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Found 18 results

  1. I got in a massive fight with some well liked people at school last friday and everyone saw it so everyone hates me now and I was suspended for today. I don't know if I ever wanna go back since everyone hates me now. Everyone keep insisting to but it's a death sentence. Everyone will pester me for the rest of my life and I'll eventually get into another fight. What do I do? Do I go to school? How can I control my massive anger and impulsivity? It feels like Mel Gibson has become my spirit animal. There's a video on Youtube where he yells at this chick on the phone and it's very relatable. It's exactly how I act when I get mad.
  2. It's my 3rd time now that I've cut myself intentionally. I sliced my wrist at school and a teacher saw it. I did it to try to cope with my feelings of self hatred. I then had to see my school counselor after he saw me do it. It was kinda a bittersweet meeting. I cried a little after I got back to class but noone saw as I didn't weep and only shed 2 tears. I still can't believe I relapsed. I feel guility.
  3. Hey all, I have noticed that my memory has dwindled to zero these days. I had an evaluation done at the VA hospital memory clinic. They said they see no issue at all with my memory, but rather deduced that due to PTSD and daily pain I suffer, it is affecting my attention span, which in turn affects memory. I didn't have this issue like this last semester. It is awful. Anyone else with issues like this? Any tips? I need to pass. I am not doing a very good job because I cannot test well. I may spend 2 to 3 hours on homework and get very good grades, but my 1 hour allotted for tests is not a help.
  4. Hi, I have what I like to consider pretty bad GAD and it is most prevalent when I am faced with time pressure and especially with assignments at school. I always start telling myself "I can't do it" and all i want to do is run away and avoid the stress and do anything to avoid having to deal with it. this usually takes the form of extensions and excuses and skipping classes and emailing profs, etc. I've been doing really well this week but for some reason I can't let myself feel that or think to myself that maybe I can do it, because I keep saying to myself, just because I succeeded in the past how do I know I will this time. I've also failed a lot in the past, so that could happen too. I even feel like writing this post is avoidance even though its really just me reaching out, but I feel pathetic that I can't just deal with my shit on my own. Right now I have a 1000 word paper due in 3 hours and I tried reading the articles that I need to read but I just got overwhelmed and started writing down all the thoughts that were going through my head. That helped a little because I got the thoughts out, and I guess that's what this is doing too. I still am majorly fighting the urge to email my prof for an extension, which I prob will be able to get, and get on a bus to go home and hide in bed for as long as possible. I just don't want to face this fear. I freeze up any time I say to myself that I can't do it, and I will do anything to run away. I guess what I want to know is does anyone else feel this, and if so, how do you cope without running and hiding. Thanks
  5. Hey guys, So I'm working on a group project (fun..) where we're given like 10 min max to present a short blurb about a mental disorder. I'm in the depression group, and I'm supposed to come up with something to help the class empathize with a person suffering from depression. Here's what I'm supposed to do: The entire presentation can only be 10 min max, so whatever I do I have to keep it pretty short. I would really love to show the "hyperbole and a half" comics on depression, but that's kind of awkward to read out loud to a class while on a powerpoint... and would take a lot of paper to print for each person to have their own copy. I also thought I could possibly find a youtube video to show the class... but I can't seem to find anything short enough. The only one I found was extremely...triggering... and I definitely don't want to show that one to the class. I could also write a tiny bio of what it's like for ME to have depression (I wouldn't say I wrote it-- just quote it as something I found on the internet. I could tell my teacher where I "got" it from later since he knows about my depression already). Something that would be easy to read in like 3 minutes or less. I'm a pretty descriptive writer, so I think I could do it well. OR I could find someone else's bio or poetry or something and read that. I dunno. What do you guys think would be a good idea? I want it to be interesting and something that can draw the class in to really try and be empathetic with people who have depression.
  6. I'm working on a teaching career, primary and secondary, in the USA. I'm pretty functional now that I'm on stimulants, otherwise I'm a mess. I'm in a program where I volunteer full time in a school as a tutor, in order to get experience to go into a residency which will get me my license. There is almost a complete masters degree worth of classes I'll be taking in the process. I haven't disclosed to anybody in my program. Any thoughts?
  7. Mood Stabilizers are a necessary part of many bipolar people's lives. They help us function better in a society. BUT THEY MAKE US SLOW. Or at least me. When I'm not medicated I notice every little detail in day to day life but on these meds I feel like things "slip" past me. I am pretty forgetful as well. Does anyone else have these issues? I am in college. I'm a have double majors and a minor and I'm worried that these meds are going to screw with my performance.
