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I have been working with my mental health clinic with depot injections of my risperdal and Testosterone and an injection of naltrexlone. I have been on these meds for a year now and am actually stable except for thoughts of self harm. I want to start self injecting to build up more T in my system. I also have some small impulses to inject bleach, paint thinner, gas and other stuff with the syringes the pharmacy would provide. I really want to self regulate my T because I feel like I am not in control of anything. I used to skip meds a lot and can't do that either and to be honest I don't like being stable. I am bored even though I know this is going to allow me to date, perhaps marry, travel, work and what not. I also have urges to self harm when I feel empty, bored and alone. I am also trying to control my drinking and I know I need the meds to be injected and am doing well because they are. But the desire to inject more T to feel powerful and strong and horny and they added benefit to inject to self harm ( though in small amounts ) has to deal with control and some sort of substance abuse. Transguys any thoughts?

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/03/23/471265599/probing-the-complexities-of-transgender-mental-health?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20160323

In November I saw a new psychiatrist. Dude was a dick. He invalidated my experiences asked me if I've had sexual reassignment surgery, assured me that my experiences within the military weren't all bad and then went on to ask if I'm transitioning because I was sexually abused. Then, after I left the room he misgendered me in front of other patients. I went to a lawyer about it. They agreed that it was wrong and have helped me draft up a letter. Got the letter sent out in December and I haven't heard anything else. I had a great psychiatrist. The ignorant psychiatrist practices at the eating disorder clinic I was pursuing treatment from. I haven't been back. My eating disorder goes untreated and no one is assisting me with medication. My general physician is helpful and has been prescribing me stuff in the mean time but she grows concerned with my use of hydroxyzine. A medication I affectionately call baby pill because it's not physically addictive and I can't really overdose on. But I've been taking handfulls to sleep through the day. I've sacrificed it to her in hopes of finding other coping mechanisms. God damnit it's hard to find others that worked so well. I've relapsed into suicidal ideation, food restriction and purging. I have an appointment with another psychiatrist tomorrow. She's from my general practitioners office. I'm quite scared. Tomorrow. It's tomorrow. I'll get the normal PHQ-9. Answer those boring and tedious questions about suicidal thoughts. Plan? Of course. Doesn't everyone have a preferred way? This... Or that... I mean... damn. I don't need to be inpatient. Just trust me. I'll probably have chronic suicidal thoughts until I actually do die and it sucks that it probably won't be by my own hand. Just tell me that you think I'm on the best meds for me, put a stamp on paper and then let me leave so I can go through the rest of my day. --- The therapist I've been working with for six years is ending her relationship with me. She helped me transition and report to the FBI 12 years of abuse. Helped me tell my dad that I was abused and is going to help me tell my mom as well. Then, about 4 months from now we're going to end our relationship. I don't want to. I kind of imagined that her and I would be done when I was 'all better.' Whatever that means. This is life for me. I guess. a slow ongoing slope of getting better. But probably never actually getting 'all better.' Fuck that. damn. damn. damn. --- She runs a not for profit organization that targets transgender and other non-gender conforming communities. It's pretty great. I started going there and was blown away. I thought it would be my found family of sorts. It isn't and it wasn't. Mental illness got in the way and some maladaptive skills really screwed stuff up. I'unno. finding a community is a big deal and I really don't.. I don't know. I want a family of some sort. I get that not everyone gets something like that. And I wonder a lot if I'm just someone who doesn't.

hello i'm a 25 yo mtf transgender woman in the uk and i've been on hrt (or estrogen to be exact) for a little over a month. i'm on patches (not sure if mentions of the brand or dosage is allowed) but i'm on the highest dosage for this patch and i've not been supplied an AA (anti-androgen to go with the estrogen) the only physical/emotional changes i've experienced are softening/smoother skin all round and nothing else, i don't look feminine at all. my body & face is the same and absolute zero on emotion. i haven't been able to cry, i just feel angry all the time. i have a few questions that i'd like to ask. 1) is anyone here on patches for their estrogen? if so, 2) how long did it take for your breast grow? facial feminization? muscle mass to go down? 3) any tips in coping with dysphoria/anxiety/depression? i've been feeling a lot of dysphoria these past couple weeks and i don't know what to do or who to speak to. 4) should i speak to my GP? gender therapist? ring a depression helpline? the problem is, i don't think any of them will help. i feel like starting hrt will be in vain because ultimately i will never be female

Has anyone seen this documentary on being of the LGBT community in the south especially Mississippi? http://www.sho.com/sho/reality-docs/titles/3403140/L-Word-Mississippi-Hate-The-Sin This show breaks my heart.. And also give these people a lot of applause for being able to stand up and speak for equality of LGBT members. These people have much courage in my opinion. I thought i should share it because not many people have spoken about it. Gonna leave the link to see the documentary in a post under this post. If i am not allow to post it then that is why i put it in another post if a mod needs to delete it.

