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i don't want to try new things


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i don't know if this is an OCD thing or an OCPD thing or just a me thing, but i have so much trepidation about trying new things (well, new to me). i only watch movies i've seen before. i only read books that i've read before. i've been listening to the same music (more or less) for a decade. 

when i find new things that i think i may be interested in, there's this huge hill i have to climb in order to actually try them. i spend more time ruminating about whether it's worth it to try something new and risk disliking the experience than it would take to actually try it. and when i find something i do like, i read/watch/listen to it over and over and over. 

i know this is just dumb, like the worst that can possibly happen is i waste some time on something i don't like much. but i can't get my head around it. i haven't watched a movie on my own volition for years. i don't watch TV shows unless friends/family force me to. the last new book i tried to read (like, six months ago) i got halfway through and just couldn't pick it back up because of this fear of the book not being worth the time i spent reading it. listening to new music makes me uncomfortable and i can't focus on anything beyond evaluating the music. i'm seeing it happen in my drawings, too -- i keep drawing different portraits of the same people.

actually, i think this is coming back to a fear of wasting time, which is a feature of OCPD for me. hmm. 

anyway. does anyone else have trouble with new stuff? do you reread books or parts of books until the words begin to commit themselves to memory? do you know all the lyrics of almost every song in your library? my real life friends don't seem to relate to this much.

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@echolocation I believe that what you are describing is more an OCPD thing rather than a OCD thing..

I'm very much the same...I watch the same thing over and over...Infact i barely watch them..I have them as background noise whilst i'm here on the computer but they will be the same films etc..I personally believe its more to do with change..I find i absolutely hate change..Thats possibly why i find myself ruminating over and over past times trying to raise my mood with nostalgia memories...I also believe its down to been rigid and methodical.. One Example I have a routine in the morning and it goes like this..Cup of coffee..Then tea..Brush my teeth and then peppermint tea as i find its generally refreshing for your breath..lol...I've had this routine for aslong as i can remember and if on the odd occasion i've run out of coffee for example and have to have tea first instead i'll have a min i meltdown...No joke..Its like my days now ruined...This to me is all classic signs of Been rigid along with a fear of change..I questioned my diagnosis of OCPD for so long and i still do at times as i have Classic Obsessions/Compulsions yet underlying this is also classic symptoms of OCPD and when i see posts like yours and i instantly relate to it which further reinforces the fact i do have OCPD..

So in a nutshell Yes i totally relate to what your saying..I have a tuff time of describing it Via words on a screen so i hope what i've written makes sense..However for me these traits are what i believe to more about a fear of change/Been rigid etc with regards routines..Hope that helps..

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Yup, IME it's a control thing. Like I can't control the outcome to this (liking it/disliking it) and if it requires new skills, I can't control how good I am at it (beginners are normally pretty bad!). I have started and not finished more projects than I've had hot dinners, just because I wasn't as 'good' as quickly as I thought I should be. I'd rather stay put than fail, even though my thinky thoughts know that will only lead to boredom and staleness.

As is usually the case with control issues, despite how my brain warps this reasoning to sound logical, it is mostly fear. TBH if I am pushing myself to try something new, I pick something that interests me over other peoples recommendations. I watched this program about a kid with ARFID and the doctor helping her asked her to try foods that she was genuinely curious about, rather than the typical fruits and vegetables her parents wanted. I think she ended up with a dragonfruit because it was pretty. My point is, go with your curiosity rather than pressure from yourself or others. 

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Since I have ADHD I have problems with maintaining my attention to whatever I am doing. So I  watch the same things because my attention can shift from the TV to something else and then return and I still know what id going going on because I have seen this show, series, etc many times. It has a downfall, after watching the same content many times I start to get bored with the TV itself.I used to watch TX and movies a lot but now it is very little.

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I get stuck in these obsessions with things that I like, but I really like new sources of information about things that I like.  I will go over the things that I have already gone over a really long time, watch videos about the same things, talk to new people about the same things, but I guess I'm taking in a lot of new information in new ways, but about the same things.  I get on these obsessions, though, and lots of other things can seem really boring and I don't like doing them.  

Edited by Banana Smurf
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I could have written your post @echolocation. I'm very depressed (TRD), have OCD, DP/DR, chronic pain and severe IBS-C . "Yay!"

I simply cannot "see" the [potential] reward of watching a movie I haven't watched before, because I might not like it. Hence I don't/can't watch new films or listen to new music for that matter. This is really bad but it takes a backseat to my other problems TBH.

However, I can listen to new authors via audiobook (sometimes) and try out new podcasts - as long as they're genres I like (which is reasonable for Normals I'd hazard to say). But even that I find literally impossible most of the time. Like trying a new pod will somehow kill me (BTW an irrational fear of rapid, autopilot-style suicide is the source of my OCD).

In a nutshell (no pun intended), I'm fooked in the bonce and I've no idea what's going on cognitively - I've tried for decades to work it out but it evades me to this day.

I've recently accepted my "position" on this topic, mostly. Mainly because I otherwise brutally blame the living shit out of myself for not watching or listening-to new stuff, which exacerbates... well, everything. So now I don't even try. Which is bad and sad.