  8. I don't know if I can take another day of not knowing whether or not I will be able to attend classes this semester. I'm stressed because I need to be registered for classes by the 26th to be considered enrolled before the late registration fee kicks in. I can't be awarded aid to pay for the courses until I am officially registered and I can't be officially registered until the course is paid for in full. Why does the freaking American aid process lie to screw with us this way?
  9. Does anyone have any school tips for someone with ADHD? I'm having trouble with concentration and focus (surprise, surprise). In particular, for reading textbooks? I've been highlighting as I go. Then going back and rereading what I have highlighted. But it's so hard to get through the initial reading, especially when it's a topic I'm not super interested in. I'm studying a chapter right now that I have to know really well for class tomorrow b/c I have to lead a discussion group on the topics presented. I need to come up with a list of questions to incite discussion and am nervous. I have trouble with critical thinking. HALP!
  10. Hello all. I was wondering if there were any other CBers out there in graduate school or university? Although Im ready to go back, I have a terrible fear of relapsing with all of this change happening and the pressure of the unknown. School begins in September for me. Anyone else gone through this while being treated and medicated for bipolar disorder? Thanks for reading!
  11. Over the last 6 months to a year (I'm not exactly sure when it started) I have increasingly become less motivated, and lacking energy and determination and ambitions is not existent. I'm in my last year of school yr 11, or finishing 'High School' for the Americans out there. My exams start in 3 weeks time. I'm freaking out so much about them! I feel like I'm just going to fail everything, it's not even a joke. My friends and even my family get the impression that i'm really studious and hard working, but I don't think I am at all. I've actually let myself down a lot. I used to be more hard-working. I don't mess around in class or anything, or act like the class clown. I just blend in really, keep myself to myself write down what the teacher tells us to, I do all my homework. But that's just it, I do the bare minimum. And I thought I was getting away with it until now, now I've realized how close my exams are I'm stressed as anything. But I don't seem to be doing anything about it and I hate myself for it. I've disappointed myself and my family. I used to be good at art, I got an A* for one of my projects and ive just got progressively worse, the one thing i am good at and i've just lost all hope, motivation, inspiration, everything. I want it done, more than anything, but I just can't do it. I hate all my work, I'm embarrassed. I’ve just realised how much of it there is and how little time I have to do it in. I’ve been putting it off for months now. I’ll just come home and go straight to bed, either to play on my phone or to go to sleep. I get in this inescapable cycle of going to bed really late, waking up being tired for school and then coming home and doing no work because I’m so tired.I don’t even find myself watching that much TV anymore, it’s not even the typical child -like excuse of watching too much television and getting distracted. It’s like I’ve just given up and lost all motivation and energy. I go through periods of time that last typically a week or so where I just go into a really serious work mood. It tends to happen near deadlines, when I know work needs to get done and so I’ll just get on with it because I’m stressed. After that adrenaline pumped week or so I just deplete energy and lack motivation. Then follows the endless cycle of not enough sleep. I just wanted to know, am I just being really lazy or is there a name for this? The way I feel and my inability to do what I want to complete in my head. Please help, so that I can try and fix it, I only have 3 weeks before my exams start. Please reply, if you read, I need help.
  12. Hi there! I'm working on my first essay for this term (yay), and I thought I'd ask your opinion on this topic. I have my research, notes, and my own ideas. But, I really value the ideas and opinions of others. So... My essay is to discuss this statement: For many people, death is a taboo subject in spite of the fact that it is of universal concern. I have to discuss a few points, but I would really like your honest opinion on Why is death treated as taboo? How might treating death as taboo affect the dying person and the grieving person? Fire away!
  13. Is anybody else here taking any coursera classes? I am taking one coursera class (Intro. to Philosophy) at the current time and am enrolled in several others that are set to begin in the coming weeks. I'm just looking to connect with like minded people.
