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  1. So for seventeen years I've had pain depression. It especially feels like it's squeezing my heart. It hasn't historically been *about* anything. I've just chalked it up to biochemistry, heredity. And I've thought about suicide, most days, for at least fifteen years - because pain sucks. Ups-and-downs. Roller-coasters. Probably every person on here has done time at the worst torture theme park in the world. Two years ago, my cocktail started working. There was some CBT and DBT in the mix too. I decreased my daily Ativan from 3mg to 2mg. Plus 20mg Latuda, 300mg Sertraline, 100mg Top
  2. It's been a long while since my last visit here, and even longer since last writing anything. I don't know where to write this, or even what to write, but there really is no one else to talk to. So... long story short, I attempted suicide about 6 months ago (not my first try), and obviously, failed at that, again. I have been in a relationship more or less 5 years now, and I guess I can summarize that into "it's complicated". Things have been going from bad to worse since the suicide attempt. To a point that few weeks ago, my (I don't know what to call him, "partner"?) was violent towar
  3. So I don’t know how to come out and say this ...... but life has been driving me slowly even more mad and I’ve been looking into killing my self using vet medicine ......... but giving my self a plan and a date gives me peace I don’t know
  4. They told me my epival levels were low, and then the entities stopped moving my body towards the edge of the platform when the nurse practitioner gave me a pill doser.... I probably never updated that much. How can I find a proper way to kill myself? If I kill myself, then I wake up somewhere else. If I die by any other means, even if they use force to make me kill myself, then I am erased. I greatly apologize if this is inappropriate, lately I'm deemed as such everywhere. I''ve tried overdosing many a time, and I've been in and out of IP for almost 10 years (give or take). I just wa
  5. I'm a better person when I'm drunk. I know this isn't a good way to think but it's probably true. The reason is that I can't stand myself when I'm sober, and in order to be able to offer anything to another person you need to believe that you have something to offer. One of the main reasons for hating myself is the depression and the life it's made me lead. Self harm scars and the countless times I've thought about killing myself. It's always been a part of me but it's a part that I don't want to accept. But shutting out a part of yourself makes you feel like you aren't a real person, and you
  6. Hi guys this will be my first time making a post, but I wanted to talk about this game I recently played. Some might know it and I would like to know your take on the howl thing.... this game messed me up bad I knew what it was about but I dident think it would effect me this much I just cant get it out of my head. For the past 2 days I have been obsessing about it, SPOILER ALERT! if you decide to play it for yourself but I wouldn't suggest it I thought I could handle it I have been stable now for 6 months taking my meds every day but guess I just not made for shit like that. Basically it
  7. I don't understand ANY of this and i'm fed up. I haven't left home in months, the clinician who has been occasionally coming to my home has said she doesn't believe in hospitalization for anything other than emergencies and can't personally do anything to get me into hospital anyway. I am feeling completely hopeless. I have a long history with the local hospital(only hospital in our city) and i've been repeatedly denied admission. I'm only 18 and i've been dealing with this joke of a mental health system for over 3 years. Along with anxiety and major depressive disorder, I was also diagnosed w
  8. im 37 im gay, im intelligent, im kind, im caring, im not coping, im misdiagnosed, i know what causes my bipolar, im lonely, want to know youre not alone...
  9. Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values)
  10. So sorry to hear of his suicide! Prayers to his family and friends. I started listening to their band years ago when my son left his cds laying around. Great music.
  11. If you are taking either of these medications and are experiencing suicidal feelings, I want you to hold on, and tell yourself it is the medication and not you. Hold on: you have a precious human life - taper gradually off the drugs, and find other ways of dealing with the symptoms for which the medication was prescribed. After my experience with the world of psychiatry, I have this to say: if you can find a way of functioning without antipsychotics, then don't be pressurised into taking those medications. I found in my case that even when I was largely functional, and not suffering too m
  12. This happens to me all the time. I'm honestly not sure if I've ever actually experienced mania despite what doctors say. This whole mess started when I crashed into a really bad depression after having the best summer of my life. The thing is, during that really awesome summer, I don't recall ever having this intense euphoric feeling, having trouble sleeping, or being intensely focused on anything. I did feel pretty awesome, though. While normally I'm incredibly shy, introverted and depressed, I was suddenly really outgoing, being able to talk to strangers without any anxiety. I was also obses
  13. I don't feel anymore, all I hear is noise. No touch of a hand, no tickle of a whisper in my ear, not a kiss, an embrace, nothing. Nothing except noise. This constant white noise of sounds I can't even string together anymore. It's all consuming and too much. I want to switch it off but I can't do it alone. I need to know that there is someone out there who also hears the noise. Who, like me is ready to not just turn it down but switch it off completely.
