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So, I'm bipolar, type 2. I tend to live in depression and only occasionally get the kind of manic you could replicate with a good caffeine high. I've been on Sertraline for over a year. I can't actually remember how long. I'm currently at 150 mg once daily, and I have been since October of last year. I also take Trileptal, recently reduced from 300 mg twice a day to 150 mg twice a day at my request. I requested the decrease in Trileptal because my pdoc said that it was the more likely cause of my persistent brain fog and exhaustion. I've been on that for a long time. 4 years? 5? Around there. The reduction in Trileptal doesn't seem to have made any difference. I can't think straight anymore. I'm making mistakes at work, and my last mistake caused a minor injury. I'm tired from the moment I wake up until I finally pass out at the end of the day. But getting to sleep is difficult. No matter how tired I am, it takes forever to sleep. And then I tend to sleep lightly. I'm forgetting things. Important things. But not interpersonal things- just work things. I can remember the details about a coworker's date last week or what my boyfriend said about something two months ago, but conversations my boss has had with me about what she wants? Gone. Either I'm being gaslit (possible, she's known to think she had conversations with people that never happened, but this is happening more and more often) or I've got some big holes opening up in my head. And it's concerning. One of my coworkers is also bipolar, and when we talked, she suggested that it's from having been on sertraline for as long as I have. Anyone had that happen? On sertraline or anything else? I also take allegra for my allergies, vitamin b complex as well as a vitamin d supplement. Aside from a vitamin D deficiency, my bloodwork always comes back damn near perfect, though with COVID I haven't gotten it done this year. I tend to be very very sensitive to sedating medications- klonopin and benadryl both leave me groggy for at least a day afterwards and when I was on venlafaxine I couldn't stay awake. Wellbutrin xl gave me massive stomach cramps, and I got the lamotrigine rash.

Both are second-generation SSRIs, both exhibit minimal drug interactions via Cytochrome P450, both are the most prescribed SSRIs and are considered first line antidepressants. Who's been taking both and what were your experiences? (How did they compare to each other?). I am looking forward to read your experiences... Which one did you like more?

Sertraline standalone makes many people somewhat apathetic, indifferent and unmotivated, and that's why doctor Gillman suggests augmenting it with Nortriptyline OR alternatively taking Clomipramine standalone for the full SNRI effect... Did anyone here try both combos? I am getting back on antidepressants and not sure how to proceed... but if I had to choose, I would preferably go for one of the two possibilities.

My brief period (6 months) on Sertraline has been that it sapped my creativity and basically made me not want to do anything, not feel anything. I just sit at the computer and watch videos and occasionally walk around, or eat, or go to the bathroom. I just don't have any drive to really do very much of anything, except what is needed for continued survival. I don’t even want to watch movies and series! Is that normal?

I recently went through several weeks of constant akathisia, two of them severe. I'm still going through it, but it's not constant anymore. I discovered that I get akathisia from both sertraline and trazodone and at relatively low doses. I was only removed from the sertaline initially, so my symptoms kept getting worse. At the peak I got to the point where I felt like I wanted to rip out my guts and my teeth and my whole body coursed with an electrical burning. I had to stand, I had to move until I got so sore and tired that I could only lie down, shake uncontrollably and cry uncontrollably. I can't even do a good job of describing it; there is so much of the experience that I can't find words for. I've been struggling to cope with having survived the experience. I know I'm not the only person to have ever had akathisia. What have other people experienced? How do you go back to normal life, how do you talk to friends or family about the experience? I'm also very scared because my depression has been worsening since I was taken off the medications, but if I try a new medication it could start over again. I don't know how I made it through last time, and I don't know if I could do it again.

I just increased my dose from 50 to 100 mg 10 days ago. Since then I am experiencing a lot of irritability and anger. Has anyone else had this as a side effect? Does i go away?

Hi guys, Been on Zoloft for over a year. Just increased from 75 mg to 100 mg 8 days ago. My anxiety is through the roof. First 5 days after the increase was fine. No problem, then the anxiety skyrocket. Is this normal?