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On 5/30/2020 at 11:45 PM, GrannyG81 said:

I'm very much the same...I watch the same thing over and over...Infact i barely watch them..I have them as background noise whilst i'm here on the computer but they will be the same films etc..I personally believe its more to do with change..I find i absolutely hate change..Thats possibly why i find myself ruminating over and over past times trying to raise my mood with nostalgia memories...

your whole reply rings true for me, but i think you're right on the nail here. there is definitely an element of controlling the amount of change that happens around me. with movies and stuff that i'm already familiar with, there is no change to be feared. everything happens just as i know it will. it's dependable. no surprises, no disappointments. real life is rarely like that.

i also ruminate over memories of happy times. i don't know why i do it, but i think you're right in that it's something about change. i think about happy memories and try to relive what i felt in those times. going back to something i'm familiar with that made me feel good is sometimes easier than trying to find something new to make me feel good.

i also struggle with feeling i've articulated myself well. i think your reply makes perfect sense, because i relate to it so much. thank you for taking the time to share.

 

On 5/31/2020 at 12:56 AM, ananke said:

I'd rather stay put than fail, even though my thinky thoughts know that will only lead to boredom and staleness.

oof, if this isn't true. i'd rather do something i'm familiar with, even if i've done it so many times that there's nothing new to gain. there is safety in familiarity, and the price you pay is boredom. i do get bored of my same music, my same books, my same routines, but curiosity and fear are so intertwined for me that it takes a great deal of boredom before i try something new. my tastes evolve, but at a snail's pace.

a friend IRL who struggles with self care says sometimes that positive action requires "getting so sick of yourself that you just have to do something about it". it rings true for me from my position, too.

On 5/31/2020 at 12:56 AM, ananke said:

As is usually the case with control issues, despite how my brain warps this reasoning to sound logical, it is mostly fear.

i'd never thought of it that way before, but you're totally right. in my mind by doing the same things over and over, i feel that i'm maximizing the amount of enjoyment i get out of my routines by sticking to things i already know i like, but the truth is i'm scared of wasting time on something that isn't as good as what i already do or know. there's nothing logical about it. it's a way to keep myself safe from something i fear.

i think i'll write this down somewhere. OCPD loves to dress fear up as logic.

 

13 hours ago, Banana Smurf said:

I get stuck in these obsessions with things that I like, but I really like new sources of information about things that I like.

i relate to this too. one of the ways this manifests for me is once i discover i like a musical artist, i listen to their entire discography and often research background information on the musicians, the albums, and the individual song meanings. a few times i've also gotten interested in a video game and, though i won't play it myself, i'll watch gamers on youtube play the game, read up on all the plot information, research the background, the concept art, the meaning behind various symbols, etc. yet i will not play the fucking game myself because i might not have fun. it's ridiculous.

 

1 hour ago, sming said:

I simply cannot "see" the [potential] reward of watching a movie I haven't watched before, because I might not like it. Hence I don't/can't watch new films or listen to new music for that matter. This is really bad but it takes a backseat to my other problems TBH.

i struggle with how to address this for the same reason. it's bad, but it's more nebulous and less acutely bad than other shit going on. i don't bug my pdoc with it because i don't feel there's anything she can "do" about it, and she mostly wants to hear about my intrusive thoughts anyway. my tdoc and i mostly work on my chronic feelings of worthlessness and nonexistent ability to recognize my accomplishments, which are, again, more troubling than this. it's bad but other things are worse. so what do you do?

1 hour ago, sming said:

In a nutshell (no pun intended), I'm fooked in the bonce and I've no idea what's going on cognitively - I've tried for decades to work it out but it evades me to this day.

I've recently accepted my "position" on this topic, mostly. Mainly because I otherwise brutally blame the living shit out of myself for not watching or listening-to new stuff, which exacerbates... well, everything. So now I don't even try. Which is bad and sad.

i had an ugly phase a couple years ago where i tried to force myself to listen to new music for days on end, and found nothing that i liked. i thought i some sort of failure for not clicking with anything, and then that made me anxious and upset, and that made me mad at myself because why am i getting so worked up over not liking music? so yeah, i get what you mean about it exacerbating everything. it's easier to just live with it.

 

thanks everyone for your replies. it means a lot to me that other people relate to this.

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@echolocation I think the whole Change thing stems from control....If things stay the same and dont change then i believe that i have a sense of control over it..I think this happens subconsciously...If things do change then that becomes unpredictable which of course then means i have no control..Its very much a illusion for myself as nobody has complete control the world just dont work like that..Random unpredictable events happen all the time..I think the whole rigid pattern of behaviour that comes with OCPD could also be linked to control..Doing the same behaviours in the mothodical rigid way gives a false sense of control..I dont know these are just random thoughts i'm having...One thing i have learnt is that OCPD behaviours are just defense mechanisms..Possibly most personality disorder traits are likley defense mechanisms...One author i've found very insightful with PD is Theodore Milllon...He has snippets of indepth stuff on the net..He goes really indepth with personality disorders..I'll try find some of his work and post it ..I'm glad you found my reply helpful..Like i mentioned i questioned my OCPD diagnosis over and over but when i read somebody elses experiences with OCPD i relate instantly to it which confirms my diagnosis...One Pdoc told my OCPD/OCD go hand in hand yet i've read conflicting info on that..I did find one article about a Subtype of OCD and that subtype was OCD+OCPD i'll try find it as it was quite interesting..Anyways i'm rambling now lol ...All the best

 

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