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Found 41 results

  1. Has anyone done this successfully? How did you deal with your anxiety--social, GAD--without your benzodiazepine? I've been taking it as prescribed since 2003. I am addicted.
  2. Brief summary of my situation: Ive had social anxiety for either 3 or 4 years (self diagnosed), started at around the same time I hit puberty weirdly, and what i have trouble with is constant swallowing (I feel as if spit piles up in my mouth rather quickly), slightly shaky hands (only noticeable if I lift them), and one that has really damaged my life is my unwillingness to socialize or even speak at all. I definitely do not want to take therapy, just the thought of being alone in a room with a stranger, having to open up about everything personal makes me anxious. That is definitely at the bottom of my list. I've already considered pills, but Ive asked my mother far to many times and now I cant even mention it now without my mom going berserk. Conclusion, self therapy (Is that a thing?) or hopefully, it'll go away when Im older. Obviously, I have doubts about the last one, but I seriously wonder if it's possible. I have noticed its lessened since last year, and just last night I had a dream about socializing in a way I never had and I took that as a sign as a new stage in my life. Advice? Opinions? Personal experiences? Also, ways to cope? Thanks in advance.
  3. I have thought about this for a long time but have never signed up. I have bad social anxiety and some attention issues/going mentally blank from anxiety. 1. Has anyone done this for therapetic reasons? 2. Anyone brave enough to make a contract between us, if I do it, you will too? It would mean the world to me to have a buddy.
  4. I tapered of ativan because I felt like it was making me like the energizer bunny. I would start reading a book, 15 min later do dishes, 20 min later go on a run, 10 minutes into the run get tired of it, go inside watch a tv show for 10 min, then do something else. I couldn't focus on one damn thing at a time. Well I refilled the prescription and I felt great yesterday and the day before but now I actually feel more anxious. Not exactly anxiety per se, but almost like an agitation that makes me on edge, makes me worry more. I function better. Showering, cleaning, not daydreaming all day or dissociating. But I just hate the rotten feeling of agitation and not being able to relax. Would a longer acting benzo help? Such as klonipin. This was the same thing I experienced on xanax except no agitation but more energizer bunny and 15 incremental sessions all day. But this time I keep worrying, I can't be patient, little things annoy me. I'm getting frustrated even thinking about thinking about it.
  5. What are people's experience with Buspar for Anxiety? I cannot take SSRI's and this is the option I have left potentially. Does it cause excessive fatigue? Does it work for anyone? Klonopin is the one med that seems to work on my GAD, Social Phobia and general Panic Disorder.....Is this a good option to switch to?
  6. Who else has to drink before social functions? I drink pretty much now for everything social such as parties even to hangout with a buddy or two...just about everything. Alcohol is my crutch now and I like to mix it with Kpin when I have it. Anybody else do this?
  7. So, I don't have a lot of experience with meds. I took Prozac a long, long time ago (8 years?) briefly and it didn't really do much. If anything, it made me feel worse at the time. Tried Wellbutrin at a low dose last year and it made my already pretty regular, vivid dreams increase in occurrence and severity. So I stopped. I'm pretty nervous about handling medication in general and was wondering if anyone had any experiences that they could share specifically with Effexor? I'm supremely nervous, as I can barely function as it is and don't know how these side effects may impact me. How long does it take to feel effect? And does anyone know at what threshold of dosage it'll actually help? I'm really flying blind here and could use any help. I'm super new to all of this. I've had a lot of different mental problems since being a kid and am just now getting around to talking to a psychiatrist and sorting through what the hell is going on in my brain. I have GAD, PTSD, social anxiety/phobias, and some other random phobias (honestly, once the anxiety/social stuff is taken care of THEN I'll work on the random phobias). Symptoms include daily paralyzing anxiety, racing negative thoughts, panic attacks, depression, anxiety around people, anxiety leaving my apartment, vivid depressing dreams, paranoia, and, recently, EXTREME amounts of jumpiness + increased paranoia (brain likes to hit me with the scariest, worst thing that could happen to me in that moment, but I don't see/hear anything, just paranoid thoughts). There are more but that's the abbreviated list. Been especially bad for about 5-6 months and finally pushed myself to get some help. Wasn't "suicidal" per se, but was definitely tossing the idea around last year; it's subsequently been replaced by extreme, crippling existentialism. Weirdly a great cure for suicidal thoughts, but also sucks in its own way. (Bonus fun random symptom: recently been waking up in the middle of the night, fine, then having to run to the bathroom and puke my guts out + covered in cold sweats and feeling like I'm literally going to pass out. Lasts 45 min or so, sometimes less, then I go back to bed and I'm fine the next day. Recently realized I must be waking up into panic attacks. Has been happening 1-2 times a month for almost the past year.) Welp, so, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. It was both an extremely good thing and also extremely traumatizing because I tend to suppress, suppress - that's how I function. But, anyways, he prescribed me Effexor. I'm only taking 37.5 for one week, then upping to 75. I'll see him again in three weeks to re-evaluate how I'm doing. I'm super duper terrified because, well, let's be real - that's my natural state. I've only been on it two days and I feel fine-ish, I guess. I had a particularly anxiety-ridden last week so my current definition of 'fine' is not having a panic attack every other day so my bar for "fine" is messed up this week. But, seriously, I'm fine. I'm just worried. I'm curious as to how long it generally takes to feel side effects for medicines like these. Is it right away? Is it months? I honestly don't even know if those are questions anyone can answer. I'm just feeling kind of alone in all of this and looking for people who know what I'm going through.
