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So, I'm new to the site and was told that there are a combination of people..i.e. assholes; inconsiderates; helpful; empathetic, etc. etc. I haven't read or talked enough to make a judgement. However, I did come across a post today, it said something like: fuck it, I don't remember, but it hit a nerve. My point is, I have been in hiding for a long long time. I am very sick mentally and physically. I am not suicidal, however, I DO 'will' myself to death every night, and I have enough narcotics to kill a busload. Each and every day, besides 'willing' myself to death, I wonder if I've just done what I can here on earth and it's time for me to go. So yes, there are times I contemplate eating a shitload of meds and not wake up. But I chose not to. I'm not religious, I don't believe in anything...I followed Buddhism for decades, but I don't have what it takes to survive anymore. I have been in total isolation for at least a decade as well as severe clinical depression. I can't walk out the front door. I got rid of my phone out of paranoia. I am not asking for advise, preaching, etc. All I am looking for, now that I am snapping out of this decade long depression etc., is someone to talk to. Someone I can trust. And I don't mean constant complaining, what I mean is just conversation. If, with our disorders we can occasionally listen or advise, great, if it means just bullshitting about anything...music, movies, politics, whatever...that is fine too. I just need someone who understands where I come from and is willing to be a friend online... If there is just one person out there who is lookfing for the same, please respond. If not, don't respond. Love you all!!! Steve (anenome)