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Steve223

Fear Of Developing Tourette's/Involuntarily Spouting Obscenities

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Posted (edited)

This has gone on for quite some time. It doesn't come up anywhere near as often as it used to, but I still have a fear of losing control and involuntarily spouting obscenities and involuntarily acting bizarrely. Possibly without remembering that I did it, which drives a sort of "Did I say/do that?", "Maybe I did", "No I didn't", "Am I just telling myself that I didn't though?", etc., etc. This sort of thing is extremely irritating, and it's very difficult to get a handle on once that thinking starts. The thing is that these obsessions/fears really have a mind of their own in a sense, which makes me start to wonder if perhaps this thinking is an early sign of developing Tourette's/losing control.

Sometimes, I'll also feel compelled to do small, meaningless things and worry that if I don't, I could lose control. On a conscious level, I know that this is not the case. Because times that I have not done the things that I felt the need to do, as you'd expect, I didn't actually lose control or anything like that. Consciously, I know that I won't. But the compulsion is still strong. The things that I'll feel compelled to do aren't really harmful, nor do they really serve any useful purpose either. Just random things like moving a cup I'm holding or something like that, muttering a random word to myself, etc. I have much less of this sort of issue nowadays compared to a few years ago. 

However, what hasn't changed is that once this sort of thinking starts........ it has a way of becoming an endless loop that kind of has a mind of its own in a way. It's also seemingly random. It doesn't seem to really be connected to anything. So, it's kind of hard to really think of anything that I could do to avoid falling into this sort of thinking, because it just seems to crop up completely randomly and out of nowhere. And then eventually my mind will kind of shift gears in one way or another and it's no longer an issue. Also, I always consciously know that I'm not going to suddenly develop Tourette's and lose control like this. But weirdly, consciously knowing that the fear is irrational has surprisingly little impact on it. 

Edited by Steve223

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This is very familiar.  I cycle through different irrational intrusive thoughts just like the ones you describe.  No matter how irrational they seem (like "what if I am only imagining I am in the bathroom and I am really peeing in public in front of everyone"). I fear I am going to blurt out something inappropriate or drive into another car or off a bridge on purpose even though I rationally know I will not.  But rational thoughts don't stop the bad ones from running on repeat for days or weeks on end. 

I also do bizarre things to make sure I don't lose control, I count everything to specific numbers or stop to step symmetrically on different surfaces or say or think things I have convinced myself will prevent the bad things from happening.  In a level I know it's absurd but the thoughts and compulsions are so strong I never feel completely sure.

Short story long, what you describe sounds a lot like OCD, at least in some of the ways I experience it.  And I agree -the things come out of nowhere and telling myself they are irrational does very little to stop the momentum of them.  I hope you find some relief!  I am still looking for a solution.

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I can't say I've ever been fucking worried about spouting obscenities to cunts. I'm a polite and well mannered mother fucker so there's fuck all chance of me being offensive.

 

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Steve223 -

Tourette's is part of my dx, but I don't have unregulated potty-mouth. I'm not sure if it will help the mental process you use to fight against the irrational fears that trouble you, but you might find it useful to read a little about Tourette's and the ways it manifests. Speaking obscene words involuntarily is called coprolalia - literally, "dung-talking" - and only affects about 1 in ten persons with Tourette's syndrome. Nor does it always manifest as shouting "Fuck" at random intervals - I've read about men who, for instance, to their deep embarrassment, find themselves quite clearly announcing "TITS!" if they happen to see a woman pass. My own vocal tic manifests as a kind of low, quiet  nasal growl in the back of my sinuses. My brother's, alas, makes him sound like a turkey.

Some people's tics are purely physical, ranging from barely noticeable twitches to gross motor activity. My own condition doesn't venture into the range of loss of physical control unless I'm under extreme stress, and then I'll have head twitches, then shoulder twitches, and if the sky is falling and I must go and tell the King, my whole arm can jerk. But that almost never happens.

