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Anyone with obsessive compulsive personality extremley hard on themselfs for making a mistake? I made a mistake at work today and although a solution was found its almost like the whole world came down on me..Even now i'm wracked with guilt,a feeling of inadequacy and a general feeling of not been good enough..I feel terrible..Whats this linked to? Is it perfectionism or is it more to do with self worth/esteem etc.

Part of me thinks its linked to perfectionism and not been good enough but what ever its linked to i feel really shit about it..I doubt i'll sleep tonight also..Lad who i worked with told me not to worry about it as everyone makes mistakes at work..I work in construction BTW and he said that atleast we have rectified it...Anyone who has this disorder found anyways to overcome this ? I'm not good with self talk and been kind to myself etc.I'm very very criticle of myself and when i do make mistakes like today then its like the end of the world has arrived.

Anyone out there got any tips for dealing with this?

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It's so horrible. Even when it can be fixed or isn't a big deal it sucks massively. If I had a penny for every time I thought I was going to get fired...

I don't have any great tips because truthfully I haven't made a lot of progress. The only thing I can do is distract myself until the feelings die down but the smallest reminder can upset me again. 

IDK about you but part of it for me is the possibility of people thinking less of me. If someone still treats me ok then it relieves like 90% of the anxiety. Likewise someone being angry/annoyed makes it so much worse.

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@ananke Would you say this is a OCPD thing or more a self esteem/Low confidence issue ?

10 hours ago, ananke said:

IDK about you but part of it for me is the possibility of people thinking less of me.

100% agree..Yes the thought that people think less of me is deeply troubling...I try to take the perspective of looking from the outside in..For example imagining someone else doing the same mistake and my reaction to them..My reaction would be "We all make mistakes" Yet when its me who made the mistake i'm so hard on myself its untrue..I try to lie to myself by saying to myself i dont care what people think of me like i'm some sort of rebel but the truth is i think i do care what people think of me..Maybe too much infact..I havent gone in to work today as my car has broke down and even though i told the foreman about the fault i made and we came to a solution part of me is expecting him to ring and sack me...Even though i rung him this morning to tell him the car was broke and he was totally fine with me i'm still expecting him to ring later and fire me..The anxiety is really intense..I also think part of this whole thing is the fear of humiliation...I'm absolutly terrified of feeling humiliated..I think it all ties in together People feeling less of me/Humiliated etc...Thanks for your imput..

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I mean its probably a bit of both, but I attribute it to OCPD. As my self esteem has started to slowly improve this fear of effing up remains. I think good self esteem just allows you to bounce back a bit quicker rather than stopping the dread, but that's just me. 

A lot of OC-type anxiety (again, just from my experience) is very much 'one rule for me, another for everyone else'. I am nowhere near as bothered when other people make mistakes, but can't treat myself with that same compassion. 

I'm really sorry, it's also very difficult to convince yourself other people aren't secretly harbouring a grudge. It helps if you have a boss that isn't afraid to speak their mind... at least I know they are being honest

Humiliation definitely, in a work environment it's horrible because it can feel like everyone is watching.

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9 hours ago, ananke said:

I think good self esteem just allows you to bounce back a bit quicker rather than stopping the dread

Makes a lot of sense...Never thought of it like that..

 

9 hours ago, ananke said:

A lot of OC-type anxiety (again, just from my experience) is very much 'one rule for me, another for everyone else'. I am nowhere near as bothered when other people make mistakes, but can't treat myself with that same compassion.

So very true..I'm the same..I'm so hard on myself its untrue yet if someone else made the same mistake i wouldnt think nothing of it...Weird how that works !!

 

9 hours ago, ananke said:

Humiliation definitely, in a work environment it's horrible because it can feel like everyone is watching

The whole Humiliation thing came as quite an enlightening experience maybe a month or so back..I think part of My own ocpd is centred around been terrified of been humiliated...Not just in making mistakes..Literally anything...I think that by been humiliated or feeling humiliated  it makes me feel very less than others..Lets say i did get sacked..Well in the grand scheme of things i could get another job however its knowing that others think less of me which leads to the feeling of humilaition...Its a real soul destroying feeling which again makes me feel less than others...I've strongly tried to deny to myself that I have ocpd and that the Pdoc got my diagnosis wrong however the more i learn about and read things from other sufferers its like bits of a puzzle coming together..Its almost like i have little room to deny i have it...Not that a diagnois is the be all and end all it just helps me to understand that a lot of my extreme reactions and feelings are down to a disordered mind rather than been a failure as a person....Thanks again for your imput

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No worries, I think I've said this on other threads but it is a very overwhelming diagnosis that can come with a bunch of baggage. Sometimes just saying 'heres a specific problem, lets focus on that' makes it easier. Mental illness is never personal failure its just how it is. If someone laid out two life paths, one with and one without OCPD, would you ever willingly chose to have OCPD? 

Maybe part of the reason its a hard thing to come to terms with is because mental illness can still feel humiliating, a personal failing, etc. When I first started to realise I was depressed (years before OCPD dx) I was kind of disgusted with myself. Obviously I've come a long way from there (with a few more acronyms thrown) but its not an easy thing to hear about yourself.

Feel free to put whatever thoughts you have on here, for the most part people are pretty great, no humiliating or anything 😄

Added note: just if you are interested, Millon's subtypes might be interesting research: https://millonpersonality.com/theory/diagnostic-taxonomy/compulsive.htm 

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On 6/17/2020 at 7:33 AM, GrannyG81 said:

I try to take the perspective of looking from the outside in..For example imagining someone else doing the same mistake and my reaction to them..My reaction would be "We all make mistakes" Yet when its me who made the mistake i'm so hard on myself its untrue..I try to lie to myself by saying to myself i dont care what people think of me like i'm some sort of rebel but the truth is i think i do care what people think of me..Maybe too much infact..

I don't have OCD but I've thought exactly the same thing on occasions. Perfectionism and harsh self-criticism are things a lot of people experience, and they're probably one and the same thing. Perfection is impossible but anything less leaves room for self-criticism to creep in, which means there's always room for criticism. The whole being as forgiving to yourself as you would be to others - because everyone does make mistakes - is difficult to put in to practice, even though you realise how true it is. "Do unto yourself as you would do unto others."

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by that token, 'do to yourself as others have done to you' also rings true, which would explain my crappy self esteem lol

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