Hi guys, I am suffering from Dystymia and SAD and have been taking Sertraline 50 - 75mg for over a year now. It helps with psychosomatic ailments and moderately attenuates the anxiety & fear. My problem with Sertraline is: It makes me an apathetic zombie, indifferent to life and very unmotivated. I have sleep disturbances, the sleep is unrestful. I've also lost quite a bit of weight and am more agitated. Besides that I have hot-flashes and palpitations on a regular basis. My pdoc said that I will have to live with the sides and that he can't do anything about it. He advised me that I should try to get used to it... My question: is there something that I could use to augment the Sertraline and make it all more bearable for me? Thank you very much for your help. I appreciate that! Greetings, maxor

Hi, I have been diagnosed with Depression and SAD. I've been on Zoloft (75mg) for 3 months now. It's okay for SAD, but it is very "numbing": I've never felt so amotivated, apathetic and indifferent. Zoloft also exacerbates my agitation. Is this normal? Will it become better? Thanks and greetings, Alfed

Hello Comrades, I've been taking Sertraline (50mg daily) for 9 months now. Reason for taking Sertraline: Depression & SAD. Maybe some GAD. So Sertraline treats my baseline anxiety quite well, also got rid of digestion problems, but I am struggling with side effects: Motor restlessness, agitation. I've always been quite "hyperactive", but Sertraline has worsened it by a good amount. I cannot sit still, I feel I have to walk, to pace. I move my fingers and toes to "release" some of the energy. Also lots of fidgeting, rocking back and forth. I have the urge to crawl out of my skin. _ Indifference, amotivation, apathy, lethargy. I get less things done on Sertraline than before Sertraline. Just want to sit around and do nothing. It is really disconcerting, because things would happen like a major car malfunction or someone f*ck*ng me over and I'd be thinking "this SHOULD piss me off, but, meh.. whatever.."! I've been doing some reading & research and there is the hypothesis that SSRI-induced-stimulation of 5HT2C & 5HT2A receptors dampens the dopaminergic transmission in the prefrontal cortex thus causing these specific SSRI side effects. Antagonism / Inverse Agonism of these receptors should theoretically resolve the problem. What medications do antagonize / inverse agonize these receptors? Are there any other reliable theories on what is causing this? And what could help? _ Sleep disturbances, f*ck*d up sleep cycle, crappy sleep. Falling asleep is difficult, shallow sleep, waking up a lot in the night => daytime fatigue. (This week I've been sleeping a lot, maybe because the body wants to compensate for last months's bad sleep?) _ Heat intolerance + hot flashes. My entire life I've been loving warmth and heat. I was the guy who could sit at the top row in the sauna for 20min @ 100°C (212 °F), but right now I cannot even stand a mild summer. And I have been getting hot flashes lasting between 10-15 mins several times a day (I am a 29 year old male, so pretty sure it is not menopause related) _ I also lost quite a bit of weight, partially due to loss of appetite, but also due to increased metabolic rate. My appetite is back to normal, but I am still not gaining any weight. BMI 20 right now. _ Palpitations (BUM BUM BUM BUM. BUM . . . BUM . . . BUM) _ mild headaches and "pressure" in my neck. Nothing bad, but very annoying in the mid and long term. Now I don't know what to do. I need some meds with "less" side effects. I haven't tried any combination of medications yet. To my dismay my doc prefers the SSRI merry go around aka SSRI carousel. I found a new psychiatrist and I will have a first appointment in about a month, but I don't know what to suggest to him. Has anybody some experience with a similar situation? Which antidepressant would be suitable for me? If there is someone who had the same problem and found some solution: please write me. Thank you. Greetings from Germany!

Hi everyone, Just joined this forum, but I used to be a member of the old crazymeds site, which I found very helpful. I am a 44 year old male, and have been on a combo of Sertraline and Wellbutrin for close to five years now after a severe nervous breakdown. I recently decided to try weaning myself off the medication, mostly because I have never found my ability to concentrate has been quite as good since I went on the medication. What a mistake. I experienced crushing depression once I completely stopped, and went back on just the Wellbutrin to see if it would improve. It didn't, so I restarted my 100mg of Sertraline. I have just now taken my twelfth daily dose and since about day four, I have had TERRIBLE anxiety. I feel like there is a lump of lead in my gut, I'm sweating, I have tremors, my mind is racing -- I'm in a pretty bad way. I've booked an appointment at a psychiatrist but the first available slot is a week from today. I feel absolutely terrible. I'm posting here for two reasons: the first is to know if anyone else has experienced such severe anxiety with the commencement of Sertraline, and the second is just for some support. I feel very alone. My wife doesn't understand mental illness and my anxiety just seems to anger her, so I have to try and conceal it. I could really use some understanding just now. Thanks in advance, I appreciate your time.

