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Found 23 results

  1. I have been self harming since I was 11. I'm 21 with a job in healthcare and I still can't stop myself from cutting. Its become a custome. That's my go to when I'm stressed, upset, lonely, sometimes even if I'm bored. I just like to have cuts or burns or scratches on me at all times. Its like a secret that I don't have to share its amusing to me in a way. I feel almost naked if I don't have at least a few cuts on me at any given time. I've tried to stop and for a while I did, but I just keep turning back. I want to move forward with my life but its like I'm stuck In a hole that I
  2. Yesterday, I self injured in my sleep. This happened once before, and I am scared of this happening again. I'm taking my meds as prescribed, but I'm wondering if this is a sort of sleep walking, and if there is anything I can take to prevent it. I suffer from anxiety and post traumatic stress and past physical abuse issues. Any advice is appreciated.
  3. I live with Bipolar I, PTSD, and inattentive type ADHD. As a result, I have a history of SI. Last summer I was hospitalized for almost a week bc of my injuries and a psychotic break. Lately I have been fantasizing about SI. I have two very specific, gruesome scenarios that I think about. Although I have not acted on them, these fantasies soothe me to the point that I have trouble falling asleep unless I am thinking about them first. Last night my husband asked me if I was OK. He said I seemed "off." I relented and told him about the fantasies in all their graphic glory. While I was
  4. Hello. My name is Lisa. ive been struggling with the addiction of cutting since 14 years old. I am now 28. I have good months and I've even gone a year without cutting. Recently I went back to self harming. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel sad constantly. I have an amazing husband that treats me like a princess but I still just don't feel good enough. He knows my cutting history and does everything to support me. I started seeing a therapist again.. and I hope that starts working. I can't talk to any of my friends about my struggles. It would be nice to have someone to lean on that can keep
  5. I posted this in the depression board and no one was recalling finding it so I'm moving it here. "I don't have a lot of time to get the message out as I am currently hiding in the restroom at work.... I just need to get it out. About 2 Or 3 weeks ago I started thinking about self harm. I have a pretty long past with it and always seem to turn to it. The problem is my husband gets so angry and blames himself when I do and then he babies me for months like I'm just gonna go jump off a bridge if he's not watching me 24/7. That's the only reason I don't. Because he gets annoying
  6. I feel like sometimes everything just seems to happen at once, or at the worst time possible. I haven't been able to afford my medication, and so haven't taken it in over a week, and on the weekend my partner and his dad got in a massive argument over our room being untidy (we live with his parents until we can afford our own place), which resulted in me hurting myself, which I'd so far managed to avoid doing for months. On that evening I got a call from my mum telling my my Grandad had passed away, and though I knew it was coming, I wasn't expecting it so soon. I just feel like everything is
  7. I cut a couple of days ago, a bit deeper than I usually go, and I'm really worried about one specific cut. Could it be infected??!? I really hope it isn't, as I can NOT tell my parents, I'm not ready to tell anyone.... Also, what should I do to help the cut heal? And if it is infected.....is there any way I could just leave it alone and hope for the best? Or do something myself? I'm wayyy too scared to tell a doctor, as I would have to tell my parents first. By the way, the cut is a bit more than an inch long and on my thigh.
  8. So, you may have read my post about Deep TMS and how it saved my life. Unfortunately, my feelings were short lived. My last treatment was Wednesday 4\27\2016. As soon as I tapered down to one treatment a week, I was sent into a depressive fog. I became suicidial, depressed, isolative, and started to self injure. My treatment team is very aware and I live in a boarding home so I am pretty safe. I am on suicidial checks and also just hang out in the community. I, still am on the end of my rope. So, next step: ECT. I hope it works. Peace.
  9. I finally made an appointment with a counselor, which is a step in the right direction. I haven't had a real appointment yet, just an intro to get the gist of what's going on, make sure I didn't need emergency help etc. I want to be open about stuff because I really want to get better but I'm kind of nervous of talking about everything. I'm scared I'll get reported or they'll recommend I get committed or something. I don't think I'm any worse off than the majority of people struggling with stuff, I just want help. But once you take about what's going on you can't take that back. I feel like sa
  10. I did not put this on the 'Self Injury' board because this topic is not about Self Injury or recovery specifically, but about scars. I figured it would be more appropriate here because of the context and content. But of course, any mod or admin can move this where it may be most appropriate. Warning: contains triggering content. I talk about self harm, scars, and wounds. I also provide a link below which has more info, and a picture of the kind of scar (scar, not wound FWIW) I am referring to for reference. If you are triggered by ANY of the mentioned content, please do not read further! ****
  11. This article gave me a merciful, positive way to look at myself after I mess up and cut after I've been trying really hard not to. I like trying to see myself in a different light that doesn't leave my feeling so down and depressed. Cuz I'm not perfect but I try. If you need some encouragement, I would highly recommend reading it. https://hopeshearth.wordpress.com/2015/04/23/celebrate-victories/ Are there other things that you all come across that inspire you to keep going? Please share!
