning, remember its all IN YOUR HEAD and you know what you wanted to tell/think. I know that i'm going in multiple directions at the same time but its point of view for explanation. Take only the good part in each sentence. and no they don't hear you P.S: if you hear nearby whispers don't freak out, there arent any government people or spirits and you are not becoming schizophrenic contrary to what they say. Call it SCHIZOCEPTION And finally, its always what you believe in deeply that's true for them, whether it be true or not (you're prob feeling full of hope, its in your head - however you take it) so dont give them much attention and dont make weird plans you dont care about em
  16. It's been a little over two weeks since I broke up with him. Right now I'm still on a roller coaster of emotions, from happy to depressed to angry. Everyone I know is happy I split up with him, they don't understand how hard it's been for me. With the holidays everyone has been busy and I barely have anyone I can talk to about it. It just all around sucks. I met him in May, when he moved into my building (lesson #1: don't date anyone in your apartment building). His reputation in town preceded him and I went out of my way to avoid him. I knew his sister and mother, whom are both schizophrenic, on meds and doing okay. I'd heard he had it too but that he refused treatment for it. So I knew that going in. By the end of June, we were hanging out a lot. When you think of paranoid schizophrenia, he truly could be the poster child for it. I honestly had never seen untreated schizophrenia so it was completely new for me. He was full of delusions, paranoia and sometimes auditory hallucinations. But it wasn't that horrible and he turned out to be really nice, extremely funny and smart and a total cuddle bug. We had so much fun together. I think in July, it became a relationship. It was mostly good. We rarely argued and when we did it was over stupid stuff and only lasted a few minutes. We were sleeping at each other's apartments, eating meals together, drinking together a lot (he's an alcoholic, I'm a binge drinker, I know, not good), taking day trips around the area, etc. It was just a lot of fun. Over September, October and November, I could tell his schizophrenia was getting worse. I mean, he has sets of good and bad days, but it just seemed he was starting to experience more of the bad than he was when we were first together. He's convinced people (especially cops) are hiding out in the ceiling tiles, people are breaking into his place, people are in the hall when there is nobody there, that the police are plotting to put him in prison, the government is after him, that all the tenants have keys to his apartment and come in when he's gone, etc. When ever he gets zits on his back, he's convinced they are RF resistors that the gov't has implanted in him. That he has to get them out. He'd spend sometimes hours in front of the mirror, with a steak knife, digging into his back until he had basically bloody craters. The amount of scarring on his back, shoulders and upper arms shows how long that has been going on. He won't even take a tylenol for a headache, because he thinks the govt puts trackers in them, etc. He also believes that mental illness doesn't exist. At all. And that there is nothing wrong with him. That everyone else is wrong and only he is right. There is nothing you can say to even crack any of what he believes. It just is. He's had a lot of run ins with the police in places he's lived. The part that worries me the most though, is that he's also armed. He keeps a loaded hand gun in his apartment. The cops are aware he has it but they can't do anything about it. So anyways, by December it was getting to be too much. He was getting distant, arrogant, angry, staying up sometimes for days at a time and our sex life was gone. Then, I realized I'd become part of the delusions. He started blaming me for being in his apartment when he wasn't there (I don't have a key, I never did have one), putting up cameras to spy on him. After accusing me multiple times, I finally had to walk away. I have so much of my own stuff to deal with anyhow. I realized how much more stress I was absorbing from him. I'd been walking on eggshells, not sure which version of him I was going to get on any given day. Walking away was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Because of my BPD and how it used to really wreck my life (before CBT, DBT, meds, etc.), I spend over a decade alone, because I didn't want to mess anyone else up with my stuff. That was until I met him in May. So it was a really big deal for me to open up enough to let someone in. And he really helped me so much and I got really close to him. Then it was just... gone. It hit me really hard a few days after I broke up with him and I OD'd and ended up in the hospital for almost a week. I've been home now for four days. I'm still trying to get my head straightened out after all this. I don't hate him, I know he's ill. I'm just really hurt and trying to sort through it all. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to vent.
  17. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in early 2016. Originally I was on five meds but weaned off and just now started on abilify 10mg a day. I’ve been taking ativan since I’ve been diagnosed but only as needed so I don’t build a tolerance to it. Just saying hello! I am a musician, and I make videos as well.
