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  1. Hello everyone! My current pursuit involves my need to spread the word about an organization in the works for people with Trichotillomania or Dermatillomania- the Canadian BFRB Support Network (CBSN). It will be the 2nd non-profit organization in the world dedicated to providing support to those of us with Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs) and parents/ partners of sufferers. We are allies with the Trichotillomania Learning Center and they have been a huge help in supporting our efforts. You can become involved by joining CBSN via the links below. With such little resources available worldwide, don't hesitate to join if you're not Canadian! www.facebook.com/CanadianBFRB www.twitter.com/CanadianBFRB www.canadiantrich.wordpress.com (will be changed to compliment the inclusion of all BFRB's) Please join to bring skin pickers and hair pullers worldwide together so we can grow the BFRB community stronger, thus reducing stigma and educating the masses about our disorders. Thank you! xox <3 Angie
  2. This is a Dr. Phil episode which has April, 21 who is a compulsive skin picker and Meghan, 15 who was bullied, has a lot of family drama and thinks she's ugly, fat, should never have been born, ruins everything etc... http://vimeo.com/58154025 I initially watched it because I am also a compulsive skin picker...but it was Meghan's story that really had me in tears because that self loathing is exactly what I felt as a teenager and still feel today, in my 30's. The bit on compulsive skin picking was okay, but I found it a bit disappointing when they went to remove the makeup but she didn't have any obvious marks, her skin looked fine. I just couldn't related because a lot of the shame i feel is because my marks are so visible. I literally can't go out without makeup on and covering my arms & legs because people do ask me about it. I wish they would have dealt with that issue. But Meghan's story...the not feeling loved by her parents, not getting hugs or them saying anything nice, feeling like she should never have been born, feeling ugly, fat, worthless...that was how I was at her age (and younger). It made me have a little more compassion for myself at that age when I was so overwhelmed with self loathing. The difference is that she was bullied at school, which is where she got those thoughts from, but I can't see a clear reason why I was thinking those things. I haven't watched Dr. Phil in years but this episode got me going with the tears. But didn't actually offer any useful advice
  3. Hello. I have read others posts and finally worked up courage to post on my own I know I have a skin picking disorder. I have bad skin even though I am in my early 30's. I am a little scared and worried because things have evolved to the point where I feel like I... I don't know the right word - but I will manipulate imperfections on my face beyond until they are no longer bleeding. I just squeeze and no blood comes out. I am left with tissues and blood soaked rags. After I'm done I haven't a clue why I keep doing this, feel my behavior is strange, embarrassing and know it's harmful yet keep doing it. I hate cystic acne on my face and swear I can feel it even when I don't touch it. Lately things have gotten worse where I will squeeze and apply pressure until blood jets out in a stream across the mirror. This is starting to concern me. I am wondering why I do this, why I feel compelled to do it and if anyone is out there who is skin picking to this level... almost like mutilation. Surprisingly my face has few scars. I have expensive makeup so I can hide it well. I was diagnosed with Anorexia in college and briefly hospitalized. I obsessed over calories and numbers. This problem with my picking has been on and off for years but in the past year gotten worse. I also scratch scabs on my arms and sometimes legs. Does anyone have any advice or been through something like this? I'm sorry if this all seems too explicit. I just wanted to give all the info so you know what I'm going through right now. Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
  4. I debated on where to post this, but ultimately decided on the anxiety board instead the the obsessive compulsive board or the self injury board. So anyway, the reason I posted this here is because I also deal with SI, and (for me at least) the triggers are totally separate and unrelated. For SI, it usually comes on when I feel too overwhelmed to deal with a situation, with skin picking, it's more like I get sucked into it and don't have to necessarily be in a overwhelmed or even semi anxious mood to begin with. (I hope none of that was 'triggering' to anyone.. I didn't think it would be. but if it is be sure to tell me and I'll edit the thread title.) For about five years or so, I've developed the habit of compulsively picking at my skin. When I was a teenager (28 now) I did the regular 'pick at your face' routine, but now I also go after my arms, the razor bumps on the upper inside of my thighs, on my shoulders and upper back... anywhere that i can feel something that can be 'dug out'. I had it under control for a while, but for some reason I backslid and went on a picking spree that lasted 2 hours yesterday. I also slipped and had another one that lasted for an hour earlier today. I notice that it will reduce my anxiety quite a lot. While I'm in the process, I can go into a semi-trance kind of state, where I feel kind of lulled and relaxed, and that feeling continues for a while after I manage to pull myself away from my own skin finally. Of course, the consequence is that I get red bumps all over my arms, and it looks like I have a severe rash or something. Some of the deeper/actual 'digging' ones can take a few weeks to totally heal, but usually I just have the red bumps that will fade within a week if I leave them the heck alone and put lots of lotion and vitamin e on my skin. I've also noticed that adderall can make the urge to pick a lot worse as well. Anyone else notice this with adderall? I guess with summer coming up, it made me all the more nervous because I hate having to explain/come up with an excuse when someone goes 'Oh! What happened to your arms? Etc. Etc.'
  5. Well, I appear to have brought up a few topics which may wend themselves into the discussion as we go along... because the more research I do, the more I realize just how many comorbidities there are and just how truly connected our minds and bodies are as well. Let me first introduce myself- I am a 32 year old woman in relatively good health, although I probably take far more medications than I rightly should. And this begs the question: Which of the meds were needed because I was sick, and which ones were needed to control my diseases of addiction and the symptoms of bulimia? I have one doctor convinced I have chrohn's, another that thinks I have Ankylosing Spondylitis, and yet another which just hit the nail on the head: I think you take too many medications and they are interacting with one another. I take one to fall asleep, one to wake up, one to keep my appetite down, one to make pain (real or imaginary) go away, and one to manage the symptoms of my incessant purging of food which has taken a violent toll on my body. Overall, I have drugs to manage my drugs. I must state the caveat, however, that some of these drugs I actually do need. I need the antidepressant. I need the mood stabilizer, I need the anti-anxiety meds. But some, if not most, are being taken away this week as I venture to California on a journey of self-healing at an eating disorder clinic. The only requirement was that I be off of all addictive substances before my arrival... which may be an issue. The narcotics are a cakewalk- I take suboxone and I don't get withdrawal symptoms. The Vyvanse? Meh- i may be able to sneak by this "ADD med" that shows up as meth on a urine test simply for aesthetic and physiological reasons, i.e. appetite control and metabolism boost. Plus, i'll hope to keep my Topomax for migraines, as it will help me lose up to 40 pounds. But the point of this thread, ladies and gentlemen, is not how I am going to try to sneak naughty drugs into the program. The point is that I am scared witless that I will be the fattest person to show up at this eating disorder clinic. I am currently 5 foot 7 inches tall and weigh about 200 pounds. My heaviest was 208, and my lowest was 145 (Due to cancer). At 145 I was pretty happy- I could fit into a size six, and life was good. Matter of fact, I fit into some sixes just this last February- just before I was diagnosed with Chron's disease and they removed my lap band. D'oh! I thought I had a permanent fix! But just because I got that band didn't mean that I didn't have trouble from day one... intense pain, bloating, food getting stuck, you name it. I even had the band twist on me twice. So they removed it- and here I am, about 55 pounds heavier and pissed off as hell that I have to be the "fat girl" at camp. Does anyone have experience with these live in programs? If so, what are they like? Thanks so much for any reply.
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