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On 6/22/2020 at 7:14 PM, Iceberg said:

maybe some sort of tdoc type would be a good place to prep/practice for a confrontation with your pdoc? I know that when I am super nervous about things like this, it helps to have a practice round, or at least advice on what to say.

This is a good idea. I will need to get to know my tdoc better I think before I bring something like this up with her though. Right now we're discussing boundaries and my current family issues.

On 6/22/2020 at 7:14 PM, Iceberg said:

Also, how are you feeling about your Caplyta? It seems you've been having hard times lately, is it at anyway possible that switching to the Caplyta is a factor (maybe less stabilizing?) 

Oh the Caplyta has by far had the most profoundly positive impact on my mood since the addition of Dexedrine to me reigmen. If you could ask my friends and family (or anyone who interacts with me on a regular basis), they would tell you (and they tell others when relevant) that the difference has been night and day in me (for the better) since switching to Caplyta. The Caplyta is a must-keep in my regimen right now. If I forget to call ahead to have it ordered and I miss just a few days of it, I start reverting to my irritable, hateful, mixed-agitated-depressive/dysphoric-manic self again almost instantly. As an aside, it has enabled me to almost entirely go off of Zoloft (as it is an SSRI itself, too).

On 6/23/2020 at 12:29 AM, Cerberus said:

Have you tried setting fire to your house right before your appointment?🔥 

Just an idea...

My mother wouldn't at all be happy about this... It's her house that I live in. Lol!

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@mikl_pls that’s awesome! I’ve been very interested in seeing how it pans out when more people get on it, Unfortunately, due to my abismal success rate, it’s probably not in the cards for me, cuz I’m probably on clozaril indefinitely until I can’t tolerate it anymore. I’m glad that it is (maybe too much I guess) weight friendly...I have been losing weight lately and Each time in the past I’ve worked up the willpower, the APs make it a slow and difficult process. I guess it pays off to be the guinea pig sometimes!!

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On 6/22/2020 at 9:05 AM, mikl_pls said:

They do not cause or exacerbate any mood symptoms in me. If anything, they ease my anxiety quite a lot, enable me to focus/work on things just a little bit here and there whereas without them I'm a total mess, handwriting is illegible, can't hold a thought in my head, etc., and they alleviate the melancholic nature of my treatment-resistant bipolar depression greater than any class of medicine has ever been able to (never caused mania or psychosis)—for me, they're the only thing that keeps me from begging for death to relieve me every waking moment of my life

I could have written this. I can just about hold a job down with tons and tons of stimulants, approx 120mg Ritalin or Adderall. Each dose of 15mg takes ~35 mins to start lifting my mood and energy and is mostly ineffective after 90 mins. So I get these hour-long periods of life, interspersed by severe anhedonia, inattentiveness and depression. But often my OCD, DP/DR and/or my chronic pain ruin these precious hours -_- 

PS hey @mikl_pls ! I will double-down on replying to you this weekend. Said OCD and ADD make reading replies nigh-on impossible 😔

Pete

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On 8/1/2020 at 7:15 PM, sming said:

I could have written this. I can just about hold a job down with tons and tons of stimulants, approx 120mg Ritalin or Adderall. Each dose of 15mg takes ~35 mins to start lifting my mood and energy and is mostly ineffective after 90 mins. So I get these hour-long periods of life, interspersed by severe anhedonia, inattentiveness and depression. But often my OCD, DP/DR and/or my chronic pain ruin these precious hours -_- 

PS hey @mikl_pls ! I will double-down on replying to you this weekend. Said OCD and ADD make reading replies nigh-on impossible 😔

Pete

I keep trying to take breaks from my stimulant, in hopes that it will reset & become more effective. But it's relatively the same. Over time, seems to do less & less to where I don't feel I'm taking anything. Then you up the dose, and seem to do well, i end up sort of crashing harder. It makes me feel like a drug fiend and I feel like it's contributing to chronic fatigue overall. I don't know what the solution is..... At the point where it's not about sustaining attention, it's having an ounce of motivation to do basic things & get off my *ass. I feel empty. I can't get a routine going for the life of me, and my organizational / cognitive skills are now dependent on this stupid drug.

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I keep trying to take breaks from my stimulant, in hopes that it will reset & become more effective. But it's relatively the same. Over time, seems to do less & less to where I don't feel I'm taking anything. Then you up the dose, and seem to do well, i end up sort of crashing harder. It makes me feel like a drug fiend and I feel like it's contributing to chronic fatigue overall. I don't know what the solution is..... At the point where it's not about sustaining attention, it's having an ounce of motivation to do basic things & get off my *ass. I feel empty. I can't get a routine going for the life of me, and my organizational / cognitive skills are now dependent on this stupid drug.

I am feeling pretty depressed and it feels like Ritalin is doing nothing to help with my organization and motivation right now.  I think that it is probably protecting me from the worst of it, though.  It seems impossible to organize myself to do anything even when I get the motivation to get myself out of bed and it is getting pretty hard to maintain.  

Edited by Banana Smurf

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On 8/4/2020 at 8:42 PM, Banana Smurf said:

I am feeling pretty depressed and it feels like Ritalin is doing nothing to help with my organization and motivation right now.  I think that it is probably protecting me from the worst of it, though.  It seems impossible to organize myself to do anything even when I get the motivation to get myself out of bed and it is getting pretty hard to maintain.  

What dose are you taking? And with what other meds? My symptoms are much worse that before I even started stimulants.... I'm afraid I can't function without them, but they have become less & less effective.

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Posted (edited)

I have also quit the stimulants several times because I lose everything, but it is a secret, because I am not supposed to drive without them.  It might have increased the lasting power of the dosing effects.  I have noticed that I get spacier when they wear off than I normally am.  I usually just feel normal on them, but they just aren't doing it right now.  

I am taking

Ritalin 10 mg x 3

Latuda 80 x 1 

Lithium 450 x 1 or something

Synthroid 75 mcg x1

Topamax 75 mg x 2

I am also taking an ashwaganda/l-theanine supplement

The primary diagnosis that it is treating is a hypersomnia that is suspected to be narcolepsy.  He doesn't really know because I couldn't quit my meds for the sleep study.  

The secondary dx is psychiatric, because my psychiatric doctor questions me about the effects and whether I am taking it.  I have been told that I have ADHD or autism and I have done general neuropsychiatric testing, but I still get told different things.  I have also tried Strattera and clonidine and guanfacine before I developed a sleep disorder but it was not much like a stimulant.  People noticed a difference, I guess in my spazz, but I didn't notice much.

This clinic says autism.  The weird thing is I think it helps my obsessive traits by improving my memory. 

The third dx is that I get depressed a lot (bipolar), and I think it helps, but I think all the ritalin goes to that, then, or something.  I think the ritalin really is helping it because I feel like I have Sundowner's lately.  

I'm not totally sure about the psychiatric diagnostic information because my doctor doesn't like to discuss it with people in case they argue or obsess, except my therapist has an insistence on talking about accepting autism.  I have no idea if I'm also diagnosed with ADHD right now, except my doctor questioning me about sleep meds, and people laughed at me when I gave them the questionnaire, wondering why it took so long to figure out.  

The stimulants usually work pretty ok for me, much better than Strattera, but I feel super flighty right now, but I have to consider that I really let my mood get out of control.  I think that my problem is a mild mixed state or something.  

 

Edited by Banana Smurf

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