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Even when my mood is stable (and I don't really feel depressed), I have excessive boredom... or is it laziness or Apathy? Especially since the confinement, nothing is open, nowhere to go, nowhere nice to even walk around to distract myself. I'm unemployed. It's been much worse. I can manage to do basic things on good days (like shower, exercise, go outside for a walk, cook, eat healthy)....but this literally is all I can do.... I try to initiate something enjoyable (like reading a book, or doing something creative, listen to music) and I cannot engage. I have extreme resistance, cannot sustain any interest. It feels like a combination of boredom, resistance and apathy..... I do sort of enjoy some things (napping and watching netflix). But it is impossible to get myself to do anything productive. I feel lazy and worried I won't be able to function in a job. Since I do feel some pleasure in taking a shower, napping, I assume it isn't full anhedonia? There seems to be no cure for this, my pdoc seems to be pleased when I'm stable and not depressed. I've felt like this for many years and essentially just force myself to do everything....stimulants help me focus but they don't allow me to be interested in anything.... pdoc has no ideas & doesn't seem to think that this is depression.....or even worth treating. Help.
I've seen dozens of therapists for 20+ years, it feels totally counter-productive at this point (at least for chronic depression). I always end up feeling worse (before session and after session)....I've read most of the books they suggest, tried all the CBT, DBT, Mindfulness....Longterm therapy is also a huge financial burden. I'm feeling really done with processing shit, repeating stuff over & over. All the talking and tracking moods makes me much more self-absorbed than I already am. Then nothing really changes!!! Despite my efforts. Meds are not helping either, so I feel like a hopeless case. Maybe I just stick to the emotionally numbing meds and just accept that this is my life and I can't change? What are your experiences?
Hi, I just joined and am new to the forum. Not only am I new to the forum, but I'm also new to Schizophrenia and psychosis. I'm 19, quite young. Last month my life was ruined, I was hospitalized because I was delusional and hearing voices. I'm a lot better now thanks to (a very low dose of medication. 2mg of risperdal), but my self-esteem is in ruins. The episode was very sudden and I lost my job because of it. Not only my job, but a lot of things.. It was my second psychotic episode. but the first time I was ever hospitalized for it. The first time I wasn't hospitalized, and took the whole experience very lightly. I thought it was a one time thing, but I was wrong. I thought I could just take some medication for a short period of time and it would go away. It did, but eventually it came back. How? Why? The me then didn't know I would be dealing with another psychotic episode. I thought I didn't need the medication, but I can't believe that I do. I don't even know why these episodes happened. Was it caused by the few times I smoked marijuana back in high school? I doubt it... Then, I just had a Major Depression diagnosis, but now since I was hospitalized I received a schizophrenia diagnosis. My parents and private doctor disagree with it. I'm able to function fine, and even when I was experiencing psychosis I didn't have any problems. Could it be an acute form of schizophrenia? I'm not hearing anything anymore...Whatever it is/was, I'm not sure how to pick myself up from this kind of thing, The first time I had an episode (or breakdown) was different. I was able to recover quite fast. I think the hospitalization traumatized me in some way. This whole experience has been devastating and I need someone to talk to or some advice. How does one pick themselves up after this kind of thing? What do I do?