Hi everyone, I'm new here, I posted an intro topic which can be found here for anyone who's interested :-) The escitalopram I was using pooped out after 6 years, so I needed to find something new and I saw a psychiatrist recently. I was put on sertraline 10 days ago. So far so good. No real side effects. I'm on 50 mg, that's hardly a therapeutic dose, right? I want to go to 100 or a little more, and see how it goes. What he also said that I could take quetiapine / Seroquel 'as needed'. Never heard of this but I suppose since he's the doctor he would know. Are there any people here who take an anti-psychotic 'as needed'? I won't see this pdoc anytime soon....he only does consultations for my general doctor's office, so I can't ask more questions. I don't know if I have to wait for the sertraline to kick in? My issues: I call it 'stuck thought syndrome' because the classic Pure O is more about scary/bizarre/agressive/sexual thoughts and I don't have these. But it has become a big obsession for me to get rid of a certain unwanted thought. It's really intrusive, it comes back often, I get anxious, I try to find solutions, ruminate about it all the time...It's always the same thought bugging me and after 10 years of therapy I'm still not able to let it go. I have a big aversion to this thought so that is probably why it keeps coming back. Fluvoxamine pooped out on me in 2010, but helped me a lot, later on escitalopram was helpful....but with sertraline I can't tell yet. I hope it will work, and I really dread the antipsychotics because of side effects. I don't know if I'm going to gain weight on it but I really don't want to. But maybe I don't need to worry about this side effect because I just take it whenever this thought comes back and gets stuck again? The pdoc said it's a really good med for getting thoughts 'loosen up' and 'unstuck'. Could be just what I need!

I convinced my gdoc this morning to increase my dose of Zoloft from 150 to 200 mg. I'm already taking 175 mg actually. With each increase the RLS (restless legs, or feet and ankles in my case) gets worse. I'm supplementing with iron and it seems to help a little. Some one suggested magnesium as well, but this person doesn't know I'm on medication, so I don't know if magnesium will actually work for SSRI-induced restless legs. Other than de RLS I don't experience much from the Zoloft. I think it's working partially because in some situations these thoughts aren't as frequent and I can concentrate better. Especially when I'm around people, have important things to do. When my attention turns outwards, so to say. From the beginning of February I do have a lot on my mind. There's a situation going on in my life which is giving me stress and anxiety. It's a big thing in my life right now which could end rather sad. I'll have to wait and can't do much about the situation. To relax and let go I've started running again and listen to audio books a (it's almost therapy, I love listening to novels and it's incredibly useful when I can't sleep right away). The intrusive thoughts are more frequent when I'm going through these kind of stressful events in life. I don't think the Zoloft is able to help with the intrusive thoughts at the moment. Maybe it will kick in when it's all over. I decided to give the 200 mg a try for about a month. My pdoc advised Anafranil (clomipramine) but I'm not sure because of the effects on histamine, muscarine and cholinergic receptors. I could handle dry mouth and constipation, but gaining weight and dizziness is something I really need to avoid! I wonder if going back to Luvox will do the trick or if trying Prozac is an option. They are both SSRI's and Luvox and Lexapro worked incredibly good for me. Zoloft just doesn't and I still don't get that. Pulling out the big guns like Anafranil feels a bit extreme?

