Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'tw suicidal ideation'.
Found 1 result
Hi, all, I've had problems with depression for about 40 years (I'm almost 60), and I've been having a very rough time this summer. I'm fairly isolated anyway, more so with the virus. A friend recently did/said a couple of things that really bothered me, but I wonder if I'm over-reacting. I don't tell many people how bad things are, and this friend is one of the very few that I thought I could talk to about the depression, and he seemed helpful and willing to listen. I can't think of a way to give any more context without sounding like I'm justifying myself or complaining about him. Late in July I was in very bad shape and emailed him to say that I was afraid I was going to kill myself and to ask him to please keep in touch. (I'd been googling methods early one morning after being up all night, although I didn't tell him that.) He wrote back the next day and completely ignored that part of my email. He stonewalled me when I said I was upset that he hadn't responded to it. To me it felt like he hurt me and then wouldn't talk about it, and it was never resolved. Then last month, he told me that there must be something comfortable for me about being depressed, or I'd have gotten better by now. His reasons were that I wouldn't see a counsellor (I can't afford one and have had mediocre experiences in the past), I don't remember what else but basically because I'm not doing things the way he would (he has never been clinically depressed), he thought I must not be trying hard enough. Again, I found this painful, and he was unwilling to talk much about it. He's been out of touch a lot lately, although it's hard telling what that means because he's kind of erratic in his contact anyway. Part of me thinks I shouldn't respond if he does get in touch, because those things really, really hurt at a time when I was already vulnerable, and he won't try to resolve them with me. But he seems to think I've been very unreasonable, and he's always seemed generous and giving. His avoidance and silence seem punitive to me, but maybe I'm being overly sensitive. If you've read this far, thank you. Do you have any thoughts? Would you ever be OK with saying or doing those things to someone who was depressed, or being on the receiving end of them? M