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  1. I know many people here have taken Abilify longterm as an adjunct, but I am honestly worried about longterm side effects (weight gain, akasthia). I trialed it twice and it made me constantly hungry, wanting to eat everything (I tried both 2mg, 5mg), made me tap my feet a lot. I wonder if taking it only on the week that I am very symptomatic (week before menstruation) it would be effective? Is Abilify something that kicks in within a few days of taking it? My other thought was biting the bullet and using Risperdone for this week (which I really hated when I was on it daily, it made me a zombie, and my Prolactin shot through the roof) The symptoms I want to treat (happen @ 4-7 days per month) are: dysphoria, hypersensitivity, severe depression, anger, uncontrollable crying to exhaustion, suicidal ideations, ruminations, stress and some heart palpitations.
  2. Had to resort to taking a Valium (5mg) tonight for acute stress flare-up after a heated argument (happened right before bedtime, then I can't fall asleep) These intense emotions of overwhelm and sadness keep me awake for hours afterwards. How long until this kicks in? After 20-30 mins, It doesn't feel like it's doing much at all...would taking more be bad? I also have Xanax, but I end up waking up middle of night when it wears off.
  3. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  4. Does anyone know If stress can leave you feel mentally restless? Almost to the point of boredom if you try to relax? I can’t seem to enjoy a day off... i just wanna go go go. It almost feels like hypomania, except i do not feel happy about it. I really, really just wanna relax and enjoy doing nothing. I know that stress can make your body restless, like you want to move all the time. But that os not the feeling i have. I just wanna do stuff all the time. Feel hyperactive and bored. Does anyone feel the same?
  5. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  6. So I have been dx with gastritis and was given some meds for my stomach for it. For over a year I have had a major issue with constipation and bloating. I would go every 4-5 days. These past months it has been very painful and I have been having bloody stools. I take Miralax everyday and I still don't have bowel movements. I am seeing a GI doc to do better testing. I am suspecting ulcers for sure. But I am wondering if any of the meds could cause this?
  7. My 18 year old female cousin has post traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety disorder. What are the best gifts to give her? (Not judging by personality. Just the disorders.) (Keep in mind that I'm 13 years old so I do have limits on what I can get)
  8. I don't know if this pertains to a particular diagnosis (like Bipolar), but perhaps it does? I am a Highly Sensitive Person (capitalized because I fit the official criteria in the book.) I am very sensitive to my environment and easily triggered, especially with any perceived stress. It's not just "big life stress" that can be justified, but little things also (ex: negative interactions with people, when things don't go my way, if I make a small mistake, bad news, argumentative or unfriendly people.) These sorts of things stick to me for a long time. I'm very affected and often brought to tears by these things, even after removing myself from the origin of stress. It really bothers me. I can't seem to "CBT" my way out of it. A/Ds don't agree with me. It's an innate sensitivity that I cannot control. This "stress sensitivity" also runs in my close family, so partially genetic. Is there a diagnosis for this? (I will also ask my pdoc) Do You think this is typically more related to Depression, Anxiety, or Bipolar mixed state or what? Are you extremely sensitive to stress & what is your initial reaction?
  9. I don't have a lot of time to get the message out as I am currently hiding in the restroom at work.... I just need to get it out. About 2 Or 3 weeks ago I started thinking about self harm. I have a pretty long past with it and always seem to turn to it. The problem is my husband gets so angry and blames himself when I do and then he babies me for months like I'm just gonna go jump off a bridge if he's not watching me 24/7. That's the only reason I don't. Because he gets annoying. Well yesterday I was passed up for ANOTHER promotion by my partner who, although has worked for the company a tiny bit longer then me, she's actually only been at our store for like 5 months.... I needed that promotion... It was my ticket off night shift (which takes a huge toll on me, any over nighter can tell you) and a higher pay check which means I could've gotten meds or a tdoc. I hate my job so much I've called in 3 times this month just because I can't get myself out of bed to go..... I've been walking around with a rubber band on my wrist for these few weeks snapping the crap out a me and tonight I think I may have caused a blood blister.... :/ I'm not happy with this situation at all..... I just want to be happy again and like my work...