Hi All- I endured neglect / abuse from my biological mother from the ages of 0-4...so yeah, I have issues. One of my biggest is anxiety in relationships. I have an amazing boyfriend who I KNOW I can trust deep down. However, I still have anxiety, panic attacks and turn into a mess when he does something as simple as go out with friends. I know this is so irrational, and I have nothing to worry about (except my irrationality driving him away). I just want to be "normal" and say "bye, have a great time" and just hang out at home, get a hobby, etc. But I find myself sitting here paranoid and anxious as hell. And then I text. And then I ask when he'll be home. And then I ask who he's with ... if you've experienced it, you get it. I'm at a loss of what to do. I've been on a cocktail of meds in the past year and diagnosed with everything from bipolar to borderline, and finally I have a doctor that I think I can trust. He's told me anxiety with a bit of PTSD is my main problem, and has put me on Zoloft starting at 50mg. I'm looking for anyone who has attachment anxiety on here to let me know if Zoloft has helped at all? And if so, what has -- medication wise and therapy wise? THANK YOU

Hi! I've been taking 50mg of sertraline for around about 6(ish) months now. I was prescribed it for generalised anxiety and depression. It has helped a lot more with my anxiety - more calm, not as panicky as before, no anxiety attacks etc. However, i've noticed that i've become very lethargic. I've had not much energy or motivation & i have neglected basic needs such as hygiene (i sometimes dont shower for like a week or two) & food intake (either i eat too much or nothing at all, usually quick meals or unhealthy stuff). I find it hard to get out of bed & go to college/stay at college. Due to this my attendance is not great. This happens even if i've had a decent nights sleep. My overall mood has either been neutral or negative, like a 5/10 or below. I've noticed I get angry & irritated quicker, to the point where i hurt people without meaning to or break personal objects like my computer mouse, phone, hairbrush. I also relapsed on self harm after going for so long without even thinking about it. I've had more thoughts of suicide, self injury and hurting other people. Has anyone else had similar experiences or other negative experiences whilst taking sertraline? What should I do? Will i have to stop this medication? I'm pleased I'm not so prone to anxiety attacks, but i would like to stop feeling apathetic & depressed so often... edit: uh...so i was meant to write another paragraph about more minor effects but i forgot. Since taking sertraline i've also been unable to focus on tasks for too long (small things can be distracting like, oh look at those lights, someone just walked in the room, the computer beeped at me, a friend sneezed, theres a cat outside etc), i have difficulty in understanding people - often asking them to repeat stuff and i forget things more often...

So I currently take 300 mlgs of seroquel,not xr, at night, plus I take sertraline 50mlg and fluoxetine 20 mlg both on the day. Also take clonazepam and alprazolam at nights, sometimes one or the other or both. I have access to Ritalin 10mlg, I was doing research that some people use it whit other antidepressants or antipsychotics, I wanna take it because I just feel emotionally dull and I have anhedonia, also I suffer from tiredness and lack of energy. And a lot anxiety sometimes but not as often as before. Can I take it safely or I could get a serotoninergic syndrome or a dopaminergic syndrome?. Thanks.

Hello, everybody. I just wanted to post this thread out of curiosity for those of you who have taken Zoloft or Sertraline HCl before. I've been on it for about 5 years now, started at 100mg after titrating up to it for a month or two, and stuck to that for 2 years. After 2 years, I had an episode of anorexia that landed me IP where I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and was titrated to 250mg daily at the end of my stay. After leaving, I kept it at 250 with my pdoc, but we decided to go down on it since neither of us thought the dose was having a clinically significant benefit and was just adding more negative side effects. For the past 2 years or so, I've been on 150mg daily, but upped it to 200mg about 2 months ago. It felt like the 150mg wasn't cutting it anymore, and I've found that my anxiety levels have gone down since I went up to 200. I was just curious how many of you guys have been on doses above 100mg, since from what I've read, it seems like most people on Zoloft / Sertraline take about 100mg daily. I've met a couple people on 150mg who have more severe anxiety problems, but few others who have been at 200 or above. Knowing that there are a great deal of affected individuals on this forum, I thought it'd be a fitting context in which to ask what your highest dose was if you've ever been on it, and whether or not you think it was beneficial. Thanks in advance!

