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Back to school time is the hardest time for me of the year in regards to my self harming. The reason being is that I can go buy more of my "tools" that I use to self harm at a lot cheaper price. I have this whole routine that I go to the Dollar Tree and can get a 6-pack of my "tools" for a buck. Sometimes I find myself going to the store and clearing the shelf. Its like once I get there I get really, really panicky and have to buy every single one. I find myself thinking that one pack is not enough, two is not enough etc. I get paranoid too thinking that the cashier knows what I am doing. I seriously will be looking over my shoulder thinking the police, my mom etc will find me and throw me in the hospital. I will drive all over town sometimes going to every single Dollar Tree and clearing the shelves of these packs of my "tools" I think two years ago at this time I probably spent close to $200 at Dollar Tree just on my "tools" during just the back to school time. I probably would have spent that much last year if I wasnt in an long term facility. I then will come home and hide them all over so I have at least one "tool" accessible to me at all times in my home. At times I have one in my purse so that if I am out and about and want to self-harm I can. When I was sent to the long term facility last year my mom packed up my apartment. She told me that she found close to 200 of my tools all over my apartment. Its funny because i will go out of my way to go to Dollar Tree to buy more tools. In a pinch I will go to another store but ony buy one of my tools. This year it will be really hard to do this. My mom currently has my car keys and my money. I know its a good thing but its so hard to see all these commercials, newspaper ads and kids talking about going back to school and not thinking about what I usually do this time of the year...