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Found 12 results

  1. I'm in my twenties and a mixture of physical and mental illnesses has kept me from getting my degree thus far. For a while, the physical illness was the worst -- I would sleep 22 hours a day and be a zombie for the two hours I was awake. But now... I'm ready to go back to school. I was studying Mandarin Chinese before I dropped out and now I want to study Econ as well. Some people in my family seem hesitant, afraid that a double major in two relatively challenging subjects (hello, Chinese) might cause my mental illness to suffer and my stress level to rocket. But I love these subjects and I want to get my degree in them. How do I convince my family that I'll be okay? They're helping me out in the money department so I can't just go ahead and do whatever I want, unfortunately. My twin brother is currently getting his PhD in Physics and I'm so tired of feeling like a failure in comparison to him, too.
  2. I'm wondering if anyone here has used Disability / Counseling services while in university (either undergrad or post-grad)? Was it worth it? Do they disclose to your professors or course advisor there, or is it completely confidential? Did you have to notify them immediately when enrolling about your mental health "disability" or did you tell them afterwards? Do they have licensed Therapists and Psychiatrists? What other types of support did they provide (ex: extended deadlines for exams or thesis, more tutorial help outside class)?
  3. First off, I have to explain that I am currently a post graduate student doing my masters in visual arts. As such, my research is of a visual nature in its final format. There is a long history of reading and writing about medical history behind all my artwork, however, and all that writing and reading is what leads up to my finished works. These images are of abandoned asylums from around 2009. I did a large series of these during my BFA. There are 30 or more works in total and they are fairly large canvases. These four are some of my favourites. http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/gallery/image/8537-the-examination-room/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/gallery/image/8536-sink/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/gallery/image/8535-doorways/ http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?/gallery/image/8534-the-activity-room/ I am currently working on another project for my masters that I am very secretive about. It is hugely different from what you see here. I might share some of it when it is finished because mental health, in regards to its history, will undoubtedly play a part. I will also have to dig up my articles because i raid the medical databases on a regular basis and I have a medical history treasure trove of articles, books, images, videos etc...
  4. I'm nearly into my 3rd calendar year of study, but because I switched to part-time study due to various issues by the end of July 2014 I will have only completed 160/360 credits required to graduate with the degree.... i.e. less than half way through. I've discovered I can just about cope with 80 credits per academic year so in an ideal world I will be taking another 3 years to complete. I don't love the subject and every lecture a grind. The social anxiety makes labs and seminars virtually impossible and because of that my attendance is so poor they are threatening to kick me out. I have made absolutely 0 friends or even acquaintances on the course and I'm dreading next year when more group work is required. I cannot see myself working in the field this degree will qualify me for; then again I feel so shit and useless at the moment I can't see myself ever working anywhere. The Christmas holiday period has been disappointing as I've completed about 1/3 of the work I had hoped to (fatigue, lack of motivation, etc) and I REALLY needed to spend time catching up in some areas. Now the term start date is looming and I find myself thinking "what is the fucking point..." However despite all of that I have put a lot of time in and my grades are very good. Before I returned to studying I was long term unemployed and if I drop out of this I will be back to the same situation as I can't see myself being able to get (or cope with) a job right now. So I basically feel trapped as this studying isn't what I want to be doing but there are no other real options right now and doing something is better than nothing? Anyone in a similar situation?
  5. Hello all. I was wondering if there were any other CBers out there in graduate school or university? Although Im ready to go back, I have a terrible fear of relapsing with all of this change happening and the pressure of the unknown. School begins in September for me. Anyone else gone through this while being treated and medicated for bipolar disorder? Thanks for reading!