  8. Hi, I am new here. I am an adoptive parent of a 12 year old girl. I though long and hard before adopting as a person with social anxiety. I worried about my ability to connect and give my child what she needed. But I managed to convince myself that I would get by. Not sure that was a correct assumption. I have seen posts from parents with social anxiety complaining about having to sit in the car at soccer practices etc, or not having their children in extra curiculars because of their anxiety. That isn't my story. My daughter has always been in extra-curriculars, and I don't sit in my car. Can't say I socialize either, but I go. The biggest challenge that I face, and I think it is the reason for my social anxiety rather than the other way around, is my lack of conversational skills. Starting conversations, keeping conversations going in a way that gets more than 1 word answers, speaking coherently and not getting tongue tied all all problems. So I have always been the quiet type. I think my daughter has suffered because communication skills are a big part of connection and feeling connected. Our dinner time conversations are minimal. We don't talk much in the car, we don't talk much during the day. I do the usual stuff like "how was your day" which gets "fine", and "do you have home" which gets "yes". But getting conversations, and actual conversations, not parent lectures going is next to impossible. I have read up on it, and most sites have conversation starters for kids that make my kid role her eyes - Tell me three good things that happened today at school" and stuff like that that feels fake to her. I am desperate to keep my connection with my daughter as she grows, but we are drifting apart. Has anyone here developed good communication with their children despite being very shy? Thanks.
  9. Hi, I have sever social anxiety, depression and very likely ADHD (I'll get assessed for it soon hopefully). My GP prescribed me Citalopram 10mg, I'm starting taking it tomorrow but I was just curios because from reading around I understand it can make depression and anxiety worse at start. I was wondering if anyone had experiences with this drug and how was it?
  10. So, to start off with, I am very anxious about eating in restaurants, especially when I am with someone else. I always get my food to go when I order out. But... Someone I like invited me to lunch. It was spur of the moment and I wanted to spend time with them, so I said yes. That is when things got bad. They are normally a quiet person, and so am I. But I kept blathering like an idiot the whole time, because I was so nerve-wracked. I haven't known this person long, but they are someone I want to get to know better and I feel like I was totally annoying. I want to apologise, but I don't know if I should. I've been agonizing over my behavior for several days now. I really don't want them to think worse of me because of this. I hate social anxiety...and having eating problems doesn't help either. I just needed to get this off my chest, because it has been really bothering me. Sorry for the rant.
  11. I hope this is the right section...sorry...I never make posts lol. So I applied for McDonalds a few hours ago and got a call like 30 minutes ago about an interview. I was panicking so hard my chest hurt and I couldn't think straight. I fucked up by agreeing to one for tomorrow instead of trying to haggle for tuesday. I was freaking out so I just agreed with what ever. I have no way to get there besides my Mom or brother driving me. So unforuntately I have to settle for my brother...and I really don't want him to drive me....Agh. I'm scared to walk in and tell someone I have an interview. I know it's just mcdonalds but I've never had a job due to my mental issues. So what I'm basically asking for is any tips or maybe experiences from people here who have been interviewed there. I know it's a fast paced evironment with a lot of small tasks to do and frankly I think I'd be terrible at it but I was desperate.
  12. I just hate confrontation. My mother says that when I was little anyone could look at me the wrong way and I would burst into tears. Seriously, I keep the tears inside now but things have barely changed. I mean, every one in a while I can shake things off but mostly even something that remotely sounds like a rebuke has me sitting at my desk, immobilized and ruminating over what the person said. And I have a bad feeling that I'm not good enough and I'm not doing well enough at my job. I have a lot of run-ins with this particular coworker and I'm always confused whether it's that she truly is rude or if I misinterpret things, mostly because I value other's opinions over my own and ppl have always called me too sensitive or told me that I've misinterpreted them. But I'm not sure. I've taken some online tests and it says I'm above average on reading people. I either handle confrontation by letting people do whatever they want to me, apologizing to them, blowing up and getting angry, sometimes I try to be assertive but always feels uncomfortable, or just endure it. Does anyone else have trouble trusting themselves? How do you know how to react to a situation?
