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Found 5 results

  1. Hello. Here's my introduction. I am new here and I've been searching for a place to vent and hopefully find someone similar to me. I don't want sympathy; I want others who understand how to live and progress in life in this condition. But first I'd like the community’s advice as to what exactly is wrong with me. So what am I like? With people, I am usually distant and reserved, unless they are easily dominated. Then I take over the conversation and interaction is easy as pie. I sometimes get in scrapes with authority (not the police though) because of my attitude. I don’t have anyone I’d call a “best friend”, and most of my “friends” are mere acquaintances. There is no one I’d spend time with rather than be alone. I haven’t had someone to my house for “fun” in about 2 years. I put minimal effort in classes, and sometimes go a full class period without saying a word. It’s because, again, I put in minimal effort. Let the others discuss and work. I get by just fine. I’m probably the smartest in my class. What goes on in my mind? I despise people. I often think there’s no purpose to my life, and what I want to be is impossible. I’m not suicidal, but I wouldn’t mind if I died tomorrow or even today. I often think how if my entire family died, I wouldn’t mind. I didn’t grow up in an abusive household, as far as I can remember. I just don’t care about anyone else. I love seeing people in pain. It makes me laugh. Seeing destruction brings such happiness to my heart I sometimes think I’d like to be a terrorist just for the destruction. Seeing a person crying is so satisfying. I don’t cry for others, but I cry when I think about why I live and I don’t have any reason. I cry for the lost whatever others have. But I think they’re foolish for taking themselves so seriously; life isn’t worth it. I’m atheist, and I despise the religious, the moral, the political, the martyrs. But I do have a collection of imaginary friends, I guess, which I call “beings”. They’re kind of a pantheon of gods for my morals. They get me through the day; they help me with my decisions. They’re basically the people I’m looking for on this forum, though I’ll doubt I’ll find any. I have _ beings so far; I create more when it is needed. Though once created, they rarely leave. I also had some anti-beings, some which probably were my lost innocence. Also my beings have colors. I’ll just put them here because I’ve never told anyone about them. The first is a male black cat with blue eyes. Its color is blue. It is the being of Ambition. He was the first, and he is my primary consultant. The second is a woman with blonde hair and red eyes. Her color is red. She is the being of destruction. My fantasies of murdering those close to me often involved her and the black cat. The third is a king. His eyes are a dead yellow, and his color is yellow. He is the being of power. He speaks very curtly and reminds me of my destiny to rule the world or something like that. He speaks very rarely, but is always there. The fourth is a girl with red hair and gray eyes. Her color is orange. She is the being of manipulation. She helps me fool people and be nice and caring and normal. She was originally kind-hearted, but she understands manipulation and is empty-hearted like me now. The fifth is a mirror image of me, a girl with brown hair. But she has green eyes instead, and her color is green. She is the being of hatred. She understands me most, and she is reminds me of how terrible everyone is. She makes me hate them even more than I already did. The sixth is a male white cat with purple eyes. His color is purple. He is the being of perfection. He helps me achieve what few goals I have. With him I can be perfect. I also had a fantasy where I’d lock up I guess my true self, the innocent one who cared and stuff. I tried to kill her but I just couldn’t do it. I can’t live without her alive. So she is just unconscious somewhere in chains and wounded and bloody. I forgot about her. I know one characteristic of sociopaths is their lack of restraint and frequent conflicts with the law. I haven’t ever broken the law, because I try to keep my freedom. This is an irony in my life though because while I’m trying to keep my options as open as possible for the future, I don’t have a future to plan for. This results in a strange feeling of stagnation, and I don’t know what to do about it. So anyway, this has been a long post. I hope my question will be answered, and comments would be appreciated. Thank you.