  6. Hi everyone.. I'm not exactly sure how this works (this is my first time) but I guess I'll give it a shot. I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have a very low self esteem, insecurities etc.. I'm in college and I live with both of my parents and my brother. I don't like letting them see me because I feel like they will think I'm ugly and I start feeling pressure and tightness in my throat and chest when I have to be around people. I have anxiety attacks constantly throughout the day. I worry about every little thing in particular (school, the past, the future, and sometimes I worry about nothing at all) I feel the whole pressure and tightness in my throat right now writing this because I want it to sound right. I'll often get in a bad mood when I don't want to be around my family so they'll leave me alone because I worry too much about what they're thinking. Sometimes I will miss school because I fear something bad will happen that day and I don't want to be around people. (I guess I have some form of social anxiety) Sometimes it will get so bad I'll think about ending my life just so I won't have to go somewhere or do something. I want to be a doctor but I know my anxiety and insecurities are going to keep me from achieving that goal. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want it to stop and be normal. I don't want to worry about every little thing I'm doing or everything having to be perfect. My last psychiatrist tried several, and I mean several, antidepressants and none of them worked. They just made me tired, so I stopped going. I want to go to a new doctor but I don't want to go through taking more antidepressants. I want something that helps for once. What do I do?
  7. I’m currently an undergrad studying English lit. Enrolling in university was a huge step for me and I’m glad I took it but I worry a lot about my future. Tuition isn’t cheap and the amount of debt I’m in is increasing each semester (not that anyone needs to be reminded of that). I’m not sure if English lit is the right major for me, I like to read and write but I don’t know if getting a degree in it will be helpful for my future and eventually getting a full-time job. I also often feel out of place in my classes. The people around me seem so interested and passionate about classical literature, etc. I’d rather stay at home and re-read the same YA lit books I’ve been reading for years. I’m not passionate about anything save for napping, television show marathons, and Diet Pepsi. Chronic depression zaps my zest for life. I don’t have many options. There are some obvious interests I have like psychology, sociology, women’s studies, social work, political science, but none of these lead to a career that I feel I can handle. I don’t want to be a professor or go into academic research. Psychology and social work – I love these in theory, but in practice, I’m not sure I am capable of handling the kind of intense human interaction that is generally involved. I’m a very rigid and anxious person. My strong suits are reading and writing. I’m very terrible at maths and hard sciences (serious dyscalculia), and dealing with people (just socially inept in general). Can anyone relate?
  8. Hi everyone! I'm a 22-year-old student. I have Bipolar I and Generalized Anxiety. Periodically I self-harm. I'm currently really frustrated with my inability to find the right combination of meds. I'm finishing school a year late due to mental health problems, which, justified or not, is a big source of shame and anxiety for me. I'm very medication compliant and have a great pdoc. The problem is that most meds, even in very small amounts, make me so labile (esp. atypical antipsychotics, antidepressants, and anti-convulsants) I can't function. I have a tendency toward scary manias and mixed episodes (I can't remember the last time I had a true depressive episode), and even when I'm not in a full-blown episode I'm symptomatic (severe agitation, inability to concentrate, etc.). The only med that doesn't seem to worsen my symptoms or create new problems has been lithium. I generally like older (typical) anti-psychotics as well since they really seem to eliminate the persistent intrusive thoughts, paranoia, and delusional thinking I experience without jacking my mood up into non-functioning territory. Unfortunately, they also give me uncomfortable (at times painful, particularly in my hands and back) EPS at low doses and also cause my mood to dip. I'm here because I'd really like to meet people who have had similar experiences with college, medication, and life in general. I'm hoping to learn from you all, too. I haven't felt like myself since my last big manic episode (over a year ago now), and I just want to be able to function again. I'm currently off of school (going back next semester to finish out what I have left). I look forward to interacting with all of you.
