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  1. For those who are not in an acute episode..... How often do you see a therapist? I've seen therapist regularly & consistently for the 20 years I've been dealing with this disease. I take breaks here & there, and have switched numerous times. At moment, I'm thinking about cutting down to every other week. I'm sick of going & seeing so much money invested when my depression is lifelong & chronic. Been seeing my current therapist weekly for the last 5 months. I do like her. It is good having someone to talk/vent to (especially during a year of lockdowns, isolation) but I I'm
  2. So for seventeen years I've had pain depression. It especially feels like it's squeezing my heart. It hasn't historically been *about* anything. I've just chalked it up to biochemistry, heredity. And I've thought about suicide, most days, for at least fifteen years - because pain sucks. Ups-and-downs. Roller-coasters. Probably every person on here has done time at the worst torture theme park in the world. Two years ago, my cocktail started working. There was some CBT and DBT in the mix too. I decreased my daily Ativan from 3mg to 2mg. Plus 20mg Latuda, 300mg Sertraline, 100mg Top
  3. Just bailed on my teletherapy with a new therapist.... I'm trying this online therapy site (due to quarantine) and I really want to quit. Every week I dread the call and feel like it's not helping me. I don't feel upset, I just feel avoidant, bugged, apathetic, like I'm not "in the mood" to talk at all.... Yet I know it's "good for me" and I'm stuck. Feeling guilty... The initial therapist I had (6 sessions with) said she is making a "career transition" and is suddenly no longer be available. She was nice & whatever, but really too green,( I was about to switch anyway). They assigned
  4. I've seen dozens of therapists for 20+ years, it feels totally counter-productive at this point (at least for chronic depression). I always end up feeling worse (before session and after session)....I've read most of the books they suggest, tried all the CBT, DBT, Mindfulness....Longterm therapy is also a huge financial burden. I'm feeling really done with processing shit, repeating stuff over & over. All the talking and tracking moods makes me much more self-absorbed than I already am. Then nothing really changes!!! Despite my efforts. Meds are not helping either, so I feel lik
  5. I wonder if I have too high expectations, am jaded or a hopeless case. But I've only had 1 Therapist in 20+ years of regular therapy that I felt was pretty decent, who helped me progress & feel better (and I've seen at least 15). Beyond obvious traits like: good listener, observant, empathetic, caring, dedicated, positive, clear communicator, transparent, proactive, validating, non-judgemental, intelligent (and someone who simply just understands & "gets" you.) Nobody's perfect, but.. What other traits, qualities, behaviors make a great therapist? Have you ever had one that t
  6. I have a dark, defeatists attitude. I will migrate to the negative view. I rarely can or will hold on to positive things, I miss out on life's joys and pleasures as I have been in the pit for so long So, my therapist has asked me on a daily basis to come up with 3 positive affimations. I have expanded it a bit to include things I am grateful for as well. I started to list my three things in my blog, probably still will. I have found it difficult but really rewarding. Really really rewarding. I have to think hard some days and others they flow. I want to hear your three things. I want t
  7. I regret not dropping this tdoc after the 2nd session. There are great therapists and terrible ones....just because they have a PhD and experience, doesn't make them brilliant or amazing. Who's on your bad therapist list? The patronizing, blaming, insensitive ones? Or ones that don't listen, understand, or communicate clearly? They make assumptions, judgements, no clue. I kept my cool, dignity and respect, despite getting shut down with an earful of patronizing comments (obviously trying to trigger me or chase me out of the clinic, one of the two). Invalid assumptions about me, none of wh
  8. My therapist has been trying to convince me to go into a DBT intensive outpatient program. I have been avoiding it because I am agoraphobic (I don't ever leave the house alone) and it's a hassle in terms of getting there. My disability attorney convinced me to do it because she said it would be very helpful for my case. I am scared though. Anyone have any experiences with IOP they want to share, good, bad, or ugly?
  9. My new therapist recommended another therapist that deals with PTSD and other issues. PTSD because of loss of many family members. I mentioned to her that I can't recall many memories from my past, let alone a few weeks ago like general conversations. I can't even remember the first time holding either of my daughters. My parents fought a lot when I was younger. I know that it happened, even physical fighting, but can't remember in detail. Willing to pay whatever the cost to find out why I am the way that I am including taking expensive Latuda. Has anyone had a breakthrough with dealing
  10. Have any of you have had a longterm therapist becoming less & less available? I feel like she is subtly trying to get rid of me... I've seen her for a year & a half (for a long time was every week, and lately every 2 weeks and she was flexible). And now, seems I can only get in every 4-5 weeks... I chose her because I can walk to her office in 5 mins and she accepts low price/sliding scale. It's fine as a sounding board, But honestly, its not helping me, I'm avoiding trying to find someone else, because it's so difficult to find someone that you connect with where it doesn't take
  11. For too long, I was doing horribly. Multiple hospitalizations, mostly for PTSD and bipolar depression. Well a few weeks ago I started therapy with a great therapist that accepts medicaid. Her office has a giant window that looks over Lake Michigan and that almost makes me happier than the therapy itself. Well anyways, we've been doing standard talk therapy and CBT and the more I talk, the more my issues seem less important. The arguments with family, the anger at my landlord, etc. They just seem less important and don't bother me anymore.I haven't been to a therapist in a year and a half becau
  12. When my psychiatrist quit, I had no idea. I was assigned another one, who will very likely leave me. It's one of those programs where the doctors are all residents. I walked in, and the lady at the desk told me the doctor left. Wasn't a big deal. I see the psychiatrist for meds. As long as the meds work, all she needs to do is write prescriptions. I do like that she's nice. So now my counselor quit and I only cry when I think about it. Five years. I had her before either psychiatrist. She closed the doors. No more patients. Doing her own thing now. That's awesome. She referred me to anoth
  13. When I talk to my therapist, I tell her about people I have met online and how supportive they have been. And that I connect with them very well. She always questions if this site makes me worse? And always keep reminding me the people I am talking to have mental illness and may not be good for me. It makes me sad, because she should look over their MI and see that they are a person that talk about other things than their issues. I am just curious on your thoughts and if any of you experienced this in therapy.