  13. I broke down and finally went through with it thoroughly to see a Tdoc then a Pdoc last year and since then have tried quite a few different meds for my Dx (see signature below). Just a few months back my Pdoc went on maternity leave (while I was just given the Buspar to try) and was assigned another Pdoc while she was away. When it was time to go back I went in and told him what issues I was having with the Buspar and he Rx'd me the Clonazepam (0.5mg 3x daily) to try. It did work for awhile. My regular Pdoc came back, she seen what I was on and pretty much said she didn't like the idea of anyone being on it & how it was addicting, etc. She asked me if it helped, I said "Yes" (was too afraid at the time to say that it worked well for awhile but not as much anymore in fear she would change it to some other Rx) and she also asked if it helped with my sleep as well, of which I said "No" (because it didn't) and she gave me the 15mg daily of the Mirtazapine for sleep. Found out that 15mg makes me way too groggy the next day, so I just take a sliver of it each night (probably a mg or 2) and it works great like that. But back to the main issue at hand, the Clonazepam... it worked for awhile but not-so much now, but I am afraid to bring it up to her. I don't know what I should say to her, I've just been telling myself that I'll go in and act like everything's hunky-dory and working great but I hate that I am feeling the way I do (luckily not as bad but still). What should I do?
  14. Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone else feels their social phobia has at least some element of anti-socialness about it? My social anxiety has been quite bad at times, to the point where I never went outside for quite a while. But over the years I have become more comfortable speaking to people and I can function day-2-day and manage tasks like grocery shopping, albeit with some anxiety. The thing is I do wonder sometimes if it is really my anxiety that keeps me isolated or if I am just antisocial in some way. Sometimes I literally just want people to f*ck off out of my way, often times I'm just not interested in their inane chit-chat and small talk. I have a very large personal space bubble and I physically and mentally cringe when someone sits next to me in a lecture or waiting room or whatever. I struggle to engage in normal small talk with acquaintances like "hello, how are you..." , because I simply don't care. On the other hand I can form meaningful relationships and have indepth conversations with certain people who I feel safe with and have some respect for. Is is weird? Is it part of social anxiety?
  15. I’m starting to think that this is one of the main reasons I experience so much social anxiety just from being around people. It feels like I’m telling lies without realising it, doing abnormal or ingenuine things without realising it, and acting out a strange amalgamation of different people I find interesting because I have no person of my own. These feel like the most unnacceptable things possible to be thinking; there are waves of heat going through my body; my heart is beating weirdly; I want to throw up. It seems like just by being around people I’m showing them that I’m not fully real and there’s something wrong with me, and they can tell simply by being around me(the way I sit, the way I act, the way I look) and the more people show that they’ve realised this the sooner I’m going to have to fully realise it myself and it feels like I’m going to have to get out whichever way, so why not right now? I think that I’m faking my mental health problems on some sort of subconscious level – is it possible to fake something without realising it, or without realising it beyond a suspicion that it might be happening? That I’m saying stupid things without realising that everyone else is going to see right through them, and people are going to get angry. But there's nothing beyond the pretence, and I couldn't find what was true if my life depended on it. Then, when I was most certainly depressed I recall breaking down to my mother telling her that I thought I might be faking everything and actually I’m just the worst person ever, and it was pretty obvious that it *was* depression, but then, what if I was just faking it really well, so well that eventually I even convinced myself, using other people to do so? What if I’m the worst person to exist and only trying to convince myself otherwise; what if it's impossible for me to experience suffering which isn't my own fault, only inflict it on myself and others; what if I'm inherently bad and don't even know what good is; what if everyone can tell; what if it sickens everyone to even briefly notice my existence so that they have to shove down thoughts (however fleeting) of wanting me to die? Please tell me this is a doubt that others have
  16. Alright--first post, so bear with me here. It took me about five minutes to figure out what to type after that sentence. As much as I'd like to write a memoir on this forum about my insane drug-induced disordered life, I'll try to make my questions simple. Really, I couldn't decide if I should post in this thread or the OCD, social phobia, depersonalization, or addictions one. I used to be a crazy, outgoing kid that loved going out in public. Pulling pranks on people in grocery stores and getting in trouble at fast food drive-thru's were my favorite hobbies. I had been like this my whole life, up until I started using marijuana when I was 16. A few years into my addiction (that's what I'll call it) I had some sort of psychotic break in one of my high school classes. I was on venlafaxine at the time for depression; anxiety was never an issue. I've read of all sorts of these depersonalized episodes due to cannabis use (especially when using as an adolescent). These reoccur and are something I'll have to accept until I find a cure, hopefully. I gave up