  10. I can't claim having much stability. However I have had a pretty good run. Almost 4 months. Dealing with lots of things. Big issues, small issues. Work stress, home stress......big home stress between myself and my husband. We no longer sleep together, mostly because of my actions. I have been dealing with it pretty well. It's been hard though. I have been doing better taking care of myself. Sleeping, eating, exercising. But........I seem to be losing my shit recently. Touch of psychosis. (If you can have a touch) it was short lived and then I rolled right into depression. I have lots of mixed days. I am feeling more fragile and crying more. I want to disappear. Why the sudden change? It's sort of a dumb question. It's part of the nature of BP. I have worked hard to identify triggers. My question is have you been able to isolate what triggers a mood episode? Depression or mania or psychosis? What are those triggers? Maybe I am missing something. Maybe I am asking a question that can never be answered. Worth a try. I am hoping I missed something.
  11. I'm already feeling burned out at my job, and I've only been here since late february... and I think it's mainly because a) I've been working really hard and seeing very little result and b) there's been a lot of drama and I am not good at blocking out other people's negative energies. I worked 50 hours last week... and yet it felt like a marathon. 3 12-hour days, 1 4-hour day, and 1 8-hour day... with all the negative energy swirling around... I just feel dead. And I get to back tomorrow morning!!!! Yipee! (ugh..) Thankfully I set aside time to book an appointment with my therapist. Since starting this new job I've had real trouble setting aside a time to actually meet with her. So she knows like NONE of all this crazy stuff going on. It's been like over a month since I've last spoken to her. I know I am not lazy. I work very hard. Yet I can't help but feel pathetic that I feel THIS drained after what most people would consider just a normal work week. Now I know most people don't deal with mental illness and aren't as sensitive to negativity and other people's stress as I am... but still. I can't seem to get calm enough to just be still. My mind is just clouded with too much negativity for that to happen. If only I had like a valve to let loose some of the things inside my head. That would make life so much simpler..
  12. fantod


    From the album: fantod's photos

  13. fantod

    sanity attempt

    From the album: fantod's photos

  14. Okay, so. I have had feelings for this girl for 3 years now. She came to my school for the GMT program, and when I saw her outside on her phone, I fell "in love". Now, I don't think it's actually love, because I am only a Junior, and I haven't really ever been in a relationship. I feel like the feelings I have for her are obsessive. Recently, she broke up with her boyfriend of two years because he cheated on her. I got closer to her, we hang out at least 2 days out of the week. We facetime every night, and recently, I came out and told her about my feelings for her. It went well, actually. She didn't deny me, or tell me she had feelings in return. She just asked, "Why do you like "this". She swears up and down she isn't perfect, but in my eyes, she is. Before I met her, and I never knew what it was like to smile for no reason at all. Okay, so there is the backstory. Now we're here. Tonight. Me? Stressed out. I'm not in a relationship with her, but we're very close, and I feel as if it may happen soon. I have had really bad experiences as a child, and I know I have a lot of anger management issues. There is this certain feeling I get when she doesnt respond to me. I very tight feeling in my chest, and I keep wanting to text her. But I know that that is the creepy thing to do. I look at myself and see me over obsessing over a girl that isn't even committed to me. When she doesn't want to facetime, or she hangs up suddenly because she has to go and doesnt tell me why, I freak out. Not on her, but in private. I start freaking the fuck out, and I know it isnt normal. I don't even want to date her and put her through the shit I MAY start. I think I should see a counselor, but they are so expensive, and I am not sure they are able to help me. What do you guys think I should do? I know this is all over the place, and please accept my apology in advanced. Thanks
  15. Hey all! First, a bit of history: I have no known allergies, have never had a bad reaction to any foods, substances, anything. I've never had hives, rashes, etc. So since September 27th, I have been experiencing hives. I noticed them that night before I went to bed, and they were pretty bad the next day. At first I thought it might be a change in laundry soap, as I had done laundry the day or two before. Normally we have Tide Coldwater HE, but this time it was just regular Tide HE (which I've used before). So I went out and bought baby hypoallergenic laundry soap, and rewashed everything. There was no change with my hives. Since then I've also gone back to Tide Coldwater HE, and again no change. I'm positive there has been no other changes in terms of my environment, diet, soaps, etc. It's taking forever to get an appointment with an allergist. I've seen my primary doctor several times, and he also has no idea what it could be. He had given me a prescription for an antihistamine, but it really made no difference. If the hives get really bad, I will take benadryl.. but even that just takes the edge off. I've had nights were I've had to shower at 3 or 4 in the morning, hoping the cold water would help. Lately they have been a LOT better thankfully, but they are still there daily. I'll usually only get a few here and there, maybe a patch of them. I've had them everywhere from my shoulders down (including lip, palms, bottom of feet- such random places). I'm tired of being itchy, and now being self conscious about not only the hives, but marks from scratching (which I try really hard not to do). Is it possible that it's from stress/anxiety, depression, BPD? I haven't really felt that much worse since it started happening, but I did stop seeing my psychologist (due to lack of insurance coverage) about 1 to 2 weeks before the hives started :/ At this point I would love any tips/suggestions/feedback that anyone has! It will likely be another month or two before I see the allergist.
