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  • Stuff That Makes You Feel Like Crap
    • Bipolar Spectrum Disorder - The Pole Dance
    • Depression - Let a WHAT Be My Fucking Umbrella? (Sod You, Perry Como)
    • Self-injury - The Cutting Board
    • Personality Disorders - Fuck Off! No, Wait. Fuck Me Now!
    • Eating Disorders - Hell's Kitchen
    • Substance Abuse / Addictive Behavior - 8-balls, Highballs, Deal Me in One Last Time
    • Panic / Anxiety Disorders - What, Me Worry?
    • PTSD and Trauma- Duck and Cover. Again and Again.
    • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - Click Here Repeatedly
    • Social Phobia - Behind Paranoid Eyes
    • Dissociative Disorders - Now where was I?
    • Schizophrenia and Various Psychoses -- Jesus Had a Twin Who Knew Nothing About Sin
    • ADD/ADHD - Could You Say That Again? I Was Listening to My Head.
    • Autistic Spectrum Disorders - What Part of English Don't You Understand?
    • Migraines and Other Headaches - Not Tonight, Dear
    • Neuropathic and Chronic Pain
    • Seizure Disorders - Shake, Rattle and Roll
    • Sleep Disorders - Perchance to Dream
    • Allergies: Benadryl? No, But I Have a Cousin Who Was a Dremel.
    • Hormone and Glandular Problems - How Do You Make a Hormone? Kick Her in the Ankle.
    • Not Otherwise Specified - Put your finger on your NOS, on your NOS
  • Meds and Other Crap That Make Life Tolerable
    • Anticonvulsants / Mood Stabilizers - Bodies A-Twitchin', Moods A-Switchin'
    • Antidepressants - If You're Crappy and You Know It
    • Cocktails - Medicated to the Gills and Floundering
    • Antipsychotics / Neuroleptics / Major Tranquilizers - The Acme Pill-O-Matics
    • Miscellaneous Medications & Miscellaneous Questions About Meds
    • Benzodiazepines - Take a Chill Pill!
    • CNS Stimulants - Warped & Wired
    • Side Effects - It Turned Me into a Newt! A Newt? I Got Better.
    • What The Hell is THAT? - Medical, Nutritional, and Lifestyle Alternatives
    • Therapy - The Other Half of the Puzzle
    • ECT etc. - Watt's up, Doc?
  • Crap You Read About
    • Academic Interests - Geek Out While You Freak Out
    • Books Reviews - Self Help and Otherwise
  • Life Cycle: Mate Spawn and Die
    • Family Feud
    • Parenting/Pregnancy/Childhood Issues - Nature or Nurture
    • Relationship Issues - Crazy For Loving You
    • Aging Issues: Hot Flashes and Hot Rods? Midlife Crisis, Menopause, and Beyond
    • Spirituality - Luminous Beings Are We, Not This Crude Matter
    • Grief, Death and Dying
  • Your Crappy Life
    • The Health Care System Sucks!
    • Law, Money, and Employment -- Send Lawyers Guns and Money
    • Technology Sucks! - Luddites Unite!
    • News and Politics - Next on Sick Sad World
    • People Suck!
    • Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Transgendered Issues - Out of the Closet and Out of Our Minds
    • Intro to Being a Crazy Student - Whatsamatta U
    • The Confessional
    • I've *Still* Got Issues!
  • Other Crap
    • Whatever
    • I Got the Good Stuff Here
  • Generic Forum Crap
    • Board News - Incoming Message from The Big Giant Head
    • Suggestion Board - I'm Sorry Dave, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That
    • New User Info - It's Not Easy Being Green
    • Introductions - Who The Hell Are You?
    • Moderators - Pay No Attention to the People Behind the Curtain
    • Test Board - Do Not Push the Big Red Button!
  • Coronavirus: Because You Don’t Have Enough Crap On Your Mind
    • I Need An Adult!: Where to Find Accurate Information
    • Has Anyone Told the Amish?: Covid-19 in the Media
    • Social Distancing: I’ve Never Felt Closer to You
    • Telemedicine: Is This Thing On? Getting the Most Out of Screen Time With Your Doctor
    • Oh, No, I Couldn’t... Well, Maybe Just One More: Hoarding. Or, uh, Being Prepared
    • Casual Everyday: How to Stop Watching Cat Videos and Get Some Work Done At Home
    • Absolutely No One Walked Into a Bar: Best of Coronavirus Humor
    • But I Need a Damn Haircut: When You Don’t Have the Virus, But You’re Still Falling Apart
    • Countin’ Flowers On the Wall: So Bored We Need a Board For It

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  1. God I want to cut so badly but I also don’t want to ruin this streak of not cutting. It’s been 22-days since I last cut, not my longest but far better than the usual three to four days I was managing before. I know cutting doesn’t solve anything, but it does. I’m feeling so lost, empty, lacking motivation at the moment and while cutting won’t fix that, it does to a point in that it proves to me that I’m still alive, still capable of feeling something, anything, and that I have some control in my life. Grr, the desire is almost unbearable at the moment. Life sucks majorly sometimes. Just really struggling this evening
  2. I'm extremely, extremely afraid that I have bipolar disorder. Sorry for the length of this. I'm hoping maybe someone can tell me their experiences and if they are similar to mine. I'm pretty sure what I'm going to explain is probably bipolar. I'm not looking for a diagnosis because I know that's only attainable through a professional... I just need to know people can relate and that I'm not the only one with these sorts of behaviors and issues. In the off chance that what I'm saying is completely unrelated to this board, I apologize. I feel alone. I was diagnosed with OCD just recently which I know I've had since chilhood, I had awful thoughts of bad things happening to my family or of myself doing bad, awful things to hurt other people.I'd also convince myself I had every illness in the world (which is why I'm not sure about BPD) I've always kind of cycled between periods of OCD and strict discipline in my life (working out, sobriety, rituals, work hard) and periods of time where I'm out of control, eating everything in sight, not doing schoolwork and full of anxiety. It seemed the OCD/restrictive lifestyle kicked in when something awful happened. This flipped back in forth from about 11-18 when I had a significant loss of a parent. Then I spiraled out of control. Right around that time I went on adderall and I was spending hours upon hours writing crazy blogs and journal entries, reading philosophy and psychology, drawing, painting, creating. Barely sleeping. A couple times I hallucinated, which I always attributed to the adderall and the insane amount of caffeine I took in. It was generally what I thought to be a panic attack... me curled up shaking and sobbing, completely detached from reality. I felt like I was locked in a whirlwind. Then, I discovered drinking. Went off all meds and spent a year drinking myself into oblivion, crying and telling people sad, crazy things from time to time but have no recollection of doing so. I failed out of school. I gained over 60 lbs in 6 months. I started having casual sex with people from time to time, usually unprotected, whether or not I had a boyfriend. I tried Zoloft then and felt agitated non-stop and didn't sleep for days. A few years later, I started Prozac and would seriously self injure when I drank on it. Over the years tried Wellbutrin and Adderall. My OCD ceased and I was no longer depressed but would flip flop between times of drinking and socializing and periods of solitude. I went off of those and stumbled into the darkest depression I've ever been in. I didn't get out of bed for days. I went back to doc and started back on meds recently. A month into taking Prozac, the first time in a year, I went out and drank, stayed up all night, felt agitated and hyper. I spent a ton of money. I can't recall much of what I did but for those four days, I remember feeling euphoric. Finally, the day after the bender, I sat on the couch all day crying because I feel ashamed. That brought me here. Is this similar to anybody's stories? How did you guys find out you were bipolar? What led you there?
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