smoking the day it happened, which was three years ago, and haven't touched it since. The only why my psych was able to help me out was by prescribing clonazepam. It was a blessing until, you know, I got hooked like everyone else. It seemed to slow me down a bit. It took the edge off, but being a socially gimped zombie wasn't what I wanted. After a year I wanted to speed things up, so that's what I asked for; Adderall. I started at 30 and was at 50 within a month. Sometimes I wonder if I would make a better psychiatrist. But, I asked for it, and I knew what I was getting myself into. Whether I have ADD or not, I enjoyed Adderall and have been taking it for over a year (clonazepam for two years). After tolerance built up though, all I was left with was blue hands and feet. I've gone down to 40 milligrams and am really hitting the wall. I need to get to the point; this is only the addiction portion. My life now: I rarely leave the house (or even my room for that matter), take college courses online, write, and draw. I'm not afraid to leave the house, I simply don't want to. I do fear conversations though, or people in general. I can't make eye contact with anyone, lose my words between each sentence, and can see myself from their POV. All of this makes me (or how I see me) look like a stuttering, paranoid person with schizophrenia. The only times I leave the house are when I have to, and I rarely take my Klonopin during the day due to the zombie hazes. I have a feeling the Adderall has contributed to a mix of OCD and OCPD. Matter of fact, I believe all of the symptoms that make me a completely dysfunctional individual are due to drugs. The weed started the engine and the pharmaceuticals added fuel to it. I'm trying to wean off of everything slowly right now but it's still a disaster. I just want to be able to make a simple phone call without writing down what I'm going to say first. I'm tired of leaving earth at a family dinner. And I'm tired of needing to carry a pocket-full of pills everywhere I go, if I go. Any comments, questions, or answers to why I define every anxiety disorder in the DSM-5 will be greatly appreciated.
  17. I am new to this place, so please forgive me if this is in the wrong catagory or place. If this violates the rules, I will gladly move it where a moderator tells me to move it. I honestly don't know where to begin. I feel absolutely lost. I have felt that way for years. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression, and Social Anxiety. I Have been put on Prozac (fluoxetine) 20mg to treat it. So far the meds haven't improved my condition at all, and I have been on them for almost a year. 'Bout all they do is make me sick to my stomach if I don't eat. I haven't been able to keep a stable relationship wether it is romantic, or simply that of friendship. Sometimes big things trigger a depressive state in me, sometimes it is little, almost silly things. As I look back on my early childhood I recall not fitting in, or getting along with others. The staff at the public school I was going to, both Elementary and High disliked me and my mother. After already been assaulted by a P.E. teacher in 3rd grade, the bullying by the students and what I would call is the ignorance of the teachers reached a boiling point. My year had already been ruined by some kid who disliked me who spread rumours around saying I had tried to kill myself. Even though at the time the thought of doing such never seriously crossed my mind. They also said I had threatened to blow up the school. So the resource officer pulled me out of class and rumaged through my stuff as a member from the board of education made insulting statements about how I choose to organize my back pack. Whilst that was going on the sherriff had went to my house and decided to barge in without a warrent and turn my room upside down looking for bombs. As if a kid in sixth grade would have the resources and ability to manufacture explosive devices. My back has been screwed up from that year to this point, after a kid assaulted me in the restroom and picked me up and slung me against the wall. Naturally I was blamed for it. Guess that is part of why I am screwed up. After I got to the high school things improved, but I still had anxiety, and nightmares. Before eigth grade my brother was killed in a car accident. He was the only one I could go to and talk to about things of this nature and feel better. I will never forget standing there in the hospital seeing my brother laying on that table, dead, blood covered, and bruised. It still haunts me in my dreams to this day. I have flashbacks to that and other horrible events. So after the stress was too much my mother pulled me out of school and home schooled me. As always that improved things, but nothing has ever been good for long in my case. Please don't take that statement too literally. For a while I was thinking heavily about it. I was put on trazadone by my doc. to help with my depression. I decided to take the entire bottle with intentions to kill myself. Well I was almost successful. My mother found me on the floor and made me vomit. I am thankful for her concern, but not thankful for the action. Though now I have no motivation to kill myself, I have no motivation to live. I infact welcome the thought of death. I am not a religious individual (please no debates on such) and the thought of my concious being snuffed out forever is almost morbidly appealing to me. I had started cutting myself for a while, but I stopped. When my depression flares up sometimes I slip up and do take the blade to my arms. Though I hate myself even more than normal because of such. The stress was so much I started smoking. (Please do not lecture me on how I should quit). I have a gnawing feeling at my gut that no one will read this and give a damn, but I guess this is one of those times, where for no reason I just ignore my gut instinct.