  14. First a guide to what those letters stand for if you're not familiar (I didn't feel like writing it out). I'm a writer so be patient as I tell my story that has no traceable personal info. PA: Physician's Assistant MD: Medical Doctor. In psychiatry, he or she is the psychiatrist. NP: Nurse Practitioner. I guess I should mention that I have depression, general anxiety, and some OCD. I am not an expert, but I believe NPs and PAs (I know this for certain) work under the supervision of a psychiatrist. I have had a variety of both and some are better than others, no matter what their training. I saw an MD who is ranked as being the best in the field locally but I only saw him every four months and he rescheduled constantly. I felt like I barely knew him. When I wasn't seeing him I saw his PA and loved her. She was a little brash and completely different from her boss. I could talk to her more easily and felt like she was helping me. So when she left I followed her. The thing is she isn't perfect. I still got good treatment and she was able to talk to me more. Her "style" is extremely interesting. She doesn't ask me twenty questions straight off the bat such as "How much sleep do you get?" or "Any thoughts of suicide recently" which made squirm. Instead she would ask me about school, how my family, and if I was getting out enough. It sounded like counselling session, but she would suddenly pull out her pad close near the end and describe what she wanted put me on. I realized I was answering all the same questions but in a narrative form. I liked her but I had a bad feeling that she may be be "leaving" soon and made an appointment with a "brilliant" psychiatrists recommended by my therapist. Sure enough, I got a call saying she had left the practice not long afterwards. I like the guy I am with now more than the last MD as I can get in to see him regularly and him and only him. He's not as personal which I didn't mind because I trusted him and he is very nice. I get to talk about what is going on my life but not as in depth. He is more methodical and describes how each med. works typically. And I was excited because he didn't think I sounded depressed. I don't think he has helped me at all. Nothing has changed. He put me on clomipramene and that knocked me out for three days during the week I had three papers due. My therapist talked me into staying with him, but I don't trust him. I have had some family problems recently and it is difficult to weed out what will go away and what needs to be treated. He has me on Paxil and I have no idea whether it is helping me because it takes six weeks to go through and I am four weeks in. I got so frustrated after this past week of lack of productivity in school I decided to pull out the cell phone number for the PA. I had no idea what to say in voice mail so I rambled, but she picked up the minute I hung up. She told me she was thinking about me recently. I found out she wasn't working anywhere which made me want to cry. I told her what was up and when I mentioned I was Paxil she got angry. She explained how it took her a year to get a patient off the drug as the process is extremely slow. That was something the MD never told me even after he upped the dose. She told me to call her whenever. This is what I loved about her. She may not be perfect but she has an understanding of drugs that I have never found in any of the people I have seen. So what do I do? The logical answer is to continue with this guy because who is top-ranked and I am running out of people to see in the area. But the bottom line is, I don't like him. He goes with stats and makes me nervous because I don't trust my own judgement when he gives me options based on what I have taken before. I need to get better fast and I know it is not always an option with drugs. I can't focus and I want to feel like the person I was last semester who got things done and didn't have to begging for excuses. A teacher emailed me today about whether I was giving up on the course. It's online and I don't like her that much, but I am not a quitter. I see my therapist this week and I'll be asking her for advice. I just wanted to get some perspective here.
  15. I am new to this site and wanted to get something off my chest and hear what you all feel about this situation. I am in my 4th year as an undergrad and will hopefully be graduating next year (or the semester after). I am majoring in General Studies with an emphasis in Math and Philosophy and I don’t know what to do with my life. To explain how I got to this point, I will talk about my past: I always did very well in school. In elementary, I was in the gifted and talented program and had good grades. Academics always meant a lot to me. In high school, I worked really hard because I wanted to graduate a year early with a 4.0. I did it. Going to college, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I took my usual core classes. When I got to trigonometry, I fell in love. I decided that math was the way to go since I did so well in that class, which was surprising because math never used to be my forte. By the time I hit calculus, I bombed. I worked so hard to understand the concepts, but I only got a C. This was an incredibly difficult thing to grasp, the mere fact that I could not achieve something I wanted so badly. At the same time, I was a math tutor and what I couldn’t believe was that I didn’t even remember the things I learned. I felt so embarrassed and my confidence was greatly diminished because the content I learned in math just escaped me. I had gone all the way up to linear algebra until I changed my major to General Studies. I had told myself that if I just took another class, I would understand it more. No, I had the same disconnect from myself and the math as I did in that first calculus class. Even though I had gotten a B in the future math classes, there was no way I understood the material enough to go out in the real world to get a job in a field that required math. Why was I unable to understand math? I wanted to know it so bad, and I still do. Although I have done a lot better mentally, my depression/anxiety is tied to this insecurity. I feel like a failure and I don’t know what my life will entail. I know I am young (20) and have plenty of time to think about it, but my problem is I want to do something BIG in this world. I am intelligent (despite the negative thoughts I have about myself in my mind) and want to make an impact in the time I have on earth. I think what I am searching for is an explanation for why I cannot grasp something I want so much, math. Do any of you have an answer for me? Am I not the only one who feels this way?