  9. Hello everyone, I've been around this forum for ages, just scoping it out and never posting... Official n00b here. Aside from physical health problems, my craziness has... I don't remember not being crazy. In the sense of kind of always being terribly pessimistic and dark, kind of fed up of this world, I don't know, along with having a sense that somehow everyone's going to hate me already. I kind of am in awe if they don't, though I'm supposedly 'popular'. Somewhere along the line, I stopped believing I was a human. I don't think I'm a human, sort of. I look like one, but feel like I don't think like one or really like humans very much. I officially became crazy earlier this year when I realised that all day suicidal thoughts weren't normal (in retrospect, haha). Three months or so of solidly sitting indoors, sleeping weird hours, eating loads, wishing I was dead, sometimes self injuring, made me eventually see a doctor. Finally I got diagnosed with depressive disorder not otherwise specified by a GP. I deferred university but I only have work and exams left so no real reason to go back. I got put on fluoxetine, but it didn't somehow help me much. It also totally wiped me out for a couple of weeks. I am not longer taking it. I saw a psychiatrist once, but she didn't find anything except 'moderate' depression. And maybe brain damage. I thought it was an odd thing to say since I've been tested a lot (physical health stuff) but she must have had something in mind, I suppose. I was advised by a GP not to pursue this line of enquiry unless I didn't mind getting upset (I was kind of upset that it was 'obvious' to her, enough to say that after one hour of meeting me [she didn't actually tell me that to my face, only in letter form]). The psychiatrist told me to take citalopram, but I don't take it. I don't know if I'm keeping myself in this mindset because I'm in the middle of nowhere with no friends. I only talk to my family, more or less. I sometimes drink a lot. I can't feel motivation to do anything. I can still do most of the minimally strenuous things required by my life (no job / no responsibilities / no urgency), but I don't know where the line is. Mostly I feel really bad, my emotions are really reactive and I still sometimes self injure. I think my parents think that psych meds make you fat and slow, but not necessarily better. I don't want to disappoint them, in a way, by taking them. I would like to think that if I got myself here, to this crazy, I can get myself away from it, but in a sense I don't know where it starts and I end, so I don't know if I can do that. In my unprofessional opinion, I think I might have something more, but I'm trusting it will be found, because self diagnosis isn't always a good idea. Sorry for the essay.
  10. I've suspended my studies at uni for medical leave. I've been getting worse and worse over the course of this academic year because of the pressure, and then my tutors epically messed up my modules this term, so I ended up having an insane workload (like 15 500+ page textbooks to read "during the holidays" and me getting the booklist in my first week back), and that was just the last straw. I delayed pulling out for quite a while for two reasons. 1. I didn't want to pull out until I had a plan for my treatment, so that I could use the time out as best as possible to try and recover. 2. My parents. Now I've failed on both of those. I don't have a treatment plan. I have a letter my doctor wrote to the CMHT saying that I urgently needed treatment on account of me being about 30lbs underweight and seriously considering suicide to put an end to an illness which I didn't think was ever going to be treated - which the CMHT have thus far ignored. And I have very unimpressed parents. My Mum does not understand my position at all in the slightest. I told her I wanted to suspend my studies and she was just like "oh". Over and over again "oh". I told her I was seriously ill and probably needed to go to hospital. "Oh." Three days later, I called her and told her that I had spoken to the relevant authorities and initiated the suspension process. She said "Oh, you've actually decided to do this?" As if it was a surprise to her. I tried to explain how I felt to her - I've done more explaining to her in the last two weeks than in my whole life before that - and she does not understand one bit of how an illness that she can't see (and therefore doesn't exist) could stop me from being able to study. I don't know what she told my Dad. I don't want to know. My Dad is obsessed with academic achievements - honestly I think the only reason he still acknowledges me as his daughter is because I got into a good university. We go months at a time without speaking to each other. I could rant more about how stupid my parents are, but I'll move that over to the family forum. I guess I just want to put the question to CB: Was pulling out a smart decision? Because I'm honestly not sure. I feel so much like I'm a complete failure because of my parents, and so much like I'm just making up how bad my illness is because of the CMHT, that I really don't know what's real anymore. My boyfriend tells me it's the right decision, but that doesn't really replace the approval I ought to have received from my parents. I just don't know anymore. Sorry for ranting like an idiot.
  11. I don't know how many people get through university so easily. It's so hard. I used to be smart, at least I got good grades. And I understand every topic in my classes, I can write circles around people, at least that's what my professors tell me. All these differences in opinion, all these 'at leasts' make me so confused. I can't even force myself to go to class anymore, to do my papers. I do them in my head but I can't bring myself to write them, I convince myself I'm going to fail anyways. There's a constant war in my head, logic telling me this is stupid, the other voice telling the previous one to shut up. All this controversy is making me feel hopeless. I've cut for 6 years, on and off, but this time it's getting to be the worst of them all. There's something different this time, it's not coping anymore, it's not trying to get better or take away the stress, there's a part of me every time that wishes this'll be the one- the one that's just too deep. And every time it gets closer, I feel that moment of relief, then panic, then relief. It's a psycho cycle. Uni is supposed to be the time of your life, and I feel like it's going to end mine. Am I crazy? Damn I hope not, that would just be the cherry on top of this disastrous thing we call life.
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