  18. Sorry in advance I just need to vent. What can I say, I am just feeling incredibly low again for various reasons. I started back at college this week; I don't really want to be there or be studying what I am studying but my options are very limited to change anything. I hate the environment and being surrounded by so many people. I don't even feel anxious about going anymore (didn't need any ativan at all) just totally numb, disinterested and full of panic about how I am going to manage another 3 years of this to get a degree. I saw my GP about 2 weeks ago and they increased my antidepressant to the max dose, said they wanted to see me again in 2 months. I'm struggling to cope, suicidal thoughts creeping back in. I've tried so many meds and this + ativan is the only thing that has helped. Not sure where to go from here, in the past the GP has been very reluctant about referring to pdoc. NHS services are crap in this area. I have chronic pain anyway, but on top of that I have developed foot pain recently. Saw a different GP about it a couple of months ago and they referred me to the hospital. I had that appointment today and basically it was to get insoles made for my shoes because I'm flat footed. I was expecting an assessment with a doctor or something, not just an appointment with a technician. I don't think insoles are going to help at all for various reasons and I have other symptoms like burning pain at night, redness, etc. So I guess I will now have to go back to the doctor again. Totally fed up. My life is pointless and going nowhere. I have no friends, no partner, no job, little money... nearly 30 and living with parents. Chronic depression, social anxiety and OCD for the last 16 years. Pathetic.
  19. Hi all, Joined this forum as a few things have happened to me and I just need to get it off my chest and see what other people think about it. Last year I was diagnosed with Anxiety and mild depression, went through a rough time, but now I can honestly say I feel fine and my panic attacks haven't come in months and months. However recently my partner got diagnosed with Social anxiety, he smokes pot everyday and doesn't complete his TAFE work. I didn't really realise the full extent of the problem until the other day, when he burst out crying and said he just doesn't even want to "be here" anymore. On top of that three weeks ago my best friend had a drug induced psychotic episode. She got placed into a mental health center and restrained, she thought she was Satan. She has other issues with eating disorders and the likes, but I never expected the psychotic episode to happen, it just hit me blind really. What I'm getting at is I'm struggling to deal with all of this, I am in my last year of University and working five 8 hour days a week and am still trying to juggle my best friends problems, my partners and my own. I'm just really struggling, just when I thought life was getting better, it just turns worse.
  20. I need info quickly/urgently about Xanax (and to a lesser extent Klonopin) and how much I should take to be effective at combating severe anxiety without putting me into a coma or anything...I have SERIOUS obligations both tonight, tomorrow and the next day and my extreme anxiety is currently preventing me from meeting those obligations. I was just prescribed Xanax today and I'm trying to figure out how much to take, but before I go on I think it's very important to know my history with benzodiazepines...I know it's long (sorry), but I believe it definitely plays a role here: SITUATION/SUMMARY: Was prescribed Klonopin (1MG) about 4 years ago in 2010 to take *as needed* for anxiety - took it sparingly for the first 3.5 years, only when I really needed it (once or twice a month) and 1MG was enough to eliminate the anxiety every time. I once tried 3MG back then and it made me black out. Latter half of 2013 I began to take it more frequently as my anxiety was becoming slightly more severe but still only maybe once or twice a week - I actually made a Word document with a log every time I took it, how much, and how it impacted my anxiety so I know exactly how much I took. I was still taking the same dosage (1mg or 1.5mg), but maybe 3-5 times a month - this continued up until February of this year. Then comes 2014, particularly February onward, and my anxiety spikes WAY higher than ever before; my depression gets much worse as well but that's not what I'm posting about. There were no med changes, no events, nothing I know of that precipitated this...just all of a sudden, my mental/emotional health became much worse. So, with increased stress and anxiety I began taking the Klonopin more frequently. I would always purposely not eat so that I'd take it on an empty stomach so it would be more effective...and many times I wouldn't eat anything for the rest of the day in fear of food diminishing the anxiolytic effects of the Klonopin. I increased the frequency to maybe 3 times a week at first. I noticed that the 1 or 1.5mg doses weren't working against my MUCH elevated anxiety so I upped the dose to 2mg or 2.5mg. Then when even that didn't work, out of desperation I tried mixing it with alcohol...mostly hard liquor, shots of vodka etc. I am still a lightweight when it comes to alcohol and when alcohol was involved it usually did not end well and only occasionally improved things/alleviated