I am on my 25th day of taking Sertraline. 1 week: 25 mg 2 week: 50 mg 3 week: 75 mg 4 days: 100 mg How do I count? Is it 6-8 weeks from when I started 25 mg, from 50 mg or from 100 mg? And is it scientifically proven that 6-8 weeks are a good wait, or is it just shared experience? //Feeling depressed

Hi everyone! I just joined here after find a few hits on google and reading them. Thought I would toss my hat in the ring. I was wondering about Zoloft. I am currently on it after being switched from Prozac (which I was doing alright but not great on giving the time frame of the switch). So here is some back ground on why I got switched and the issues I am having. Wondering 2 things really. A) discontiune, and B) find a new Dr. I have been dealing with Depression for a long long time i would say mid teens. Wasn't officially diagnosed with it until early 20's. Now I am 29 and back home with my parents. I started seeing my Current Dr. Last year about this time. He was not the one that originally put me on the Pristiq combined with the Prozac. I had some server issues involving school shortly after seeing him and a falling out with my parents shortly after moving back in with them. It landed me in the hospital. At that time we really did not adjust anything to my medication, might have went up on the pristiq or something don't really recall but all was well. Until i started school back. Was seeing a therapist regularly. Me and my therapist was working on trauma I faced as a child on would now be my 3rd visit to see this Dr. I was mainly worried about my out of control anxiety issues that was preventing me from going to school and having panic attacks while driving down the road, because i was dealing with these traumatic events that happened. I had been on buspar and had been taking ativan as needed but didn't feel it was enough. It was at that time he Incressed yet again my Pristiq and switched me from Prozac to Zoloft. I was on Prozac to control my mood swings and anger i developed after substantiating a concussion 2 years earlier. At that time the Pristiq help more than anything, now taking 150mg, and Zoloft building up to 100mg. At that time I did not notice much just noticed a increass in feeling groggy and confusion, then a small down hill slide around 3 months. Seen him 4 months later. Didn't have much to report other than a bit of depression and feeling tired. So he upped it to 150mg...well this is where I'm starting to worry. Since then I have noticed these things. I feel groggy a lot, my head is heavy, sometimes i feel like there is 2 me's like before and after i take it (as it wears offs and peaks), I have memory issues, diarrhea, my headaches are more frequent ( i know because i track them), I get confused easily, i don't feel like me and I just have random emotional out burst. So i seen him a few days ago and express some of these issues and other diagnosis concerns and they got brushed off and i got put on 200mg of Zoloft. so I really need some help. Ditch the Zoloft and Ditch the DR? Any advice would be great! Thanks in advance! Ash

I am currently in my 22 day of taking Sertraline and just started 100 mg yesterday. Let me start by saying that I'm going to keep taking my Sertraline for 6-8 weeks and then make an informed desicision. My main reason for thinking about switching is that I used to be on Fluoxetine and it decreases my appetite. I hate being hungry. But I find myself worrying a lot about what the switch will be like if I decide to change from Sertraline to Fluoxetine. Do any of you have experience and/or knowledge in this? Is it likely that pdoc will make me taper down to 50 mg before switching or is it possible to make a switch from 100 mg Sertraline to 20 or 40 mg Fluoxetine from one day to another? I am anxiety free right now and I am very scared that tapering from 100 to 50 mg of Sertraline will make me anxious again. (Though I really was not anxious when I took 50 mg in my second week of starting treatment). I want to believe this - but can I? (source: http://www.bpac.org.nz/BPJ/2012/december/docs/bpj_49_nzf_pages_34-35.pdf)

I started Sertraline (Zoloft) 2 weeks ago because of derealization, anxiety and panic attacks. (First week 25 mg, second week at 50 mg, and today starting with 75 mg.) I have been absolutely shocked by how hard it has been starting with Sertraline, because of initial side effects of deperzonalisation and anxiety, but I have noticed a change for the better. It has had some effect on my anxiety and I have not had any panic attacks this past week. The derealization is unchanged, but I am not as scared by it any more, and that helps me to "feel normal". I have gained about 3 pounds these 2 weeks and I am worried that I will continue to gain weight because my appetite is significantly increased and my energy is low. I have been bulimic and depressed in the past and Fluoxetine (Prozac) has been a great medication for me. It decreased my appetite and made me feel better about myself. Should I ask to switch from Sertraline to Fluoxetine right away or should I stay on Sertraline for as long as I can manage and see how I feel even if it means gaining some pounds? I am concerned about gaining weight, but the most important thing is that I can function well enough to work, which I can do right now. I am very scared that changing medications will make my anxiety and derealization worse. But in the long run I can not possibly stay on a medication that increases appetite. I know that when I start to feel good again I will think about this a lot. I am scared that if I increase Sertraline to 100 mg in the following weeks tapering of it will be hell and that I will have to be on it for a long time, gaining weight, feeling tired and not being productive at work. I'm scared of my body getting used to it. Perhaps if I change now then it would be easier. My favorite antidepressant is Bupropion (Voxra, Wellbutrin), but I understand that since I have developed anxiety it might not be working for me right now. It used to make me productive, positive, decrease my appetite and increase my libido. My pdoc had me stop it because she thought it might be causing the derealization and I miss it a lot, but since I stopped it I have developed anxiety and now I am to scared to try it again. Having panic attacks with persistent derealization is in lack of better words; a nightmare. List of things that I am scared of: In order of most to least scary Panic attacksIncreased anxietyIncreased derealizationGaining weightBeing tired and non-productiveNot feeling like doing anythingAny input would be greatly appreciated!