  16. Tip

    Thought Knot

    From the album: Tip's Mind 1

    This one is about when my thoughts are all twisted and knotted and I'm having lots of anxiety. My thoughts are twisted into a knot.
  17. Over the past few days I've been quite snappy with my partner over small things like her not cleaning up after herself and other things I generally wouldn't be upset by. Pretty sure this is the beginning of hypomania again. Afterwards I usually feel fairly guilty and try to explain that I'm stressed or in a bad mood. I know everybody can get angry but it's very out of character for me except when I'm episodic. Today it happened at work. Thankfully it wasn't aimed at anyone and it was just me muttering expledetives as I passed through the office. Inbetween these pockets of anger I've been quite elated, getting along especially well with clients at work, possibly too well with some if that makes sense. Basically my coping mechanism is to remove myself from peoples company, have a cigarette and try to calm down. I massively overshared some stuff with a workmate at lunch and was completely unprofessional with some colourful types that lease a shed from me. Anyway I was wondering what coping mechanisms people have for this kind of thing. I see my pdoc on monday so hopefully we can med tweak or something before shit gets real. From past experience I feel thats not far away. So if my meds go awry which has happened before how do I run damage control. I'm thinking this is brought on by stress because our rental manager quit so I'm doing his job and mine. I haven't eaten lunch for 3 days now and I'm drinking coffee like it's water which probably isn't helping. My concern is I can be quite self destructive so if anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it.
  18. Obesessive compulsive psychosis? No, it isn't something I'm diagnosed with. As far as i know it isn't a "thing", though it may possibly be. I don't know. I pulled it out of my ass. It describes what happens when my ocd starts to flare so much that it tiptoes to the line of mild psychosis and kind of stops there, taunting for a while, pointing it's finger: "i'm not touching you, I'm not touching you! hahaha". At least that's how it can start. I got this job, a part time job, and it's great. I can see that. It is a good job and a good place with good people. But its been really stressful. It's new and the POS is actually pretty complicated, more complicated than any I've dealt with and I feel stupid. And lately the OCD stuff, the obsession stuff had been starting up badly again anyway. I'm doing everything wrong. Like, everything. What I say, how I hold a pen, how I walk, how I breathe, where I put a piece of paper. I don't mean like social anxiety. I mean there is a right way to do EVERY SINGLE THING A PERSON DOES. But I can't constantly be trying out ways to do stuff. Everyone talks about me because I am doing these things wrong, because I am wrong, because I don't belong. See Luna's Top Ten List of Pure O Thoughts and Thought Patterns for reference ANd I know some of that sounds really mild. And it can be, when it's mild, just floating around, not hammering on my brain every second. But we're talking ocd here. Try to not think of a pink elephant and all you think of is a pink elephant. When it's bad, IT'S BAD. And work... work is getting bad. I feel like I'm always wrong, and I'm getting convinced I'm going to be fired, that they don't believe what I put on my application, and I'm also kind of getting afraid of one of the managers specifically there. I think he doesn't like me, doesn't want me there, and wants me to be fired. Any of which may be true, but there's NO way i can know any of it, and that's the stickiness of the situation. I can't know it, but I feel it to be true anyway. It's disrupting my functioning. I wasn't sleeping well before and I'm still not. I was nearly crying yesterday at the register. I'm rearranging things a long and it's troublesome, I don't often do that a lot. I put in a call to my tdoc and pdoc. This isn't an emergency but it's urgent, so I hope they understand that. I'm so frustrated. I want to be normal and have a job and I'm scared I just can't do that right now. It would be such a disappointment if I can't. But how much fear should I go through and anxiety and sadness to keep up a job or other people's expectations or mine even? I don't know. I'm scared and sad. I just could use some support if anyone has some to give.