  16. Is anyone here a doctor or in school to be a doctor? I'm just starting out on doing my pre-med classes (finish my first one on thursday!) and i start full on in the fall. but as proud of and happy i am with this decision i've made, i still find myself embarrassed to tell people. i mean, on one hand i'm 28, married, with a kid, and have a degree in art and another in education (not exactly consistent), so i'm worried about judgement on that. but the more i get into school and prove i "still got it" (so to speak) the more i feel i can hold my own on that front. on the other hand, i'm bipolar. i don't have any doubt that i can do this. i know there's going to be a learning curve to managing my illness and getting through school, etc. but i'm afraid of the opinions of others. i actually just told my pdoc and he had to drag it out of my b/c he couldn't understand why i was taking all these math classes. i was terrified of telling him and my tdoc b/c i thought they might tell me that i should "reconsider" and that would crush me (they didn't though i'm still paranoid). my friends from home still don't know and my friends from here know (maybe) through me indirectly talking about it. my father-in-law just found out and the rest of my in-laws don't know (to be fair i tried to tell my mother-in-law and she told me that was unacceptable because we weren't allowed to leave this city and my husband had a career here and wanted to go to school, then promptly forgot i said anything. she's a gem.). just looking for some people who have been there, done that and how they handled both the practical side of being bipolar and studying to become/being a doctor and the judgement, if there was any. thank you.
  17. hey everybody, Ill try to make this short but I dont know if that will happen so I am finally seriously considering going to inpatient treatment... but I keep weighing the pros and cons and my doubts just overwhelm me. I dont have any 'plans' for suicide but I just really want to die. I dont want to be here anymore and I either cant sleep or sleep too much. I got 1 hour of sleep one night, then 7 the next, then 12, then 9, then 6. etc. I dont know the exact order because I cant remember anything at all. I just feel so sick and overwhelmed. I am so depressed. my room is an absolutely disaster. I havent done the laundry in 2 weeks or so so im digging through things to find t-shirts that I would wear years and years ago that I would normally not even want to be seen in outside the house (overlarge,strange colors, or just really worn in). I am a freshman in college and it is my first semester yay! BUT I am already failing 3 out of 4 of my classes I think. not entirely sure since my teachers dont exactly give progress reports like in high school. I could turn things around if I could only focus and have the motivation to do my homework. and SLEEP and do normal things. I have trouble even taking a shower everyday and when I finally do I end up taking at least 40 minutes. basically, I would love to kill myself but I dont want to hurt people that care about me. thats a good reason but the fact that it is the ONLY reason is not good. I mean I feel like I dont have a future and am doing everything I can just to be normal. I am actually really really good at acting normal in social situations. its pretty crazy. I have always smiled like crazy and I tend to somehow be able to laugh at things and joke but as soon as im alone I am so miserable. and now that I have been thinking about suicide this past week I feel a kind of releif. I find I am acting really happy around people even though I am trying to resist the idea of suicide. my family thinks im really fine other than telling me to clean my room. I even saw my therapist (that I see once a month) on friday and we chatted about unimportant topics and I told her how I was excited about things but that was all past tense. I just made it seem like it was present. I have so much trouble talking in therapy but I really need to. I am debating leaving a voicemail for her but when I grabbed the card it says the phone number for making apointments then the extension then the fax number. do I call the number for making apointments then dial the extension. I cant think. I cant even figure this simple thing out. plus its 2:15 in the morning... so... pros: can potentially feel okay/stable, might be able to turn my life around, ummmm...? idk. all I can think of are the cons. cons: will miss class (although im already failing) and have no idea how to restart my life, my family will worry so much. (they dont realize at all how bad I am), they might think its for attention, it might not work out, I dont know anything about how my health insurance will interact with it so its potentially expensive, I dont know if it goes on your record of any kind, my friends will wonder where I am but I dont know how to tell them or what to say, and over and over again all I can think of is school and my family.... also!!!: I was looking into a place somewhat near where I live (not saying where haha) and here is a link: http://sandiego.aurorabehavioral.com/psychiatric/adolescents.php and I was looking at it and it seems like a really good idea. I have no idea how long I would be there though. what do I bring? PS.... adolescent= teenager right. so 19 is acceptable? even though its an 'adult' age. ha sorry I just cant process anything now.
  18. I'm sure that all of you with anxiety will know of the restrictions it can cause. School and work in particular are traditionally environments in which you are surrounded by many people and thrust into social situations. I understand all this yet I can't overcome my unnecessary fear and anxiety of going. I haven't been in 5 weeks (2 of those weeks were term hols) I have my first exam in about 4 weeks and I think my school rang my dad today. I am bored as hell being at home all the time, yet can't bring myself to anything other than go on the computer. I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow, the first in a long time, a good couple of months. I have suddenly felt "less depressed" so I guess that means the Prozac has FINALLY kicked in but my anxiety has shot up. It's as if my anxiety has replaced my depression, or at least added to it. know I should probably bring this up with my pdoc tomorrow but what I wanted to know is other people's stories of overcoming anxiety, particularly in social situations such as school, work or even going out the front door. I appreciate all your responses, it'll be great to hear others stories of anxiety and some of you who have actually overcome it (or in the processes of doing so)!!
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