  12. Australian participants aged 18-25 required for a research project looking at the relationship between body image concerns and non-suicidal self-injury. This study, approved by the ethics board of Monash University, hopes to improve the understanding of this relationship, and look at factors that may be protective or predictive. This study will require you to complete an online survey, taking approximately 35-50 minutes. By participating, you can go in the draw to win a $100 Village Cinemas Gold Class gift card. Both males and females are invited to participate. You do not need to have a h
  13. I had a good weekend, didn't drink at all. Sat at the bar drinking sprite all night then went to a friends house and watched movies fri and sat night. now it's sunday night and i'm fully rested. and i'm sitting here and the urge to cut myself is great, i can see it in my head. the voices are cheering me on saying do it do it, i'm struggling to use some dbt skills to avoid scarring myself. i don't understand why things are so improved that i have to be this way, i'm like hmm good weekend must punish self. anyone else get this way. i'm going out of my mind
  14. So, I'm quite new here, but anyways. I got depressed and started cutting when I was 11, tried to commit suicide and all that during the next 4 years. I went through a therapy. When I was 15 I was completely fine, there were lows, and thoughts of self injury, but hey, it's normal isn't it ? Now I am 17, and I went to Asia for an exchange programm. I'm here since ten month. And I was abstinence from self harm around two years. I faced some problems here, I was sexual abused for example, but I don't have issues with that, I mean hello ? I'm not a victim, and I could protect myself, so hey, I
  15. So, my self injury. My fiance found out about it not that long ago... he was upset, to say the least, and only now am I able to explain - I feel the need to punish myself. If I make a social mistake (problems interpreting social cues), or if I let someone down, or if I upset him (which is cyclical of course). I feel guilty, and I get recurring thoughts about how horrible and worthless I am, and I can't stop focusing on my mistake until I am punished... Does anyone else feel like this? Like they MUST punish themselves? I've promised him I won't do it anymore and that's helped me a
  16. DISCLAIMER: I myself have never been a "member" of any SI forum before, and have never suffered from anything similar, so I apologize if I say something wrong that is not usually acceptable within this community. I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months, and I know for a fact that during this time, she has only SI 4 times. I know that it must be VERY hard for her, as reading posts online and talking things through with her have made things abundantly clear to me, and made me aware that this is not just a coping strategy, it is an addiction. She told me that it used to be every day that
  17. So im on new meds. Yesterday i was having crazy side effects but today i only took half the prescribed amount. I felt better in the morning, but depressed at night. And the wierd thing is ive been having more thoughts to self injure. Like i'll see the serrated edge of a tape dispenser and think "could i use that?" (all the potential instruments are hidden) But its really wierd because on my old meds i only had those thoughts when i was really upset. Any ideas about the cause of the change?
  18. So, I've never really done anything like this before, but I need some advice. I guess I should start off with saying I've suffered from depression on and off for the past 10 years or so (I'm 27). Used to self injure- the last time being about 5 years ago. I was having a conversation with a friend (ok, basically someone I wish would date me) two days ago and he confessed to me the main reason why he won't date me is because of my history and he's worried how I would react to things in the future (as in kids driving me crazy and stuff). It never even crossed my mind (I can't wait to have a
  19. Hy, i am nicole, 17, from europe. My english is not good, i am just learning the language now. All my life I felt that I am not good enough.. My mom cheats my father.. My brother depressed. My mom is depressed too. My father is never at home, he doesnt care anyone else except himself. When i was 13 my grandpa died. At 14 grade my dog died.. I loved her so much A few months ago my grandma died. We dont speak with my other grandpa since 4 years. I was depressed so many times, and now I feel alone, helpless, useless, unlikeable, ugly, fat, stupid... I havent got friends. My best friends left me
  20. My rage is boiling inside me and I can't seem to get it under control. I wake up fine. People have been walking on eggshells around me for a couple weeks because I've been raging, then being happy and funny and full of life. Drinking a lot, which I don't do because of needed to stay on track with my meds. I forgot to take a lot of one of my meds last month. Kind of consciously and unconsciously. Sometimes I just forgot too. I figured it out on Friday and my pdoc wanted to hospitalize me, but I didn't think I needed it so we didn't do it. I have a long history of self injury and it
  21. I have a long history of self injury and it has reared it's ugly head again after being good for a year,and now I'm addicted. When I'm fine, I'm fine. Then with the slightest conflict I'm raging and ready to explode again. Right now I know I'm at risk of doing it again, I threw away my blade on Firday and had panic attacks all night until I quelled it with benzoa and cocktails.. Right now I'm forcing myself to just write instead. Last night I didn't cut and took a valium to try to calm down, but ended up with a drink next. Another valium next and then another Cosmo. My rage is boili
  22. My dad is emotionally abusive, my mom doesn't believe me when I tell her. He's always so angry....I'm such a failure for making him so angry. I tried to stand up for myself...he yelled. I shouldn't have said anything. He was right. I'm so stupid. I really want to cut myself. My arm hurts where it needs to be sliced open. I have the blades left over from when I cut before. It's summer, though, people will notice. But I need to cut. My dad never hurts me, so I need to hurt myself, so it stops circling around my brain.
  23. I've never really seen this as an eating disorder a such but more of a SI thing but perhaps it fits in a little better here... I'm almost always either starving myself or binge eating when I feel guilty or particularly depressed and recently I have been using laxatives for the same reason. I know its not healthy but I want myself to suffer and by gaining excessive weight or not eating much/anything I am doing just that, suffering. Anyone else do this? Any CB thoughts on this would be great.
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