  14. ... this is a question for anyone who has ever thought about or attempted suicide. i am just a kid. I'm twelve years old. yet I'm already thinking about it. my question: do you think its worth it? i means in both aspects. is it worth it to commit suicide, and is it worth it to live. the reason i ask this, is because i have a very... confusing mind. i do not have disabilities. i think farther ahead actually. i thought about it. my mind came to this conclusion: why is it worth living, if you know you will just end up dying in the end. even farther- the entire human race eventually
  15. For the past 2 weeks I have been stuck in a rut. I don't know what caused it, but I can't get myself out. 3 nights ago, I was home and I just felt getting sucked into it deeper and deeper. I called my boyfriend, because I felt like if I were to stay home that night I would've done something bad. So I drove to his house. On my way over, I was overflown with dark thoughts. I kept thinking about driving my car off the highway or runing into a truck. Nobody would know that I did it with my own will. I could've made it look like an accident. I was so close to doing it. But somehow I stopped my
  16. I've been titrating Seroquel down from a dose of 600mg XR and I'm now down to 0mg. I've been titrating slowly, without going cold turkey. Because of the way Seroquel XR is formulated, you have to drop from 50 mg to 0. It is worth noting that I'm being treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, not schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. I'm in the process of taking Prazosin (minipress) and titrating it up to a therapeutic level and now that I'm up to 20 mg of Prazosin, I'm feeling okay in general. Prazosin is an alpha 1 adrenergic receptor antagonist in the same way that seroquel is - hence the ch
  17. Alright, let's do this. Long story short, I had an amazing childhood, plenty of friends, loving family, I was outgoing, life was just awesome. Fast forward to middle school (8th grade), I suddenly become shy out of o where. Lost friends, became a loner, got teased/bullied daily. Same shit happened in high school, except it was worse. I thought things would be better once I got into college, and guess the fuck what? It has never been this bad. Frankly, I don't understand why I'm picked on. I think it's bc I'm so quiet/shy and people take advantage of that. Any fucking ways. I'm sick of it
  18. This is an inoccent question, i am not suicidal, i am purely curious. Is suicide illegal? And if you where to survive it, could you be charged, even if its rare to do so?
  19. Self harm is very addictive and it becomes an addiction at times and something that is so difficult to stop. Sometimes I wish I never started but now I just can't stop. Cutting has been a real struggle for me and I just relapsed and now everything seems to be depressed for me. I just wish that I wouldn't have to live with this addiction anymore. If any of you can relate, feel free to add your struggles too. Thanks.
  20. This is an inoccent question, i am not suicidal, i am purely curious. Is suicide illegal? And if you where to survive it, could you be charged, even if its rare to do so?
  21. Not many of you know me, infact probably none of you. But I just picked myself up off the kitchen floor where I had been laying in my own tears and snot for hours, so I figured at least trying to write something out might be helpful. And where better to do that than somewhere people might actually understand and not tell me to get over it?. So here it goes. My name is eleni delacour (yes the suicidal bullied girl from bbc news -sigh-, )I have depression, anxiety, bpd, ptsd and lately a while lot of migraines. I grew up around crime, my mum was a drug dealer and dad and st
  22. Hi all, I haven't posted here in nearly a year I guess. Not because I've had some miracle recovery from depression but mainly because I have been managing to survive day to day with a bit of help. I'm on no meds apart from 1 or 2mg per week of lorazepam for panic attacks or sleep. I cut right back from 3mg per day over the last year. Now it is more PRN. But the last month my mood has gone super low again. I have been looking for a part time job but I realise due to my mental state and physical health I have so many limitations it is almost impossible. My care worker has tried
  23. I have had horrible depressive nightmares as a result of severe depression throughout my life. These depressive nightmares were not normal experiences of a normal healthy depressed brain. They were experiences of a severely ill and tormented brain since my depression has gotten to the point of being so severe that it has taken my life away. The depression (hopelessness) and the horrible mental states experienced in those nightmares were nothing normal and was beyond anything imaginable since experiences in nightmares are nothing like experiences in your waking life. People
  24. So the story is really complicated but I don't know how to move on with my life after it. To summarize, I got married 4.5 years ago and we moved here together. From the beginning he constantly threatened me with divorce which took its toll on my mood (I tried commiting suicide a few months after moving here). I never wanted to cheat but in addition to threats of divorce, he always called me oversexual and suggested I see a doctor (I wanted sex once a day... not unusual for a guy). Despite all of this I worked hard at a job I hated to support the both of us (he wouldn't work, he was a full
  25. I have a friend who suffers from horrible flashbacks and I have a question regarding flashbacks. We know the types of experiences flashbacks can bring back such as certain smells, sounds, and emotions. But are there certain types of experiences that cannot be brought back during a flashback such as feeling hungry, tired, thirsty, etc.? The most important question I have here is, would that also include the completely altered and strange horrible mental states we experience in our dreams and nightmares? These types of altered mental states during dreams and nightmares cannot be describe
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