Earlier this year I did something really stupid. A week earlier my psychiatric doctor added Fluoxetine to the Wellbutrin that I had been on for some years. I went out and drank a lot (this is not normal for me) and the next morning I took Tramadol. This resulted in me having my first anxiety attack (with derealization) and ending up in the emergency room thinking I was going to die. The morning after that (and ever since) I had persistent derealization and decided I did not take any more Fluoxetine. A couple of months later I talked to my doctor about the derealization still being there 24/7 and she wanted me to stop Wellbutrin since it might be a side effect. I stopped Wellbutrin and now I was derealized and had a lack of energy and didn't feel like doing anything. My derealization didn't get better even after a couple of months without it. Then I got another anxiety attack (possibly because of Primolut Nor) which made my derealization much worse and this time I also continued to be anxious. Another doctor put me on Sertraline and I'm currently fighting through the initial side effects (so much worse than Wellbutrin or Fluoxetine). I still don't feel like doing anything and if I do, I just don't have the energy. I don't want to be around people either. It's to buzy and loud and I'm scared to panic. Do you think that in the future I could get on Wellbutrin again, with or without Sertraline, or will it just trigger anxiety since it is so activating? I loved being on Wellbutrin, having a healthy sex drive, getting things done and being able to keep my impulses back. When I was on wellbutrin I never had a depressed though. I wasn't very happy either, but I just DID things. I feel like I never do anything since I stopped them and if I do anything I really do not enjoy it as much anymore. It was much easier to control the appetite as well.

Has anyone ever developed anger/rage issues while taking sertraline?

Has anyone ever been on this combo? they're adding in sertraline to my fluvoxamine.