  19. I am extremely concerned about this. My depression has gotten out of control lately and I find myself crying almost all of the time everyday which is not normal for me. It is agonizing to me. I tell my husband that I just need extra affection and to be extra sensitive. However, he says that him doing that doesn't seem to help and has started getting frustrated with me and often has an attitude toward me when I get upset or acts angry or as if he doesn't care. I told him that him acting that way toward me will only make it worse, and while doing the things I asked may not make it go away, it will help me feel comforted and get through this rough part easier than with him acting this way to me. Unfortunately, I need therapy. Medication alone isn't helping, but because of our work and school schedules, it is impossible for me to ever get the chance to go for a long time. The only places I have time to go to is class on his days off and to get anything we may need on the way home. My classes also last from early morning until evening. The other part of the strain is that we do not spend much time together. This isn't by choice either, we both hate it. He works two jobs to be able to pay the bills living pay check to pay check. He works night shifts full time and during the day at his other job with only a few hours of sleep inbetween. On his days off, are the days I have class so he can watch our son since we cannot afford a babysitter or childcare, nor do we have any friends or family that live close enough to help us, even sometimes. So our time together is very brief, and often consumed by our son. Since we have no one to watch him, we never get time to ourselves, which we have both expressed we want very badly. For a while, we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He started getting trained for a management position so he could only have to work one job. We would get to be together more and that would put less stress on both of us. Maybe even get an occasional babysitter too. However, because he works two jobs, it takes quite the toll on him. Because of this, his boss says he is not giving him the promotion because of his lack of focus and inconsistency. Sadly, that won't change until he gets promoted or another job that pays enough for only one job. At the same time, he won't get promoted unless it does change. It is vicious cycle and I know it greatly disappointed him more. I was also very upset because this means we have to continue living like this, so miserable. I'm at a loss of how to handle or cope with this.
  20. Hi. I'd been taking a small dose of Wellbutrin for a while to deal with my sadness with having a very sick family, and it really helped with my depression, but after a few months, everything began to feel like "homework". A very stressful feeling indeed. Life lost meaning, and I became wedded to my patterns of "homework" and rules. My irritation was also quite high. It is like I want to live my life all at once, in order to get it over with so I can rest. But even resting feels like homework. The pdoc told me to quit the Wellbutrin and try Emsam 6mg. I've been on the Emsam for 6 weeks now, and honestly, I feel worse. Now I have no "get-go," no motivation, crying jags in the morning, and the lack of meaning in life is still present, as is my irritation. I think I might also be having more difficulty concentrating on book-reading. The pdoc insists, strongly, strongly that these crying jags, and the lack of motivation, concentration, etc, have nothing to do with the Emsam. He is also urging retake Invega at 3mg, which I tried and quit after 14 days, it ruined my mood even more. He urges more Emsam, more meds, more everything. Does anyone have any similar experiences with Emsam? So many people get so much good out of it, and should I just be more patient? Or am I one of those who react badly to it? Any insight would be helpful. I'd like to loose this "homework" feeling as well.
  21. My name is martin im 25 and from ireland. i am a musician and composer, studied music in college for 4 years but it didnt work out. worked in a call center for 4 months and had what i call a break down. i was already depressed for about a year before hand and on my last night of calls i had the first panic attack in 9 years. its been a year and a half seeing a psychologist a psychiatrist a councillor and soon a therapist for CBT. I get extremely anxious and upset alot, i dont like going outsside but im attending a fulltime IT course where all the students have mental problems, addictions, edcuation difficulties. i havent played music in over a year. the depression is getting better as i have a future planned ( web design). i came here to speak to people who feel the same way i do. so HELLO
  22. Hello All! I am a 19 year old Bipolar II with two younger brothers. One is 18, with likely, if undiagnosed, Autistic Spectrum Disorder/Aspergers Syndrome. My youngest brother is 13, and for many years, on and off, he has developed a compulsive blink. He squeezes his eyes shut hard, and more often than necessary. Most of the time, he doesn't notice he's doing it, but as he's aged, he's mentioned how annoying/uncomfortable it is. At first my mother used to tell him off, but I read a bit about Transient Tics, I realised it wasn't his fault, and convinced her just not to mention it. However it still appears sporadically. It always goes away after a little while, but recently I've noticed a pattern; he seems to do it more when I (who have now been away at University for over a year), come home, and he feels some - I assume stress - at conversing with me, when he hasn't in a while. Now my father, who is a very infrequent presence in our lives, is visiting, and he's started ticing (ticking?) again. My mother seems to think it gets worse when he is tired, I haven't noticed this, but thought I should mention it. I'm not too worried about it, but I would like to know if anyone has any information; about how to help him stop (since it bothers him), or what to expect if it gets worse? Can it be a precursor to anything? And is it indicative of anything? Is he more stressed than we think? A little bit on him as a person; he's very funny, and constantly cracking jokes, etc… He exudes confidence, but is actually very nervous in front of new people. He doesn't have many friends - he's been to school for a number of years, but he's been home-schooled for the last two years. Essentially, I am worried there is something going on in his little head, that he is not expressing, and this is presenting itself as a tic. Thank you for all of your help; Lily.
