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Ever since I was young I've always dreamed that I'd end up becoming rich and famous and become a well known celebrity or something. There's also other things that I dream that I could be like, such as being really beautiful and going on magical fantasy adventures where I travel to various places and stuff. But the real world is a piece of shit and it's very likely that will never be the case. I'll never live in a mansion and be so famous that people make biographies and documentaries about my life and the things I've done that made me famous. I'll always be hideous and I'll never go on some fantastic quest or anything of the sort. I'll die without having accomplished anything meaningful. Because I can't be things that I want, I don't like myself and see nothing good about myself. People try to convince that I'm not worthless and there are good things about me but none of those things really help anything in the end. I can't feel pride in them because I don't have the things I mentioned. I can only like myself if I live the life I've laid out above. I don't want to be anything else and can only feel truly happy and satisfied with my life if I'm like that.. What can I do? Is it possible to like myself despite the fact I'll never be who I truly want to be?

edit: i took out my annoying rant

I was wondering how many of you that are ashamed of your own illness or have lowered self-esteem because of it? I posted this is in the schizophrenia thread as I have it myself, but maybe there are those of you with another illness with this problem. Anyways, here's a short but good read about mental disease and help against stigma: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health/art-20046477

The mirror is lying to me, it always has and I fear it always will. I've never liked myself, not since I was younger, and still don't. Even now the slightest comment that could offend that has to do with looks in any way irritates me. I had an eating disorder at 13 years old. I'm 18 and still struggle. I'm not sure if I should go into graphic detail or not, if this disgusts you skip this next paragraph. At school I noticed girls with skinny legs and arms (years back), I couldn't believe how fat I looked compared to them. My best friend at the time told me I wasn't. My mind, my eyes, and the mirror told me I was. I envied the models and the celebs who were so fit and thin. I pinched myself and the fat just thinking about it. That was when my eating disorder developed. I made it a point to eat less than 1,200 calories. Mostly, I would eat 500 cals or less, because I knew I'd burn it off easy. My body hated me...I had hunger pains, felt sick, and yet I started to feel pretty. I started to see my hip bones, collar bones, a FLAT STOMACH, and the most treasured of all, a thigh gap. All of this did not give me extreme confidence though (for those of you considering it don't...). Eventually I started shooting lower and lower. first was 100 pounds, then 90, then 85, to 70. I failed many times, the restriction led to binges, and the binges sometimes led to purging. I won't describe it, however I did not purge very often. I usually was too afraid someone would notice. It was very hard to do, I was more just anorexic than bulimic if there was a label. Weight wasn't my only disfunction, my face and hair too. To this day I hate my face, I am still planning and wondering if I should get plastic surgery, I've always been told how bad and "sinful" it is. Not to ruin my good looks which are clearly not there. While it may be dangerous, I know I have hated myself forever. When ever I look in the mirror, not only do I sometimes feel fat (depending on how much I specifically weigh at the time, for instance any time it's 120 and above + I can't stand it) but my face is like a picasso painting. I feel like my facial features are all wrong and ugly. I horrify myself....sometimes I feel like the hunchback, or a monster. I don't understand why, I am able to find the Mona Lisa beautiful, celebs like Kate Upton, or friendly people of the street are so good looking, but me? I don't fit. My hair is an ugly, boring, dark, black color, yet my skin is pale (most likely because I never even want to go outside with how ugly I feel) I have grey eyes, some say they have blue eyes, mine are a dull grey... I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, please... can anyone relate with hating every...single...feature...part of themselves? Who here? Who else is afraid of judgement, hates their looks so much they want to die? Do you ever think...wow if there is a god, he must really hate me for making me so fucking ugly... or maybe "god the other gender is so shallow" when really they might not be. Worse the "I wish I was dead I'm the ugliest person on the planet." The worst part is I'm now 100% I have BDD alongside my ED, I've never been curvy, when I realized I wasn't I also noticed how stick thin was so beautiful to me that I wanted to be that. It had always bothered me that I hadn't even had big hips or boobs to being with, but once I found myself being the SLIGHTEST BIT fat I wanted...more like NEEDED to be as thin and skeletal as possible. I think if I can't be a beautiful Marilyn Monroe, why not be an Amy Winehouse? Thin and perfect, before she died that is.. I'm gonna ask the therapist about having BDD, I never considered it so much until recently, which is stupid of me. I'd write much more but I don't wanna make this too long for anyone at all to read. Tell me does anyone have personal experiences with feeling fat, and exercising excessively? Eating very little, etc. Tell me I'm not alone?? The mirror lies to me.

Has anybody else had rapid weight gain on Saphris? I mean REALLY rapid ... 20lbs in 3 weeks type thing? If so, can you tell me what you have done to curve it and lose weight? Any advice is much appreciated.

I'm sorry if this has already been posted by others. Lately I've been noticing that I'm actually afraid to change my behaviour, because I'm worried people wouldn't like who I turn into, and things would somehow get worse. I want to feel attractive, sexy, happy, hopeful, confident, etc. All of these are completely normal and people are expected to feel that way about themselves. But, I'm scared that people have gotten used to me the way I am, and that all of these things would change me so much that I become a whole other person. I would LOVE to feel like a brand new person, but what about my family and friends? If I felt attractive, sexy, and like a grown woman rather than a little girl, I'm afraid that my parents - who I still live with - would sense it, and would think I'm out to have sex. Frankly I'd love to be having sex, but it would be really embarrassing if my parents thought I was, or was capable of it. At the moment I'm almost completely sexless, like a little girl. I'm not a virgin, but I act like a child. I FEEL like a child. Which is probably the way my parents want it. I doubt any of that made sense to you! My friends are very shy, awkward, and have problems similar to my own. I think we are all introverts, and we all like rather childish things. I feel almost trapped by the childishness, and I'm desperate to feel more grown up... but my friends are stuck in the in-between from childhood to adulthood, too. I'm scared that if I were to act more mature, they wouldn't know what to do with me. That they wouldn't like me or be able to relate to me anymore. I've tried talking to them about my feelings of self-hatred and that I feel like I need to make a BIG change to myself, but... I'm not sure how they'd react if I did. When I told them, we were all being honest about our own fears and feelings. We pretty much just listened to eachother and looked at eachother. And fidgeted. I love my friends, but it feels really awkward with them. I don't know if that's just because we all have problems... it probably is. But I feel quite... reserved with them. And that really bugs me. Of course, I'm not only afraid to change because of what other people may think. I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to keep it up, that I'd be fake, that I'd just be lying to myself and others about who I am. I'm scared to feel sexy and attractive because then I might want to have intimate relationships. And that would make me feel very, very lonely. I also have this strange belief that I must act the way I look. I feel ugly, so I can't behave as if I were pretty. I look like a kid, so I can't act like a woman. Etc. Thank you for reading my thread!

A need for reassurance and approval was the ultimate downfall for a man now accused of robbing a Victoria bank. Police say he approached a teller at a downtown Scotiabank branch and, after conducting a transaction, mumbled something to her. Spokesman Bowen Osoko says the man then said he had just tried to rob her, and asked if he could have some feedback on how the robbery was proceeding. "The teller did actually not say anything, apparently. And the man, I guess, realized it just wasn't going to go that well and just left." The man was spotted again walking by the bank, peering into the windows, as police were inside investigating. He was quickly arrested SOURCE