my anxiety...maybe 15% success rate. I didn't drink with it EVERY time, but from this point on maybe like 1/3rd of the time I took Klonopin for anxiety alcohol would be involved by the end of the night. LATE FEB-MID MARCH 2014: So then at the end of February/the beginning of last month, March, my mental/emotional state deteriorated further...I stopped bothering with logs for the most part. From late February to mid March I took the Klonopin with about the same frequency, maybe 3 or 4 days a week, and took 3MG every time which was sometimes effective, sometimes not. In mid March I took 4MG, my max ever dose, and after hours with not nearly enough anxiety relief I added in alcohol to the mix and of course blacked out. It's probably worth mentioning that I live totally alone and any time I've drank anything with the Klonopin in my system (and as mentioned above, nothing else, almost always on an empty stomach) I have been alone at home. I should also mention at this point that I am a 26 year old male, 5 foot 7 and weigh 123 pounds. PAST MONTH (mid/late March to now, April 16th) After the 4mg dose with the booze and no relief I knew it was time to see a doctor about the meds (and had actually been trying for months) but my doctor had no availability until the beginning of May and every other pdoc wasn't accepting new patients or didn't take my insurance. Started taking some higher doses like 5.5MG or 6MG, although not all at once...spaced out throughout the day when I kept having anxiety so I added more. I kept brief logs of this. 4MG was what I usually took at this point, although I think I cut back on the frequency a bit (twice a week or so). Sometimes it would help, sometimes it wouldn't. When it wouldn't I would add booze to the mix, rarely with positive results. Last day of March I started out with 5MG all at once since I knew I had a majorly anxiety-provoking and stressful day ahead of me...5MG wasn't enough so I took another 1MG a few hours later, then that still wasn't enough so 2 hours later I took another 1MG, then 3 hours later the anxiety still hadn't subsided so I took another 1MG, bringing me to my grand total of 8MG Klonopin for the day...and then added booze into the mix. According to what I wrote in my diary, it was only at this point that my anxiety finally reached a manageable level. My diary is missing entries from a lot of days since March 30th, 2014 but I know I upped the frequency of the Klonopin again and 5MG was my new minimum and usually did not work. I have an entry dated 4/13/2014 (3 days ago) saying "UGH it has been 3 hours since I took 7mg kpin all at once and everything is practically the same, anxiety just as bad. 7mg kpin on no food and NOTHING in terms of anxiety relief." (END OF SITUATION/SUMMARY) So basically that's where I'm at now. First of all, I learned my lesson and have cut alcohol out of my life entirely. But 7MG of Klonopin taken all at once doesn't do anything for me and I still need immediate anxiety relief for extreme situations, and badly. I have real-world obligations, serious ones, and my anxiety is severe enough to prevent me from doing them no matter how important I know they are. I finally saw a doctor today, told her the Klonopin had stopped working for my anxiety even at high doses, and she prescribed me 0.5mg Xanax instead. I have never taken Xanax before today. I took the first 0.5mg Xanax 2 hrs and 40 minutes ago, felt no different after an hour and a half, and took another 0.5mg Xanax 1 hour and 10 minutes ago...and still feel zero anxiety relief. Questions: Xanax is not Klonopin, but they're similar. Does the fact that 7MG of Klonopin has zero effect on my anxiety mean that the Xanax will be equally ineffective? Is the same dose of Xanax equivalent in potency/efficacy to the same dose of Klonopin, keeping in mind I've never taken Xanax before? Can I mix the two together? I feel like 0.5mg is *way* too low of a dose and am more convinced of that now that 1mg has proven to do nothing but then again I don't know that much about Xanax. Can I safely take, for instance, 4mg of Xanax without major repercussions (keeping in mind my tolerance to Klonopin and the severity of my anxiety)? Or 2mg Klonopin and 3mg Xanax or something like that? How likely is it, given this info, that I am essentially screwed in terms of any benzos ever working for me again? Like I said, I have HUGELY important obligations to meet both tonight, tomorrow and the next day and my anxiety is currently ruining tonight's and I can't afford to let my anxiety ruin the others as well...so any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Sorry for the length, but I felt including all the details was important and hopefully some kind soul will see this and be able to offer some help or information. Thank you for your time. P.S. I have been prescribed and tried almost every other medication under the sun over the last 14 years, seen 20+ different doctors for my anxiety in that time span, and absolutely none of the meds have gotten rid of my anxiety except for the Klonopin...which is now ineffective. SSRIs, SNRIs, Tricyclics, Stimulants, Anti-Psychotics and several other classes of medication I'm forgetting. Non-med routes as well...15+ different therapists, CBT, exposure therapy, aromatherapy, meditation, almost everything. Nothing else works, which is why I'm so desperate.