  23. I'm just wondering if a Benzo can help over the short term (few weeks / months maybe) for severe stress, agitation, restlessness, lack of sleep etc. I've been cycling through a load of different antidepressants lately in the hope of finding something that may help. The thing is I'm not totally convinced I am properly 'depressed', it is more I have chronic pain, long standing mental health issues and a load of family and life stress going on. On top of all that we have just discovered my step dad is sick and going to require major surgery (not for the first time in recent years)..... and basically I feel like I am bordering on going insane with worry/anxiety. I'm trying meditation, exercise, eating right but nothing is helping. I really feel the need for something just to 'take the edge off' for a while, if that makes sense. I'm wondering if it is even worth raising the subject of short term benzo or if that is completely inappropriate. I rarely drink but I tried a small drink last night just to try and relax a bit and that helped for about an hour but then obviously as it wore off I had even more difficulty sleeping. This is close to unbearable right now.
  24. I have been in a relationship with a great man for two and a half years now. Despite his good qualities and the fact that we both love each other, I have been struggling with doubts and thoughts like "am I just forcing myself into liking him? Are we really a terrible mismatch?" And the reason that I've been so unsure is that every time we get together, this uncomfortable, weird feeling of stress and anxiety creeps up on me and it lasts until we go our seperate ways again, causing me to believe that something about him is "toxic" or that this is a result of my subconsious trying to warn me and tell me that deep down, I know that he's not right for me. I've googled this alot, spoken to therapists, friends and so on, but everyone keeps telling me that they think I am overly sensitive (wich i probably am) and they all seem surprised that I have suffered from this dreadful anxiety for such a long time when, to them, it's so obvious that my boyfriend is the one causing it. Like, how can I possibly consider staying with this man when I can't even watch a movie with him without getting a headache from all the stress that's going on inside of me? I know I'm kind of a masochist here, but the thing is, a part of me believes that I would feel like this with every man in the world and that the problem lies within myself. I guess I should add that I had a pretty bad childhood. I grew up in a very unsafe enviroment where I couldn't trust anyone and I didn't feel loved. My mom is an alcoholic and my father wasn't around. But I just think it's weird that when I spend time with my parents (the ones who gave me the bad childhood), I feel completely at ease, but when I'm with my great and loving boyfriend, I get so anxious. It seems unfair. He is the only one who makes me feel that way, but behind all of the negative emotions, there are so many good things that I simply refuse to let him go. Also, I have always been quite the love addict, I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm trying to make up for what I lacked as a child. I'm in therapy atm, working on my childhood traumas and depression and already I can feel a new sensation of independence and growing self worth, but still I get all anxious about my boyfriend. So, I'm wondering what this looks like to you. Is that anxious feeling I only get around him, rOCD? And do you have any advise on what to do about it? Thank you so, so much in advance.
  25. Hi, everyone. I have had minor problems in the past with mild anxiety. Where I would just get a little nervous or what I call the "I feel like I am in the wrong place at the wrong time" moment which passes after a short amount of time. However, this seems to be entirely different. I can't eat, I am dizzy, I can't get my thoughts together, sounds bother me... I am fairly certain of the trigger-work related stress. My problem is as follows: 1. I called in sick on Friday because I was afraid that if I went in to work that I would lose it. 2. I am not sure why I didn't call my therapist, but it probably has to with the fact that she changed offices and I hate making phone calls to places I am not sure about. 3. My psychiatrist was out all Friday, so I couldn't speak with him. I am supposed to see him on Monday morning when I am supposed to be at work. 4. I am on 1 mg of Ativan as needed but used up all of them in the past 3 weeks so on my own with my anxiety symptoms. Right now I am not sure I can even set foot in the building for work. I am having problems just thinking about looking at the homework I am supposed to have graded by Monday. I really don't know what to do at this point. My DH is pretty understanding, but he thinks I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I probably am, but it doesn't help me feel better. Should I see my dr. first or try and brave work. I really am not sure about the latter. Help.
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