The good news is that the medication Tenex subdues all this very neatly. At least it does for me. So you can always reassure yourself that if you ever did develop Tourette's, you can keep a tight lid on it.  🙂

 

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On 6/25/2020 at 9:56 PM, Fluent In Silence said:

I can't say I've ever been fucking worried about spouting obscenities to cunts. I'm a polite and well mannered mother fucker so there's fuck all chance of me being offensive.

 

Sorry. Bit insensitive. I was just making a joke about how potty mouthed I can be and how it would be difficult to tell if I had tourettes. No offense intended. Spell check doesn't recognise tourettes and suggests courgettes. Hard to imagine a situation where anyone would make that mistake. Oh I meant courgettes! They're called zucchinis in America so that's an even rarer situation. I have courgettes mother fucker! No I don't mean tourettes. Check out my bastard courgettes! 

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Zucchinis?! Watch your mouth - this is a quality establishment. At least in America, it has been known for people to use 'zucchini' as a synonym for 'penis'. Of course, as of a recent tabulation, there are over 250 synonyms for 'penis' in common use today, so I suppose it's all about context.

And quit being so emmereffingly apologetic for no fricking reason, saying 'sorry' over every dagnabbit thing.

Don't go around telling women to check out your courgette. Because then you'll have to explain, and there's no way that can end well, on either side of the Pond.

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2 hours ago, Cerberus said:

And quit being so emmereffingly apologetic for no fricking reason, saying 'sorry' over every dagnabbit thing.

Sorry. 🤣 I'm English, it's what we do. Constantly apologise, and I'm sorry about that.

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7 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

Sorry. 🤣 I'm English, it's what we do. Constantly apologise, and I'm sorry about that.

The irony of that is that the Irish and the Scots don't think you do it enough, and the people in most of the former British colonial empire are all like, "Say it again louder, WE CAN'T HEAR YOU..."

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@Steve223 this is reminiscent of some of my psychotic delusions that I have. They seem to be tied to either psychotic depression when I'm having a super bad bout of depression, and/or my OCD, which evidently my insight is so poor I can be virtually psychotic/delusional at times about my obsessions.

Have you ever been diagnosed with OCD? Tic disorders like Tourette's disorder, as well as attention-deficit disorders like ADHD, also go hand-in-hand with OCD and each other, especially in males when they're young, but some never outgrow that "trinity."

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15 hours ago, Cerberus said:

The irony of that is that the Irish and the Scots don't think you do it enough, and the people in most of the former British colonial empire are all like, "Say it again louder, WE CAN'T HEAR YOU..."

Ha! We apologise for everything except our colonial past.

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Hell it felt weird to talk about 'us' English people like I've ever felt like I belong and that there's an 'us'. It did cross my mind about imperialism and if we're so apologetic then how about saying sorry for the potato famine or the Amritsar Massacre. I agree. And I'm only English when it's convenient. Shakespeare, and Churchill saving the free word despite being a racist at heart. I'm plenty critical about this shit. I don't mean to sound defensive or anything because I know you didn't mean it like that and it sounds like I'm taking this far too seriously but I'm not. I am talking about myself and colonialism in a thread which has absolutely fuck all to do with any of that though. Oh my god this shit is genetic! I'm culturally oppressing people and I don't even realise it. I'm sorry Steve. I'm sorry about what we've probably done to your people. Steve. Is that a native american name? It sounds so beautiful and exotic. God I need to calm the fuck down. I'm not trying to insult you Steve and I'm sorry about talking such shit which has nothing to do with your original question.

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3 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

I had a bit of a moment there. I hope you don't hate me. I'm not usually such an arsehole. I just have some issues.

Perhaps, for you, rather than coprolalia, you suffer from apololalia, in which you utter sudden and uncontrollable apologies at frequent intervals.

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On 7/5/2020 at 1:54 PM, Cerberus said:

Don't go around telling women to check out your courgette. Because then you'll have to explain, and there's no way that can end well, on either side of the Pond.

Another thing not to do with zucchini is put it in soup. By the time the soup has cooked thoroughly, the zucchini will have broken down to something that’s essentially snot with a rind. I can forgive a lot, but don’t you go brewing courgettes.

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