*Hello. I'm brand new and researching certain drugs in relation to a personal tragedy and checked out a few threads on this forum about adverse reactions and interactions. I am not a "troll" and not interested in drug wars. I am in search of answers, understanding, and knowledge in the event of a lawsuit. I hope you will carefully consider my (probably too lengthy) story for a forum seriously, especially if you are experiencing similar effects. Actually, if I start with the backstory I'll end up tangenting too much to get the point out so let's get that out of the way first. My former husband and son's father was an Iraq war vet who served 6 years with assorted combat medals and a pretty secure position. Prior to military, while a genuinely good guy with a wry wit and higher than usual intelligence, was still plagued with the most exasperating, homicidal rage inducing (for everyone else dealing with it) financial irresponsibility and poor impulse control. We had a child together long before we married because I couldn't respect anyone who can't grow up and take care of their responsibilities. Aside from our issues trying to corral his immaturity to be a proper parent, we never fought, argued or had any negative, abusive, dysfunctional relationship. We were close friends who saw the world the same way. My beef with him was his penchant for escapism and blowing money instead of focusing on security for his child's welfare. Partly why he joined the military. We married after his enlistment and for the duration, life went well. No issues. He returned, his Army stint over with, but he returned more of a shell of who he was when he went in. Nothing problematic. In fact, he seemed more calm and soldier-esque, disciplined. And we had no further financial issues...until he reunited with his civilian buddies welcoming him back. I began to see him drinking a little more but never anything over the top. Within a year of his return, however, we had an amicable separation that resulted in him having no "supervision" anymore - military or myself and left to his own devices, literally blew through our joint savings to overdrafting hundreds of dollars that continued for weeks until I finally convinced our bank to lock it down. He went AWOL in civilian life and later claimed he'd suddenly felt abandoned and alone, some was fear, some was anger, some was devastation, and some was spite. We officially divorced and he was on the hook for support. I won by default, though we'd been in contact and were otherwise amicable again in spite of it. He knew he screwed up and copped to it. He relocated to the PNW and began or continued treatment at [edited specific locations] VAs. He seemed to be getting better, at least as far as employment goes. Got a killer job making a nice salary but couldn't manage his money and was constantly dropping the ball with financial support for his child. It resulted in us losing everything - literally, to homelessness. He was constantly gambling and robbing Peter AND Paul to pay child support. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, realized he'll always be irresponsible and can't be bothered to support his child or even participate in his life, in spite of his continued claims otherwise. So I opted to disconnect entirely and drop contact. Life was calm and pleasant for nearly a year. In late April '14, I guess I felt sentimental and ended up calling him to check in, see how he was doing and the call seemed to resurrect things. He was doing better, claimed he was in treatment for PTSD, depression, talked to his shrink about us, our relationship, Iraq, and that he wasn't happy with the meds...they made him feel dull, indifferent, didn't feel anything at all. I suggested he stop taking them and he said it'd be better if he weened off and would probably speak to his doctors to lower the dosage since they weren't working. If he stopped cold turkey it could make things worse. He didn't want to shoot up a school. In the end, we'd opened dialogue about my son and I moving to where he was, trying a co-parenting arrangement, and potentially remarrying. Not out of romance (we weren't really there but were still close friends). We began making plans for the relocation and since he'd left us destitute being a "loser" he agreed to send more money to either get us there or to fly to us and we drive to the PNW together. These plans were open from the end of April through the end of June. Then he began dodging me and I figured something happened. He sent an email at the end of June finally admitting he went gambling and blew 2 grand trying to double it so we could get there sooner and have money for our son's birthday in August. When he lost it all he was ashamed and figured I'd be livid so he steered clear til he felt he could face me. I was and responded that it'll never stop...and if he just admits he really doesn't care for his child and doesn't want to be a parent, acknowledge it for real (instead of sabotage, escapism and absenteesim) then I'll let him off the hook, close the door and we'll go our separate ways. He refused and agreed to work it out...but wanted me to understand he was "just fucked up" and was trying to get it worked out. In early August, our son turned 16. He never even called to wish him Happy Birthday, never sent him a gift, never did anything at all after getting him excited about moving up there. All along though, which I chalked up to too much Forensic Files, I had the worst uneasy vibe that Oregon is full of death, that we might end up victims of a murder suicide or something and inwardly was kind of relieved he screwed it up and we weren't going. In late August, I learned he was dead. As information began trickling in, I learned he'd taken his own life and as far as I was concerned, good riddance. He'd rather choose death than be a father, than choose his child - I had no sympathy and vowed to delete him entirely from my reality. This was the most selfish, unconscionable thing he's ever done. My son was disappointed and pissed, feeling that his father was broken and weak...it fit, really. I did file several of the standard claims on behalf of our son though and a little SSA payment began to arrive a few months later. As angry as I was at him, I could not shake the reality that this was out of the blue. He's never been suicidal a day in his