  21. I am wondering what everyone does for a living, and in particular if anyone else feels they aren't a good fit for their job. I'm have been a legal secretary for 10 years, and office grunt work is pretty much the only thing I have done. I don't consider this a career. It's demeaning, doesn't use any of my real talents, and it brings me attention for all the wrong reasons. To say I don't fit in is an understatement. I haven't figured out what I really wanted to do (or I did and some health issue got in the way, i.e., nursing). I work with attorneys who treat me like I'm an idiot. My coworkers hate me. When I started this job 6 years ago, my moods were cycling out control and my relationship with my ex was going down the toilet. Low self-esteem made me quiet (some called me "stupid" because of it), but mostly people here like to pry into others' lives and I was not willing to take down my walls. I would say hello to people several times, only to have them ignore me. Now the general consensus is that I"m rude and a bitch, a snob, conceited, etc. If anything, I've mostly felt the opposite. People have made rude remarks to me, act strange around me, snub me... I get gossiped about constantly (one guy changed the words to a song to make it sound like he wished I was dead)I can't until I can go to graduate school so I can quit. The whispering has driven my paranoia to crazy levels. On top of that, I have executive functioning problems, such as poor working memory (tested in the 1st percentile...so it's very bad), poor attention span, etc. I'm overly sensitive to noise, as well. So sensitive, I need to put in earplugs do drown out everyday sounds. I have to take bathroom breaks just to calm myself down. Can anyone relate?
  22. I'm just wondering if Lithium is an option as an add-on to antidepressant for depression? My depression is usually mild-moderate and chronic, but lately I'm going through quite a severe dip that has been going on some months now. I've tried so many antidepressants and while the one I am on at the moment is somewhat helpful, I am still struggling to function day to day and a lot of 'dark' thoughts too. I have not asked my family doctor to send me to a Pdoc because I fear they will just try and dope me up on AAPs or take me off my antidepressant/benzo and start me on the SSRI merry-go-round again. I really don't want to take AAPs. I stumbled across Lithium as a potential augment and it sounds less scary than antipsychotics. Should I ask my doctor about it or is it mainly for bipolar?
  23. Over the last month or so, I've been turning to you guys at Crazyboards to seek some common ground, as I sure don't feel it where I'm at. I'm 32, live in a major city w/ my boyfriend, and my sincerest hope is to be able to save up enough money to move out of state for graduate school. By trade I'm a fairly disappointing legal secretary, where I'm daily treated like dirt by my coworkers no matter how hard I try to do my best. This is what happens when you have nothing but work-study office work experience to put on a resume as an undergrad. Nevermind how mindnumbingly bored I was after day one, I should be "lucky" I have a job in this economic climate...hey it's just a paycheck and benefits I tell myself. It takes all the willpower I've got just to get out of bed every morning because I know I'm headed for a day of nonstop ridicule. Moving on... Anyway, since age 20 or so I experienced mood swings. At first, I thought I had a borderline personality. I fit pretty much all the criteria, especially fear of abandonment, moods that changed at the drop of a hat (never positive, mind you), and my relationships - friend or significant other- were all so very messed up. It wasn't until a particularly bad breakup at age 26 that everything came to a head. I attempted suicide with booze and pills in a bathtub (my favorite place to be) and not only did I lose my shot at rekindling the relationship with that guy, but I lost pretty much all my friends. Two years ago, I lost another "best friend" after I started dating a mutual friend. The first time around was understandable - I was chewing this girl's ear off about my ex and she couldn't take it. Or, more likely, her new boyfriend was scared of me. One day, I came home shaking from every negative feeling known to man. I took a nearby wineglass and smashed it against the counter. She moved out not long after without a word. This latest time, however, I know I didn't deserve to be dropped. She claimed I was a "bad friend," which translated roughly to "You have a boyfriend and I don't, and I can't be happy for you, so I"m giving you the kiss-off." Nevermind I dropped everything to be with her while her mother was dying in the hospital, was with her the moment she died, and took days off from work to be at her wake and funeral. Nope, my boyfriend and I were just bad people apparently. I'm quite sure the only thing I did wrong was back out on meeting her at a cheap restaurant because I was feeling sick. With an autoimmune disease flare-up. Again, moving on... The title of my post is exactly that. I am doing my best to get some help again. It turns out that I did not have BPD as originally thought. Up until a couple months after my suicide attempt, I had only ever been prescribed antidepressants. Effexor had been the one to do me in. It's truly the devil. After 4 months of being on it, I started having intense nightmares - semi trucks falling from the sky like rain...killer tornadoes...pestilence. In my ignorance, I thought it was a mere side effect of the drug. I developed a terribly short fuse, hurling both insults and items such as my jewelry box at the wall in my dorm room. My friends at the time were in my roommate's room (our rooms were connected by a bathroom), and they were terrified. Of me - the person most likely to be terrified of other people. I never knew at the time that these rage outbursts were my first instances of true mania. I assumed it was BPD, a) because the mood switches were within hours and b) there was (to my knowledge) no