  18. I just wanted to share one tiny glimmer of sunshine that I found. I am recently diagnosed with bipolar + schizotypal PD and I've started taking Abilify (aripiprozale). It is so confusing trying to learn everything all at once, and especially since schizotypal is either on the schizophrenia spectrum or classified as a PD depending on which side of the Atlantic you're on... Anyway I thought this might be a good place to post this article, from a couple weeks ago. It sounds like scientists are going to figure out how to make antipsychotics NOT make us gain a bunch of weight! I mean, that would be really good news, right? Hopefully this is coming true. If anyone knows anything more about this please post. I realize with how the system works it's going to be years and years but... still. It made me happy and I'm scraping the barrel here, so. :-) Weight Gain Receptor Linked to Antipsychotic Drug
  19. I've had two previous major psychotic episodes while off my medication for long periods. These episodes put me into a manic frenzy that caused legal problems. Once where I isolated and resisted arrest on foot and the other where I resisted / eluded by motor vehicle across 3 counties. One occurred during a heat wave in mid-July and the next during frigid temperatures in mid-January, thus extreme temperatures are one of my triggers. Thankfully there was little damage and no one was hurt either time. My lifestyle pattern involves me taking anti-psychotic medication by court order (usually by injection) for 1 to 2 years for probation before going off and feeling consistently better from the lack of adverse side effects (akathisia, drowsiness, suicide ideation, anxiety, panic attacks, anhedonia, hopelessness, severe weight gain, etc). I do well for about 7 to 8 months but then begin to isolate in my apartment and decompensate and become delusional and manic, thinking I possess special abilities and evolutionary traits and can communicate with a higher power. There is some paranoia involved as well. Sometimes I hallucinate. Then I relapse and become frenetic. There is however, little to no depression when I'm off the anti-psychotics. When I take them I'm severely depressed. I have seen a number of psychiatrists since I developed this illness in 2011 at age 22 and been labeled Paranoid Schizophrenic, Schizoaffective, and Bipolar 1 With Mania. None of them are completely synonymous and my current psych can't make up his mind. I'm very sensitive to anti-psychotics. Only 1.25mg of Zyprexa zapped my delusional thinking and hallucinations in a few hours and Invega Sustenna 39mg (what I'm currently taking) is more than enough for treating my symptoms as well. The same thing with 2mg of Abilify. I'm just saying this because I've heard that some individuals need moderate to higher dosages for the medications to be effective. I'm not one of them. Anyway, I came across one psychiatrist who was part of the justice system (in the beginning of my term) who refused to place me on an anti-psychotic claiming I was too focused during my occurrences with the police for him to diagnose me Schizoaffective. He said that I still retained some sanity based on what he was told and wasn't trying to murder anyone or hurt myself. He refuted Schizoaffective Disorder and labeled me Bipolar 1 With Mania And Temporary Psychosis and said I had one of the most extreme cases of Mania he had ever seen. He recommended a heavy mood-stabilizer instead of an anti-psychotic. He said there may be some delusional thinking but I will remain baseline and wont act upon them. Unfortunately, I was extradited within a few weeks and placed out of his care and the next psych I came across was an AP dispenser and convinced me to take it so probation would accept me. The only mood-stabilizer I've tried is Nuerontin or Gabapentin and I wasn't on it long enough to know if it treated my symptoms effectively. I come off probation in December and don't want to get in trouble with the law once again, but at the same time I despise what these anti-psychotics are currently doing to me. Some things I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. Being on the anti-psychotic leads to depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, akathisia, hating every aspect of life, and weight gain and coming off completely means thinking I have 38 girlfriends and can stop missiles in their tracks. Could a mood-stabilizer be the appropriate balance to end this nightmare? Can someone have Bipolar Mania so severe they develop Psychosis but not actually be Schizoaffective?
  20. I have had Schizoaffective disorder for a number of years now. I'm perpetually in physical pain and I struggle to maintain work because my symptoms are so tough. My questions to the forum; 1) Has anyone ever had people say: "Really?! You don't seem ill at all" 2) Is paranoid thinking always a part of your daily life no matter how hard you try? Here's the deal: I only hear voices when I'm waking up and falling asleep. I don't hear voices dictating to me. But I am convinced about hearing my name amongst strangers' conversations. I know "the game" Is probably meant to help me somehow? But it hasn't up until now. I have an awareness of my illness but, I utterly fail when it comes to paranoia. My social activity is limited. But, I do attend a weekly group. When I'm there, I'm chipper and friendly, because I know that I'm amongst people who won't judge my conversation. Otherwise, I'm a paranoid mess with strangers. Signed, Do you feel what I feel? If you choose to comment, please be kind. Thanks
  21. hey my schizophrenia has been hell for the beginning of it but now its like its not even there like I know I still think kinda psychotic but not too psychotic like I'm only on 2 different med's and been getting them reduced and taken off for the past year or so takes so long because I only see my P doc every 2-3 months anyone wanna talk on how my schizophrenia is so good? my P doc said's I'm in the 10 percent of people with schizophrenia who show no symptoms btw
  22. I have been doing extremely well in the psychosis department, but what bothers me is this... I am currently on two depots (both are every 4 weeks, but two weeks apart--strange, I know) I feel like I couldn't have possibly ever been ill, especially because people have had it worse than I. I feel like I never had a problem. Like it all was a lie or something. Which brings me back to my feelings that I've only woken up yesterday, for the first time in my life, and nothing in my life was ever real. Perhaps it is derealization but I am not sure. My meds are well in order from what I can see, since I am functioning for the most part, except perhaps in areas of hygiene.
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