life, nor for as long as I knew him. And he didn't sound suicidal when we spoke or made plans. Even our son winced and said, "It doesn't seem like him to do that..." it wasn't him. I had to accept that PTSD played a role and I have no real idea what he'd experienced during and post military so it could be that he was and I just wasn't as close anymore and missed it. Eventually I received the ME report and read over it...initially finding that he'd apparently tried to attempt it several times through 2014. First in mid April which was surprising because he'd been released April 22 within days of my contacting him and while he acknowledged "treatment" (though he'd been in treatment since 2011 at other VAMCs) he never mentioned attempted suicide. After reading his several failed attempts and because the person I always knew was not suicidal "for real" I couldn't help wonder if it was a spinal tap of attempts to maybe show the VA he needed a higher disability rating or something and the last time, it actually worked. In a tragic comical way, he was pretending to be suicidal and then it actually accidentally worked. Or maybe he pissed someone off - someone in his life I had no knowledge of - and they drugged him and faked a suicide. It was so out of character I even wondered if a relative of his got fed up with being owed a ton of money due to his gambling debts they just put him out of their misery. He just wasn't suicidal. Yet the ME report described a very undeniably clear course of thought out behavior to end his life...and if he chose this option over us, his child, so be it. We were done. We tried to move on best we could and it was more recently that I sat down and actually read the ME report more thoroughly and it suddenly illuminated the truth. The ME report and description included details about the events of 2014 beginning with the first incident. He'd been feeling suicidal and voluntarily admitted himself in the VA for help. The VA let him stay until he "sobered up" basically, prescribed antidepressants and sent him home. On his way home he pulled over, ingested a bunch of prescription meds and endured a failed attempt. When he came to, he called 911 and later requested transport to the VA where he'd been treated for PTSD. This time he was admitted to the psych ward, detoxed, prescribed more drugs, diagnosed with alcohol induced mood disorder, told to stop drinking and sent on his way. The next failed attempt was early August, 2 days after our son's birthday. [edited out by mod because details specific suicide details]. He drove himself back to the VA and admitted himself. He requested in patient treatment and it was denied. Instead, the VA prescribed new antidepressants, sent him to group therapy, and released him when he was no longer an immediate threat. Within 4 days of his release, he drove to a rest stop and took his life[edited by mod due to specific means]. The thing I did not catch initially was that though he'd been prescribed sertraline (Zoloft) and told to continue it, they also added Zoloft (sertraline), Desyrel (trazodone), Vistaril (hydroxyzine), Lunesta (eszopiclone), and Baclofen, that he'd been taking for awhile, the only drug found in his system aside from [other thing used to die] had been Venlafaxine. There was nothing else but that. After researching all of these medications, their combined interactions proved to ultimately lead an otherwise sound and clear minded person seeking help for PTSD down the road to suicide. Though he'd been financially irresponsible and escapist since we met, he was never *suicidal* until he began being treated by both [edited out names] VA med centers. They pumped him so full of antidepressants, several of which have clear warnings against being administered to anyone with a history of suicide thoughts or attempts that his entire ability for clear thinking and rational judgment was impaired. The side effects of feeling dull, indifferent, dead, no edge, confused, anxious, unable to sleep...were all things he described feeling. He repeatedly told them these meds were not working. Instead of monitoring his intake, under supervision, they upped his dosage and added more to the list. The last one, venlafaxine has the FDA warning of intensifying and aggravating suicidal behavior. I realized that he did not just opt out to be a selfish loser, same old same old. He was a victim. The [mod edited out specific hospitals] VAMCs in Oregon killed him. Another casualty of incompetence, negligence, lies, and ineptitude and an overloading of drugs that should not only never have been combined but prescribed to begin with - all of them clearly carrying warnings they should not be given to those with suicidal depression. He didn't OD. He did not mix anything with beer. He did not take uncharacteristic dosage. PTSD didn't even play a part one way or another. It was all venlafaxine. A fatal suicide success story courtesy of [edited] VAMC. He took what was prescribed and it fatally impaired his entire ability to behave rationally. He was NEVER suicidal until [VAMC] began drugging him. If you have been prescribed any combination of these (and add Prozac, he was on that too for awhile), and particularly if you are being treated by the VA for PTSD or anything else, please, please be mindful that if you weren't suicidal before being a patient there, then you are being slowly murdered. They are not helping you, they are killing you. The next VA asswipe who thanks me for his service is getting throat punched. They killed my child's father. He repeatedly tried to get help. He wanted more significant treatment, in patient and was refused. He voluntarily admitted himself, called 911, drove himself to get help...which is a glaring factual reality that wen he sobered up, he was not suicidal at all - just as the reality that he was quite sober from the end of April through June - and while planning for our trip to where he was there's conspicuously no further attempts after April until he screwed up in late June. He did NOT want to die. He WANTED help and he was too wrecked to realize he'd sought help from the very people who were slowly killing him all along. I can appreciate sentiments being sorry for our loss, and thanks for that but I'm here to spread a very real warning. These drugs to not help you. They will be your downfall. Best of luck. Lexi