bipolar disorder running in my family. No diagnosed bipolar disorder, that is. Now I know otherwise. In 2011, the same year I was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease Sjogren's syndrome, I went for psychological testing to see if I had attention deficit disorder. I had a lot of memory problems that was making work much more difficult that it really was (aside from my inability to socialize), and I also wanted to see if I had dyscalcula since I was so horrendous at math. After over 10 hours of testing, a neuropsychologist diagnosed me with Bipolar I and Paranoid Personality Disorder, the latter of which I denied - if anything, I had an avoidant personality. I can't look anyone in the eye, I refuse to answer the door or leave my bedroom wherever I live, you know the drill. Fear of rejection after years of being rejected/bullied as a child. Had a secret to carry since I was 3 years old, also making me not trust anyone. So I guess I was pretty much always a weirdo in everyone else's eyes. My 300 question personality indicator survey pointed the doctor in the direction of BP I as opposed to II since my answers had been "extreme," although the last time I received treatment they told me I had BP II because I seemed to have more hypomanias and depression. My main "problem areas" include overspending, taking on too many projects, not wanting to go to sleep EVER, and executive dysfunction. In terms of that, it surprised me to learn I had a slow reading disorder (I'm an English major and now a part time writer and editor, so Ii LOVE to read) but was average in math. I qualified for extra time on my GRE exam, but I for some reason decided I didn't need to take it. Apparently the test results are only good for a year. It was 10 hours of testing and I paid approximately $500 for the whole thing. So now I do need to take the GRE's and will have to either study my ass off to do well or be tested all over again. I've had various things happen, usually involving $$$, that made me put getting treatment on the backburner. Having crappy teeth is par for the course when you have Sjogren's, so most of it went to that. I also have chronic back pain, knee pain, and arthritis due to my autoimmune disorder. I originally was on Wellbutrin and Lamictal. Then I switched to a world renowed bipolar specialist who only ever prescribed lithium. Lithium, while I felt it had worked to reduce my hypomanias, did very little for my depressions and made all the physical symptoms from my Sjogren's like dryness and joint pain, worse. Not to mention, it increased my acne. No, thanks. I briefly tried Abilify and it made me nauseous and made my eyes extremely sensitive to light. II'm hoping to find a new pdoc soon because my relationships (what's left of them) are all starting to deteriorate. If I lose my boyfriend, who is also my best friend (and I his), my world will basically collapse. I'm so grateful for his understanding...and his appreciation of my weirdness. But he knows my moods are swinging more and more out of control as the days go by. A few days ago, I went to hopped in the shower and started singing, dancing, doing push-ups while in the shower...came back to my room and wanted to have a dance party. My boyfriend yawned and said, "Oh no, here she goes again..." It's not all fun, though. I'm very snappish. We rented a room with a Nepalese family just to save money before our big move a couple months ago, and needless to say, it's been one big nightmare. They move my stuff around a lot, which I really can't stand because my last roommate stole from me constantly. Instead of politely explain how my olive oil that I swore I bought went missing, I ended up making the guy think I was accusing him or his family of stealing (entirely possible, since someone took a slice of our pizza without asking. No we label everything). That was over a month ago, and now no one except the roommate who isn't related to them, will talk to me. I feel like I have done this a lot in my life. My extreme social anxiety, fueled by paranoia and irritable hypomania, ruins my conversational skills. And they were never great to begin with. I really don't want to be like this forever, so I'm willing to make the necessary changes. I would give anything just to give the appearance of being normal, even if I never could be. Thanks for reading. Misfit Love
  24. Not sure if this is the appropriate forum or not but here goes.. My baseline mood has been 'crap' for a long time and I can just about function to a certain extent. But then I get dips where I have 3/4/5/etc days where everything is absolutely terrible; suicidal, tearful, barely able to function, physically feeling like I've been involved in a boxing match or something, etc. However, following those dips I often get a few good days where I have hopes and plans for the future, feel motivated and have less pain, more energy, I feel I can think clearer and start being more logical rather than pessimistic all the time. But then quite rapidly things go back to baseline. I've just been through one of these phases and it is quite frustrating because I felt awful for the best part of 2 weeks, very minor SH for the first time in 10+ years, tearful, suicidal and so on. Then all of a sudden and for no apparent reason at the weekend I started to feel better and now after 3.5 good days I can feel myself dipping again. The frustrating thing is when I have the good days I always think 'wow, maybe things are/can get better'...... this never happens of course. Plus I never seem to get enough 'good days' to keep on top of my studies or follow through any long term plans. Does anyone else get similar mood swings with their depression? And what about physical symptoms like muscle aches, fatigue, pain, etc? I'm treated by my family doctor; no Pdoc or Tdoc. I'm trying to access therapy but keep being rejected (socialised system). I'm wondering if maybe I need to insist on seeing a Pdoc for some kind of mood stablizer or perhaps that is overkill?
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