  14. For me lately, it fits somewhere between going to the doctor, an Obgyn appointment, and having to get a filling at the dentist. Never enjoyable, usually boring or painful. I’ve seen the same therapist 6 months and every time I leave her office, I feel worse. My mood drops and it triggers my negative rumination again. Even if the rest of my day was OK. Is this common? I like her as a person, she is nice/empathic, comments a little bit. Yet, the sessions are exactly the same every week: I sit down, (PAUSE/silence), she then looks at me and says “well?” and then comes my redundant monolo
  15. Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values)
  16. Hi all. My girlfriend was in therapy in college and the Dr there had given her depression/anxiety meds but she's run out. She felt like they helped but wants to put a label to what's going on so that way the meds will be a better fit. We moved so she's seeing a therapist outside of college for the first time, every two weeks for about 6 months and she feels like it isn't helping. She does get along with the therapist. I sat in with her on one of the sessions when my gf wanted me to give my POV of what her emotions/mood swings/outbursts are like. The therapist seems to be very focused on
  17. Soooooo, I'm "interviewing" a couple of new tdocs to go to regularly. This woman I just met (whom I had a good rapport with) mentioned she often does "psychoanalysis" type therapy (it's not the only therapy she does however)....she has a couch you can lay on & everything. I have the impression that Psychoanalysis is an "old school" type therapy, that focuses on abstract intellectual process/childhood blathering compared to more tangible day-to-day skills therapy or structured method of improving symptom management. Just to note: i have done a ton of CBT (not helpful at all), DBT group
  18. I feel like doctors don't take me seriously anymore. They ignore my long-term, not as easily explained symptoms. One is my blurry vision. I mention it to a doctor/therapist/psychiatrist and they just sort of nod and then never mention it again. Despite the fact that it's the reason I don't get a driver's license, which makes it hard to find work in the field I studied in. And another problem is that I had symptoms that mimicked DID for a few years. They vanished, over a year ago, and no one except my therapist will even address it. And my therapist has a bunch of conflicting theories, one of w
  19. Hi everyone, I just wanted to pass on a tip from my therapist. I was starting to fall into anorexic remission, when they suggested trying microwaveable meals. They have small portions and almost always have all the components you need for a proper diet. This may be old news to some, but as somebody who has lived most of their lives without a microwave, this was inspiration. It is great not only because the portions are easy to get through, but you can also have food (almost) instantaneously. So when you feel a weak pang of hunger, you can pop some food into your face in about 2 minut
  20. I'm writing about this on crazyboards because I'm not sure where else to go about it, although it might sound a little crazy to some. I recently ( less then a year ago) terminated with a therapist had been seeing for close to 15 years. I had and still have very deep transference issues towards her. I cared about what she thought about me a lot, and constantly asked her if she cared. When we ended she gave me a card that told me how much she cared about me, how much she will continue to care about me, etc. She still works at the same clinic I saw her at, but only as an intern supervisor. S
  21. I am currently taking antidepressants and I am worried because of the testimonies of people here in this link below. Scroll down and you will find them. Some people are fine even after taking them for many years. But some have their lives destroyed. In particular, I am worried about all my motivation and everything about me being wiped out from these medications. https://prof77.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/testimonies-of-people-destroyed-by-antidepressants/
  22. I struggle with chronic anhedonia and it has lasted for over a year and a half now. But I have come up with a theory that might get rid of it for me and everyone else who struggles with it right here and now. I don't know if this will work or not, but with anhedonia, you have a chronically overly active part of the brain (the hpa axis which is the area of the brain responsible for the stress response) while another area of the brain turns off which is the area responsible for feelings of pleasure (our good moods). If you can make yourself pass out, then that overly active part of
  23. There are things regarding my Mental Health that I need to inform my Pdoc and Tdoc. It does effect my treatment; medications and therapy. However it does not involve self harm or anything of that nature (more on the lines of symptoms they don't know about). I have a fear of 'unwarranted' diagnosis, stemming from past situations that causes major trust issues in telling things to my current team. Basically it is getting harder hiding things from them, and I need to share some symptoms before I go into any kind of crisis (we well as preventing crisis, and just getting correct treatment). To be a
  24. Hi all! First time posting and I'm new to the site. I have struggled for large stretches of my life with depression, anxiety, self-harm, trichotillomania (chronic hair pulling-out) etc. In the past couple years I've found an amazing therapist and gotten on Zoloft for depression and Buspar for anxiety. I have a wonderful Spouse, a great job (despite a rough boss,) and a stable home with adorable pets. Overall life is pretty good these days. I have around 10 alters. Some have come out of nowhere, some have splintered off from other alters over time. They all basically have jobs: protection,
  25. Has anyone ever tried online therapy? I mean where you pay to talk to someone online where they say you can talk everyday if you want? It is the only affordable option I have without waiting for weeks. This would be so convenient, especially getting to talk to someone the day I need to rather than having to wait for an appointment. I tend to panic at times when I feel that something is falling a part, and this would be great to help keep me calm until I find someone else like a friend willing to support me when I need them. My friends are so busy (which is understandable, and they work almost
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