  2. People nowadays are so annoying. Everyone let's their emotions dictate their life and let pathetic things like jealousy take control and make them do things they don't want to do! as well as simple feelings like sympathy can lead people to letting in other people who will just manipulate them and use them. it bugs me that everyone around me is like this, and where they crumble and break i stay strong, but then get accused of being cold, yeah, well if i'm honest i enjoy being the heartless one. at least i'm not weak and let people control me. But then again, there's more to me than just noticing this things haha
  3. Hello and Welcome, It is to this thread that I will primarily confine myself, as I have no desire to willingly participate in the drama of other people, nor do I seek to give advice to all the weary souls here. However, should you find curiosities regarding what has been termed "Antisocial Personality Disorder," I can indulge them to the extent of my life experience. Generalities do no one any good, so I would like to first address the definition given within this board. First of all, I do not always "act out" my conflicts. Nor do I ignore the normal rules of social behavior. I am intelligent enough to know ignorance of rules will get me nowhere. I am impulsive, yes, but only slightly irresponsible (I do hold a steady job and am earning a doctorate), and I don't know if I would use callous to describe myself. I simply do not care. I have no history of legal difficulties. In fact, I am nearly a lawyer. Nor have I had aggressive and violent relationships. I tend to avoid relationships except when they can help me. And if they can help me, I find it best to not act violently...people tend to be more forthcoming and responsive to feigned understanding and subtle manipulation. I do show respect for other people, it's just not real. And, it's true, I've no remorse and the only guilt I feel is if I get caught. I am not a substance abuser: there is a history of that in my family, so I've purposefully avoided it. Overall, this description of ASPD makes us sound like lawless, evil nut jobs. I do not go around angry at everyone, spewing insults and profanities, and beating anyone who dares disagree with me, I promise. I am what would be considered a high-functioning, non-criminal sociopath. I am an intelligent individual who has integrated himself into society. Below are a couple of questions I've taken the liberty of answering for you. Please feel free to ask others. Do you have any feelings? Yes, I have feelings. I am not void of emotion. However, emotion rarely comes and, when it does, it is never for another person. You see, I lack what "normals" call "empathy." However, when things don't go my way, I am very capable of feeling angry. When I'm doing something I enjoy, like reading, writing, or engaging in intellectual discussion, I feel joy/happiness. Were you born this way? No, I was not. Though genetics has probably played a part in who I am, what has really made me was my childhood. Various events have helped shaped me and have helped me understand the world the way that I do. Do you have friends? Yes, I have friends. Very few friends (purposefully). But they are people who can at least understand a part of me and I, them. They are the people that bring me closest to empathy. I will usually go out of my way to help them, if need be, and am fairly reliable with them. What do you mean by high-functioning and non-criminal? It means I'm not what most people think of when they hear sociopath. I'm not a serial killer. I'm not completely irresponsible. In fact, I've held the same job for multiple years and am currently working on a doctorate. I live a fairly normal outward life and have learned how to adapt. I have not committed any major crimes and, admittedly, it is primarily because prison doesn't suit my awesomeness, but also because I do have a code I live by. Speaking of... Do you have morals? Yes, I have morals. I am a devout Catholic and was raised a Christian. I live out, as best I can, Christian morality. The difference between me and "normal" people, however, is if I break with that morality, the action is void of selfless remorse or guilt. I do not feel bad for hurting anyone in the process. In fact, I could care less about that. My morality hinges on the eternal outcome. Since I do believe in heaven and hell and don't really feel like being burned alive for all eternity, I try to choose what's "good." This has also helped me adapt. So how did you figure out something was wrong with you? I will take this question as an insult. There is nothing wrong with me. I have never worried about something being wrong with me. I am who I am and it will not change and I like who I am. I was, though, for some time, curious as to what others thought of me. And then I learned I'm apparently disordered in my personality...whatever. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. If not, that's fine, too.
  4. Hi, as the title says, I might be a sociopath. I got no feelings. Can't love my close ones. I'm not a harmful person, would never harm anyone. Animals as well I can lie with ease, make people believe, act emotions. Can manipulate very easy. When people talking to me, I finish their sentences, cause I already know what they wanna tell me. That makes me bored. People don't like me when I do that. I don't know the reason. I get bored of everything easy.
  5. http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/11/21/morality-compassion-and-the-sociopath/ I can't really say whether the author is correct or not, but I found this article very interesting.
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