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Thanks to COVID, I am working from home and have semi-regular Zoom calls.

You know how Zoom has the little boxes for each person?  I can spend over an hour arranging the squares in my mind and drawing invisible lines between them in various patterns so the lines never touch.  I have less focus on the meeting because I am so busy arranging lines between the squares.  

I don't know if this is a mentally-interesting thing, or if I'm just bored?  

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I did some more productive googling and it sounds like OCD (which I have been provisionally dx'd with by a psychologist - I have the symptoms, but  not the distress - and my old pdoc said 'You have OCD, but I'm not going to diagnose you with that, because psychiatrists have a fetish for diagnoses, and it's just part of your general mental illness').  

I found something that said people do it with tiles - the Zoom boxes basically are tiles - and when I was taking the subway, on the platforms - TOTALLY.  

I think it's symmetry OCD?  I also, for my whole life that I can remember, have to even things.  So if I scratch one leg, I have to scratch the other in the same place with the same pressure.  Annoys Toby if he's scratching my back, but he does it now without prompting.

Edited by jarn
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I'm guessing that depends on how it affects things. You say that you focus more on the geometry. But are you capable of stopping that and shifting your focus back to the zoom meeting? 

 

If it is problematic, certainly mention it to care team. 

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I can focus on both at once.  I'd say it depends.  

As a rule though, I seem to have OCD symptoms without the distress/drop in functioning.  I used to think I had pure-O thoughts, but as my most recent homicidal thoughts were deemed to be a little bit OCD, a little bit psychosis (again, because they didn't cause me distress; and they really should've), I think a lot of what I thought were pure-O thoughts were actually psychotic preoccupations.

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I don't know.  It's somewhat disruptive, while being okay too.  I tend to make little patterns though.  Today I was thinking about a 24 case of beer and dividing it up into 4 cans times 3 is 12, 12+12 is 24, 12 times 2 is 24...which doesn't sound bad, but I was making little patterns with the numbers.  But I was able to drop it when I needed to go back to bed.

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I'm kind of similar.  I'm really obsessive, and used to be diagnosed with OCD, but have been through therapy specifically for it, and am left with the obsessiveness that does not bother me and does not meet criteria.  I can really relate to the patterns thing.  I have found that quarantine is really ramping up my anxiety and is amping up more obsessiveness that I don't particularly like, though.  

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I wonder if it's worse from quarantine too @Banana Smurf - or if it's just that usual outlets like subway tile floors aren't there, so I'm changing it?  I really don't know.  It's not distressing, but it's definitely THERE.  The compulsions I have I have been able to manage/lessen on my own really well (though if I go to bed before Toby and wake up in the morning to discover he didn't lock the door after taking the dogs out - UGH - but then, maybe that's the exposure therapy I needed?  Still, SO irresponsible) but thoughts I'm not sure what to do with.

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On 7/8/2020 at 10:31 AM, jarn said:

Thanks to COVID, I am working from home and have semi-regular Zoom calls.

You know how Zoom has the little boxes for each person?  I can spend over an hour arranging the squares in my mind and drawing invisible lines between them in various patterns so the lines never touch.  I have less focus on the meeting because I am so busy arranging lines between the squares.  

I don't know if this is a mentally-interesting thing, or if I'm just bored?  

There might be a way to test this. Go to YouTube and summon up an episode of The Hollywood Squares and see if you do the same thing while watching it, and if you're more, or less, entertained. Of course, since the camera often switches back and forth and zooms in on individuals, this might not be a suitable test. Might be good for a laugh, though, if you like that sort of thing.

Edited by Cerberus
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I love tracing walls and shower curtains and finding the patterns in the tiled walls, especially.  I like feeling the squares of the shower curtain and counting them when I'm anxious and feeling their shape.  

Edited by Banana Smurf
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39 minutes ago, Cerberus said:

There might be a way to test this. Go to YouTube and summon up an episode of The Hollywood Squares and see if you do the same thing while watching it, and if you're more, or less, entertained. Of course, since the camera often switches back and forth and zooms in on individuals, this might not be a suitable test. Might be good for a laugh, though, if you like that sort of thing.

That would probably drive me nuts, it switching.  It would disrupt my patterns.

Gearhead, Banana - me too!

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