hi all, i'm new to this forum. i'm not sure where to post what i'm about to type so i thought here would be best, if not i apologise. i'll also try to explain as thoroughly and as coherently as i possibly can, i haven't gained a GCSE in English so forgive me for mistakes in spelling, grammar, punctuation, the way i construct my sentences etc etc... i'd like to point out a TRIGGER WARNING for those that are SENSITIVE to SUICIDE so, don't read this if you are. also, this is a long post so if you aren't interested in someone waffling on, y'know TL;DR (too long; didn't read), all that nonsense, this post may not be for you. with that being said, i'd like to get some advice, opinions or thoughts on my situation from anyone that care enough to read this. - i'm a 25 year old MTF pre-HRT transgender woman that wishes to start HRT and transition into the woman that i feel that i am. i currently live with my family in our family house/home and i want to move out, but i don't have any money or a job. my relationship with all of my family members is strained, the extent of our interaction/communication involves saying a 'hello' or 'morning, how are you?' 'i'm fine/good/doing well/alright etc etc and that's it. i don't have any friends/people that i hang out/go out with or speak to and find it incredible difficult to go out and socialise with others because i have issues with my hearing, which makes things extremely difficult and awkward whenever someone is speaking to me because i always struggle to understand the exact words people are saying to me so, in an effort to not embarrass myself or those that speak to me, i tend to not put myself in position where extended conversation may take place and my life is pathetic, i have nothing of great interest to discuss with anyone, i feel that anybody that i speak to will most likely have friends of their own and a busy life with varied things going on for them. so, for them to speak to me is like, what's the point. i have (undiagnosed) clinical depression and have constant anxiety all the time, everyday because of the aforementioned issues/predicaments. my life is worthless, essentially and the ONLY reason why i haven't ended my life yet is because in these past few months i have been getting counselling and i am due to see a GP about starting HRT, near the end of this month. i feel like i am so close to actually getting the hormones and for whatever reason, should i be denied or refused hormones, i honestly see no point in continuing to be alive. i'd also like to mention that i am fully aware that taking hormones isn't going to fix all of the issues that i have in my life, making it all sunshine and roses, i am aware of that, however i do feel that once i am able to start HRT it could make me feel a bit better about myself and may improve my attitude in general. now, i hope that this post doesn't come across as somebody seeking attention and that everyone should feel pityful, telling me everything is going to be alright etc etc... i genuinely am interested to hear what anyone has to say about what i've said and can offer any advice on what i could do to improve myself if i could say anything that is positive or plans that i have lined up in these upcoming days/weeks is that i have recently been seeing a (or an) career advisor to get some ideas on training courses i could enrol onto (i've never known what i'd like to be doing for a living from a young age & still not 100% sure) and i'll also be trying to arrange an JSA interview. are there any claimants out there that know if i'll be eligible or not to claim the JSA, because i have no personal income or my own. however, i do actually want to be working and earning a living somehow. so, yeah that's it. i will be looking out for any replies that anyone might have. thanks to those who, once again, cared enough to read. (i already feel full of regret for even posting this but i've took the time to write all of this nonsense out so i might as well post and see what comes of it.)

Hi. My name is Ali, and I'm a man woman agender or some shit person from the UK. I guess I've joined this site thing because I'm sick of people "protecting" me from my own and others' mental health - my Dad killed himself last year and as far as my family is concerned, I still think he had a heart attack. That aside I'm just coming to terms with the fact that I'm going to spend the rest of my life dealing with MDD to varying degrees, and I'm trying to see just how worth it this is, although I suppose it doesn't matter, as I'm not going to kill myself whilst my mother is still alive- I couldn't intentionally put her through what I've had to go through this last year. It seems like we're living in an age where some sort of fundamental sense of nature/adventure is missing and we're just going through the motions. I'm not sure I want to do any of that. On the sunnier side of things, if there is one, I'm a student at a London university, studying Ancient World. I'm dealing with trans* stuff at the moment, deciding if I should medically transition to whatever the fuck I am. I've got a shit ton of fairly frustrating counselors who I'm ignoring, and I spend a lot of time in the queer community and volunteering. Who're you?

A bit of background; I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 12. My parents seemed happy that it explained my odd behaviours better than the ADD I'd previously been diagnosed had. I didn't question it, it seemed to make sense. I rarely fit in with my peers (or even other autistics), I thought differently apparently, I seemed to have odd mannerisms... But now I wonder if most of those traits that said 'yes I have autism' were present because I was told they were... I'm transgender, and begun transitioning 3-4 years ago. During that time I've noticed I've become more social, more emotive, less 'odd', I begun to fit in with my peers (still not with autistics). People don't me when I say I'm autistic. My psychologist doubts it (she did her internship with autistic/Aspergers kids). Of course this could just be me feeling more..myself as I transition... There's a 150 question quiz online (one of the best online quizzes in my opinion) called the Aspie Quiz (google RDOS Aspie Quiz) it provides a spiderplot illustrating the results in several categories. I've seen autistics do the quiz and get distinctly autistics, though all unique. Same for NTs (short for for Neurotypical, or non-autistic), they get distinctly NT results... I've done it several times going back to 2007, those early results were all autistic... But the last three years (2010 2011 & 2012) have all been less and less autistic, and more and more NT. But don't take my word for it Has anyone ever heard of anything like this happening? (nb: I'm also diagnosed with ADD and Bipolar Type 2, but I'm not sure they're relevant)