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I make stupid choices and decisions. At least I realize that AFTER I do it and the guilt sets in. But the initial desire to do something crazy, something taboo, something spontaneous is such an adrenaline rush for me. I know it's probably part of my BPD but I'm wondering why I find it so appealing to do dumb shit. I suppose it's just the feeling I get from thinking about doing it that thrills me--anticipation. Is it a desire to feel something? Because it's so extreme, is it just one time in life where I get SOME sort of emotional stimulation and that's why I like it? Just thinking out loud...